- Aug 31, 2020
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Greetings all.If real face2face dating fails,is it good for a christian to try online dating or it's unsafe?
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CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
Advice
- Thread starter micahlenge
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com7fy8
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I suspect dating of any sort can isolate two people so they are not getting what really can help them. While sharing with someone of interest, I now understand perhaps from experience, we need to be with others who are mature people who can help us grow in Jesus so we get into better and more sound loving and relating with someone we have for special companionship.
I know someone who has possibly been a serial divorcer. The person's character possibly did not change; so the person's own ways continued so the person kept getting into wrong relationships, using wrong ways to get someone, while keeping on trusting the same people to help with choosing who to marry; and they kept fooling themselves with each other about the person's choices . . . instead of making sure with God.
So, a real issue is a person's own character. Only God can change us so we perceive ourselves and others honestly and make right choices about who we have for companionship.
I see how people can have certain demands and expectations, then focus themselves and their activities on making it happen, and finding whom they suppose will help them. But they are not doing well in first being submissive to God in His peace with His personal guiding; and so they misguide and fool themselves, including how any of us can make the Bible and how we see things fit with what we want and support what we dictate.
We need to first go online in prayer with God, and communicate with Him, then
and download the "guided by God in His peace" app.
"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)
And then we can do things in Jesus Christ's "rest for your souls" (in Matthew 11:28-30) . . . so that we aren't being driven by boredom and loneliness and demands for things we want in our lives. Jesus does say, "He who loves his life will lose it," in John 12:25; people ruin themselves and their own lives, in how they push for what they want in relationships. I have seen how self-driven ones can get themselves wasted in workaholic stuff and arguing and complaining and bitterness and hurts, and tangling and mangling themselves in their relating and tug-of-wars using barbed wire to pull back and forth with ones they are trying to use. And then blame the other, of course.
God's word says, among other scriptures for how to relate in love >
"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)
"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)
Dating and being married do not have different rules about how to relate.
I know someone who has possibly been a serial divorcer. The person's character possibly did not change; so the person's own ways continued so the person kept getting into wrong relationships, using wrong ways to get someone, while keeping on trusting the same people to help with choosing who to marry; and they kept fooling themselves with each other about the person's choices . . . instead of making sure with God.
So, a real issue is a person's own character. Only God can change us so we perceive ourselves and others honestly and make right choices about who we have for companionship.
I see how people can have certain demands and expectations, then focus themselves and their activities on making it happen, and finding whom they suppose will help them. But they are not doing well in first being submissive to God in His peace with His personal guiding; and so they misguide and fool themselves, including how any of us can make the Bible and how we see things fit with what we want and support what we dictate.
We need to first go online in prayer with God, and communicate with Him, then
and download the "guided by God in His peace" app."And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)
And then we can do things in Jesus Christ's "rest for your souls" (in Matthew 11:28-30) . . . so that we aren't being driven by boredom and loneliness and demands for things we want in our lives. Jesus does say, "He who loves his life will lose it," in John 12:25; people ruin themselves and their own lives, in how they push for what they want in relationships. I have seen how self-driven ones can get themselves wasted in workaholic stuff and arguing and complaining and bitterness and hurts, and tangling and mangling themselves in their relating and tug-of-wars using barbed wire to pull back and forth with ones they are trying to use. And then blame the other, of course.
God's word says, among other scriptures for how to relate in love >
"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)
"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)
Dating and being married do not have different rules about how to relate.
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Albion
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From friends who have gone that route, I would say there is nothing inherently wrong with giving it a try. And there indeed are people who found their special someone online.
However also, there are many, many hucksters and losers on those websites, so if you do it, be extraordinarily careful and don't take anything for granted. It's a shame that the good people have to be viewed through that lens also, but you must be careful.
However also, there are many, many hucksters and losers on those websites, so if you do it, be extraordinarily careful and don't take anything for granted. It's a shame that the good people have to be viewed through that lens also, but you must be careful.
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micah,
There are numerous factors which may necessitate joining a website and creating a profile to express your interest in finding a companion. Its no different from joining a forum or community to connect with likeminded persons. Both are virtual and require discernment.
It’s helpful to have mature believers in your corner with healthy marriages and others who understand online dating. Many people in the church met their spouse through traditional methods. They’re unaccustomed to the nuances of the digital space.
If you opt to go that route here’s a few pointers.
Finally, be patient. We live in different times from our parents. It isn’t odd for Christians to reach their thirties without a partner. Immediacy isn’t the norm. Don’t wallow or feed your loneliness. Its a sinkhole that’s hard to leave.
Don’t forget local connections. Build a support network and ask them to pray on your behalf. You’ll need them later on.
Good luck. May the Lord provide you with a wife of excellent character and grace.
Yours in His Service,
~Bella
There are numerous factors which may necessitate joining a website and creating a profile to express your interest in finding a companion. Its no different from joining a forum or community to connect with likeminded persons. Both are virtual and require discernment.
It’s helpful to have mature believers in your corner with healthy marriages and others who understand online dating. Many people in the church met their spouse through traditional methods. They’re unaccustomed to the nuances of the digital space.
If you opt to go that route here’s a few pointers.
- Take a decent picture. A head and full shot will suffice. Outside is best. If you don’t have anyone who can help use a timer.
- Write out your profile in a document and spell check it. Read it aloud. Avoid text speak. Complete sentences make a difference.
- Stay positive. Avoid rants and divisive subjects like politics. You have plenty of time to share your opinion when you’ve found a viable prospect.
- Politeness rules. Don’t be disheartened if replies aren’t plentiful.
- Get personal. Read their profile and mention common denominators in your message.
- Be realistic about distance. If you need someone local limit your search to that vicinity.
- Be openminded. Physical attraction matters but look for other qualities of equal measure.
Finally, be patient. We live in different times from our parents. It isn’t odd for Christians to reach their thirties without a partner. Immediacy isn’t the norm. Don’t wallow or feed your loneliness. Its a sinkhole that’s hard to leave.
Don’t forget local connections. Build a support network and ask them to pray on your behalf. You’ll need them later on.
Good luck. May the Lord provide you with a wife of excellent character and grace.
Yours in His Service,
~Bella
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I met my wonderful Christian husband on a dating site, and we've been married a little over six years. Heed the advice of LaBella, and you should be fine. The only thing I would add is not to give any personal contact information in your profile. Just do all your communicating through your mailbox on the website.
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I don't see anything wrong with it but ensure you get to know as much about the person as you can before meeting up for lunch. Be patient, don't rush, guard your heart but keep an open mind, you never know what God has in store for you. A former colleague met her husband online, they have a set triplets, and their marriage as much as I know, is fine.
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