Advice?

[36 degrees]

Not sure where to start.
My oldest best friend,old schoolmate,first love,I have loved for 20 years
is divorcing.
I like her husband,but I was almost celebrating the news,that was,till she anounced she will marry again,not me ,a man 13 years younger.
Now on top of my guilt of loving her whilst married, I feel angry,humiliated and murderous,I fight with her every time we speak,stress her and judge her,instead of offering support and help .

I also have feelings for her friend,married woman too.

Tell me,why and how did I get to this mess,and how do I get out?

All I want is a wife to love,and children,but I feel so dirty and rotten,
not sure I am capable of love.

I feel so manipulative pointing to her scriptures about adultery,telling her she is subjecting her ex and new husband into this position,whilst i would marry her
and wanted her for so long.

What would you do in my position?

 

[Mr. QWERTY]

See a therapist. Seriously.

I do not want to read too much into a brief internet posting, but it sounds like you tend to be attracted to unapproachable people (married women) for excessively long periods of time.

You are also engaging in behaviour that you yourself find ethically iffy.

See a therapist.

 

[Cerberus~]

First, quit being a hypocrite. Second, quit bashing her over the head with a Bible everytime you talk. Personally, I'm amazed she still talks to you at all.

And I agree with the therapist idea. You could also try singles bars and such, socialize with women that are available.

 

[Phred]

Just for some perspective...

One of my good friends is divorcing. After 17 years of marriage and children his wife has decided that her best interests lie with her cousin (ew) and she's divorcing him to go live with this guy and wants to take the kids with her. She visits the guy regularly (they live a couple of hours apart) by herself for entire weekends and has taken the kids with her a couple of times. They report seeing their mom and this guy holding hands "all the time" and that they sleep together on the same air mattress.

YOU could be this other guy. I don't care how much you love this woman, how could you justify enabling this sort of conduct? Imagine how much it would hurt you?

The earlier post is right... see a therapist. Your local community college might be able to hook you up with one for a minimal cost... Get your head on straight and you'll have no problem finding a woman to share your life with... one who is free to do so.

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[36 degrees]

I did not make it clear,I had many girlfriends over the years,she never not once gave me any hope.Talking to her friend made me realise all this,I was in denyal...
I don't really judge her ,just don't want her to marry 22 year old boy.