advice/reassurance needed please

[purple85]

hi there. ok...to give a brief overview of the situation i'm in..basically, i got into a relationship with a guy (4 months ago) because i believe i heard God told me that 'he is the one you will marry'...if i hadn't have heard God tell me clearly i wouldnt have persued anything at all...the relationship started off well, and i gave my all, i let myself fall in love...but then things started to get confusing...he started picking on negative things in me, for example the fact that i am quite shy...and basically it took a while and numerous confusing times, but hes now decided its best for it to be just friends..which to be honest is a bit of a relief for me, although hard emotionally

the point is, his previous girlfriend was actually his fiancee, he had been with her for quite some time and she broke it off in the end...of course he was most likely and probably still is broken hearted from this situation...

thinking about it now i think that he wasnt really thinking very clearly about how to go about another relationship...and in a way i think i became a replacement for what he'd lost...a rebound relationship..

anyhow...basically now i have a few questions to ask ya'll..i really do believe God did speak to me, but obviously this situation has caused a few doubts to form in me and so im going to seek God for more guidance and clear confirmation. im obviously not going to get involved in any relationships in the meantime, but im also not going to try to focus on him too much incase it all was a mistake.

but as for questions...can it be possible that because of his previous relationship he isnt able to see me in the clear way he shud...is he comparing me to her and therefore not loving me for who i really am... if he is released from this, and after a few years with God will he be able to truelly see me for who i am and hence fall in love with me in the way that i was fallin in love with him... it is a bit hard for me to see him just as a friend now because of lettin myself grow attached to his person/character and lovin him...but im gonna try and just grow myself into thinking that nothing happened and that we are just normal friends.... do u have any advice for me in how i can make this situation easier or what i shud do? should i speak to him more or less? shud i just leave him alone and ignore him, or be more friendly?

hope this makes some sense to someone out there!

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Just be his friend and let everything just happen. Keep your constant focus on God - pray and study your Bible every day. Since I'm not you, I can't say whether God really told you who you married when you were 19. But I can tell you that since neither of us are God, neither of us can really understand why he does what he does Stay faithful to God, and fall totally in love with him. Become totally content with what he's given you, and let him take care of the rest.

 

[tyberium]

Stay faithful to God, and fall totally in love with him. Become totally content with what he's given you, and let him take care of the rest.

Only thing I would change to make it more clear would be him=Him and he's=He's, but Pope Gonzo took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[stephzilla]

I understand what you're saying and all with the being compared to a previous relationship... but I'm sure that you guys broke up for a reason and because we're not God we don't have to know the reason. Stuff just happens and it's hard. If I were you I would probably just be friends with him when he calls but I wouldn't be overly friendly. It will be easier on you emotionally if you back away and focus on other things such as the Lord who created you and other friends and school (assuming you're in school). This way it'll take your mind off him and put it on other things. If you heard right and God does want you two together then you will be together in HIS time.. not in your time. See what I mean??? Hope that helps ya.

 

[bliz]

Back off on being an active friend for awhile. Smile and say hello when you run into him, but for awhile, don't force the issue. It will be much easier to really be a friend once there has been some time apart. Our emotions don't shift gears as quickly as we might like. It's quit a trip to go from having a special relationship with someone to being friends. Give yourself time to make the transition and to recover.

It could be that after some time apart, he will see you in a new light. It could be that he will simply move on. It does sound like he was having a hard time loving you for her you are. That's not a very positive thing about him.

I do not know if you heard God's voice tell you this is the guy you were going to marry or not. I do know, that when we have not had a great deal of experience in hearing and recognizing God's voice (a literal voice, or by other means) we can easily confuse our own wishes or thoughts with God's voice. I know, becasue I've done it.
Give yourself some time to sort it all out.

Peace be with you.

 

[mathias1979]

can it be possible that because of his previous relationship he isnt able to see me in the clear way he shud...is he comparing me to her and therefore not loving me for who i really am... if he is released from this, and after a few years with God will he be able to truelly see me for who i am and hence fall in love with me in the way that i was fallin in love with him

Answer: Yes. I did the exact thing to a girl. I really thought that my previous relationship had been perfect, the only reason it didn't work out is because it became long distance. So when I started dating the new girl, I was frequently distracted because I didn't feel as strongly towards her as I did with my last girlfriend. This lead to some problems. But we eventually were able to work through them...I was able to get over my previous relationship and really began to focus on the new relationship without feeling the need to compare it to any other relationship. And now we are getting married this Saturday. So yes, it's possible.

But in this case, I think you need to just step back. Don't be so 100% certain that you know what God's will is. We, as humans, can often misinterpret God's will...even when we feel so convinced that we know what it is. Maybe God did want you to enter into a relationship with him, but perhaps God never intended that he was the one you were to marry. Just continue to pray, and be open minded to God's will. It's best never to assume you know God's will with 100% certainty...I've done this on a few occasions and it really leads to nothing but stress and confusion.

-Matt

 

[Iggster]

If it was God's will, it would've worked out just fine. Pope Gonzo couldn't have said it any better. Focus on the Lord.

Don't run after him beggin' him for his time. It's weak. Total turn off. It takes two people to be in a relationship. Somehow, I think you're more into this relationship than he is. Be strong and let it go.

 

[stephzilla]

Don't run after him beggin' him for his time. It's weak. Total turn off. It takes two people to be in a relationship. Somehow, I think you're more into this relationship than he is. Be strong and let it go.

Wow.... I couldn't have said it any better. It will be difficult but keep strong and let him go. He's more likely to come back to you if you back off first.

 

[invisiblebabe]

A few years ago, I was quite certain God had told me who He would have me eventually marry. The young man in question went to a school about six hours away, and we had grown up together but had not spoken for several years.

It seemed God had "confirmed" this by many, many extremely odd circumstances, too odd to be coincidence, I thought.

Long story short? I ended up getting terribly hurt.

My conclusion? It's best not to mess with asking God who you will marry. There are too many opportunities for satan and your own imagination to get in there and help you to misinterpret things.

Of course, it IS possible, and if by some odd chance I do end up marrying the boy previously mentioned, I will take back all I said about it being unwise to do what I did.
However, if said circumstance comes true, I will also be laughing for years.

 

[Iggster]

Purple.......You know. The Lord knows. We all know you have so much to offer in a relationship. It's no rocket science.

The Lord will send someone to you who is worthy of you and doesn't take any of the things you have to offer in a relationship for granted. Trust the Lord and seek Him first. All of the other things will fall in place.

Getting hurt in a relationship is not a bad thing. No one can fault you for giving the relationship your very best. We all know you deserve a much kinder, loving, fear the Lord kind of man. Be kind to yourself and smile. The Lord wants you to be happy. Chin up. Stomach in. Chest out......YOU GO GURL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[tryin...]

do not over spiritualise it tooo... it's your decision in the end as well....

 

[purple85]

yep i am aware of that. obviously i wanna do what God wants, but i dont believe he would give me a husband i couldnt get along with! what wud be the point in that! i do really want it to work out between us, it is my desire too, altho it was probably God who gave me that desire

 

[Amanda-Soo]

I would suggest giving him some time. Maybe he rushed into a relationship with you too quickly. He probably should have waited awhile longer until he was emotionally ready. If he is truly the guy you'll marry things will work out. God will make sure of that. Don't give up, but don't force yourself on him either.