Anyone in a relationship where there is an age gap? There is 9 years between me and my boyfriend. I'm just curious to see how many other people are in my shoes.
Crystal
Crystal
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Age Gap
- Thread starter halifaxhoney
- Start date
sculpturegirl
Well-Known Member
My fiance' is 9 years older than me. Actually, I think it is a good idea to date older men. So many couples are postponing engagements and weddings due to uncertianty in employment, finishing school, etc. Older men tend to have a lot of things figured out, are secure in their jobs and may own a home already. We women, like it or not, have a time limit, so to say, on having a family. Physically the ideal is 18-27. Plus, women tend to mature more quickly.
I am very happy to have my older man, who is grown up, responsible, has a good job and is ready (financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually) to take home a wife and start a family.
It is true that two people may be in different points in their lives, but I found that dating guys my own age (before FH) was very frusterating. Many didn't even know what they "were going to be when they grow up."
My 2 cents from a very happy bride-to-be!
I am very happy to have my older man, who is grown up, responsible, has a good job and is ready (financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually) to take home a wife and start a family.
It is true that two people may be in different points in their lives, but I found that dating guys my own age (before FH) was very frusterating. Many didn't even know what they "were going to be when they grow up."
My 2 cents from a very happy bride-to-be!
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Sascha Fitzpatrick
Well-Known Member
My bf turns 30 next month, I turn 24 in March... Our age gap is quite nice, because his mind frame is still someone in his mid-twenties, rather than a 30 year old. Not saying he's immature (he isn't), but has all the 'settled' things like career, lifestyle, beliefs down, but is willing to wait awhile still before children and owning a home comes into play.
I was engaged to a guy who was 8 years older than me (I was in my late teens, he was in his late 20s). This was a HUGE mistake, and is why I caution those girls I see who are 18-20 and considering marrying someone in their late 20s. You are still working through all the things you want as you get older (believe me, you may THINK you have it all worked out, but you don't - it changes a lot more in your teens, than it does when you get older and in your mid 20s), whereas he's all ready gone through all that, and is more often than not pretty made up in what he wants, and is ready to settle down. This can cause some problems for the young women, as they end up completely deciding their future based on what the man wants, rather than what they themselves really want.
So, for those in their late teens, an age gap over 4 years would be highly dangerous to themselves and to the relationship (I've yet to see a mature, stable relationship between people of these ages) - a lot of co-dependancy traits seem to manifest themselves more, with this factor added in, than in other situations. Once you're around your early-mid twenties, an age gap around 5-6 years isn't so bad. Once your in your late 20s, age gaps (I'm assuming the youngest being in their late 20s here) don't seem to cause much of a problem - provided fertility isn't an issue.
A lot of this is dependant on maturity levels in that age group though, I've seen lots of mature 18 year olds - but I still think they should wait until early/mid 20s before making a decision as important as marriage - that stage of development is huge, and can be greatly influenced by a decision such as getting married. I see far more benefit in waiting out that adjustment phase (ie school-uni-out in the world) and getting seriously involved with someone AFTER that adjustment phase has been completed. Doesn't matter how mature you think you are, development still happens a lot at this point (pretty much more than at any other stage in your life), and I think it's dangerous to be working through that, and attaching yourself to an older male at the same time.
I've seen a lot of immature 30 year olds too, and that goes beyond development stage of life. So a big age gap (ie more than 4 years) is far more dangerous when you are in your late teens, than it is as you grow older - maturity levels end up balancing out over time, from what I've seen - most girls mature a bit earlier (psychologically in particular) than guys do, so a girl who is 24/25 can have quite a healthy relationship with someone in his late 20s/early 30s.
Just my 2 cents!
Sasch
I was engaged to a guy who was 8 years older than me (I was in my late teens, he was in his late 20s). This was a HUGE mistake, and is why I caution those girls I see who are 18-20 and considering marrying someone in their late 20s. You are still working through all the things you want as you get older (believe me, you may THINK you have it all worked out, but you don't - it changes a lot more in your teens, than it does when you get older and in your mid 20s), whereas he's all ready gone through all that, and is more often than not pretty made up in what he wants, and is ready to settle down. This can cause some problems for the young women, as they end up completely deciding their future based on what the man wants, rather than what they themselves really want.
So, for those in their late teens, an age gap over 4 years would be highly dangerous to themselves and to the relationship (I've yet to see a mature, stable relationship between people of these ages) - a lot of co-dependancy traits seem to manifest themselves more, with this factor added in, than in other situations. Once you're around your early-mid twenties, an age gap around 5-6 years isn't so bad. Once your in your late 20s, age gaps (I'm assuming the youngest being in their late 20s here) don't seem to cause much of a problem - provided fertility isn't an issue.
A lot of this is dependant on maturity levels in that age group though, I've seen lots of mature 18 year olds - but I still think they should wait until early/mid 20s before making a decision as important as marriage - that stage of development is huge, and can be greatly influenced by a decision such as getting married. I see far more benefit in waiting out that adjustment phase (ie school-uni-out in the world) and getting seriously involved with someone AFTER that adjustment phase has been completed. Doesn't matter how mature you think you are, development still happens a lot at this point (pretty much more than at any other stage in your life), and I think it's dangerous to be working through that, and attaching yourself to an older male at the same time.
I've seen a lot of immature 30 year olds too, and that goes beyond development stage of life. So a big age gap (ie more than 4 years) is far more dangerous when you are in your late teens, than it is as you grow older - maturity levels end up balancing out over time, from what I've seen - most girls mature a bit earlier (psychologically in particular) than guys do, so a girl who is 24/25 can have quite a healthy relationship with someone in his late 20s/early 30s.
Just my 2 cents!
Sasch
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Glad to see there are some with age gaps. I met my boyfriend at work when I was 17. We've been dating ever since. I've never felt that it would be harmful for me. He is not as mature as others his age but he has a good head on his shoulders and has good morals too. Lately he has started to mature and has a clear idea of what he wants out of life. We pretty much want the same things. I wouldn't say that everyone should have an age gap I'm just glad its worked out for me. I couldn't be happier!
Crystal
Crystal
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HisKnight
Regular Member
I know this will sound strange But My Grandfather and Grandmother had an age gap of almost 30 years.
He was born in 1877 and she was born in 1907.
They were married when she was 17 years old.
The stayed married till he died in 1964 and she never remarried ever.
They were happily married for 40 years.
So age gap can work with the right people just not everyone though.
He was born in 1877 and she was born in 1907.
They were married when she was 17 years old.
The stayed married till he died in 1964 and she never remarried ever.
They were happily married for 40 years.
So age gap can work with the right people just not everyone though.
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Cherub8
Soli Deo Gloria
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I have been wondering about this subject. I'm almost 21, and have become considerably interested in a girl who is 5 1/2 years younger but very mature in the Lord. I'm praying about her because I believe she will one day make a good wife. Obviously, I'd wait until she is at least 17 before asking her dad about courting her. But, would 17 and 23/24 be an acceptable difference? I suppose it only matters what God thinks about it, but I'm curious about what others think, too.
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I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I just think it depends on the couple in question. I don't think that is a huge gap anyway.
Crystal
Crystal
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eyeliv4God
Incorporating Christ in My Everyday Life
- Sep 12, 2004
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PurpleBunny
Rabid Purple Bunny of the Apocalypse
I am 24 and Chris will be 21 next month. We've been together 2 1/2 years (since he was a senior in university).
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fluffy_rainbow
I've Got a Secret ;-)
I prefer older men. I have dated men in their 40's, although that is almost too much an age gap for my liking. I think it also varies on how old you are. Let's compare using the nine year age difference:
1. A 14 year old with a 23 year old.
2. A 20 year old with a 29 year old.
3. A 70 year old with a 79 year old.
Example #1 is completely unnacceptable to most people.
Example #2 is a matter of preference.
Example #3 it appears the age difference is barely existent.
As you get older the age gap narrows.
1. A 14 year old with a 23 year old.
2. A 20 year old with a 29 year old.
3. A 70 year old with a 79 year old.
Example #1 is completely unnacceptable to most people.
Example #2 is a matter of preference.
Example #3 it appears the age difference is barely existent.
As you get older the age gap narrows.
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Lia
Be Thou My Vision
fluffy_rainbow said:
Exactly!
I remember when I was 14 and there was this 23 years old guy who pursued me...it used to scare me! but I really have no problem with that now.
Me and my potential boyfriend is 8 years difference. I'm 24 and he's 32. My preference actually is within 5 years of age, but I don't mind to go as far as 10 years age gap.
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Cherub8
Soli Deo Gloria
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Yeah...14 and 23 seems really odd. Most girls aren't mature in any sense of the word at age 14. But jump ahead 5 years -- 19 and 28 -- and it's not so bad. Really depends on the two people involved.
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Maeyken
Senior Veteran
My bf is 30, and I am 22. When I met him, I knew he was older than me, but never would have guessed he was 8 years older! (not that he's immature in any way... it just didn't seem like there was that "awkward age gap") I found out his age way before we started dating, and I thought he knew my age, but apparently he had some idea but thought I was at least 2 or 3 years older than I actually am. It was kinda funny when he found out, he was so shocked! But it's all worked out now. And really, I rarely think about it anymore (we've been together almost a year now)
The hardest thing I found was worrying about what other people would say about it. I really don't know why I worried so much, since hardly anyone had a negative opinion! If it works for the two of us (and God, of course!), why should it matter what other people think about it?
The hardest thing I found was worrying about what other people would say about it. I really don't know why I worried so much, since hardly anyone had a negative opinion! If it works for the two of us (and God, of course!), why should it matter what other people think about it?
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skinnybrad
Australia's own Christian punk kid with attitude
- Sep 6, 2004
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my rule for myself is 3years older and 4yrs younger (for me being male)
being 22 that limits me to 25yr olds to 18yr olds
my girlfriend is 24 (same age as my older sister) which is kinda weird cos she is technically older than my sister but it doesnt bother me and it kinda bothers her (GF) a little bit but thats okay
being 22 that limits me to 25yr olds to 18yr olds
my girlfriend is 24 (same age as my older sister) which is kinda weird cos she is technically older than my sister but it doesnt bother me and it kinda bothers her (GF) a little bit but thats okay
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Pony
Active Member
My dated my first BF when I was 17, although we waited till I was 18 before we officialy got together and he was 32 at the time, an age gap of 14 years. My current SO, is 37, and I love him very much. I think that's an age gap of 18 years. I don't think of people's ages though.
I believe it's more in the connection the two people make than the age.
My brother is 27, and married a 43 y/o japanese woman a year ago. My sister is 24 and is marriued to a 34 y/o man. My parents are 13 years apart..
Maybe it's in my family's blood to date older people.
I believe it's more in the connection the two people make than the age.
My brother is 27, and married a 43 y/o japanese woman a year ago. My sister is 24 and is marriued to a 34 y/o man. My parents are 13 years apart..
Maybe it's in my family's blood to date older people.
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