Advice on cooking for a husband who doesn't eat!

[desmalia]

I thought about posting this in the women's section. But I'd like male input too, especially if there are any guys here who are like my husband.

This has been an ongoing struggle for me since we got married two and half years ago. But lately it's gotten to a point that I just don't know what to do.

My husband is a finicky eater and doesn't like to eat very often. Once a day (very late dinner) is what he considers to be plenty. Even that is a challenge sometimes. I've managed to get him into the habit of eating lunch at work and found a few things he'll actually eat. It also helps that others are eating and he can smell their food. So that makes him want something. But when he's home, it's impossible to get him to eat lunch (and forget breakfast!). Even when I cook for myself the smell doesn't entice him.

But now, dinner is becoming a problem too. In the beginning he was very happy with basic things like roast beef and potatoes or chicken with lots of seasoning (and strangely enough, he actually does like veggies! lol)or a few dishes that he showed me from his childhood (that are not super healthy, but better than nothing). But these days even when I make those, half of the leftovers go to waste because he decides he'd just rather have toast or popcorn or whatever instead. I freeze what I can, but not everything freezes that well. We're on a budget and I'm very concerned about all the food that gets thrown out. I try to make food that I can eat too, but I'm on a restricted diet, so much of the food I make for him has to be eaten by him.

Then every now and then he magically gets really hungry (around 9 or 10pm) and wants some grand meal. I have no way of preparing for it! In fact some days I just don't cook because I don't know whether he'll be hungry and I don't want to waste more food. We've even come to a point where we made a list of recipes that he's always loved. But he rarely wants any of even those anymore.

So, basically I feel like a bad wife when it comes to cooking. When I do cook, he doesn't want it and it goes to waste. When I don't cook he is suddenly hungry and I haven't properly taken care of him. I can't win! I've talked to him about it and he knows it's a problem. But he has no idea what to do. Even the dishes that used to be "surefire" no longer do it for him.

I'm extra frustrated right now because I'm really sick, and exhausted, and just don't have the energy to fight this battle. Can anyone suggest anything that might help?

 

[Flibbertigibbet]

I'm a finicky eater as well. What works best for me is to different types of food, similar to a buffet. Then I'll eat a little bit of everything and end up having eaten a lot of food.

Example: if my kids are gone, I rarely cook. I might prepare the following for myself: cheese and crackers; leftover piece of fried chicken; chips & salsa; baked beans; ice cream sandwich. Generally not things that you would find served together at a meal. But I enjoy it.

Talk to your husband - if this is the way that he eats as well, you might do better preparing smaller servings of a lot of different things.

Good luck to you.

 

[gracepaints]

I'd make meals once a week that you can freeze by portion size. If he eats when you cook them, great. If not, throw em in the freezer and then he can thaw and cook them himself if he gets hungry at random times.

Seriously, he's a grown up. It's up to him to keep himself properly fed. You cooking for him is a nice thing you do because you love him. You are not responsible for making sure he eats.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Make him a sandwich. If he doesn't eat it put it in the fridge and take it out the next day for him. You can drive yourself crazy trying to cater to people who don't know what they want. Its best to leave them alone until they decide what they want.

 

[desmalia]

I'm a finicky eater as well. What works best for me is to different types of food, similar to a buffet. Then I'll eat a little bit of everything and end up having eaten a lot of food.

Example: if my kids are gone, I rarely cook. I might prepare the following for myself: cheese and crackers; leftover piece of fried chicken; chips & salsa; baked beans; ice cream sandwich. Generally not things that you would find served together at a meal. But I enjoy it.

Talk to your husband - if this is the way that he eats as well, you might do better preparing smaller servings of a lot of different things.

Good luck to you.

Actually, that's totally how I eat! He things I'm nuts.

I'd make meals once a week that you can freeze by portion size. If he eats when you cook them, great. If not, throw em in the freezer and then he can thaw and cook them himself if he gets hungry at random times.

Seriously, he's a grown up. It's up to him to keep himself properly fed. You cooking for him is a nice thing you do because you love him. You are not responsible for making sure he eats.

I do try to freeze what I can, but it's very hard to gauge how much should be frozen, and there are thing that he wants me to cook that don't freeze very well. So I do that when I can, but it doesn't always work.

I know he's an adult, but cooking is my responsibility as the SAHW. He works all day and then does hours of home renos when he gets home. So the cooking is supposed to be up to me. Don't get me wrong, he knows how to take care of himself and will often reheat something or cook for himself if it's late or he wants something else. It's just feeling impossible to do my job properly these days. And as a bachelor he spent many, many years cooking for himself, but eating only once a day. So I'm trying to undo a very long-term bad habit.

 

[desmalia]

Make him a sandwich. If he doesn't eat it put it in the fridge and take it out the next day for him. You can drive yourself crazy trying to cater to people who don't know what they want. Its best to leave them alone until they decide what they want.

A sandwich for dinner? No that would not fly.

 

[Autumnleaf]

A sandwich for dinner? No that would not fly.

If filet mignon will not fly what harm is there in offering a stale sandwich?

 

[gracepaints]

I know he's an adult, but cooking is my responsibility as the SAHW. He works all day and then does hours of home renos when he gets home. So the cooking is supposed to be up to me. Don't get me wrong, he knows how to take care of himself and will often reheat something or cook for himself if it's late or he wants something else. It's just feeling impossible to do my job properly these days. And as a bachelor he spent many, many years cooking for himself, but eating only once a day. So I'm trying to undo a very long-term bad habit.

It may be your responsibility to cook, but it is not your responsiblity to make him eat. You are doing your job just fine. You are his wife not his mother. It's not up to you to undo his bad habits. If you are providing food and he doesn't want to eat, that's his perogative. It's the proverbial, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." Don't sweat it. You'll just make yourself crazy.

 

[desmalia]

OK. I guess there's no answer.
I'll have another talk with him.

 

[porterross]

That's a tough one, Des. I feel for you, because I think it's important for many of us as women to be able to keep our man's appetite satisfied.

Do you enjoy cooking? Do you think that asking him to pick some recipes he'd like you to try would help? Might you guys go shopping for some cookbooks together to get him more involved in the process?

 

[desmalia]

That's a tough one, Des. I feel for you, because I think it's important for many of us as women to be able to keep our man's appetite satisfied.

Do you enjoy cooking? Do you think that asking him to pick some recipes he'd like you to try would help? Might you guys go shopping for some cookbooks together to get him more involved in the process?

Thank you.
See, I care about him and his health. I want him around for as long as possible! And I know that eating habits like his put a HUGE strain in the heart. He knows he has to change, and at times he's tried really hard. But lately, not so much.

I don't love cooking, but I don't hate it either. Baking, I like. But he doesn't care for sweets, so I just end up eating it all. Therefore, no baking! lol.

We've actually spent quite a bit of time going through recipes and even typed up a long list for reference. He's taught me a few that were always faves, but he even seems tired of those now. I like to try new recipes and put my own twist on them from time to time to. But probably only around one out of ten new creations is a hit with him.

I'm trying so hard to make everything from scratch because it's (usually) more cost effective and much healthier. But it seems the only way I can keep him eating is to stock up on lots of quick fixes like bacon, frozen perogies, fries, white bread, cheezies, etc. (And he's the one who's usually concerned about salt intake! lol) I just don't know.

 

[porterross]

I know where you're coming from. I'm going to have a similar struggle after I'm married because my hubby loves to eat and I love to cook, but he seriously needs to lose his gut. My plan is to gradually move toward a more healthy and energy enabling diet. Trying to do it all at once would not go over well and he's been eating store prepared, processed food for so long that it would shock his taste buds and system, so I know better.

Have you looked at FoodNetwork.com? They have a good range of recipes there and if you read the reviews by others, it will give you an idea how they turn out and taste. I have found that to be very effective. They also have a section on easy to prepare meals that might help.

It's tough taking care of these men, but someone has to do it. Your hubby is blessed to have you.

 

[Rebekka]

That's a very difficult situation, desmalia! I understand that you want to take care of him, especially as a SAHW. But when he doesn't want to eat, you can't force-feed him (what would that do to his liver? - thinking of those poor geese). Is he underweight? He must be malnourished even if he isn't underweight. Does he take vitamin supplements? Have you (or he) talked to his doctor? Sometimes doctor's advice is taken more seriously than the same advice coming from a spouse.

Good luck! Health is very important.

 

[desmalia]

That's a very difficult situation, desmalia! I understand that you want to take care of him, especially as a SAHW. But when he doesn't want to eat, you can't force-feed him (what would that do to his liver? - thinking of those poor geese). Is he underweight? He must be malnourished even if he isn't underweight. Does he take vitamin supplements? Have you (or he) talked to his doctor? Sometimes doctor's advice is taken more seriously than the same advice coming from a spouse.

Good luck! Health is very important.

Thanks Rebekka. It's good to see you!

I definitely don't force feed him (lol! can't imagine trying!). But I just refuse to become a nag, too. I try to tempt him with whatever foods I can think of, and sometimes he'll have something I suggest. Other times he just won't eat or he'll eat something that's really not healthy. When we first got together he was very underweight. Since I've helped him get in the habit of eating lunch at work he's actually come up to a healthy weight and even has a little bit of a tummy on him. He talks about how good supplements are, but only takes them once every few weeks (if at all). Not enough to be effective. He won't take them without food. So if he's not eating, no vitamins!

When we were dating he got sick, and one day at the doctor, asked what was wrong with his back and why his spine was sticking out so much. The doctor told him flat out that it's because he was underweight and too skinny. That hit home. But since then he really doesn't care anymore, especially because he's not underweight. Everyone in the family has been trying to get him to eat better for years. He just won't. He's a picky eater (since birth!) and rarely has an appetite. I suspect if he would finally quit smoking that would help a lot. But that's something he has to do when he's ready. I can't make him. And he may never quit.

 

[Rebekka]

Does he have an allergy? (Maybe his body instinctively protests against certain foods?)

I really hope he will change his eating habits. You're right, you cannot make him, and nagging doesn't work, either.

Smoking can take away one's appetite. I used to have a friend who didn't want to quit smoking because she wanted to stay thin.

(Two months ago I lost my favourite aunt and my mother-in-law to lung cancer which they had gotten from smoking.)

I'm praying that your husband will realise fully how unhealthy his eating habits are.

 

[desmalia]

Rebekka, I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad to cancer from smoking, too. I so hate those nasty things!!

That's a good point about allergies. Funny enough, though, I'm the one with lots of food allergies, and he has none. There are so many things I wish I could eat, but can't. And he could eat them, but doesn't! I just don't get it! lol.

 

[Rebekka]

Rebekka, I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad to cancer from smoking, too. I so hate those nasty things!!

That's a good point about allergies. Funny enough, though, I'm the one with lots of food allergies, and he has none. There are so many things I wish I could eat, but can't. And he could eat them, but doesn't! I just don't get it! lol.

Thanks. I'm sorry about your dad.

Yes, I hate smoking, too. My husband used to smoke a cigar once in a while, but today he decided to get rid of them all and to never smoke a cigar ever again.

Maybe there is something going on that you don't know about, with your husband's health. (I know someone who had weird eating habits and hardly ate anything but bananas. Turned out he had a disease which caused kalium shortage. Bananas are high on kalium.) Could you persuade him to visit a doctor?

 

[desmalia]

I've wondered that too about his health. I'll mention it. I don't know if he'd see a doctor... but maybe... My guess is the doctor will tell him he should quit smoking. lol.

 

[Zeo]

This person is very similar to me, and instead of me pulling my hair out it's my husband. (We both do the cooking in our family, but I like very few foods that are "normal." The foods I like generally come out of the ocean or other bodies of water, are raw, and are quite expensive.)

I've noticed it's been hard to get me to eat lately because all the food we can afford, I'm sick of. I get like that: I only like a few things, but I get tired of them fast. S I pretty much just eat cereal all the time. ><

I guess what helps is when we go out to a restaurant and I get something that breaks the monotony. I guess I don't have much in the way of help for you, since everyone who knows me has been bending over backwards to accommodate my hatred of normal American food and my lack of long term interest after all that time we spend poring over cookbooks to find new things I might like to eat.

I suggest getting him frozen edamame. It's a delicious snack, it's healthy, and it's easy to make. Probably won't help with the weight gain thing though.

 

[drpepper101]

I would suggest feeding him about 6 oz of grow the F up already. Honestly, this sounds like a converstation I would have had about my daughters when they were little girls. Make dinner, if he doesn't like it then he can make something else or go get something to eat. I wouldn't expect to prod my wife at 10 PM one night because I'm suddenly hungry and expect a meal to magically appear. It's not worth being stressed about an adult that can't figure out when to eat.