Am i doing right or wrong as a friend ?

[SavedForGood]

I have a friend who others know is a Christian
however my friend keeps swearing, gossiping about people and making fun of others.

I tried to tell this friend that Non-Christians will look at her and the things she does and get a bad impression of what Christians are.

The reaction from this friend was quite disappointing to me.
My friend just totally got angry and told me that she hated people like me and that i think i am "all rightous". She said i have no right to tell her what to do because everyone have sin.

I don't know what i could say to her.
Did i do the right thing trying to remind her of her role as a Christian to set a good example ?
How can I help this friend ?

 

[BenjaminK]

Hi SavedforGood,

Don't worry too much on whether you're doing the right or wrong thing. I believe your motivation is pure. Trying to reproof a Christian sister to show her the path of righteousness is an act of love. When we do things out of love and sincerity, let's not be too bothered about how she reacts. Sometimes love has to be strong.

You can help your friend by continuing to pray for her. When we can't do it, God can. Present your petition to God and ask for His mercies to cause her heart to return to the Loving God. And watch God works. He is faithful.

 

[JVD]

It is important not to overlook that kind of behavior in a friend. If she were just an acquaintance it would be different. Someone who is known as your friend is also known as accepted by you. So while it is important to continue the friendship and try to help her, it is also important to honor God by helping her do the right thing.

Sometimes we have to find new friends. An angry reaction like that makes me wonder how much she considers you her friend.

 

[Rafael]

Maybe an opportunity will arise when she will hear the conviction of the Holy Spirit using what you said about this right in the middle of her gossiping about someone else. As mentioned, pray for your friend and maybe look up the scriptures about gossiping and slander in Proverbs so she can see the words of life which Jesus said can impart life to us. The Word of God is a very powerful tool - our sword that is only drawn in love.
I think you did the right thing, and many people hate to be corrected and need to grow up. Some can only learn the hard way, however, which is sad and dangerous.
God bless

 

[rogsr]

I think you did the right thing. She most likely became angry with you because she knows what you said was true and you made her see her true self, even if only for a moment. What's done is done now pray for her and let the Holy Spirit use guilt to chip away at those nagging little sins that are hurting your friend.

God is great! I hope you all have a blessed day today

 

[allieisme]

I have a friend who others know is a Christian
however my friend keeps swearing, gossiping about people and making fun of others.

I tried to tell this friend that Non-Christians will look at her and the things she does and get a bad impression of what Christians are.

The reaction from this friend was quite disappointing to me.
My friend just totally got angry and told me that she hated people like me and that i think i am "all rightous". She said i have no right to tell her what to do because everyone have sin.

In my opinion, the only reason she got this angry was because she was convicted of her actions by what you were telling her.

I don't know what i could say to her.
Did i do the right thing trying to remind her of her role as a Christian to set a good example? How can I help this friend ?

Yes you did the right thing in my opinion.
The one thing I would suggest you keep doing, is just to keep praying for her, and praying the wrongs that she is doing, and God will answer your prayers.
In my opinion ONLY it seems maybe she is doing and saying such things because she wants to fit in. Just keep praying for her.

 

[Rage4Christ]

Savedforgood

You've judged your friend. You can't do spiritual work for other people.
All you can do is take responsibility for your own situation.

My suggestion is to begin with love for your friend, not judgementals.
Don't use "you" statements. All that does is put them on the defensive.
Express how their behavior makes you feel. If it doesn't change, you'll have to do, whatever it is you'll do to make yourself feel appropriate an on the path to Christ. It is your choice, not theirs. You need to stick up for yourself.

She is right, you are not in the position to judge. But you are in the position to set healthy spiritual boundaries. Notice how this is much more difficult then merely judging people? The path to Christ is within you-- and it is always the hardest of choices.

 

[PottersClay]

Rage4Christ:

The admonition not to judge refers to judging someone's heart motives, or judging the inner character of a person. SFG did not "judge" her friend, she confronted her actions in love out of concern for her friend's spiritual welfare, and because her actions have the potential for leaving bad impression on those who look to Christians to see what Christianity and Christ are all about.

We are specifically taught in Scripture if we see a brother/sister in sin, we are to confront them in love and humilty in the hopes that they will repent and turn back to God.

If it were just that person's life that they were choosing to live as though they were unsaved, not saying anything might be an option, but I totally agree with SFG, her friends actions directly reflect on the reputation of Jesus and Christianity and she would have been remiss not to try to confront her at least once.

As for "the path to Christ is within you" that is not biblical council. The path to Christ is laid out for us in Scripture. We cannot simply take our own way and use the excuse "well, this is my way to Christ"

SavedForGod:

I commend you. That was a tough thing you did, and I'm sure it caused you no small amount of pain to do it, only to have her rebuff you like that. I would certainly pray for her that the Holy Spirit would open her eyes and to grant her deep repentance. (Repentance, BTW is not just the act of turning from sin. The turning from the sin is actually the result of God showing us our sin for what it really is).

Peace,
PottersClay

 

[Rage4Christ]

potters

I don't think the person being accused can make the distinction that you're judging actions rather than the person themself. Human psychology being what it is, people will merely get defensive and scornful.

I agree, she must confront the person-- but only to the extent that she(is this a she we're talking about I forget anyhow) is setting healthy spiritual boundaries. It is a dangerous path to start doing the spiritual work of others, and ignore humility and healthy spirituality in the self. The Love the sinner, hate the sin-- is just a poorly thought out method that never works in the real world. Love unconditionally, and take personal responsibility for yourself. That is the main point I was trying to make.

I agree, a confrontation must be made. But only in the context of what saved is willing to tolerate, how she feels and the natural consequences of her friends behavior will have to their relationship.

Chrisitanity is not about a Public Relations campaign. Everyone is repsonsible for their own choices. People need to do their own research about Christianity, and if they miscontstrue the acting out of others as representative of Christ, that is their problem.

Its all about personal accountablity and unconditional love. People get so worked up in trying to persuade others, and do spiritual work for others-- they make this an excuse to do the hard work for themselves.

In this case it is SavedforGood trying to avoid healthy personal and spiritual boundaries by judging another, and telling them they are wrong. This takes us off the path of Christ and on the path of dominating others.

When I say the path of Christ is within you, i mean it resides in your personal responsibilities to yourself and accountability for you and you alone. I don't think one can walk a path of Christ without first accepting Christ's unconditional love-- so I hope you weren't thinking I was saying Christ is not critically important. He is. But in regards to the unconditional love he gives, teaches and expects.

I agree-- we can't pick and choose our individual "ways" to Christ. Only by accepting and giving unconditional love through a process of personal accountability can one become Christlike.

 

[PottersClay]

Thanks for clarifying, Rage. What I dont understand, though, is if you agree she must confront her friend, why did you call it judging her? All she said was her friend had the bad habits of "swearing, gossiping about people and making fun of others" and that she "tried to tell this friend that Non-Christians will look at her and the things she does and get a bad impression of what Christians are."

 

[rogsr]

Rage,
You are right in saying that we are really only responsible for our own actions. Yet, it is good to point out some faults in another Christian, but only if it is done tactfully and help is offered in getting that person on the right track. Just telling someone that they are all messed up is judging, but telling someone that they are doing some bad things and then counseling them is doing a good work. Very very touchy.

 

[Love&Pain]

If we are true imitators of Christ, people will see His love, joy, compassion, and mercy through us. We can be witnesses through our lifestyles. Actions do speak louder than words. And the wisest action a Christian can take is to admit a wrong he or she has committed. Pray for your friend and talk to her about her wrongdoings. Everybody does sin but as Christians we are called to be different. As Christians, we are called to be out in the open, living as witnesses for Christ in every part of our lives-school, work, or wherever we are.

 

[Rage4Christ]

potters clay

What I dont understand, though, is if you agree she must confront her friend, why did you call it judging her?

Unconditional love doesn't thrive when you judge others. THere is, what psychologists call, a thinking error. In which, if you can make another person "wrong" you get a psychological rush of feeling right.

In this case I thought Saved was getting a bit too close to this phenomenon.

As a neutral person, looking in-- by Saved's acts alone, we would say what she did was a judgement.

I would recommend that Save merely express how she feels about her friends behavior and then set up health spiritual boundaries- ie, if you don't stop doing "X" then I won't want to spend time with you.

Then it is Saved's responsibility to pray, seek Christ and introspection as to if that choice of hers is correct.

 

[Love&Pain]

1. Galatians 6:1-2- "Brothers and Sisters, if someone in your group does wrong, you who are spiritual should go to that person and gently help make him right again."
2. Galatians 6:10- "When we have the opportunity to help anyone, we should do it. But we should give special attention to those who are in the family of believers."
3. 2Timothy4:2- "Be Ready at all times, and tell people what they need to do. Tell them when they do wrong. Encourage them with great patience and careful teaching.