Age Gap

[Tabasco]

I recently met a young woman (18) who has expressed a great deal of interest in me. I must confess that I am quite intrigued by her as well, but the age difference is a huge concern to me. Frankly, I feel like I'm robbing the cradle. She is amazing but I simply can't get over the feeling that if we're going to date, perhaps we should wait a year or two? What do you all think? Does anyone here have personal experience with this?

No judgmental comments, please.

Thanks!

 

[Luther073082]

No experience in it. I don't know what your age is though so its hard to say.

I think you would find out if you date her and get to know her more.

If you are significantly older (5+ years) then her spending time with her you might start to find immaturity in her or just that she's in a place in life that you are well past which would make things difficult in terms of dating.

I don't have a huge problem with it on a moral sense. But I would also have my doubts to her being in a place in her life that meshes with yours.

 

[explodingboy]

I recently met a young woman (18) who has expressed a great deal of interest in me. I must confess that I am quite intrigued by her as well, but the age difference is a huge concern to me. Frankly, I feel like I'm robbing the cradle. She is amazing but I simply can't get over the feeling that if we're going to date, perhaps we should wait a year or two? What do you all think? Does anyone here have personal experience with this?

Would help if you actually mentioned what the age gap is. Waiting a year really won't make any difference, the age gap will still be exactly the same.

You could play it cautiously and make sure everyone is as serious about the relationship and its not some late teen crush thing going on, but really you haven't given enough information to really give advice too.

All I can say is that I have a 3year age gap in my relationship and we haven't had any trouble, but for all I know you could be 46 trying to date an 18 year old.

 

[latteda]

How old are you?

 

[RobinRedbreast]

I recently met a young woman (18) who has expressed a great deal of interest in me. I must confess that I am quite intrigued by her as well, but the age difference is a huge concern to me. Frankly, I feel like I'm robbing the cradle. She is amazing but I simply can't get over the feeling that if we're going to date, perhaps we should wait a year or two? What do you all think? Does anyone here have personal experience with this?

No judgmental comments, please.

Thanks!

When I met my husband, he was 20, and I was 25. We got married just last year, and he turned 22 in december and I'll be turning 27 next week.

So an age gap of a handful of years or there-abouts I don't find very odd. Once you start pushing age gaps of 10 years though, you are looking at generational and situational issues in life that could prevent a relationship from flowing smoothly, something to consider. But even then? It is dependent on the individual couple

 

[The Nihilist]

Be careful with women under 21. I don't know whether you drink, but if you give her any booze and then are intimate with her, you could have some nasty legal issues. I have a strict 21 and up rule.

 

[Markus6]

Another point is that whilst physical development has basically finished her personal development will continue at a great pace until around 24. She is very likely to change quite a lot as a person and also have her priorities change.

 

[Windmill]

Yeah I'd wait until she was 20 personally.

 

[Tabasco]

I'm 24.

 

[Windmill]

I'd definitely wait until she was 20 if you're 24 and she's 18 6 years isn't that much, but in your teen years, when you're still maturing, it is quite a bit. Even mature teenagers still mature (they just uber mature!) I was "mature" at 16. A lot has changed in 2 years, and a lot will. Give her some time out of high school to find herself AND then it'll also make your relationship not so frowned down upon on. Once you're both 20+ people don't view it so harsh.

 

[Tabasco]

I'd definitely wait until she was 20 if you're 24 and she's 18 6 years isn't that much, but in your teen years, when you're still maturing, it is quite a bit. Even mature teenagers still mature (they just uber mature!) I was "mature" at 16. A lot has changed in 2 years, and a lot will. Give her some time out of high school to find herself AND then it'll also make your relationship not so frowned down upon on. Once you're both 20+ people don't view it so harsh.

Windmill,

I believe you are 100% correct. I doubt anything will become of it in two years, but if it does, it'll be better for having waited. Thank you so much for your advice - I'll be taking it to heart.

 

[Windmill]

Thanks though do what you view it best.

 

[Arclight610]

It really depends on the person. There are mature 18 year olds, and there are immature 30 year olds. I'd get to know her better, see how she acts.

 

[latteda]

Six years isn't that huge of an age gap, but the two of you are likely in very different stages of life right now. A girl will change and develop a lot emotionally in her early twenties. It is a time of her discovering who she is and what she really believes apart from her family's influence, learning how she will live her life as an individual person, understanding how she views herself and the people around her, etc. I am a totally different person now than I was between 18-23, and I think most girls I know would say the same thing.

 

[epiclesis]

I've known my fiance since I was 14 and he was 23.

We became good friends, and he became in love with me, when i was 18.... making him 27.

We entered into relationship two months before I turned 21, he almost 28.

I will be 22 and he will be 30 when we get married.

I'm fine with it. Depends on the couple. I've always been mature for my age. I don't feel a significant age gap when I'm with him. He's not immature, we're just... compatible.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I think that so many life-changing experiences occur for us between 18-22 that the age gap you have is significant. From joining the military, to going to college to experiencing our first real jobs to being on our own for the first time, everything that happens from 18-22 is a completely new experience. I think that getting into a relationship with someone that young is going to be unsatisfying to you due to differences in viewpoint you'll have. If you surmount that, you'll find that in three years, she will be a totally difference person, which may also pose a problem.

 

[spear1021]

Okay, I know this isn't a competition (but this probably turns it into one) but age really is just a number and I know from personal experience.

I met my first wife (I'm a widower) when I was just 20 and she was 38. So there you go, an insurmountable age gap of 18 years? Not so.

We were together for 15 years before I lost her to cancer and I can honestly say we never had any issues with age even though we were from different generations and it showed in the way we dressed, our tastes in music, TV, books, etc, etc.

The important thing was we were emotionally mature and so, rightly so, the age didn't matter.

So physical age is irrelevant as long as you're emotionally mature and in love.

 

[PerrySB]

Well here’s an old mans opinion based on the fact I have four daughters and four son in-laws. The age spread of six years is not be a big issue. However at eighteen most young woman aren’t really ready for marriage. Now I said most and there are exceptions. What are her educational goals? How established are you in your career? Personally I would say date to at least two years and allow her a little more time for maturing and getting focused on her life goals if she hasn’t already. I’m a very big believer in pre marriage counseling because it can help the both of you understand each other better. So take your time and most importantly seek Gods will and you will do fine.

 

[The Nihilist]

Well here’s an old mans opinion based on the fact I have four daughters and four son in-laws. The age spread of six years is not be a big issue. However at eighteen most young woman aren’t really ready for marriage. Now I said most and there are exceptions. What are her educational goals? How established are you in your career? Personally I would say date to at least two years and allow her a little more time for maturing and getting focused on her life goals if she hasn’t already. I’m a very big believer in pre marriage counseling because it can help the both of you understand each other better. So take your time and most importantly seek Gods will and you will do fine.

Well, sure, if you can get over a 42 year age gap, 6 hardly seems like anything, am I right?

 

[Blank123]

6 years doesn't seem like much but it can be a lot to take since people do change quite a bit from 18-20ish and who she is today might be a completely different person in two years. but if you've prayed about it, weighed the pros and cons, and spoken with her parents (assuming she is still at home they might want to see that sort of respect from her boyfriend and they may have their own opinion which could affect any relationship you might have with her) and still think there might be some potential there i'd say go for it. Every relationship is a risk, not just the ones with age gaps after all.