All in the Family

[Sushi614]

Has anyone married into a family of ministers/missionaries?

I married my husband almost 10 years ago now. His parents were transitioning from being missionaries in Columbia to pastors in Tx at the time. The Grand Parents have been pastors or in the ministry all of their lives. Their other kids (my husbands aunts and uncles) are also in the ministry. The oldest daughter and her husband are pastors. The youngest son and his wife are missionaries in Lithuania. His Dad is the middle son now pastoring in Houston.

His parents moved away from us to Houston when we got married to pastor their new church. So we've been pretty hands off this whole time. Of course we were involved in our own local church. But we have moved near them now. So it's full on all the time now helping with things.

Don't get me wrong, I love being an active part in our music ministry. Singing is what drives my passion to worship and be connected to God. But I've come across issues of resentment towards me and the whole family it seems. Since the worship leader is the pastor's wife and the keyboard player is their son and also my husband, we get the "all in the family" comments a lot. And I don't mean "How nice that they all work together as a family to support the ministry." It always seems to come out as negative. Like we're just ganging up together. Which is completely not the case.

It's particularly hard for me because although I was raised in church, we were not the ministers. And now I'm automatically in the "inner circle" and expected to be a certain way. I was not raised in that circle like the rest of the family. I don't like the feeling that people may think I'm treated with favoritism.
Also, I'm only a member of the team, not a leader. But as the "daughter" I am expected to help set everything up and do all this "extra stuff" because no one else will help do it. It's almost like it would be easier to actually have an official position.

So, not to be a downer. I just thought that people like us could use a little support. We can share thoughts and suggestions to hopefully work thru some of these kind of problems.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else feels this way.

 

[Ms.Garnet]

Hi Sushi !

I am sorry I did not get on CF before now & have just seen your message. I am glad you joined us.

I married a man already called into the ministry & licensed to preach before I ever met him. He had an aunt who was a career missionary in Africa. His mother was very evangelistic and very active in Child Evangelism & her church. She was a great soul winner. I was not raised in the church at all & so everything was so very new to me....but I learned as I matured what was expected of me. I learned that "what was expected of me" was not necessarily what brought me joy in serving the Lord. I eventually found my place of service, developed "thick skin" and serve the Lord according to His leadership in my life. My own husband was the worst about expecting me "to do what was expected of me" and it took me a long time to learn to say NO. He has learned to live with it/my saying NO sometimes.

Do the "negative" comments come from the congregation? That could be jealousy.

Stay with us. I hope to hear more from you!
Blessings to you & your husband/family.

 

[Sushi614]

Do the "negative" comments come from the congregation? That could be jealousy.

Unfortunately most of it started with another member of the praise team. (They were fairly new in their Christian walk and I'm sure didn't understand what it means to pick up the slack for family in ministry.) They spread it all like wild fire. They had our own personal friends thinking badly of us. I think that for the first time they felt threatened. They have since officially stepped down. Which was really for the best since they often just didn't show up without notice anyway.

Back when this all started we had a different leader too. The Pastor wanted to start moving in a new direction with worship, to follow God's plan for taking the church to the next level. The whole praise team (what was left of it) was on board, all except the leader. He decided to step down and Pastor's wife went from playing the keyboard to leading.

That's when she asked her son, my husband, to play for her. They are a great team. They've done this together for years as missionaries. She has such a gift for sensing where to go with the service. Of course, being together for almost 30 years makes it easy to follow each others signals. So the service always flows really great.

All of this was really tough to go through at the time, but God knew what He was doing. He had a plan for our church and it is now coming to pass. We are growing in leaps and bounds! I really hate to lose such great people like that. I guess the devil just really got to them. God can take any bad situation and turn it around for good.

 

[Ms.Garnet]

I think you have a good handle on that situation...Good to hear the church is growing...Bless you all as you serve Him.

 

[godsavedme555]

I think you have a good handle on that situation...Good to hear the church is growing...Bless you all as you serve Him.