All Men Look?

[favoredbyGod]

I was talking to my cousin the other day (he's married) and he says he likes to admire beautiful women by doing a double take look at them, but he says looking is as far as it will ever go because he loves his wife dearly.

He also insists that every man married or not looks and admires beautiful women who aren't theirs, he says it's just in a man's nature.

Is it true that all men look / admire beautiful women when they already have someone or are in love with their significant other?


To me I feel that it is a bit disrespectful when your head is turned 180 degrees like an owl, looking at the hot chick that just passed while your out with me.

 

[AlexeiKaramazov]

Not all men look. I don't even like noticing that another woman is attractive, much less giving her a second glance or the "up and down" stare. I think it's important to maintain mental purity when you're committed to someone, and lately I'm understanding how far that goes. It's a lot further than just where you're looking when you're out walking on the street somewhere.

 

[puddleoffaith]

I'm completely straight and even I look if an absolutely stunning girl walks down the street. It's human nature to admire beauty...it doesn't have to be sexual. It's kindof why we like beautiful pop stars and models.

As long as he's not lusting, it's fine to notice and admire the beauty of others. 180 degrees is a bit much though.

 

[Kicking_Kittens]

Men are more sight oriented while women respond more to touch. It just comes natural to them. There shouldn't be any trouble if he doesn't plan to act on these natural tendencies to look, but if he does feel an urge, or lust, he should try to stop.
I even do it and I'm a girl. Sometimes there'll be a good looking guy or even a pretty girl and I'll say in my head, "Wow, they are good looking/ I wish I looked like her, she's pretty" But the thought it out of my mind as fast as it comes in.

 

[miss_klara]

Yeah, I don't like it but I've come to accept it's normal. My fiance is never obvious about it, and he's explained that it's a natural reaction and means nothing, but of course I feel self conscious as soon as I see a pretty girl, because I know that he will notice her too.

 

[peanutbutter12]

Lynn is exactly correct. All men look. It's a simple fact of life and human nature. And there is nothing wrong with looking. As long as he knows where home is, there is no reason to turn it into a big deal or get jealous over it. He CHOOSES to be with you just as you CHOOSE to be with him. Value that choice and understand that he's not window shopping for something better, he's merely observing.

 

[Everlasting33]

Good question!

I have struggled with this issue in the past and it took me several years to come to terms with it! I suffered severely from low self-esteem which only induced my feelings of inadequacy and inferiority...especially when an attractive woman passed my boyfriend and I!

But through therapy and challenging my thoughts and feelings, I have come to accept (although I wish I could change it) that both men and women will occasionally look at other attractive people. Like another poster stated, it is literally impossible to not notice if someone is attractive. When my boyfriend and I walk down the street, we will notice the skin color of the person, whether or not the person is in shape, what color hair he or she has...etc.

However, it is not O.K. to gawk at another person, especially infront of a loved one and it can certainly be painful!

But the higher one's self-esteem, the less threatened he or she will be by someone else's looks.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Lynn is exactly correct. All men look. It's a simple fact of life and human nature. And there is nothing wrong with looking. As long as he knows where home is, there is no reason to turn it into a big deal or get jealous over it. He CHOOSES to be with you just as you CHOOSE to be with him. Value that choice and understand that he's not window shopping for something better, he's merely observing.

Accurate. Not to mention, a guy looking doesn't mean he's lusting after her. I'm a people watcher and I notice random things about people - from their sense of fashion to what brand of clothing they wear to their hairstyles to their muscle build, etc. I notice people, both guys and girls, and not in a sexual way - I.E. I'll notice if a guy's really muscular, and that'll motivate me to ramp up my workout routine.

 

[The Nihilist]

Not all men look. I don't even like noticing that another woman is attractive, much less giving her a second glance or the "up and down" stare. I think it's important to maintain mental purity when you're committed to someone, and lately I'm understanding how far that goes. It's a lot further than just where you're looking when you're out walking on the street somewhere.

So basically, all men with any virility look

 

[AlexeiKaramazov]

So basically, all men with any virility look

Only if you consider virility to encompass opening yourself up to feelings for other women. If you think it's ok to feast your eyes on women who are not yours, you've bought into the world's lie about masculinity. True masculinity means sticking to your commitments. I never said that it's not ok to look at other people, but you know when you're crossing the line. Hopefully you'll learn that one day.

 

[The Nihilist]

Only if you consider virility to encompass opening yourself up to feelings for other women. If you think it's ok to feast your eyes on women who are not yours, you've bought into the world's lie about masculinity. True masculinity means sticking to your commitments. I never said that it's not ok to look at other people, but you know when you're crossing the line. Hopefully you'll learn that one day.

Virility is animal by its very nature. If appropriate, you use it, and if not, you resist the temptations. The passions, including lust, are not resisted through reason, but through force of will. If you find that you can argue your way out of the passions, then you don't have them. Your understanding of the matter is effete. Has it never been an issue for you, or are you simply past your prime?

 

[sbvera13]

Being attracted to beatiful women is, to men, a response something similar to screaming when placing their hand on a hot stove. It's a biological response that can't (usually) be stopped.


I will admit, however, that nothing is more attractive then being in love, and when I see a gorgeous lady I think something like "Wow! She's cute. Too bad she doesn't have hair like my GF though, I like that better..." Our feelings play a huge part in defining what we think is attractive.

 

[AlexeiKaramazov]

Virility is animal by its very nature. If appropriate, you use it, and if not, you resist the temptations. The passions, including lust, are not resisted through reason, but through force of will. If you find that you can argue your way out of the passions, then you don't have them. Your understanding of the matter is effete. Has it never been an issue for you, or are you simply past your prime?

I think it's even more important for men who have high sex drives to guard their minds and keep them centered on the one they have chosen. It might be that staying away from lust for others and other harmful actions is easier for you because you have a lower libido. But for most men, it's very important to maintain mental control and surrender their lives to God, precisely because those urges and feelings have such power. I have a feeling this isn't something you understand in the least. Are you a Christian or are you giving a worldly perspective on this because you're of the world?

 

[favoredbyGod]

I totally agree with you AlexeiKaramazov. It seems like most people accept looking at other people other than your partner "admiring" them is a norm.

I have difficulty accepting that, I believe also that u can overcome the urge to look/stare as with anything else.

 

[peanutbutter12]

I think it's even more important for men who have high sex drives to guard their minds and keep them centered on the one they have chosen. It might be that staying away from lust for others and other harmful actions is easier for you because you have a lower libido. But for most men, it's very important to maintain mental control and surrender their lives to God, precisely because those urges and feelings have such power. I have a feeling this isn't something you understand in the least. Are you a Christian or are you giving a worldly perspective on this because you're of the world?

Just because someone has a high sex drive doesn't mean they walk around with "SEX SEX SEX" going through their mind 24/7. That's a very common Christian misunderstanding due to the ignorant trash they have been fed for years to add to their fear that they might be sinning. Admiration is not the same as lust; not in the least. And looking at it from that way is a general and very ignorant view to have. It's the same issue of people who believe they should never even be alone with a female if they aren't married because they have given themselves over to the fear that they have no self control and sex is inevitable. What RecoveringPhilosopher is saying isn't some "worldly view", it's a view with educated reason.

 

[sbvera13]

Admiration is not the same as lust; not in the least. And looking at it from that way is a general and very ignorant view to have.

Completely agreed. I have slept with more women than I have had sex with (which is one, btw). Some because we were lusting and it never quite got to sex. Some because we just lonely and it was good to have someone to hang onto for a little a while. Some because we were out camping and it was the only way to stay warm. Point is, beauty, admiration, and sexuality in general are what you choose to make of it.

 

[katautumn]

So basically, all men with any virility look

Even men without virility will look. My grandfather suffered a debilitating stroke last summer. He still notices attractive ladies. Even women look. Being married doesn't mean you become (or even should become) blind to the opposite sex. Appreciating someone else's beauty does not mean you are fantasizing about having relations with them.

 

[Johnnz]

All beauty derives from God; it expresses something about Him. Beauty is to be appreciated, wherever it is found.

There is a wonderful vista. One sees it and worships. Another sees it as real estate just waiting to be developed. Same with seeing an attractive person. It's what's in the heart of the person.

The real issue is not men looking. It's the brainwashing from society that associates beauty with great sex that too many Christians have bought into that creates the anxieties and fears to many women. If men noticing feminine beauty is a problem then shouldn't we be applauding those cultures that hid women away from any male gaze apart from close family? After all, that is really cutting of the source and protecting us poor men from our hormones.

John
NZ

 

[Sunburst]

I look at guys so I assume my boyfriend is not blind and notices females out in the world. It's how they act not their eyes. It does bother me though that a male friend of mine is really drawn to teens,he's like 24. That to me is a warning signal to his much older fiance'. He mentions the highschool and jr high girls walking by my house more than he should. Yet the ones his age,he pretty much shrugs at.

 

[favoredbyGod]

I think the reason I have an issue with it is bc most men when seeing an attractive woman, their focus is not on her face, but other parts of her body.

Yes it's nothing wrong with admiration of beauty, but what exactly are you admiring?