Alice in Evolutionland

[theophilus40]

Chapter 1: Down the Rabbit Hole

Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister and having nothing to do; once or twice she peeped into the book her sister was reading, Origin of Species, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, “and what is the use of a book,” thought Alice, “without pictures or conversations?” Suddenly, a White Rabbit ran by, stopped, took a watch out of its waistcoat pocket, and said, “Oh dear! I shall be too late!”, and hurried on
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This immediately aroused Alice’s curiosity, for if the White Rabbit had a watch, did the watch have a maker? Or was the watch merely the result of random changes and natural selection? Surely the White Rabbit must know! Alice resolved to catch the Rabbit, take it to court, and settle the matter of Intelligent Design once and for all. She ran across the field after it, and was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit hole under the hedge
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In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she would get out again. The rabbit hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped so suddenly down that Alice found herself falling down what seemed like a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time to wonder about the mysteries of life. She began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, “Did cats evolve into bats? Did cats evolve into bats?” and sometimes “Did bats evolve into cats?” for, you see, it was such a stupid question, it didn’t matter much which way she put it.

Suddenly, thump! thump! Down she came on a heap of sticks and leaves, and the fall was over. Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped quickly onto her feet in a moment. Before her was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it. She was close behind it when she turned a corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen. She found herself in a dark hall. There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked.

She found a golden key on a glass table, but it would only open a door that was about fifteen inches high. She peeked through the door, and there was the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the doorway. Oh, if only she could evolve into a smaller creature!

Then she saw a little bottle on the glass table, and tied round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words DRINK ME beautifully printed on it in large letters. Alice knew that Darwin said that diet, exercise, and climate caused inheritable changes in creatures. Perhaps drinking from the bottle would make her smaller! So she took a drink.

“What a curious feeling!” said Alice. “I must be shutting up like a telescope!” And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high. Happily she ran to the garden door; but, alas for poor Alice! When she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach it.

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words EAT ME were beautifully marked in currants. Since science is all about repeatable experiments, she decided to eat it and see if she evolved again. When she ate some of it, she remained the same size. To be sure, this is what generally happens when one eats cake; but Alice had been so thoroughly brainwashed about the theory of evolution, she expected a (purely natural) miracle. Having nothing better to do, she finished eating all the cake.

You can find the rest of this story here:


http://www.scienceagainstevolution.org/v10i7f.htm

 

[afishamongmany]

Hi Theophilus,
Wanted to say thanks for the 'soft tissue in fossils' piece on your blog. I hadn't heard about that. How strange isn't it, that this kind of startling science never makes it to the front page.
Thought you might appreciate this poem on the subject. And while I think of it, did the dormouse evolve into the tea pot or was it born there?

Primeval soup, gloup gloup, gloup
Cooked up with a big bang
And simmered for eons and eons and
Eons and eons and eons and ee-awe some.
The donkey, the giraffe, the kangaroo
The deathwatch beetle and winnie the pooh
All emerged, so they say, beloved
From this source, after of course
Eons and eons and (please see above beloved).
So desperately searching for the missing link
Into the soup we further sink.
Onwards and upwards cry the cooks
Looping their existential loops.
Me I don't swallow it. I prefer bread.
The bread of He said.
Beloved beware of this passing plate.
Get out of the soup before it's too late.
Don't dine at that table.
Don't jump through that hoop.
Beloved beware the great gloup gloup.
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