affairs

[blackribbon]

Why do men have affairs? Especially when they never intend on leaving their wives? Can they really separate the bedroom part of their lives from the rest of it?

I have a friend whom I know things about him that his wife doesn't. I just don't understand and don't know how to advise him. Mostly I just avoid him now.

 

[exitstageright]

Why do men have affairs? Especially when they never intend on leaving their wives? Can they really separate the bedroom part of their lives from the rest of it?

I have a friend whom I know things about him that his wife doesn't. I just don't understand and don't know how to advise him. Mostly I just avoid him now.

Maybe,just maybe,it is because men seem to compartmentalize their feelings.For example,the idea is that the wife is "the mother of my children". Therefore,only my mistress will give me ...... I would not want my wife to do that to me,because she kisses my children.

I hope that everybody gets my drift. Because,it maybe would be censored.


When I was in the U.S. Navy, I was single.Yet,some married men, on our soft ball team,were going after some women on the other Naval base that we were on. When I reminded them that they were married. One man told me,"Hey,my wife is married. But,I am not!"(married)

 

[dayhiker]

I've known men who could not conceive of having an affair on their wife.
I've known men who had a desire to have a sexual adventure and it didn't bother them much, if any.
I've also known men who wanted their wife to have sex with other men and didn't care if they had sex with another women.

But of course these men are finding women to do this with and so there are women who are playing a similar game.

So there are all types with all kinds of motives. I'm at the place where its not the sex that is so bad as its all the lying, breaking vows, cheating that is the worst. But for some the sex is the worst part. For others its only bad if there are emotions involved. Or maybe it is bad but they can deal with if its not a love affair.

As nice as it is to have a nice little explanation that says men do sex for this reason, it just isn't that simple.

 

[Messy]

Some because they're just not true and Proverbs says stupid , women do it too. Others because they don't get what they want, the relationship is bad or a tempting untrue person comes because mom is tired and occupied with the kids. I think a lot of men get tempted when the kids come to watch porn or be untrue another way. My brother in law when my sister just had her kid tried to kiss me. Never told her. It was my fault, I was so naive I said when he asked me what kind of a man I wanted: someone like you. I just wanted to be friendly lol that was really stupid though and he drank too much. We even slept in the same room with other people too. He wanted to go with me on a sail course and she thought that was a good idea. Nothing happened, I pushed him away. They still have a great marriage. He met the right one when he had a weak moment.

 

[blackribbon]

My friend says that there sex life has been mostly non-existent since his wife got pregnant with their 20 year old. Depression for her became an issue after that. He says it is because he isn't happy. Why would you stay in that relationship if it has come to the point of roommates? How is having an affair better than just leaving?

 

[Messy]

My friend says that there sex life has been mostly non-existent since his wife got pregnant with their 20 year old. Depression for her became an issue after that. He says it is because he isn't happy. Why would you stay in that relationship if it has come to the point of roommates? How is having an affair better than just leaving?

Don't understand that either. We had a couple like that in church. They only stayed together for the kids. She didn't want sex for 18 years and he got it on the street with men and women he told us later. They should just have divorced. Finally they did and he remarried now. He got counselling for it.

 

[pittsflyer]

Because of the financial consequences of leaving. Could you imagine the stress and drama for a guy ending a 20 year marriage. Especially if she did not work all that time. His only option is to have an affair or hire a sex worker.

Just think about it for a bit before you respond from a guys point of view. Would you want to just hire a sex worker (or if your suave enough find a woman for free) or divorce and live out of your hobo bag after you get destroyed in the divorce (im being slightly dramatic but you get the idea).

The hardest part is finding the sex worker and getting a decent price.

My friend says that there sex life has been mostly non-existent since his wife got pregnant with their 20 year old. Depression for her became an issue after that. He says it is because he isn't happy. Why would you stay in that relationship if it has come to the point of roommates? How is having an affair better than just leaving?

 

[Messy]

Because of the financial consequences of leaving. Could you imagine the stress and drama for a guy ending a 20 year marriage. Especially if she did not work all that time. His only option is to have an affair or hire a sex worker.

Just think about it for a bit before you respond from a guys point of view. Would you want to just hire a sex worker (or if your suave enough find a woman for free) or divorce and live out of your hobo bag after you get destroyed in the divorce (im being slightly dramatic but you get the idea).

Here unless he's really wealthy he doesn't have to pay alimony and they just say the other one can find a job. The kids are grown up. They also want to change the rules that they don't have to pay for years for a partner. I know a lot of divorced remarried men who don't have to pay so much that they can't have a good life themselves, but I heard some female collegues complaining that they had to work to pay the ex when the kids were young.

 

[pittsflyer]

I don't think you have to be as wealthy as you think. A guy making like 150k would be considered by the court "rich" and he would end up paying through the nose to leave a 20 year marriage. I suppose if the guy is already broke then the courts will just grant the divorce and that's that.

Here unless he's really wealthy he doesn't have to pay alimony and they just say the other one can find a job. The kids are grown up. They also want to change the rules that they don't have to pay for years for a partner. I know a lot of divorced remarried men who don't have to pay so much that they can't have a good life themselves, but I heard some female collegues complaining that they had to work to pay the ex when the kids were young.

 

[blackribbon]

He is wealthy. Wealthy enough that dividing it in half would still leave him wealthy...just the numbers wouldn't be as great. However, he hasn't hired a sex worker but rather is having an affair. I am fairly sure if she found out, he would lose more than if he just divorced. I don't know how much of the money comes from her family (wealthy and an inheritance) and how much was earned by him or came from his family (as an inheritance).

Is financial stability really more important than happiness for most people?

 

[Messy]

I don't think you have to be as wealthy as you think. A guy making like 150k would be considered by the court "rich" and he would end up paying through the nose to leave a 20 year marriage. I suppose if the guy is already broke then the courts will just grant the divorce and that's that.

I don't know much about the amount, but I get the idea in the States they have to pay much more. Here it's 12 years if you were married more than 5 years or if there are kids.

 

[pittsflyer]

If I make 150k a year it was not because I graduated high school and started poping out kids. Why would I want to loose half my income that I worked hard for. What if I have expensive hobbies.

If people making 150k a year wanted to eat ramen and drive a geo they would not have done what it took to make 150k a year.

If it were me I would have been hiring a sex worker (or an affair if I was suave enough) and squirling tons of money away, then went for the divorce and if the courts screwed me I would leave the nation. I would have perhaps started taking work in the host nation so that I could slowly work my way to another passport so that even if the US canceled my passport I could still get the heck out.

Financial stability buys the sex workers when all else fails.

He is wealthy. Wealthy enough that dividing it in half would still leave him wealthy...just the numbers wouldn't be as great. However, he hasn't hired a sex worker but rather is having an affair. I am fairly sure if she found out, he would lose more than if he just divorced. I don't know how much of the money comes from her family (wealthy and an inheritance) and how much was earned by him or came from his family (as an inheritance).

Is financial stability really more important than happiness for most people?

 

[Messy]

If I make 150k a year it was not because I graduated high school and started poping out kids. Why would I want to loose half my income that I worked hard for. What if I have expensive hobbies.

If people making 150k a year wanted to eat ramen and drive a geo they would not have done what it took to make 150k a year.

If it were me I would have been hiring a sex worker (or an affair if I was suave enough) and squirling tons of money away, then went for the divorce and if the courts screwed me I would leave the nation. I would have perhaps started taking work in the host nation so that I could slowly work my way to another passport so that even if the US canceled my passport I could still get the heck out.

Financial stability buys the sex workers when all else fails.

Then you value the money and your own hobbies above what God says.

 

[pittsflyer]

God never said go forth and let yourself be fleeced by a den of thieves. If people were hostile he left the area.

Then you value the money and your own hobbies above what God says.

 

[blackribbon]

God never said go forth and let yourself be fleeced by a den of thieves. If people were hostile he left the area.

Were they after his money? He left the area because they were after his money?

 

[Stealth001]

One must be able to survive, move on, and be happy. Divorce can leave a man in near destitution. The courts have turned marriage into a high stakes gamble wherein the man stands to loose the most in the vast majority of cases, even cases wherein the woman is the reason for the divorce. This is because most states are "no fault" states that do not establish fault. They simply divide all assets and entitle the wife to a percentage of his income and retirement as it relates to spousal support and child support. This is why so many men don't want to get married.

Civil marriage offers a man no real security.

Those men who are in unhappy and/or sexless marriages have no real choice but to commit to a life of institutionalized celibacy, seeing their wife as a merely a room mate, or have an affair. It's sad, but true. Ideally our love for God should keep our marriages alive and happy. But being human, this isn't always so. And ideally if it is so, a man should be able to live celibate in the marriage if only for God. But the spirit is willing and the flesh is week. It is not good that a man be alone. Most men will instinctively seek a discrete physical relationship on the side if given enough time without physical intimacy from his wife.

It's all sad but true.

 

[Messy]

God never said go forth and let yourself be fleeced by a den of thieves. If people were hostile he left the area.

Can't remember the part where He said you should hire a sex worker. He just let Judas steal their money, He knew it and He paid the tax with a coin of a fish.

 

[pittsflyer]

No, he left the area where he drove a demon into a herd of pigs. The leaders were not happy about it and ran him off. But why would anyone stay somewhere where people looked at them with contempt?

Were they after his money? He left the area because they were after his money?

 

[pittsflyer]

Nope he didn't and honestly that is not a good option but guys do it when they are desperate.

Can't remember the part where He said you should hire a sex worker. He just let Judas steal their money, He knew it and He paid the tax with a coin of a fish.

 

[dysert]

He is wealthy. Wealthy enough that dividing it in half would still leave him wealthy...just the numbers wouldn't be as great. However, he hasn't hired a sex worker but rather is having an affair. I am fairly sure if she found out, he would lose more than if he just divorced. I don't know how much of the money comes from her family (wealthy and an inheritance) and how much was earned by him or came from his family (as an inheritance).

Is financial stability really more important than happiness for most people?

For many people, they feel that happiness is unattainable. So the default position is to acquire money. That at least provides some amount of freedom.