Alone

[praisehim247]

I feel that there is no one out there that understands what I am going through. I feel like a burden if I even try to open up to anyone. I don't want anyone to have to have my burdens on their shoulders. It is even hard for me to type this messege, but here I go, gotta start somewhere.


When I was 19 I was raped at a fraturnity party at college. I was drunk. He repeatedly raped me all night. I am know 24. I can remember bits and peices of that night, but not a whole lot. From this rape I became pregnant.

I found out that I was pregnant after I gave my life to Christ, and even before then I didn't believe in abortions. I turned 20 exactly the same day I gave birth to a baby girl. I put her up for adoption as soon as I found out. I was 19 going on 20. There was no way I could give the baby a good home.

Through all this I developed an eating disoder (bulimia). I am know suffering the consequences of bulimia with a scared esophogus and other damaged organs. This happening is my life has really opend up my eyes, that I need to deal with th rape and giving up my baby for adoption.

 

[thepianist]

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must feel. Now you must deal with the fact that you were raped...that should definitely be talked about with someone, anyone. Maybe you have parents that you can sit down and discuss problems with. If so, then you should. And if they are Christians, they will do their best to help you get through this.

Now when it comes to the baby....that's a whole different ball game. It must be extremely hard to know that you have a child somewhere out there...but no contact with your flesh and blood. I personally applaud your decision not to have an abortion, even though the child was the product of a rape. If you honestly think back, you know - in your heart - that you were thinking only of the child's welfare. Once again, you need someone who will support you in that decision.

The eating problem is a whole other matter. Sweetheart, there is nothing in this world that is worth your killing yourself over. Remember our Savior is always there for you. He said that He would never leave us or forsake us. Take Him at His word....for He really means it, unlike most humans we meet in our lives. He alone can help you the most through the struggles you are facing.

Please know that you will be in my prayers...for all the problems you have had as a result of one night of "fun". Amazing how we can look back and think, "Gee, if I could just do that one thing different!" We must accept our weaknesses and ask God for help to overcome them in the future. We cannot live in the past, so we must strive to live the best life we can - not only for our family, but for Jesus. You have a witness that can be used in a special way....I've seen such things during my life.

May God richly bless you with His comfort and peace through this ordeal that you are now starting to face.

 

[artjack]

I think you are doing the right thing. You are talking about it now & facing up to fears you need to deal with for healing. you should talk to a profesional about your health & the are trained to help you and they will. If you read other stories here you will see you are not alone & we must stay stong for one another. You must build up your confidence & make a promice to yourself that you will help you also. you are a wonderful person, we all are & I find the best thing to do is forgive all even yourself but in saying that I still breakdown. It is said life is like that & I still believe there are more good people out there that bad. I wish you good health in the near future. I feel for you but want to encourage you.

 

[marieg]

I thank God that you have come here and been able to talk about how you feel. This is the first step, the Lord does not want you to carry this anymore on your own. I agree with everthing that has been said above, you a pressious, God knows you intimately he knows the pain you are carrying. I will pray that you will find people that you can trust and they can support you through all the issues in your life. Remember the Lord wants to see you set free and live your life in abundance in all its fullness. Thats what he came for so that you may have joy again in your heart.

marieg

 

[whitedove7]

Have you ever forgiven yourself for what has happened to you and forgave the guy that did this to you? I'm not saying that condone what he did to you because it was wrong. It only releases you and the Lord can bring justice to him. It seems to me the bulemia is a form of punishment to yourself. I might and I hope I'm wrong. I am so sorry you are going through this in your life. I know the pain you must be suffereing through. I will be praying for you.

 

[romaneagle13]

Alone, I truly commend you and admire you for the difficult decisons you have made and the courage you had to go through the pregnancy and give up your child. You can take comfort in the fact that you made the right choice. You are obviously a person of such great love and compassion. Please give some of that love to yourself. Our Lord would not want you to suffer. Keep the faith and may God bless you for being willing to share your story with others. Hopefully it will keep other young women from suffering the same fate.

 

[Godisgood]

Hi Praisehim247,
I'm adopted and found my biological parents. I'm so glad I did. I love them very much. I suggest praying for the various areas of life of your child you placed for adoption. Maybe one day that child will be curious, as I was, and search for you too.

A few years ago this verse came to life for me and helped me to understand why I live in the time I live in and the place. Maybe it is applicable here too.

"And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; 27 That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:" Acts. 17:26, 27