i'd like to know everyones opinion on this one. my boyfriend (age 16) and I (age 17) want to get married someday, but when is the right time to get engaged we want a long one.
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Age/ Right time for engagement.
- Thread starter GirlForChrist
- Start date
I'm not sure I understand the question... is it that you want a long engagement?? Long engagements are a great way to get to really know and understand the needs/wants (spiritual or worldly) of your spouse-to-be. My girlfriend says it takes a year to really get to know someone, and even longer to find the point where marriage is definite. I think it is all by the level of maturity and spiritual involvement you both allow yourself to have. The time period may not be a factor at all...
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Lizzi4Christ
I'm worth waiting for.
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There are a lot of factors to think about when it comes to engagements. I mean A LOT. Just scratching the surface of it makes me dizzy. 16 and 17 are young ages. i'm not saying "don't think about it, you're too young". I was told that. I'm still with my boyfriend. But just enjoy being boyfriend/girlfriend for a while.
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my wife and i started dating when we were in highschool (both age 16) we knew from the first day we got together we'd be together forever. we were even voted couple most likely to get married our senior year. we were officially engaged at the age of 18 and married at 20. we are now 26 and have 3 wonderful children ages 5 (in november) 2 1/2 and 6mo......but to make a long story short, the first few years were tough because we were so young, and didn't put God first in our lives. now we have a marriage that is stronger than most because of our relationship with the Lord.....so, the age of engagement is not the biggest factor, it's weather or not the two of you are spiritually mature enough for such a life altering experiance....if you are, make the comitment, if not, hold off and wait till you are. but what ever you decide remember that God comes first in your life.
God Bless
God Bless
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OrderMySteps
Great is his Mercy.......
I do think you can actually put an age on when engagemnet is right. You have to be mature enough to handle something like that. Personally I would love to be engaged to my girlfriend, but the powers that may be won't have that so we put it in God's hand. So with that said we're just happy being boyfriend and girlfriend. One piece of advice though.....don't rush it.
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IslandBreeze
Caribbean Queen
I think when you're legally old enough to be married (no sooner than 18), then you're old enough to be engaged.
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TransformedByGrace
Well-Known Member
use what you have now to God's glory, your singleness! God gave it as a gift! there are things that you will NEVER be able to for God once you are married, take advantage of them now
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IslandBreeze
Caribbean Queen
TransformedByGrace said:
Oh really? Like what? I have done more, seen more, experienced more, and done more for God since I've been married than I ever did single...please, do tell what those things that one will "never" be able to do for God once they're married...I'm dying to know...
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LadyBird
Dance Me to the End of Love
For me, I want to have a steady job/income before I get married. I want to be old enough to have a toast at our wedding with wine. I also want to be mature enough to handle being married...and of course I want to wait until God tells us to do so. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years which is a long time for a teenage relationship but we love each other lots. We hope to get married in a few year like 3-4 maybe. Or who knows maybe it will be sooner! I just want to make sure that we are both ready.
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Lizzi4Christ
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For me, money isn't a HUGE issue. Still a big one, but not huge. We've already talked about ways to cut down living costs and wedding preperations. It's important to have practical plans for the future and not wait til it gets here then worry about it.
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Sorry Cammie, I disagree a little here. For some people, it might be ok, for others not. I first married when I was 25 and while I thought I was mature enough, I believe I was too young to marry.Cammie said:
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IslandBreeze
Caribbean Queen
That wasn't what I was saying. I was saying that it doesn't make sense to be engaged before the age of 18, as you can't get married before then anyway. I was 19 when I got married, and for me, it was the perfect age. If I had to do it all over again, I'd still have gotten married at 19.enslow said:
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DaveKerwin
Represent the Most High
everyone is different.
If I was you I would take things really really slow, and spend a god deal of time building up your relationship with God. Through your intimacy with God you will know the right time.
If I was you I would take things really really slow, and spend a god deal of time building up your relationship with God. Through your intimacy with God you will know the right time.
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Cammie Said:
"That wasn't what I was saying. I was saying that it doesn't make sense to be engaged before the age of 18, as you can't get married before then anyway. I was 19 when I got married, and for me, it was the perfect age. If I had to do it all over again, I'd still have gotten married at 19."
In Illinois, you can get married at 16 with parental consent. How weird would that be. I am pretty sure it is the same in most states. 18 without consent or 16 with consent.
Sited here, has all states and paramaters.
http://www.marriagelicense.com/license.html
"That wasn't what I was saying. I was saying that it doesn't make sense to be engaged before the age of 18, as you can't get married before then anyway. I was 19 when I got married, and for me, it was the perfect age. If I had to do it all over again, I'd still have gotten married at 19."
In Illinois, you can get married at 16 with parental consent. How weird would that be. I am pretty sure it is the same in most states. 18 without consent or 16 with consent.
Sited here, has all states and paramaters.
http://www.marriagelicense.com/license.html
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GirlForChrist said:
I think 16 and 17 is probably too early to make a serious commitment like engagement. I've been friends with the girl I'm currently dating since 10th grade and have essentially been dating her since then. But you'd be surprised how much you can learn and how much you will change in those years surrounding highschool graduation and the beginning of college. Most likely at least one of you will seriously mature in your view of true love in the next couple years so take your time. Get to know each other slowly (don't get physical), and talk about your dreams for the future. Most importantly just be yourself. That is the person the other is going to have to live with if you do eventually get married. Dating should never involve acting
You might be interested in a thread I started with a similar question:
http://www.christianforums.com/t56286
God bless you! Make Him the focus of your relationship!
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As soon as you know its right and the initial butterflies have diminished and a more relaxed feeling takes over between you two. When this happens and God is giving you green lights it is time.
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I did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~*~tina~*~ said:
At 16 and 17, you are still so young and have so much ahead of you. I'm NOT saying that you can't be in love and know that this is the person you are going to marry - I really believe at 16 or 17 a person can know that. But many times, it can be more of "in lust" or "in like" than "in love" and at that age, at any age, even, it can be hard to distinguish the difference. I would say grow in your relationships - with God, first and foremost, then with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You don't HAVE to get engaged/married right away. If you truly love each other, waiting a few years will not dampen that love - it will only cause it to grow. I say don't rush it at 16!!!!!! So much can change before you even graduate from high school!
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JOYfulbeliever said:
I agree. I am 20 now and have been dating my girlfriend for 2.5 years the only reason we didn't date for the 3 years previous was because she was not allowed to. We were essentially a couple though and felt that we were going to be together for the long term--Lord-willing (that's something that you really have to make an effort to put on your relationship, especially in your teens).
We decided that we weren't going to get married until we graduated from college. Waiting is not easy, but we believe it is the Lord's timing and will. We want to make sure we use and develop the skills he has given us so that we can eventually serve Him together as effectively as possible.
You will change and mature a lot in the next few years, and if your focus in your relationship is right (on God, not yourselves or even each other), that growth and change will simply affirm your relationship and help you to grow more closely together and learn more about each other.
Long dating relationships can be very beneficial if managed properly. Take things slow and learn about each other by just spending time together and being yourself in all situations. If you do it well, you'll have a wonderful headstart on marriage when it comes
You should also consider what your plans are after highschool. College choices really shouldn't be made on the basis of where a boyfriend/girlfriend is going, but rather the Lord's will. I am going to school 500 miles away from my girlfriend and again it's not easy, but it is true that "absence makes the heart grow fonder!" Many times I wish I could just take her and marry her now, but it doesn't make sense and I don't believe its the Lord's timing. A godly girlfriend->fiance->wife (from a guys perspective; girls insert the corresponding words
) is a wonderful blessing and should be cherished and given to the Lord for his will in every aspect!Hope that gives some perspective. I'd be happy to discuss my experience more if you'd like. Just pm me.
--Mike
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