Advice

[PearlyLew]

I'm new here. So, firstly Hello! Hope you all are having a blessed day.

I met a man last august. We were very compatible, got a long amazingly. I had a dream (God usually talks to me through dreams) about this man. We stopped talking late September (part of the dream). Early December he came back, which again was part of the dream. After a month of talking again, we started dating. (We're in a long distance relationship)

I had three dreams about him since the last one.

Second dream: we were at a mall. He gets a phone call...says nothing when I ask what's wrong, but grabs my hand. We walk out and his family is there waiting for him. Before he walks to them he looks at me, again no words. And I tell him to go to them.

Third dream: I'm walking around church serving, checking everything is ok. As I am walking out, someone I now says hi to me, I go in to shake her hand, she grabs my left hand and says "what is this" I had no clue...I look at my hand and it's an engagement ring. Later, I notice the boyfriend coming all smiles. It was him I was engaged to.

Fourth dream: is him proposing...same ring.


Lately, problems have happened. We have only been dating a little over 3 months. He started a new job 2 weeks ago. He works all day, gets home tired and falls asleep. Or at least that's what he's telling me. I get maybe a text daily, phone calls have become less frequent. He has recognized he became distant before the job. I asked why he did, his response is "he's been stressed" and that it's a big change for him. I have been naggy, because I want his attention and want to know if something else or someone else is distancing him from me. I've gotten the my phone died and I fell asleep three times now. He says he loves me and that he will try harder, but nothing has changed. He makes time for other things but not me.

I'm confused by the dreams and his actions. I'm praying to God for his guidance. But I'm one of those who loves to try to "help God"

Maybe the second dream is the season we're going through. The silence and sadness. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't pursue me, but I also don't want to walk away if God doesn't want me to.

Any advice would be so greatly appreciated.

I pray you all have a blessed week!

 

[ripple the car]

Sometimes God can and does use dreams to talk to, warn, or correct us. But in my experience, simply and earnestly praying "Father, not my will but Yours be done" and then asking for the as-needed grace to continue meaning it works much better than trying to interpret dreams.

I also have a tendency to try and "help" what I'm hoping / assuming God's will to be along. It never gets me any place good. Just stuck and frustrated and more and more impatient. Just cool your jets. Wait. I know this must be maddening and disorienting, but waiting on God to bring this man around (or not) will be less stressful than trying to cling to or make a call on a huge life decision.

 

[PearlyLew]

Sometimes God can and does use dreams to talk to, warn, or correct us. But in my experience, simply and earnestly praying "Father, not my will but Yours be done" and then asking for the as-needed grace to continue meaning it works much better than trying to interpret dreams.

I also have a tendency to try and "help" what I'm hoping / assuming God's will to be along. It never gets me any place good. Just stuck and frustrated and more and more impatient. Just cool your jets. Wait. I know this must be maddening and disorienting, but waiting on God to bring this man around (or not) will be less stressful than trying to cling to or make a call on a huge life decision.

When I start dating or talking to a man I ask for guidance from God....and surely a dream comes along, warning me. 5 different men, God telling, nope not the one through dreams. So, these dreams I take to heart. I know not all dreams are from God. But the 3rd and 4th are the same. That's what has me. I had the same dream about another guy I was talking to...that we were getting married and I said I'm not ready....and he'd be like ok. I was in a wedding dress ready and all....had maybe three of those dreams. And that obviously and thankfully didn't workout.

But also you're so right. I am praying, and now trying my best to wait on God for whatever he decides is best for me, no matter what, even if it hurts. But I'll have hope for the best, until I have no other choice than not to.

 

[paul1149]

If the dreams are of God He has given you a road map to cling to, so you don't need to be overwhelmed by present circumstances. God very frequently gives us a sign, and then we are tested by it. Consider Joseph in this regard.

The man might have to resolve some family issues. Give him time and space to work out things on his end.

IAC, the right way to respond is to place faith in God and let Him work it out. Nagging is going to make things worse. Let God establish the relationship. If God's not in it, you shouldn't want it. But I would think this is a powerful confirmation. Test it, and if it proves good hold onto it.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

1Co 13:4-7 AMP+ Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. (5) It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. (6) It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. (7) Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. (note that some formatting was lost in the copy process)

love is a commitment; a decision - it is accompanied by feelings, but love is more than feelings. God is love, so real love is like God - forgiving, merciful, steadfast, faithful - and yet, unyielding to evil. God is focused on the good of those He loves, not on Himself - true love is the same way; focused on the good of the one loved, not self.

the world's definition of love is basically, 'i love you for what you do for me; and when you stop doing it, i won't love you any more.'

dreams can be an encouragement, but aren't reliable for perceiving God's leading; only two witnesses count - the witness of the Holy Spirit (which always brings peace), and the revealed written word - in this case, 1Cor 13:4-7 would likely apply .

 

[PearlyLew]

If the dreams are of God He has given you a road map to cling to, so you don't need to be overwhelmed by present circumstances. God very frequently gives us a sign, and then we are tested by it. Consider Joseph in this regard.

The man might have to resolve some family issues. Give him time and space to work out things on his end.

IAC, the right way to respond is to place faith in God and let Him work it out. Nagging is going to make things worse. Let God establish the relationship. If God's not in it, you shouldn't want it. But I would think this is a powerful confirmation. Test it, and if it proves good hold onto it.

This! Thank you. I decided today to place it, finally, in God's hands without me trying to help him. No more nagging, I caught myself. In due time, praying his answers come soon.

Again, thank you for taking your time to reply. It's been rough on me, and words of encouragement help so much.

 

[PearlyLew]

1Co 13:4-7 AMP+ Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. (5) It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. (6) It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. (7) Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. (note that some formatting was lost in the copy process)

love is a commitment; a decision - it is accompanied by feelings, but love is more than feelings. God is love, so real love is like God - forgiving, merciful, steadfast, faithful - and yet, unyielding to evil. God is focused on the good of those He loves, not on Himself - true love is the same way; focused on the good of the one loved, not self.

the world's definition of love is basically, 'i love you for what you do for me; and when you stop doing it, i won't love you any more.'

dreams can be an encouragement, but aren't reliable for perceiving God's leading; only two witnesses count - the witness of the Holy Spirit (which always brings peace), and the revealed written word - in this case, 1Cor 13:4-7 would likely apply .

Thank you for your advice. Very much appreciated. I do love him, not for what he does for me....goes beyond that for me now.

 

[PearlyLew]

It's so nice to know there are still great people who will listen.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

First thing I learnt to do when doing long distance dating is to do a thorough background check on the person.

 

[PearlyLew]

First thing I learnt to do when doing long distance dating is to do a thorough background check on the person.

I see. A little late for me. What exactly do you mean by that?

 

[Greg J.]

I see. A little late for me. What exactly do you mean by that?

Presumably she is assuming you have never met him face-to-face.

I'm new here. So, firstly Hello! Hope you all are having a blessed day.

I met a man last august. We were very compatible, got a long amazingly. I had a dream (God usually talks to me through dreams) about this man. We stopped talking late September (part of the dream). Early December he came back, which again was part of the dream. After a month of talking again, we started dating. (We're in a long distance relationship)

I had three dreams about him since the last one.

Second dream: we were at a mall. He gets a phone call...says nothing when I ask what's wrong, but grabs my hand. We walk out and his family is there waiting for him. Before he walks to them he looks at me, again no words. And I tell him to go to them.

Third dream: I'm walking around church serving, checking everything is ok. As I am walking out, someone I now says hi to me, I go in to shake her hand, she grabs my left hand and says "what is this" I had no clue...I look at my hand and it's an engagement ring. Later, I notice the boyfriend coming all smiles. It was him I was engaged to.

Fourth dream: is him proposing...same ring.


Lately, problems have happened. We have only been dating a little over 3 months. He started a new job 2 weeks ago. He works all day, gets home tired and falls asleep. Or at least that's what he's telling me. I get maybe a text daily, phone calls have become less frequent. He has recognized he became distant before the job. I asked why he did, his response is "he's been stressed" and that it's a big change for him. I have been naggy, because I want his attention and want to know if something else or someone else is distancing him from me. I've gotten the my phone died and I fell asleep three times now. He says he loves me and that he will try harder, but nothing has changed. He makes time for other things but not me.

I'm confused by the dreams and his actions. I'm praying to God for his guidance. But I'm one of those who loves to try to "help God"

Maybe the second dream is the season we're going through. The silence and sadness. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't pursue me, but I also don't want to walk away if God doesn't want me to.

Any advice would be so greatly appreciated.

I pray you all have a blessed week!

Was there anything about these dreams that made them seem like they were from a supernatural source? If they were, you need someone to interpret them by the Holy Spirit. It's like the Holy Spirit inspiring someone to speak in a tongue at church. Your dream has been spoken, now who is hearing from the Holy Spirit with the interpretation?

Psychologically, it just sounds like you are nervous about your relationship.

Some of what you say sounds like you are getting a taste of married life after a few years with this man. Males grow more distant when other things are more comfortable to them than connecting with their girlfriend/wife. That fact that you say, "Or at least that's what he's telling me" implies to me that you don't know him well enough to consider marrying him yet. It is wise to have a peace and joyful stillness from the Holy Spirit (through much prayer over as long a period as you can stand ["is marrying this man from you Lord?]) before you say "yes" to marry someone who is going to change into who-knows-what in the coming decades. We don't know the future, but God does, and he will help his faithful with a decision that is going to impact all the rest of our lives.

 

[PearlyLew]

Presumably she is assuming you have never met him face-to-face.

Was there anything about these dreams that made them seem like they were from a supernatural source? If they were, you need someone to interpret them by the Holy Spirit. It's like the Holy Spirit inspiring someone to speak in a tongue at church. Your dream has been spoken, now who is hearing from the Holy Spirit with the interpretation?

Psychologically, it just sounds like you are nervous about your relationship.

Some of what you say sounds like you are getting a taste of married life after a few years with this man. Males grow more distant when other things are more comfortable to them than connecting with their girlfriend/wife. That fact that you say, "Or at least that's what he's telling me" implies to me that you don't know him well enough to consider marrying him yet. It is wise to have a peace and joyful stillness from the Holy Spirit (through much prayer over as long a period as you can stand ["is marrying this man from you Lord?]) before you say "yes" to marry someone who is going to change into who-knows-what in the coming decades. We don't know the future, but God does, and he will help his faithful with a decision that is going to impact all the rest of our lives.

They didn't have anything supernatural in them. They were pretty straight forward.

I've know him for a little over 8 months and have dated a little over 3 months. So, it worries me that the lovey dovey phase stopped so quickly.

Like I said his new job takes up most of his day. I won't marry him unless God confirms it. I'd rather have a season of pain than a lifetime. I have put this relationship in God's hands since day one, and continue to, but now I'm taking a seat and letting God do what he needs to. I'm asking for his guidance, praying.

I know the enemy fights to destroy what is of God, but will never win. If this is from God, the enemy is fighting to destroy it, but I'm fighting right back. What is mine can't be taken from me. But if it's not, than God has something better planned for me.

It's the waiting that hurts so much. When I love, I give everything. I've prayed for whoever my husband would be for 13 years now. So, I've grown impatient. But still holding on.

Thank you for your reply!

 

[Greg J.]

but I'm fighting right back

Two thumbs up.

It's the waiting that hurts so much. When I love, I give everything. I've prayed for whoever my husband would be for 13 years now. So, I've grown impatient. But still holding on.

I am very familiar with this, but now the Lord has worked on me so much that thankfully I'm quite a bit less impatient. It sounds like you are going to need a husband who gives all of himself to you, or at least appreciates what it means that you give all yourself to him (not sure that is possible if he isn't the same way).

 

[PearlyLew]

Two thumbs up.

I am very familiar with this, but now the Lord has worked on me so much that thankfully I'm quite a bit less impatient. It sounds like you are going to need a husband who gives all of himself to you, or at least appreciates what it means that you give all yourself to him (not sure that is possible if he isn't the same way).

I'm learning. Yeah....Not so much fun. I hope I didn't sound needy. I don't need all of his time, but I want someone to match my effort and passion.