Hi, all
This is mostly just a rant; I hope others can relate.
Two narcissists, a psychopath, a dirty old man, and a bunch of misogynists thinking it's okay to sexually assault women then yak it up with the guys - and I'm not in a good place. Stalked, threatened, harassed... Sleeping issues, some issues with depression, lots of angst, and the terrible fear that the abusers will return in some way, though I've taken every precaution I can to cut off all contact.
Sometimes I have disturbing dreams, but what bothers me the most is that it feels like a good deal of people don't believe me about all that's been happening these past 5 years. I'm sure many of you survivors have heard the following or variants thereof:
"She must have had it coming with a flirtatious attitude/dress code."
"So what? He was just a little drunk, nothing serious happened. Lighten up!"
"What a homewrecker! How dare she try to steal away a married man?" (E.g, the guy had nothing to do with the grooming/seduction phase, of course.)
"She's an adult. She should have known better."
And on and on. There are many disgusting people out there who are severely disturbed and prey on others. And then there are those who support them in ignorance. Front-pew Christians, law-abiding people who think you're just being a drama queen or, in fact, evil when you speak out about your abuse. It's your fault, you had it coming. They don't bother to dig deeper or to ask questions or try to understand you better. They embrace their buddies and laugh at your pain.
Well, I was 27 and naive. I was kind of heart and I knew nothing about narcissism or psychopathy other than pop-culture references or fiction. I've been mentally ill since the age of 14. Anxious, anti-social, deplorable lack of social skills. I can't go into it all here or I'd never stop. The mental-health system has not been treating me kindly, just this one really excellent psychiatrist that I'm incredibly thankful for.
I'm better now, thankfully, but the flashbacks are awful. I wish society would just wake up! Some days it feels as though the internalized anger will end up eating me alive. I made my share of mistakes and I can own it. But the general abandonment from society is a weight on my shoulders.
They don't get why I had to change my e-mail address, phone number, etc, so many times, so they just brush me off as ridiculous. They don't get why I've not been in Church in months. They don't get why I refuse to talk much about my personal life. But I keep on praying, taking my medication, and trying to put the past behind me.
It's just so much harder than anybody can ever bargain on.
This is mostly just a rant; I hope others can relate.
Two narcissists, a psychopath, a dirty old man, and a bunch of misogynists thinking it's okay to sexually assault women then yak it up with the guys - and I'm not in a good place. Stalked, threatened, harassed... Sleeping issues, some issues with depression, lots of angst, and the terrible fear that the abusers will return in some way, though I've taken every precaution I can to cut off all contact.
Sometimes I have disturbing dreams, but what bothers me the most is that it feels like a good deal of people don't believe me about all that's been happening these past 5 years. I'm sure many of you survivors have heard the following or variants thereof:
"She must have had it coming with a flirtatious attitude/dress code."
"So what? He was just a little drunk, nothing serious happened. Lighten up!"
"What a homewrecker! How dare she try to steal away a married man?" (E.g, the guy had nothing to do with the grooming/seduction phase, of course.)
"She's an adult. She should have known better."
And on and on. There are many disgusting people out there who are severely disturbed and prey on others. And then there are those who support them in ignorance. Front-pew Christians, law-abiding people who think you're just being a drama queen or, in fact, evil when you speak out about your abuse. It's your fault, you had it coming. They don't bother to dig deeper or to ask questions or try to understand you better. They embrace their buddies and laugh at your pain.
Well, I was 27 and naive. I was kind of heart and I knew nothing about narcissism or psychopathy other than pop-culture references or fiction. I've been mentally ill since the age of 14. Anxious, anti-social, deplorable lack of social skills. I can't go into it all here or I'd never stop. The mental-health system has not been treating me kindly, just this one really excellent psychiatrist that I'm incredibly thankful for.
I'm better now, thankfully, but the flashbacks are awful. I wish society would just wake up! Some days it feels as though the internalized anger will end up eating me alive. I made my share of mistakes and I can own it. But the general abandonment from society is a weight on my shoulders.
They don't get why I had to change my e-mail address, phone number, etc, so many times, so they just brush me off as ridiculous. They don't get why I've not been in Church in months. They don't get why I refuse to talk much about my personal life. But I keep on praying, taking my medication, and trying to put the past behind me.
It's just so much harder than anybody can ever bargain on.
