Alurax Comments

[Tariel]

Assuming I am allowed to do this, this thread is specificly for comments on my story "Alurax" which can be found here. Each person who comments on the story will automatically be entered in a weekly "drawing" for 1,000 blessings. (Detailed comments improve chance of winning, no purchace necessary).

 

[CelticRose]

Have read your extract but we are back schooling so I'm time deprived. It may take me a few days to get back to you with comments.

 

[LunaLee_16]

Hey girl! Thanks for the PM heads-up. Read what you've done so far....very nice! Love how the characters have depth already. And nice imagery, too.

Keep it up! I'll be in and out now and then.

 

[Joy_Everlasting]

I just read what you have posted so far, and it's wonderful! I love the images your words make, and even though there isn't much up yet, I've been drawn into the story. Any chance of more being posted before next week?

 

[jonnyboy12]

wow!! GREAT start!! you've already got me hooked!! i love how you tell just enough to get you hooked but still leave alot of questions!! i may reread and comment more later but i'm short on time right now

 

[Lessien]

Loved it! Just one question: Is Alurax in the middle of the ocean on an island, is it underwater, or what?

 

[dianne050]

Looking forward to the continuation of the story!!!Keep up the good work!!!!

 

[AmazonPanther]

Like Lessien said, where is Alurax? But I'm sure you'll clear that up soon. The imagery is great and you tell just enough to interest people while not revealing too much of the story. I think it will be a great story.

 

[Hisbygrace]

Very good beginning Tariel...One is already drawn into the suspense of wondering about Alvuan, will she survive and be reunited with the young man so desperately seeking her. Who is the woman that tells him to go on? Is she related to him or just a stranger that has his interest at heart? What will happen as the bridge to Alurax burns? What will happen to Alurax? Your wording draws the interest of the reader and captivates him. Waiting to hear more.

 

[californiadreamin]

Girl u kno ur stories always catch my interest. Ur writin is awesome. Im waitin for the books LOL

 

[fullthrottle]

Thats really good

 

[NeoScribe]

Very well done. I have no idea whats going to happen to Avuran or the young man looking for her, and keeping the reader on his toes is the best part of reading.

 

[*Starlight*]

Hi Dragonflame I really like the beginning of your story! I generally love to read all kinds of fantasy stories

 

[CelticRose]

O.K. Firstly this was an intriguing beginning. Lots of lovely ends waiting to be tied up.

Personally I found the 1st 2 paragraphs a little difficult. P1 I felt more tension would be created if the sentences were shorter & 'choppier'. I didn't get a real feel for the desperation of a fleeing people. P2 The first sentence seems a little clumsy then you repeated 'burdened' twice within a short space.

P3 This is where I feel your story really takes off. Great sense of desperation, panic. From this point on I was caught up in the story.

I feel there is enough sense of place so that Alurax will explain itself as your story evolves. I do not need more than you have given here for the time being as no~one grasps a new environment completely first off. A sense of character is there too, difficult to achieve with such a short piece; well done!

I look forward to reading more.

 

[CelticRose]

Bump. Waiting for the next installment...?

 

[Tariel]

I'm sorry. I've been sick lately, so I haven't been able to work much. The next section is almost done...just running some final edits

I sincerely apologize for the delay.