Just a bit of background...I was an overweight kid growing up, but I was never actually teased, I guess I got lucky to be surrounded by people who liked me. The summer before 8th grade I started "dieting" and lost around 40 pounds. Since then (almost four years) I've gone from starving, to binging, to purging. I thought my behaviours stopped in 9th grade, but they crept back slowly, and now I am purging almost daily. I'm a normal weight, so it isn't noticeable really.
I came to Christ last December, and he has changed my life so much in such a short time that I cannot even describe it. However, my purging habits have only gotten worse. I know that he can heal all things, all of the hurt we have in our hearts...but how can I be delivered of this if I am not willing? I want to be rid of this, but at the same time, life without this disorder frightens me. What is worse - no one knows about it. My family has never noticed anything, in fact when I lost that first large amount of weight they would joke about me being anorexic. I love them, and I know they care for me, but I cannot let them know the truth.
I meet with my pastor every week, and I want to tell him or someone, but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know what to do. I can't even be honest with God about how much I hate myself, how much I hate this. The only thing I can think of is to lose as much as possible so someone will intervene, because I can't say it myself.
This disorder is just so frustrating because it demands so much attention that I know should be, and that I want to be, for God. Whenever I have a particularly bad day I don't even want to pray, because I don't want to deal with this. I always feel so unworthy of God even though I know at the same time that he loves me so much that he died for me - that's how much we mean to him.
So I guess all I'm asking is how anyone here was able to tell someone...or if anyone is in the same boat. Thanks in advance.
I came to Christ last December, and he has changed my life so much in such a short time that I cannot even describe it. However, my purging habits have only gotten worse. I know that he can heal all things, all of the hurt we have in our hearts...but how can I be delivered of this if I am not willing? I want to be rid of this, but at the same time, life without this disorder frightens me. What is worse - no one knows about it. My family has never noticed anything, in fact when I lost that first large amount of weight they would joke about me being anorexic. I love them, and I know they care for me, but I cannot let them know the truth.
I meet with my pastor every week, and I want to tell him or someone, but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know what to do. I can't even be honest with God about how much I hate myself, how much I hate this. The only thing I can think of is to lose as much as possible so someone will intervene, because I can't say it myself.
This disorder is just so frustrating because it demands so much attention that I know should be, and that I want to be, for God. Whenever I have a particularly bad day I don't even want to pray, because I don't want to deal with this. I always feel so unworthy of God even though I know at the same time that he loves me so much that he died for me - that's how much we mean to him.
So I guess all I'm asking is how anyone here was able to tell someone...or if anyone is in the same boat. Thanks in advance.
