Am I a Sinner For Wanting to Divorce for This?

[Solanus]

Oh, and let me add, there is no sin in wondering about this.

Thanks for replying and yeah.......I just hope God gives me some clarity. I realize that what Jesus did for us makes this look absolutely petty. If we never spoke again our whole lives but remained committed to God I think we would still be okay because what's in the world does not matter. But at the same time I want to know that I'm not going to make surviving this marriage my idol and let it cause me to lose focus.

Life, just crazy how things can change in a year.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

 

[Beloved Pure]

God might have made you her only hope back to Him.

Thank you I really appreciate this, because I literally have not been able to talk to anyone about this much. And I want you all to know I love my wife and will fight for until the very last minute. I just honestly don't know what to do....I'm on a message board getting great advice from people I don't even know. There are good reasons she is this way and I know about that prior to us getting married. But I thought we had committed to getting past these issues and it turns out we did not. So I'm just lost right now.....does God really want me to be in this situation?

 

[stuart lawrence]

Let me start off my saying thank you for any input and feel free to tell me as it is I'm not one to shy away from the truth. Here is my situation:

I'm a young male and I thought I was marrying for the right reasons. She was a strong Christian, smart, liked to do the things I do, and a good person. Me, I have made plenty of mistakes in my life but I would like to think of myself as someone who typically tries to do the right thing by what Christ would recommend even if I fail a lot and must pray for forgiveness.

Well it turned out that getting married quickly to avoid sexual impurity was a bad idea. She doesn't like to do the things I do, she has a very bad temper and downright insults me often, wanting to have sex feels like I'm asking her for a million dollars sometimes, and she just has no consideration about how I feel about things such as how to raise a child it's always "this is what's going to happen".

And I'm no soft guy who can't be a man. I put my foot down quite often and just about every time it leads to insane arguments where she just becomes an empty shell that literally says nothing to me until he gets her way.

And again, I'm no saint I struggle every day as a Christian. But my question is am I wrong for wanting a divorce if I make her aware of all of this many times, request for us to get counseling that she claims she does not need, and honestly concerned about my sanity? This is not even about divorcing her to go marry someone else I just want to know is it right to live life this? Or is this God testing my resolve by giving me the ultimate irony in life. I come from a family where my dad was a terrible father and I have always sought to be a great father and husband. And now it's like my wife is my dad.

For me it comes down to this. Do you believe God wanted you to marry this woman or not?
That may be a tough question for as the bible says
We have deceitful hearts.
But you would need to search honestly for the answer.
Jesus said:
What God has joined together let no man put assunder.
If God showed you before you got married it was wrong to marry this woman, yet you went ahead and married her anyway, in my view you are doing nothing wrong by divorcing her. But you would need to know. To use it as an excuse to divorce her if you were not sure would probably lead to unhappiness for you.
That's just my opinion
God bless

 

[PanDeVida]

Well it turned out that getting married quickly to avoid sexual impurity was a bad idea.

Solanus, First off, Getting Married quickly to avoid sexual impurity is not a bad Idea.

Matthew 5:31-32, he says, "It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Similarly, in Matthew 19:9, he says, "And I say to you: Whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery".

Solanus, Has your wife committed Adultery / being unchaste. Solanus, by your post, she has not, therefore you should not Divorce her.

Solanus, there is always two side of the story, we heard you say about your wife's, but have not heard your side, other than you saying you are a sinner. We are all sinners. You say she insults you re: sex, Well, perhaps you are asking her for a million dollars, and she your wife wants respect.

Solanus, pray for your Marriage.

 

[JacksBratt]

Let me start off my saying thank you for any input and feel free to tell me as it is I'm not one to shy away from the truth. Here is my situation:

I'm a young male and I thought I was marrying for the right reasons. She was a strong Christian, smart, liked to do the things I do, and a good person. Me, I have made plenty of mistakes in my life but I would like to think of myself as someone who typically tries to do the right thing by what Christ would recommend even if I fail a lot and must pray for forgiveness.

Well it turned out that getting married quickly to avoid sexual impurity was a bad idea. She doesn't like to do the things I do, she has a very bad temper and downright insults me often, wanting to have sex feels like I'm asking her for a million dollars sometimes, and she just has no consideration about how I feel about things such as how to raise a child it's always "this is what's going to happen".

And I'm no soft guy who can't be a man. I put my foot down quite often and just about every time it leads to insane arguments where she just becomes an empty shell that literally says nothing to me until he gets her way.

And again, I'm no saint I struggle every day as a Christian. But my question is am I wrong for wanting a divorce if I make her aware of all of this many times, request for us to get counseling that she claims she does not need, and honestly concerned about my sanity? This is not even about divorcing her to go marry someone else I just want to know is it right to live life this? Or is this God testing my resolve by giving me the ultimate irony in life. I come from a family where my dad was a terrible father and I have always sought to be a great father and husband. And now it's like my wife is my dad.

I am no expert, however, I have suffered in a marriage that is due to OCPD or Narcissistic behavior disorder.

Check this link:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Go to Out of the Fog site. People there can help you with this. It sounds very similar to my spouse.

Is it a sin to Divorce over this? This sounds like an abusive relationship to me. Seek some counseling for yourself. Never go to council to fix the other person, go to learn how to approach and handle the abuse.

If it is OCPD, not OCD, totally different, then I feel for you as there are no drugs that can cure or help it. The person rarely gets counseling for it. As soon as they are diagnosed, they deem the counselor incompetent and unworthy of diagnoses. They will refuse to admit that they are ill.

There are two outcomes with OCPD or Narsasitic Behavior dissorder, and it is an illness. These are:

Live in a "hell" of a relationship or
Leave and they will find someone else and make their life Hell.

 

[stuart lawrence]

I used to believe the only reason you divorced was due to unfaithfulness, but I'm not so sure now.
What if a person knows God does not want them to marry the person they wish to wed?
Can they say:
Well I'm going to marry this person anyway, and once I have married them God will have to bless the marriage because he wont want us to divorce.

I don't believe it works that way. Sometimes God may bless a marriage even if a person marries the person they shouldn't, but not always.
I read a book of an Evangelist who married someone in direct opposition to Gods plan for their life. A few years later they divorced the person to live the life God wanted for them. They had a worldwide ministry with tremendous miracles of healing in their services.
I'm not saying Solanus should divorce the woman, but I don't see it so cut and dried as I used to.
Deep in his heart he knows if he went against God in marrying the woman. If he had peace when he married her, he should remain married. But if he didn't it may not be so easy to decide what he should now do

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Oh, boy you will laugh at this. Less than a year. It sounds crazy looking back a it now.

Yeah its a bit quick lol. Then again I met my wife in Nov 2011, engaged not long after. But we also had like a year of waiting for paperwork and what not (overseas) so we had lots of time to talk about everything we could think of.

I'm sure that I do things that annoy her, haha guilty of the toilet seat.

Thats a golden rule you should never violate. lol

Well, we did that's one of my big frustrations. Literally the day we got married her stance completely changed into us having sex into "do you want to have sex". I will not be dishonest, there are flashes when I may do something really nice for her and we have passion but again...It's like I have to go above and beyond to not feel like I'm just using my wife for her holes. Her, explanation to me is that she is too busy with work which does hold some truth but that is another topic lol...

Ah I see. You should find out why she lied. Thats really terrible to make someone believe something like that. Then change your mind after. Well if shes busy from work I can understand that. My wife is often tired and sore after work. But she always makes time for private time. To some degree there should not be any reason to avoid sex. Obviously some things like a period is one thing. Or if someone has a medical condition. Or if someone is super beyond tired and what not.

Often we see people on here who don't want to have sex because they are busy with work or other things. You got to make time though. I know for me I give my wife massages, prepare dinner for her, coffee, do chores....etc since I am more of a stay at home husband for right now. Which makes her feel special and obviously means shes in the mood because she feels loved. Not that sex should be a reward of course. But doing loving acts is always appreciated by the spouse.

Yes, we go to church 2-3 times a week. And I have tried that before, it didn't work out very well.

Hmm. Just wondering but what are her views on divorce? I don't know her of course but hopefully shes not like "Eh, I can get married and if it doesn't work out then divorce is no big deal for me! I come first!". In todays world alot of christians don't take marriage seriously. There was a person we knew that the wife divorced the husband because he refused to stop leaving his dirty clothes on the floor and stair railing. I was like "Really? Thats why you divroced?!?".

Well, part of the reasons is our careers. But she has made it clear she will not give her career up for marriage. And I have always been okay with that. The only request I have ever had has been is when we are not working let's make time for us.

Thats a good request to have. Jobs are important. But when married your marriage really needs to come first in some cases. Unless you both find a agreement that works. Like if my wife said she wanted to work in another state and pretty much live there 5 days a week, I would not accept that.

From other things I have seen you say I see alot of independence issues on her side. Its great to be independent of course. But when you marry your have to sort of realize its not about being independent because you need each other. If you want to truly be independent then remain single. Don't drag someone into marriage then treat them like they are just someone on "the side".

Again no asumptions here but shes not a modern day femnist is she? So many chrisitian woman are falling into the trap of thinking men don't really matter and only what they (the woman) does is what matters. Obviously we don't see our wives as slaves who have to do what we say, but marriage is about equality. Like my wife before making big purchases talks to me first. Though we agree I am the spirtual leader of the house.

Well, yeah that's what frightens me the most about all of this. She has her whole plan which I hardly agree with at all and have told her many times because it's like raising a slave that has all the choices predetermined. Where I'm more of the I want my kid to be a Christian, healthy, and make his own decisions.

Hmm. Yeah its one thing to raise your child as a christian and then let them make up their own mind later. But its antoher to bubble them and have them be like little slaves. Its a dangerous route. And if anything will just make them hate you and God eventually.

Well, again I'm not going to place the blame only on her. I'm part of this and it's my fault also that happened before marriage and I let myself think I was the problem and I need to fix myself just about every time. But now, I'm having to live with the decisions I have made and she knows that gets me because I'm naturally the type that would never argue if I could.

I can understand that too. And neither person is perfect going into a marriage. You will find alot of things you never noticed before. Especially silly things that can now drive you nuts. Like in the morning when I get up my wife has the bed covers all aurrounding her and I have nothing. Drives me nuts sometimes lol.

This is one area I struggle the most in all of this. Scripture tells us we should focus on the father before all us. Scripture tells us the roles of marriage and for a good reason. Surviving each day of marriage has become my focus and I honestly feel like I'm constantly battling to be the leader. It's like it's literally the opposite of what a marriage is supposed to be and why I'm questing if this is right or not. I do not want to divorce, I want us to fix our issues and be the couple I know we can be. But I'm the only one who wants this and it's very frustrating. She can't put our marriage before her desire to be in control.

Yep its a hard balancing act. Harder when only one side feels they are trying to fix things and the other doesn't seem to care. At first I had a very hard time with my wife because shes strong willed, independent and stubborn. I felt like I was being the super submissive one and I hated it. I knew marriage shouldn't be like that. Thankfully after enough squabbles at first, we started to flow better together. Now we are (mostly lol) equals.

She still had her stubborn side and sometimes I let her do it her way so when she messes up she learns from her mistakes. A "Told you so" sort of thing. Probably not the best way to approach it of course. But I can be the same.

Its always good to also do devotions together every day, pray together every day and so on. As I was told "A couple that prays together, stays together!". We aren't so good at praying together. But when we do pray together things seem to go much easier.

 

[Paidiske]

"She has her whole plan which I hardly agree with at all and have told her many times because it's like raising a slave that has all the choices predetermined. Where I'm more of the I want my kid to be a Christian, healthy, and make his own decisions."

I suspect the reality of parenting - if she ever gets to it - will rapidly show us that children don't know or respect our plans, and you need to be flexible.

"Surviving each day of marriage has become my focus and I honestly feel like I'm constantly battling to be the leader. ...She can't put our marriage before her desire to be in control."

Sounds like you might both have a dose of that problem, honestly.

In all your posts it sounds to me as if there are your ideas, plans and goals, and hers, which are not the same. But there is no sense of having shared ideas, plans and goals, which you have built together. I think that's what you need to find a way to do.

I suspect you might need some support to do it, though. If she won't go to counselling, could you maybe look to a trusted older couple to help the two of you think through some of these things? How are your relationships with both sets of your parents?

 

[Tree of Life]

But my question is am I wrong for wanting a divorce if I make her aware of all of this many times, request for us to get counseling that she claims she does not need, and honestly concerned about my sanity? This is not even about divorcing her to go marry someone else I just want to know is it right to live life this? Or is this God testing my resolve by giving me the ultimate irony in life.

Thanks for sharing your situation.

Yes. Wanting to get divorced because your wife is a sinner shows that you are a sinner who lacks long-suffering, perseverance, and hope. Divorce is permitted in cases of adultery and legitimate abandonment. And even then divorce is perhaps not the ideal route. It is graciously permitted, but never commanded. But it sounds like your wife is not guilty of one of these things.

So why don't you focus on your own sin and failures as a husband and stop worrying about how bad your wife is? Think about everything you'd wish she'd do for you. And then start doing those things for her, expecting nothing in return. Your marriage and your soul will likely dramatically improve.

How long have the two of you been married? Any kids?

 

[samir]

Let me start off my saying thank you for any input and feel free to tell me as it is I'm not one to shy away from the truth. Here is my situation:

I'm a young male and I thought I was marrying for the right reasons. She was a strong Christian, smart, liked to do the things I do, and a good person. Me, I have made plenty of mistakes in my life but I would like to think of myself as someone who typically tries to do the right thing by what Christ would recommend even if I fail a lot and must pray for forgiveness.

Well it turned out that getting married quickly to avoid sexual impurity was a bad idea. She doesn't like to do the things I do, she has a very bad temper and downright insults me often, wanting to have sex feels like I'm asking her for a million dollars sometimes, and she just has no consideration about how I feel about things such as how to raise a child it's always "this is what's going to happen".

And I'm no soft guy who can't be a man. I put my foot down quite often and just about every time it leads to insane arguments where she just becomes an empty shell that literally says nothing to me until he gets her way.

And again, I'm no saint I struggle every day as a Christian. But my question is am I wrong for wanting a divorce if I make her aware of all of this many times, request for us to get counseling that she claims she does not need, and honestly concerned about my sanity? This is not even about divorcing her to go marry someone else I just want to know is it right to live life this? Or is this God testing my resolve by giving me the ultimate irony in life. I come from a family where my dad was a terrible father and I have always sought to be a great father and husband. And now it's like my wife is my dad.

It's not a sin to want to get out of a bad situation. I don't think it would be a sin to separate. However, if you separate or get a civil divorce you will still be married in the eyes of God so if you remarried while she was still alive you would be committing adultery and scripture says adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of God so it's best to try to make your marriage work.

 

[Beloved Pure]

In the Old Testament God told a prophet to marry a prostitute who would have his children and leave him then have children who were not his. He was to love her and keep bringing her back home. This was done to show Israel how they were acting towards God with their adultery and idolatry.

God disapproves of divorce but he told Moses to allow it under conditions. Which still remain.

God can work with human derailed plans.

I used to believe the only reason you divorced was due to unfaithfulness, but I'm not so sure now.
What if a person knows God does not want them to marry the person they wish to wed?
Can they say:
Well I'm going to marry this person anyway, and once I have married them God will have to bless the marriage because he wont want us to divorce.

I don't believe it works that way. Sometimes God may bless a marriage even if a person marries the person they shouldn't, but not always.
I read a book of an Evangelist who married someone in direct opposition to Gods plan for their life. A few years later they divorced the person to live the life God wanted for them. They had a worldwide ministry with tremendous miracles of healing in their services.
I'm not saying Solanus should divorce the woman, but I don't see it so cut and dried as I used to.
Deep in his heart he knows if he went against God in marrying the woman. If he had peace when he married her, he should remain married. But if he didn't it may not be so easy to decide what he should now do

 

[Deadworm]

Solanus, so she dismisses your request to see a counselor because she feels she doesn't need one? Try responding something like this: "Well, I do need a good Christian counselor and counselors need to hear the perspectives of both spouses to get anywhere. I want us to have the best possible harmonious marriage and I want to work on our marriage. Some day we may have children and I want to be the best Dad I can be and I want my children to have a stable harmonious home. I need to learn the best ways to create that from an expert listener. So please see a counselor with me for my sake, even if you feel no personal need for one yourself, I so can better understand you and what you need from me."

Ordinarily it is a bad idea to ask for counseling from a pastor who lacks special training in skilled listening. The best idea is to ask your pastor to recommend a well-trained Christian marriage counselor.

 

[DoubtfulSalvation]

Getting married to avoid sexual impurity is an amazing idea and is recommended by the Bible. Are you saying the Bible is wrong?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Getting married to avoid sexual impurity is an amazing idea and is recommended by the Bible. Are you saying the Bible is wrong?

While the bible says it, I think theres more to it then that. Lets say you met someone and knew them only a week and burned with desire for them. Should they go off and marry? I say no. Its someone you barley know. You can marry then have all the sex you want but if you end up not working well together because you didn't really know each other, then you'll probably divorce.

Which means you would be in sin. So the question is, is the bible saying rush into marriage and if you divorce then "Well thats just the price for rushing in!". Or is the bible saying you should get married, but you still need to make sure you will work together? Having sex before marriage is a sin. Divorcing from a marriage is a sin. So which route does a couple take who perhaps doesn't know each other well but burns with passion?

Perhaps then people were MUCH less likley to divorce if they rushed into marriage, but in todays world the divorce rate is off the charts. One could say there is no right or wrong answer perhaps. Marry if you truly can't wait another day for sex. Or marry a bit further down if you think you can control the urge.

Me? I was with three women before my wife. With each I thought it was love and was in a rush to marry. I also had sex with each of them. But if I would have married they would have left me, we never ended up working out because I was desperate (and horny). I was to blind to notice their massive red flags. Granted I did sin by having sex before marriage and I do regret that. Deeply. But I would regret divorce WAY more because I believe once you divorce you cannot remarry at all or you are in sin. You would have to only remarry the person you left.

And if you think about it, what happens if your divorced and your loins burn for another woman? If you can't remarry, what do you do? Marry and then not only be in a sin on your ex, but be in sex because your having sex while still married to someone else in Gods eyes?

 

[mmksparbud]

I can only speak from my own experience.
Having been raised in an abusive home as a child, I determined early I would never let any man rule me. I walked away from God. I married a very nice, gentle man and proceeded to make his life miserable. We never discussed my childhood, though I had told him I had been molested as a child. He just was the type that to say nothing about it was best. He could never understand my anger, I'd blow up over anything that did not go my way, I had to be right even when I was wrong. It took God to hit me upside the head to see myself---and loosing him to divorce. It was not until after the divorce and my coming back to God, that I saw myself. We both changed, We talked, finally, after the divorce and eventually we did become best friends again. Then we were with different people, I was married, he lived with another woman---one who never got mad! The strange thing is, we both were with people who had been like ourselves as we used to be---we were forced to live with ourselves and thus feel what it felt like! We apologized to each other and forgave each and laughed about being forced to live with ourselves and how that changed us.
I was a control freak, and I took advantage of his aversion to confrontation. I took control, because he let me. He didn't stand up for himself until after we divorced. I did not respect him for letting me win, it made me disrespect him even more. With my 2nd husband---I could not do that. He blew a fuse as he wasn't about to let any woman dominate him---we spent many years battling and learning how to resolve our issues, coming close to divorce countless times but always a voice would whisper to me--I've forgiven you much. We both had anger issues to resolve and slowly God forced us to face those issues. It's been over 25 years. We are both very different, closer to God and to each other.
Life is a very bumpy journey.
One thing I can say---best to not have children until you resolve your issues, Child raising must be done together, and the father should be the spiritual leader of the home. If you let her control you and every aspect of your home, your children will not respect you either. You will be teaching them what it means to be a mother and father and how to treat the opposite sex. If you cant give them the proper instructions of being loving, kind, respectful of each other, then do not have them!! To a child, the parents are God until they learn of the real one. Do not mar His image in you to them.

 

[bcbsr]

Let me start off my saying thank you for any input and feel free to tell me as it is I'm not one to shy away from the truth. Here is my situation:

I'm a young male and I thought I was marrying for the right reasons. She was a strong Christian, smart, liked to do the things I do, and a good person. Me, I have made plenty of mistakes in my life but I would like to think of myself as someone who typically tries to do the right thing by what Christ would recommend even if I fail a lot and must pray for forgiveness.

Well it turned out that getting married quickly to avoid sexual impurity was a bad idea. She doesn't like to do the things I do, she has a very bad temper and downright insults me often, wanting to have sex feels like I'm asking her for a million dollars sometimes, and she just has no consideration about how I feel about things such as how to raise a child it's always "this is what's going to happen".

And I'm no soft guy who can't be a man. I put my foot down quite often and just about every time it leads to insane arguments where she just becomes an empty shell that literally says nothing to me until he gets her way.

And again, I'm no saint I struggle every day as a Christian. But my question is am I wrong for wanting a divorce if I make her aware of all of this many times, request for us to get counseling that she claims she does not need, and honestly concerned about my sanity? This is not even about divorcing her to go marry someone else I just want to know is it right to live life this? Or is this God testing my resolve by giving me the ultimate irony in life. I come from a family where my dad was a terrible father and I have always sought to be a great father and husband. And now it's like my wife is my dad.

First of all God got divorced. "I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries." Jer 3:8 It is not divorce which is sin, but remarriage after divorce. The reason being that divorce doesn't nullify a marriage and thus a subsequent marriage would constitute adultery, just as Jesus said, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her." Mk 10:11

And thus Paul said, "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord." 1Cor 7:39 and "by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man." Rom 7:2,3 John the Baptist lost his head over this matter.

 

[slippinginfaith]

Let me start off my saying thank you for any input and feel free to tell me as it is I'm not one to shy away from the truth. Here is my situation:

I'm a young male and I thought I was marrying for the right reasons. She was a strong Christian, smart, liked to do the things I do, and a good person. Me, I have made plenty of mistakes in my life but I would like to think of myself as someone who typically tries to do the right thing by what Christ would recommend even if I fail a lot and must pray for forgiveness.

Well it turned out that getting married quickly to avoid sexual impurity was a bad idea. She doesn't like to do the things I do, she has a very bad temper and downright insults me often, wanting to have sex feels like I'm asking her for a million dollars sometimes, and she just has no consideration about how I feel about things such as how to raise a child it's always "this is what's going to happen".

And I'm no soft guy who can't be a man. I put my foot down quite often and just about every time it leads to insane arguments where she just becomes an empty shell that literally says nothing to me until he gets her way.

And again, I'm no saint I struggle every day as a Christian. But my question is am I wrong for wanting a divorce if I make her aware of all of this many times, request for us to get counseling that she claims she does not need, and honestly concerned about my sanity? This is not even about divorcing her to go marry someone else I just want to know is it right to live life this? Or is this God testing my resolve by giving me the ultimate irony in life. I come from a family where my dad was a terrible father and I have always sought to be a great father and husband. And now it's like my wife is my dad.

I say if you two really cant work it out through counseling then a divorce is better than the two of you being unhappy. You will sin eventually in one way or another. You shouldn't settle with someone who won't make you happy.

 

[gabbi0408]

I can't tell you what specifically to do with your own relationship but I can tell you what I did.

I married young, in 1979. I was 19, he was 18. We also waited until marriage to be intimate. We were both "strong" Christians in my opinion at that time. However looking back now I see it differently.

We had two children, one in 1983 and the other in 1986. I became disillusioned with my husband and marriage in 1988 and began to have an affair. I left my husband, taking my children with me. We were divorced in 1990.

I then spent about a decade living a very secular life. I had a couple of relationships that lasted about 3 years each. I met a man in 1995, I became Catholic in 1997, and then married that same man in 1998. In 2003/2004 we began to have serious problems. My daughter was about 16 and there were issues between the two of them that I won't go into, but it was serious and devastating, I could see no option except divorce. There was also another woman but I was never able to actually figure out the nature of that relationship.

I was planning to leave, looking for a place to rent.

I prayed a lot, asking God to help me, to show me the way. During one of these prayer times I was suddenly enveloped by the love and passion of Christ, especially his suffering. I realized that he alone knew my suffering, he alone could relate to it, and that with him on the cross was where my suffering needed to be placed. In that moment, I knew I needed to pray for my husband and offer that suffering up for his salvation, for his good.

Marriage is a commitment not just to your spouse but to God. Marriage is a sacrament, meaning that like all sacraments the purpose is to give you graces and help you get to heaven. Your role as husband is to help you wife get to heaven, as she should be doing the same for you. You should be praying for one another. St. Thomas Aquinas says "Love is willing the good of the other, as other." Think about this, meditate on it. Realize that your wife is to be loved not for you, but for her, for God. Marriage should not be selfish, nor should sex, you should always be giving of yourself to your spouse. Think about what you can do for her in your relationship. Believe me if you change, she will change in response. The old saying is that we can not change others, only ourselves.

Pray together. This is something my husband and I do not do, because he is not a Christian...yet. But I pray for him daily, I ask God to bless him through me. I have seen miraculous changes in my husband over the last 12 years, and God continues to work in our marriage. It isn't perfect, we still have the typical ups and downs, but what changed is me. I have made my marriage about my relationship with God, and about the good of my husband. He has responded by loving me in a way he does not even understand. In putting him first, it changed the path to divorce that we were on to one of life long commitment.

I hope my story can help you some way. Divorce is not the answer, turn to God and put him first in your marriage and your life.

God bless.

 

[trumeta]

Has she always been like this ? Or did she change after you got married.

she may be angry or bitter or resentful for something that you are doing.

I would ask her, are you angry or bitter or resentful about something that I am doing ?

Ask her honestly, you want to know what it is.