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I'm looking for advice about how to accept being alone for the rest of my life. Is there a way to let go and ignore the pain? My ex-wife cheated on me and asked for a divorce between Christmas and New Year in 2009...that's 6 and a half years. I got told it was just a season, but 6+ years isn't a season. I'm 35, I have a good job, but the friends I do have do not live nearby (a couple hundred miles at the closest) and my nearest family is a 600 miles away. I basically work, and do nothing else. I've tried going to churches but even the best one I had been a part of ended up being fake people and more concerned with title than Christ. I honestly want to just give up and stop everything. I often wonder if God hates me, but then I have to go back to His word that says he doesn't; but if that's true then why do I have to suffer through loneliness for so long...what did I do?
I'm alone like you, but I'm not lonely or unhappy, and I hope I can help you find your joy as well.I'm looking for advice about how to accept being alone for the rest of my life. Is there a way to let go and ignore the pain? My ex-wife cheated on me and asked for a divorce between Christmas and New Year in 2009...that's 6 and a half years. I got told it was just a season, but 6+ years isn't a season. I'm 35, I have a good job, but the friends I do have do not live nearby (a couple hundred miles at the closest) and my nearest family is a 600 miles away. I basically work, and do nothing else. I've tried going to churches but even the best one I had been a part of ended up being fake people and more concerned with title than Christ. I honestly want to just give up and stop everything. I often wonder if God hates me, but then I have to go back to His word that says he doesn't; but if that's true then why do I have to suffer through loneliness for so long...what did I do?
Good point that this can be taken as an opportunity. Yes it is not always the way we would have God work in our lives and waiting is not what we want, but when we are waiting we can devote time to God and work on ourselves. Good thoughts.I'm alone like you, but I'm not lonely or unhappy, and I hope I can help you find your joy as well.
First off, why are you so far from your family? I only see family at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I do see them and it makes a big difference. We also keep in close touch over the phone, so that I always know they love me.
When you say all the churches you have been to over the last six years are fake churches, I feel suspicious. It makes me think that your standards are too high, that you are not willing to let the people in churches be real people. Remember that churches are hospitals for sinners, not museums for perfect people. And I'm sure that there were denominations you didn't even try, too! All I'm saying is don't be so picky. Maybe you aren't the cat's meow either?
I divorced when I was 31, and I am now 56. I'm so set in my ways that I don't think I would even make a good wife anymore. I'm just assuming that I'm going to be celibate for the rest of my life. It's not a cake walk.
But you know what? Marriage was not a cake walk either. I've basically traded one set of problems for another. I have my job, my church, my kids to worry about, my volunteer work, my hobbies, and my kitty. Every day when the sun comes up, I say a prayer of thanks to God that for the sunlight, the birds singing, and the cat lying all over my legs. LOL
Now, you are still quite young, and the odds are very good that you WILL find another. So for you we are just talking about enjoying your "stages" in life, wherever you happen to be.
Are you an extrovert? If so, it means being away from friends is deadly. Either you need to make new friends, or you need to move back where your old friends are and take a different job. If you ARE an extrovert, making new friends shouldn't be that big of a problem. How long have you lived at your present residence?
To improve your mood, may I make a couple suggestions that have really worked for me?
1. Develop an attitude of gratitude. Pray every day, thanking the Lord for everything he has given you, including all the small stuff. For example, in jail folks don't get pillows. It's awful trying to sleep without a pillow. Aren't you glad that you have a pillow at night?
2. Find someone worse off than yourself to help. Go work at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen for a couple hours on the weekend. You'll feel good about helping, good about yourself, and you'll be surprised how it will change your attitude about your own life.
3. Develop a support network. Call family if you can't be with them. Find a church, even if it's not perfect. Make new friends. Take a class in the evening to meet new people. Join a bowling league or something similar.
This time alone is an OPPORTUNITY for you to work on yourself. Take advantage of it. You don't need a mate to have a rich and fulfilling life -- find that out for yourself. Then, once you have decided you really like being with yourself, and that life is good, THEN you are ready to meet the next special someone.
God may love everyone, but I'm getting to the point where He must not like me very much. I have no purpose, I have no joy, I have nothing. Before anyone assumes, know this: I was content and happy a month ago. Nothing bothered me. I read and still do read my Bible. I have biblical standards for a church I would attend and nothing I've found follows the biblical model. I can't move, I have friends but they are far away as is my family. I find it sad that I have to cover everything people try to point out. I simply want to know why God favored my twin brother his entire life and I have gotten the crap end. My brother was able to join the military, which is all I wanted when I was younger, but no I HAD to be born with asthma. I've had Legionnaire's Disease, Swine Flu and survived it all; for what purpose? My brother got to fight for his country, while I sat a home because I got turned down every time. My brother has a wife, kids and will carry on our family name...whereas I have nothing and no one. I have no hope because I am unlovable. I work out 6 days a week and it doesn't make me feel better. I can dead-lift almost 500 lbs. I can back squat 405. I have a good career where I am respected and held up as the go to guy. My job supports hundreds of thousands of troops. And I would give it all up just for one thing in my life and God continues to ignore me. All I want to know is why. I ask here because he isn't answering me.
I'm looking for advice about how to accept being alone for the rest of my life. Is there a way to let go and ignore the pain? My ex-wife cheated on me and asked for a divorce between Christmas and New Year in 2009...that's 6 and a half years. I got told it was just a season, but 6+ years isn't a season. I'm 35, I have a good job, but the friends I do have do not live nearby (a couple hundred miles at the closest) and my nearest family is a 600 miles away. I basically work, and do nothing else. I've tried going to churches but even the best one I had been a part of ended up being fake people and more concerned with title than Christ. I honestly want to just give up and stop everything. I often wonder if God hates me, but then I have to go back to His word that says he doesn't; but if that's true then why do I have to suffer through loneliness for so long...what did I do?
First of all, please know that my heart goes out to you. Pain of any sort is never easy, and things really aren't fair.
You are asking the wrong questions. God NEVER promised that life was going to be fair. Some people are born into fabulous wealth in Beverly Hills. Some people are born into poverty in Sub-Saharan Africa. Consider that there are millions of people in this world that are far worse off than you. That is not to diminish your pain -- it sounds terribly lonely, and I'm sorry. But sometimes a good dose of reality helps.
The right question to ask is, "How do I respond? Do I get bitter? Or do I get better?" Every moment we suffer is an opportunity to grow, to become wiser. Your life is full of potential -- much more potential than your brother's. Get busy!
In the meantime, be less picky about what church you attend, and go out of your way to make new friends. This way, you'll create a new social support net.
God may love everyone, but I'm getting to the point where He must not like me very much. I have no purpose, I have no joy, I have nothing. Before anyone assumes, know this: I was content and happy a month ago. Nothing bothered me. I read and still do read my Bible. I have biblical standards for a church I would attend and nothing I've found follows the biblical model. I can't move, I have friends but they are far away as is my family. I find it sad that I have to cover everything people try to point out. I simply want to know why God favored my twin brother his entire life and I have gotten the crap end. My brother was able to join the military, which is all I wanted when I was younger, but no I HAD to be born with asthma. I've had Legionnaire's Disease, Swine Flu and survived it all; for what purpose? My brother got to fight for his country, while I sat a home because I got turned down every time. My brother has a wife, kids and will carry on our family name...whereas I have nothing and no one. I have no hope because I am unlovable. I work out 6 days a week and it doesn't make me feel better. I can dead-lift almost 500 lbs. I can back squat 405. I have a good career where I am respected and held up as the go to guy. My job supports hundreds of thousands of troops. And I would give it all up just for one thing in my life and God continues to ignore me. All I want to know is why. I ask here because he isn't answering me.
Nobody saw Nick Vujicic achieving great things in life...he was born without arms and legs.
People said he'd never have a wife, he'd never have children, never be "somebody" etc.
When he was born nobody acknowledged his birth as being a good thing...his
parents didn't hear any congratulations you have a son.
God made a difference in this man's life... View attachment 205136
You can Google his name and find out more about Nick.
I'm an introvert's introvert, so I'm completely sympatico with his troubles. Seriously, I read what he says, and my heart goes out to him. I'm just wanting to help his life become better, and that means accepting reality and making plans to better one's self, not getting stuck in our own misery.he just mentioned he is an introvert?
when you are an introvert, sometimes it just seems like there is no place for you in ANY Church.
so it is not the question of being picky.
What looks to you like a blessing may not be so. What looks to you to be a curse may in fact be a blessing. Things look different to God than they do to us. Remember how things went from great to good to bad to worse to horrendous for Joseph? But each step he thought was down placed him in a unique position to become the right hand man to Pharaoh and save not only all of Egypt from famine, but his own family, and so the line of Israel.He's also a year younger than I am and he already has everything. God clearly blessed his life, not mine.
God's Word says that God works all things for good. Do you believe that?God may love everyone, but I'm getting to the point where He must not like me very much. I have no purpose, I have no joy, I have nothing. Before anyone assumes, know this: I was content and happy a month ago. Nothing bothered me. I read and still do read my Bible. I have biblical standards for a church I would attend and nothing I've found follows the biblical model. I can't move, I have friends but they are far away as is my family. I find it sad that I have to cover everything people try to point out. I simply want to know why God favored my twin brother his entire life and I have gotten the crap end. My brother was able to join the military, which is all I wanted when I was younger, but no I HAD to be born with asthma. I've had Legionnaire's Disease, Swine Flu and survived it all; for what purpose? My brother got to fight for his country, while I sat a home because I got turned down every time. My brother has a wife, kids and will carry on our family name...whereas I have nothing and no one. I have no hope because I am unlovable. I work out 6 days a week and it doesn't make me feel better. I can dead-lift almost 500 lbs. I can back squat 405. I have a good career where I am respected and held up as the go to guy. My job supports hundreds of thousands of troops. And I would give it all up just for one thing in my life and God continues to ignore me. All I want to know is why. I ask here because he isn't answering me.
This is actually not the actual verse or meaning of that verse. This is a common quote that doesn't cover the actual wording.God's Word says that God works all things for good. Do you believe that?
We all have been called by God to His purpose. Those who love God follow His purpose.This is actually not the actual verse or meaning of that verse. This is a common quote that doesn't cover the actual wording.
Romans 8:28 says, "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose".
There are two pieces to this verse. 1.) Those who love God. 2.) Those who have been called according to his purpose.
You can be #1 and not #2. That's where I feel like I'm at.
Sorry but 8 years alone, after putting my goals on hold, after supporting my ex though hers, after supporting and raising my step kids like my own, and having it all ripped away for whatever reason she had, she never told me, having survived swine flu, legionaries disease and a number of others, I think I've been through enough, where simply asking God for happiness doesn't seem like it's too much to ask for.What looks to you like a blessing may not be so. What looks to you to be a curse may in fact be a blessing. Things look different to God than they do to us. Remember how things went from great to good to bad to worse to horrendous for Joseph? But each step he thought was down placed him in a unique position to become the right hand man to Pharaoh and save not only all of Egypt from famine, but his own family, and so the line of Israel.
What makes a diamond? First, it has to start out as graphite, a common, vulgar, ugly piece of sedamentary rock. It's not at all beautiful like a piece of, say, quartz. Add pressure, and it becomes coal, still ugly, and only good for burning. You have to put it through the agonies of hell, and only then does it transform into a rare and beautiful diamond. I'm sure the graphite complains as it goes through its trials and tribulations, thinking it is curses, wishing it could be quartz. But then... it wouldn't have the opportunity to become a diamond.
The true treasures are things that are eternal. You have the opportunity to transform your soul. Not everyone is given this opportunity equally. You are lucky.
I understand. Sometimes when it hurts that much, there is nothing we can do except want the pain to stop.Sorry but 8 years alone, after putting my goals on hold, after supporting my ex though hers, after supporting and raising my step kids like my own, and having it all ripped away for whatever reason she had, she never told me, having survived swine flu, legionaries disease and a number of others, I think I've been through enough, where simply asking God for happiness doesn't seem like it's too much to ask for.
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