So, what's a dad say to his 18-yr-old daughter, who's getting too close (in my opinion) to a 55-yr-old divorcee, besides, "I think it's wrong"? The guy's really nice, friendly, and I have no reason not to like him, other than he's hittin' on my daughter, and technically old enough to be her grandfather.
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Age-Gap?
- Thread starter Paul in Warrensburg
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MrsGnomeCrusher
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I honestly do not know. Given the 18-year-old, if you tell them not to, it may push her to persue it more.
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TriptychR
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I don't see anything wrong in sitting down with your daughter and simply talking it out. Ask her if she's attracted to this man and why, then try to put things into perspective for her. Show honest concern without yelling at her, and you should get your point across.
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fieldmouse3
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There is usually some not-so-great reason why a 55 year old man would be hitting on an 18 year old. IF she refuses to stop seeing him, though, there's really nothing you can do.....she's 18.
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Actually that reminded me most states have a database available online to check out registered sex offenders.fieldmouse3 said:
Sex offenders listed would definately include pedophiles. Just a thought. Does not hurt to check.
Here is the KLAAS foundation link which should have most of the state links:
http://www.klaaskids.org/index.htm
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Ask her what she sees in him. And ask her to think about what things will be like in 30 years from now when he's 85 and she's 48. She'll be just nicely starting into middle age and he could very well be in a nursing home by then. If she says they're just friends, then point out to her the behavior you see as him hitting on her and ask her what she would think if she was in your position.
Also remember that you'll get farther with an 18 year old by talking with her as a fellow adult than as a child. Even if you think she's acting childish, she'll probably respond better if you try to treat her as a responsible adult.
It also might help if you try to spend some extra father-daughter bonding time with her. There's always the chance that on some level she's seeing this guy as a father figure and some extra time with you might go a long way towards filling her need for her dad.
Also remember that you'll get farther with an 18 year old by talking with her as a fellow adult than as a child. Even if you think she's acting childish, she'll probably respond better if you try to treat her as a responsible adult.
It also might help if you try to spend some extra father-daughter bonding time with her. There's always the chance that on some level she's seeing this guy as a father figure and some extra time with you might go a long way towards filling her need for her dad.
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N
Nater_Tater
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Wow, that's quite an age gap...Im still trying to figure out what my 18 year old ex GF sees in her current boyfriend....who is 35, has three kids, an ex wife....
It gives me the heeby jeebies.
It gives me the heeby jeebies.
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Spicy McHaggis
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I've always liked
"How old will he be when you're kids graduated from college?"
and right when she's done calculating an answer and about to speak, interject with
"dead"
It was a sobering thought for my friend. She was 27, the dude was 50+.
But yeah, that's a pretty huge gap. I'm 27 and I was stressing about dating a girl who was turning 20.
"How old will he be when you're kids graduated from college?"
and right when she's done calculating an answer and about to speak, interject with
"dead"
It was a sobering thought for my friend. She was 27, the dude was 50+.
But yeah, that's a pretty huge gap. I'm 27 and I was stressing about dating a girl who was turning 20.
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Its a tough one and teenagers can be difficult at time. I think I would speak to the man to put him off and tell him to leave her alone!!!. This is your daughter so you have a right to intervene and he should know better how ever nice he is this is not on. I would pray for the relationship not to devlop any further and for her to come to her senses.
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I agree with reasoning with her as an adult. And I think you should also talk to the man she's getting close to! I think it's a bit too much of an age gap....
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K
KeilCoppes
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In some places in Arkansas that may not be impossible - I got a letter six months ago or so from a young lady of 20 who was looking for a husband. Her next older sisters (23, 25) had married men of about 35 and the other late 40's, early 50's. When I looked up the region there is literally almost _no-one_ population-wise in the area. They're making the choice between marrying non-traditionally and not getting married at all.Ognyen said:
(note that I'm not endorsing this, it's just something I know about - that takes some extraordinary people)
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SandyLou
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fishstix said:
I have to disagree with this part of what ya said, Fishie.
I mentor high schoolers and they don't think "30 yrs from now".
It's just NOT a concept most would comprehend - a month from now is a stretch for many.
Ognyen - how long have they been "friends"?
SandyLou is praying right now His hands & feet,
SandyLou
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SandyLou said:
I have to disagree with this part of what ya said, Fishie.
I mentor high schoolers and they don't think "30 yrs from now".
It's just NOT a concept most would comprehend - a month from now is a stretch for many.
Ognyen - how long have they been "friends"?
His hands & feet,
SandyLou
Precisely. I don't think she's thought about it either. That's why I suggested that her father should bring it up - to cause her to actually think things through with a long-term mindset
I'm sure most high schoolers can understand the concept of 30 years or 50 years or whatever if they think about it; the problem is that they just *don't* think about it.
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CRitabe
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My first thought is that she is possibly looking for a father figure. Have you always been close to your daughter? There is definately something going on there - even if there are no men in the entire state!! Sounds like she might be looking for someone that she sees as a protector - provider - etc... and be dealing with some huge self-esteem issues or maybe he is very RICH (and possibly ill??) Therapy would be my ticket!!
Therapy would be my ticket!!
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Finally, I get back to this for comment. I sent a long e-mail to the 55-yr-old gent', explaining my concerns. He e-mailed back saying there's absolutely NO romantic thoughts in his mind, since he knows my daughter's only "a child" (my daughter saw this, too). They've got lots of interests in common, and when you recite the Boy Scout Law, he's all those, too. It's rough. I like him, I love my daughter, but...
You all seem to have the same thoughts I've got on the topic.
Thanks for your support
You all seem to have the same thoughts I've got on the topic.
Thanks for your support
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CRitabe
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No matter what he says - listen to your gut!! Pedofiles are totally seductive and charasmatic. What life interests would someone that there is so much age difference share that would create a desire to spend so much time with your daughter. Sounds fishy from here. God Speed.
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