Advice

[Big Casino]

Il explain a bit about myself before i explain my situation. Im 22 male and Scottish. Im not a Christian. I was christened when i was younger and my mother and my late grandmother were both very religious. Devoted christians. Ive just never had that faith in me. I dont believe in anything. Ive never gave much thought to why im alive. I dont consider myself an athiest. I dont consider myself anything.
My mother has recently been diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. Its spread throughout her whole body. Im going to the bank 2moro to take out a loan to pay for her funeral. Shes the only person i have in this world. Theres no one else. A father who ive seen maybe 5 times in 7 years. A greedy family who values paper money over theyre blood relatives. So when shes gone i just feel like i have nothing at all. I envy people with Faith i really really do and im so glad she has it. I hope it makes things easier for her knowing shel go to heaven and see all the friends and family wev lost.

But im being selfish here because i cant stop thinking about myself. What do i do when shes gone? What do i have left? I never thought id ever join a christian forum to ask for advice but i just feel completely lost. I just want to hear what you people have to say or think about this.

thanks..

 

[[serious]]

Il explain a bit about myself before i explain my situation. Im 22 male and Scottish. Im not a Christian. I was christened when i was younger and my mother and my late grandmother were both very religious. Devoted christians. Ive just never had that faith in me. I dont believe in anything. Ive never gave much thought to why im alive. I dont consider myself an athiest. I dont consider myself anything.
My mother has recently been diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. Its spread throughout her whole body. Im going to the bank 2moro to take out a loan to pay for her funeral. Shes the only person i have in this world. Theres no one else. A father who ive seen maybe 5 times in 7 years. A greedy family who values paper money over theyre blood relatives. So when shes gone i just feel like i have nothing at all. I envy people with Faith i really really do and im so glad she has it. I hope it makes things easier for her knowing shel go to heaven and see all the friends and family wev lost.

But im being selfish here because i cant stop thinking about myself. What do i do when shes gone? What do i have left? I never thought id ever join a christian forum to ask for advice but i just feel completely lost. I just want to hear what you people have to say or think about this.

thanks..

First off, sorry for your loss.

One of the big things that churches and religion provide is a social support network. This can be especially important for people like you who are not fortunate enough to be born into a family that can provide them with that support. There is nothing that is really going to fill that void left by the death of a parent, but that parent-child relationship is not the only type of relationship you can get that support from.

One thing you can try is going and visiting various churches and seeing if you fit well with that community. There are lots of options. mainline protestant evangelical churches may end up rather focused on converting you rather than letting you find your own way. If you have a bad experience with a church like that, don't let it turn you off of all churches. Others, like Quaker and Unitarian, will be rather unconcerned with your religion (or lack there of) at the moment as they focus more on community and each finding their own way as God leads them.

Take some time and visit various churches in your community. It's amazing how many there are out there. Within walking distance of my house there are half a dozen different churches (not all mainline christian). Find 10-20 churches in your area and ask them when their coffee hour/fellowship time is and just spend while talking with people at various churches and see if it works for you.

 

[Catherineanne]

But im being selfish here because i cant stop thinking about myself. What do i do when shes gone? What do i have left? I never thought id ever join a christian forum to ask for advice but i just feel completely lost. I just want to hear what you people have to say or think about this.

thanks..

I am really sorry for your situation, BC. I am glad your mother has faith, and that this will make life easier for her during these difficult times, but I am sure she will be concerned for you as well.

I worry about my own daughter if anything were to happen to me; she would be in a similar situation to you. I am not sure what the answer is; if she were a believer I would suggest going to church and making friends there. In fact, maybe that is still the answer.

Many people want to ignore death and pretend that it is never going to happen, and that can make it difficult in a situation like yours; you might find that people avoid talking about it, or try to change the subject. The advantage of going to find a minister or priest is that they do encounter death; they speak to bereaved people every week, and they will know how to help you, even before you lose your mother.

We can do so much here, but there is really nothing like finding a minister who you can trust, and talking to him, to see whether you can find a new church family to become part of. Faith can come in its own time; for now you need friends around you. I think that is what I would suggest.

Once again, I am sorry, BC. I am truly sorry. God be with you.

 

[suzybeezy]

One thing that struck me is that you still have your mother with you - it goes without saying that you really need to cherish this time. Don't let your mind be filled with worry about when she's gone, cause you'll miss all this time while she's here. While it can be important to prepare your heart when you know a tragedy is coming, a loss like this will be impossible to truly prepare for, as nothing compares to the love between a child and their mom. Understand know that you will feel a profound loss and its only natural. You'll have to go through the grieving process. But that process can be much easier when its one that isn't filled with regret, knowing that you made the most of the time you had, and have a wonderful loving relationship with alot of memories that can comfort your grieving heart.

I was also struck by the comfort that you feel, knowing your mom has faith and that she is comforted knowing that her passing from this life is not the end. People of faith understand that our worldly death doesn't mean finality, its just a moving from this world to the next, with our heavenly father.

Lastly, you reached out to a Christian forum for advice. It may have been even just a small voice in your head that led you to do that, but my friend, that voice was the Lord. He's helping to guide you whether you realize it or not. He's let you know your mom is not afraid to come home to Him, and you seem to take solace in that, so somewhere within you, you have the seed of faith.

I have tears in my eyes as I write this, I feel very strongly that you should take this time you have with your mom to talk to her about her faith, allow her last days to be to help water that seed of faith within you. As a mom myself, I can't even explain what a comfort that will bring to her, knowing that her child won't be lost in this world, but has chosen to learn more about the faith that she has loved in her life. And I am positive the Lord will meet you there.

I will be praying for you.

 

[bling]

What I have seen to help others in the past with their faith has been to find an Alpha Group. They are meeting all over the world among most Christian denominations and non denominational churches.
http://alphausa.org/Groups/1000065342/Alt_Home_page.aspx

 

[Catherineanne]

What I have seen to help others in the past with their faith has been to find an Alpha Group. They are meeting all over the world among most Christian denominations and non denominational churches.
[URL]http://alphausa.org/Groups/1000065342/Alt_Home_page.aspx[/URL]

I do not think Alpha is quite the answer on this one. Something a shade more private and personal would be in order, I think.

And fwiw, I think it highly unlikely that you would find an Alpha course in an Anglo Catholic church, or indeed in many mainstream apostolics. I doubt if the Orthodox churches include them, and I am not really sure all that many mainstream Roman Catholic Churches would be too interested either, so you may be overclaiming on this one.

These are more left of centre courses, rather than centrist.

 

[bling]

I do not think Alpha is quite the answer on this one. Something a shade more private and personal would be in order, I think.

And fwiw, I think it highly unlikely that you would find an Alpha course in an Anglo Catholic church, or indeed in many mainstream apostolics. I doubt if the Orthodox churches include them, and I am not really sure all that many mainstream Roman Catholic Churches would be too interested either, so you may be overclaiming on this one.

These are more left of centre courses, rather than centrist.

In the USA there is a section for Catholics, I do not know about other countries.

 

[paul1149]

BC,

I'm sorry for what looks to be your upcoming loss. Can you identify any reason why you haven't given thought to fundamental concepts such as the purpose of life? I think if you pursue that, you will find what can fill any gaps life deals you, and give you the sense of connectedness we all need (and were created for).