Age difference...

[PretenderGurl]

Hi all!

I just wanted to post my situation and see what everybody's thoughts are on this. Now, before I do, please keep in mind that you don't know him as I do.

I fell for a guy who is considerably older than me. I never would have imagined that I'd date a guy this much older than me before. Especially not him, as I have known him a long time and we've never had these feelings for each other before.

He's... experianced... I am a virgin waiting until marriage. He has been with many woman whereas I have rarely even dated. (I am pretty guarded and don't let people get that close. =/)

A few years back, I was... messed with by a creepy neighbor. He didn't actually rape me, but if my dad hadn't walked in, I have a feeling it would have come to that. >_< Ever since, I can't even let a guy shake my hand. It's something I've tried very hard to overcome, but have never really succeeded at.

This guy I am dating now, I've never had a problem with him. I felt comfortable around him right away. Like he would never hurt me. He knows how I am though, and what happened to cause me to be so guarded and asks me first before he does anything. (kissing, hugging, holding my hand, ect..) He knows that I am saving myself for marriage, and he is totally okay with that.

The thing is, the age difference is huge. More than 10 yrs... >_> What are your thoughts on age differences?

 

[cloudstrife007]

Sister, every situation is different. My opinion is that it's about looking at whether you think the relationship would be something that brings glory to God and is in line with the teachings of His word.
Age can or cannot matter, (seems to matter less as we get older, but it's different for different people. There are some who have no age gap, some with little, some with big gaps) but it will be more about different stages in life and Christian maturity.

Some things to think about
- Are your ideals and values and goals compatible?
- Is the man loving, godly, loving, gentle, patient, and can he lead his wife and family towards Christ centred lives?

 

[The Nihilist]

It looks to me like you really have 3 options here. You can date this guy, who seems kind of perfect for you. You can ditch him, get over your insecurities, and date someone else. Or you can die alone. So, just me, I think I'd stick with the old guy. In a lot of ways, age really is just a number.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

One of my good friends is getting married to a guy whom is around 15 years older than she is this October. I was a little put off at first until I met him, but then began to see what she saw in him myself. He's a very honourable and good hearted person, so she totally had my blessing on the whole thing once I got to know him.

That being said, each person is different. I've also met people who dated older men (and women) who were simply looking for a newer model, to make a used car reference. Probably going through an early mid-life crisis or something along those lines.

The other issue is that it it has to do with you. Where you are mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Obviously, if you're under 18, dating someone 10 years your senior is kind of creepy not to mention illegal. But also, if you have these issues to work out, I would suggest working them out before you get too involved and it causes major issues and struggle within the relationship. I would consider maybe seeing a professional about it so they can talk you through it if it is indeed that much of an issue in your life.

 

[ponderingnwandering]

My parents are about 14-15 years apart, they've been married 22 years now. No problems really.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

Some things to think about
- Are your ideals and values and goals compatible?
- Is the man loving, godly, loving, gentle, patient, and can he lead his wife and family towards Christ centred lives?

Quoted for truth.

These two questions jumped out at me far more then age. Those are the things that are going to matter much, much more in the long run.

 

[TeutonicMark]

I was taught growing up, half your age and add 7; anyone above that age should be fine for you to date. And about your past, seek some counselling.

 

[twins15]

He knows that I am saving myself for marriage, and he is totally okay with that.

I know you said he has "been with" many women before.... is that something he wants to change, or is he just "okay with it" with you? What I mean is, if he was not dating a woman that was seeking God, would he sleep with her?

This goes along with the 2 questions posed by an earlier poster.... those are the most important ones to answer in this situation, IMO.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

It's less about age and more about life stages. One area of difficulty with me and my fiancee that we struggle with is that my kids are on their way out (youngest is in 8th grade) and her son is 7 and she's contemplating more kids. I'm feel like it's time to be done. The stages mean a lot more than the ages do.

 

[Rivendoah]

Age is not really a problem unless we make it one... My partner Richard and I are 12 years apart and it suits us fine... It makes me a bit uncomfortable at times, but only when I am worring about what others think and then God reminds me that this is just a waste of time... focus on love... and relationship... compassion and sharing... forgiveness... then I remember that all is well...

 

[PretenderGurl]

I know you said he has "been with" many women before.... is that something he wants to change, or is he just "okay with it" with you? What I mean is, if he was not dating a woman that was seeking God, would he sleep with her?

This goes along with the 2 questions posed by an earlier poster.... those are the most important ones to answer in this situation, IMO.

He has been with woman, but since being saved, not anybody he couldn't see himself marrying. And he wouldn't marry a non-Christian.

 

[~Lynz~]

age is nothing.
its maturity.

weird things just happened to me bout age gaps actually. when i was nearly 13 i started going out with a 16 yr old that was a major big age gap. i was in my second yr of high school and he had left school. it felt like such a big age gap. how ever he went of to the army and now 10 yrs later me and him have crossed paths again and got back together and the age gap that was so big back then is tiny now.


all im trying to say is dont think bout the age if u get on well together doesnt matter. and 10 yrs plus i think yeah big age gap but if u have fun together and most importantly u trust him. go for it.