Advice needed, turning around

andrea0601 · Jan 26, 2019

1 John 2:1 - My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:

Sending my prayers. I believe that God is dealing with you. Do not harden your heart and live in sin, get out of it. Repent. It is not a sensory experience, it is a faith experience.

DamianWarS · Jan 26, 2019

Rosesandthorns said:
Two weekends ago I took a trip to London, completely last minute on the train unprepared and travelled alone 8 hours from my home in Wales.

The night before this happened I had lost my faith.

I was with my boyfriend we had been having sex and I had been drinking alcohol heavily for nights. I was feeling close to death, spiritually and physically. I didn't feel the Holy Spirit anymore I felt weak, my health declining and that my spiritual body was so damaged from all of the sin that I thought "Ok, this is the end. If I die, I die."

12am, just as I was about to go to bed my phone rings just before we headed upstairs - a Christian friend said he knew what was happening and said I needed to repent, how he knew I don't know..

I ran into the bathroom "How!?" He said the Holy Spirit told him to contact me.

I was so hardened I thought there is no way I could turn back.

Saturday Morning - I headed over on the train. The whole journey I was so out of my comfort zone not to mention I had no clue where in London I was going!

My heart was hardened towards Jesus. I couldn't feel the Holy Spirit. I felt suicidal and void of human emotion all I could feel was fear, anger and rage. I had constant eye pain a strange feeling of pride. I could feel the demonic presences entangled into my being I was very aware of what was happening. This was my whole body demonically entangled from the sex, drugs, sin and loss of the Holy Spirit.

Saturday Arrival - When I got there I fasted for two days I didn't eat or drink a single thing. The night before Sunday I tried to sleep but I could not sleep an inch I was attacked all night.

Sunday Morning - We headed to two services. The first service I went to was a small evangelical church where there was a lot of singing and worship the Lady was prophesying, she was very annointed as she began to talk it was as if she was speaking to me out of all the crowd, she saw what was happening inside of me and called me up. She prayed over me and I fell to the floor shaking I felt the fire of the Holy spirit move through her as she prayed and I could feel things leave me. She placed a blanket over me and I couldn't move on the floor for a good 10 minutes. I knew there were still things inside of me though and it wasn't finished. I hugged her so hard when I left and she exchanged phone numbers with me. Second service - The second service was a very large congregation in London, called winners church. We tried to make it on time to the service but we missed it - travelling so far we were so dissapointed but luckily my friend knew the pastor who favoured him so highly that he agreed to meet with me in his office.. this gentleman was a face I'll never forget as he got up from his desk, I could see the Holy Spirit in his eyes and the love of Jesus as he annointed my head with oil and commanded whatever was left to leave he told me to read the book of JOB after I had left. His eyes were piercing and the image stayed with me all the way back to my friends house. We got back to my friends house, I felt a slow shift taking place inside of me.

We arrived back at my friends house, I showered and got a clean change of clothes. I sat down and began to write with my pen -- I could feel the essence of life slowly coming into me telling me information and it made sense. The feeling stayed with me, I headed for the train thinking about what was happening.

On the train home I planned to meet my boyfriend when I got off the train. I was staying at his house. I told him I didn't wanna go back to having sex and I wanted to abstain, he respected my desicion and I told him I needed to keep to this cleaner way of living. We ordered Chinese food and watched movies and we didn't have sex.

The week went on and I felt less of the Holy Spirit and felt I was leaving doors open "Shall we go out?" my friend said. I said ok as long as I don't drink. I ended up drinking, having sex and being tormented even worse.

Shortly, if not days after I felt the holy spirit eave. I was back in square one and even worse than before. I couldn't sustain the deliverence.

I am thinking I may need to leave the area in which I'm living in, in order to change my path.. if there's still hope left, I want to repent of my sin but I need to be in a place where I cannot repeat habbits? Leave my area completely move somewhere I can keep my deliverence.

I spoke to my boyfriend and he wants to move to Leeds I just need to figure out a ministry down in Leeds, I know of one called Mercy UK which is a biblical school which is what I was going to do this year which is in Yorkshire. He supports my Christian beliefs and said if we get married he will get baptized.

I have a ticket that's valid for a whole month to go back down to London. Maybe break things off with my boyfriend for now, fast, repent and get deliverence this time..

Any advice appriciated please no judgemental or mean comments as I'm feeling fear as it is. Thank you.

Jesus tells us we must deny ourselves and take up our cross to follow him (Luke 9:23). This "take up your cross" expression actually points to death itself as that is what a cross was for, but essentially it means that we reject everything in the way of Christ to follow him regardless of how counter-intuitive or rewarding those things may feel and regardless where it leads us, even if it is death itself. What makes these words more powerful is that Jesus followed through with them himself and he took his own cross to be crucified on. Death on a cross probably isn't where Christ is leading you, nor will you probably bare a physical cross, but his path can be scary and may not be as comfortable to walk down then your current path but whatever it is, it is life, and whatever your current path is, it ultimately leads to death.

Again Jesus says that "if anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26) It seems to me you have toxic relationships in your life that continue to pull you away from Christ. Equipt with these verses it may be best to actually pull away from these relationships and if that means relocating then that's what it means but it would be without them not with. You can't help your friends if you are stuck in the same pile of muck they are. You don't need to abandon them but for now, seek Christ and only him removing all other distractions. Also, find a community of believers and become a regular part of that community, it doesn't have to be Sunday church and I would encourage a small group setting as those settings can be the most intimate but less intimidating. And take a break from dating to get yourself in a place where you can hear what the Holy Spirit desires for you.

The path you're headed on is destruction but you already know this, and you also already know what to do so the best thing to do is start taking those steps, however hard or scary they may be. Jesus tells us that if your right hand cause you to sin then cut it off and throw it away. You don't have to cut your limbs off but you know the aspects of your life that need a blade.

aiki · Jan 26, 2019

If there is one thing that is crystal clear from your story, it is that you sit on the throne of your heart, not God. Your life is all, really, about you. Even your little adventure in London was ultimately about you, not God. You don't once mention a desire to know and serve God with your life; you don't speak of a deep heart's yearning for Christ; you don't tell of a powerful longing to walk in intimate fellowship with the Spirit. No, all you talk about is you: How you feel, what you think, what you have done.

I don't mean to condemn you in pointing this out, but, rather, to help you see what the real core problem is that must be dealt with before you can enjoy the life God offers to you in Himself. If you don't die, Christ can't live in you. The throne of your heart can only be occupied by one person at a time. You and God cannot both rule in your life. One of you has to go.

Matthew 16:24-26
24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

James 4:8-10
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

Colossians 3:1-3
1 Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
2 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.
3 For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

Roseonathorn · Jan 26, 2019

Rosesandthorns - Take up your bible every day and try to read atleast something and try to call on the name of Jesus out loud and ask the Holy Spirit to help You. Rest assured that God will help You somehow. If You feel that evil is too strong around You go to a pastor or priest and ask for help, but be as honest as You feel you can. The world we live in is as it is. There are bibleapps as well. Love cast out fear and God is Love so I would believe that evil spirits dislike true love. Perhaps you could read the Gospel of John to start with. What have I been through and who am I to say that? Well let’s say I have been through your worst nightmare.

Cis.jd · Jan 26, 2019

You are justified by faith alone. There shouldn't be anything to worry about what you are doing or what you have to do.

timothyu · Jan 26, 2019

aiki said:
You and God cannot both rule in your life. One of you has to go.

Very true.. and God does not enable.

Invalidusername · Jan 26, 2019

Cis.jd said:
You are justified by faith alone. There shouldn't be anything to worry about what you are doing or what you have to do.

What a convenience. Lets just kick back and chill.

Ojpalosa · Jan 26, 2019

Invalidusername said:
What a convenience. Lets just kick back and chill.

No, understand it in the right way: By grace through faith ALONE you indeed are saved. No works is needed for salvation. Period. When you're saved there are expectations though, that you live a holy and God-glorifying life. That's your "work" - Therefore stay close to Christ and Christ alone.

And to the thread author: Sister, salvation is not a feeling. If God is able to find you, he will keep you as long as you let go of the sin in your life. Stop sinning, no excuses. Jesus tells us to "cut off our hand or plucking out an eye if we sin" That's better than risking your soul and going to hell. Life is not about you, It's about Christ. Die to yourself already. Seriously, realise that you're a transgressor, repent of your sin and you will be forgiven.

Invalidusername · Jan 26, 2019

Ojpalosa said:
No, understand it in the right way: By grace through faith ALONE you indeed are saved. No works is needed for salvation. Period. When you're saved there are expectations though, that you live a holy and God-glorifying life. That's your "work" - Therefore stay close to Christ and Christ alone.

And to the thread author: Sister, salvation is not a feeling. If God is able to find you, he will keep you as long as you let go of the sin in your life. Stop sinning, no excuses. Jesus tells us to "cut off our hand or plucking out an eye if we sin" That's better than risking your soul and going to hell. Life is not about you, It's about Christ. Die to yourself already. Seriously, realise that you're a transgressor, repent of your sin and you will be forgiven.

I understand but I do understand OP's point of view because I have done the exactly the same thing. I experienced repentance and faith and for a period of 1 or 2 years, I experienced the sanctification of the Holy Spirit. Then for a short time, I started saying "no" to my convictions and then God gave me over to my sins and I returned to the lusts of the world. There are no words of hope for Christians like me but I do have hope for OP since I think she did it out of more ignorance than willfulness.

Ojpalosa · Jan 26, 2019

Invalidusername said:
I understand but I do understand OP's point of view because I have done the exactly the same thing. I experienced repentance and faith and for a period of 1 or 2 years, I experienced the sanctification of the Holy Spirit. Then for a short time, I started saying "no" to my convictions and then God gave me over to my sins and I returned to the lusts of the world. There are no words of hope for Christians like me but I do have hope for OP since I think she did it out of more ignorance than willfulness.

What do you mean "there is no words of hope for christians like me"? Stop sinning and turn to Christ! Do an conscious effort in cleaning up your act, thats a start - Then by your "turning towards Christ more" you will soften up to the idea of repentance. It won't necessarily present itself as long as you're in the world and in your lusts. How bad do you want Christ? Stop listening to your thoughts my friend, and start reading the Bible and talk to God if you seriously want Him. He's not far away.

Invalidusername · Jan 26, 2019

Ojpalosa said:
What do you mean "there is no words of hope for christians like me"? Stop sinning and turn to Christ! Do an conscious effort in cleaning up your act, thats a start - Then by your "turning towards Christ more" you will soften up to the idea of repentance. It won't necessarily present itself as long as you're in the world and in your lusts. How bad do you want Christ? Stop listening to your thoughts my friend, and start reading the Bible and talk to God if you seriously want Him. He's not far away.

I've already stopped sinning and my worldly ways but it has been almost one year and no change in my heart. I have to make a conscious effort every single day to not sin. It is like my heart wants to sin but my mind wants to do the right thing. The complete opposite of how a regenerate person should be. The Bible talks about a point beyond return.

Ojpalosa · Jan 26, 2019

Invalidusername said:
I've already stopped sinning and my worldly ways but it has been almost one year and no change in my heart. I have to make a conscious effort every single day to not sin. It is like my heart wants to sin but my mind wants to do the right thing. The complete opposite of how a regenerate person should be. The Bible talks about a point beyond return.

Isaiah 55:7
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.

Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Do you need to forgive someone in your life? Just a thought...

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Whatever you might think - you are no exception of 1 John 1:9. And indeed: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Ask Christ to give you a new heart.

Invalidusername · Jan 26, 2019

Ojpalosa said:
Isaiah 55:7
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.

Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Do you need to forgive someone in your life? Just a thought...

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Whatever you might think - you are no exception of 1 John 1:9. And indeed: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Ask Christ to give you a new heart.

Ezekiel 18:24

"But if a righteous person turns from their righteousness and commits sin and does the same detestable things the wicked person does, will they live? None of the righteous things that person has done will be remembered. Because of the unfaithfulness they are guilty of and because of the sins they have committed, they will die."

Washed Luminary · Jan 26, 2019

If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart God raised Him from the dead, YOU WILL BE SAVED. Rom. 10:9
Once the Holy Spirit has come to live in you, it never leaves. It doesn't come and go. Everytime you sin, confess it to God and ask for forgiven and help. Then have faith.

paul becke · Jan 26, 2019

Rosesandthorns said:
Two weekends ago I took a trip to London, completely last minute on the train unprepared and travelled alone 8 hours from my home in Wales.

The night before this happened I had lost my faith.

I was with my boyfriend we had been having sex and I had been drinking alcohol heavily for nights. I was feeling close to death, spiritually and physically. I didn't feel the Holy Spirit anymore I felt weak, my health declining and that my spiritual body was so damaged from all of the sin that I thought "Ok, this is the end. If I die, I die."

12am, just as I was about to go to bed my phone rings just before we headed upstairs - a Christian friend said he knew what was happening and said I needed to repent, how he knew I don't know..

I ran into the bathroom "How!?" He said the Holy Spirit told him to contact me.

I was so hardened I thought there is no way I could turn back.

Saturday Morning - I headed over on the train. The whole journey I was so out of my comfort zone not to mention I had no clue where in London I was going!

My heart was hardened towards Jesus. I couldn't feel the Holy Spirit. I felt suicidal and void of human emotion all I could feel was fear, anger and rage. I had constant eye pain a strange feeling of pride. I could feel the demonic presences entangled into my being I was very aware of what was happening. This was my whole body demonically entangled from the sex, drugs, sin and loss of the Holy Spirit.

Saturday Arrival - When I got there I fasted for two days I didn't eat or drink a single thing. The night before Sunday I tried to sleep but I could not sleep an inch I was attacked all night.

Sunday Morning - We headed to two services. The first service I went to was a small evangelical church where there was a lot of singing and worship the Lady was prophesying, she was very annointed as she began to talk it was as if she was speaking to me out of all the crowd, she saw what was happening inside of me and called me up. She prayed over me and I fell to the floor shaking I felt the fire of the Holy spirit move through her as she prayed and I could feel things leave me. She placed a blanket over me and I couldn't move on the floor for a good 10 minutes. I knew there were still things inside of me though and it wasn't finished. I hugged her so hard when I left and she exchanged phone numbers with me. Second service - The second service was a very large congregation in London, called winners church. We tried to make it on time to the service but we missed it - travelling so far we were so dissapointed but luckily my friend knew the pastor who favoured him so highly that he agreed to meet with me in his office.. this gentleman was a face I'll never forget as he got up from his desk, I could see the Holy Spirit in his eyes and the love of Jesus as he annointed my head with oil and commanded whatever was left to leave he told me to read the book of JOB after I had left. His eyes were piercing and the image stayed with me all the way back to my friends house. We got back to my friends house, I felt a slow shift taking place inside of me.

We arrived back at my friends house, I showered and got a clean change of clothes. I sat down and began to write with my pen -- I could feel the essence of life slowly coming into me telling me information and it made sense. The feeling stayed with me, I headed for the train thinking about what was happening.

On the train home I planned to meet my boyfriend when I got off the train. I was staying at his house. I told him I didn't wanna go back to having sex and I wanted to abstain, he respected my desicion and I told him I needed to keep to this cleaner way of living. We ordered Chinese food and watched movies and we didn't have sex.

The week went on and I felt less of the Holy Spirit and felt I was leaving doors open "Shall we go out?" my friend said. I said ok as long as I don't drink. I ended up drinking, having sex and being tormented even worse.

Shortly, if not days after I felt the holy spirit eave. I was back in square one and even worse than before. I couldn't sustain the deliverence.

I am thinking I may need to leave the area in which I'm living in, in order to change my path.. if there's still hope left, I want to repent of my sin but I need to be in a place where I cannot repeat habbits? Leave my area completely move somewhere I can keep my deliverence.

I spoke to my boyfriend and he wants to move to Leeds I just need to figure out a ministry down in Leeds, I know of one called Mercy UK which is a biblical school which is what I was going to do this year which is in Yorkshire. He supports my Christian beliefs and said if we get married he will get baptized.

I have a ticket that's valid for a whole month to go back down to London. Maybe break things off with my boyfriend for now, fast, repent and get deliverence this time..

Any advice appriciated please no judgemental or mean comments as I'm feeling fear as it is. Thank you.

paul becke · Jan 26, 2019

Did your boy-friend get you drinking again and seduce you, after you told him about your 8-hour trip to your Christian friend ? He sounds like he's going to be a mill-stone round your neck ; already is. Avoid the occasions of sin, i.e. in this case, your boy-'friend', and pubs. Get involved in some kind of charitable work, if you can.

When you are tempted, Say the little prayer St Philp Neri used to say : 'Oh Lord, do not trust me, for you know I will betray you.' As often as you feel the need for his grace to strengthen your resolve and comfort you.

Perhaps next time, God willing, the demons are expelled from you, (if you feel you still have them), you should fill the space they left by bawling out to Jesus to make himself known to you in such a way you'll never leave his side again. There are countless accounts online of people, often atheists and agnostics, who had done that and been granted a powerful mystical theophany, by Jesus, himself, which was so intense they became a new person. And that is apart from the near-death experience testimonies.

Talking about the numbness, etc that you feel, perhaps you're feeling that you couldn't be hurt any more was a weird feeling of a mixture of pride and self-pity. And yes, demon-inspired even if you didn't feel it. Beware of self-pity and despair. Self-pity, I suspect, is your chief enemy at the moment - though you seem to have a few.

When you are feeling low, depressed, remind yourself that, if you allow it to, it will soon pass, and more cheerful moods will return ; which reminds me : not so much, 'One day at a time', but 'one moment at a time - what Pierre de Caussade called, The Sacrament of the Present Moment. Better to pick up a piece of paper and put it in the waste-paper basket, if that is what God wants of you at a particular time, than giving your body to be burnt at the stake.

What ever you are doing, no matter how humble the task, do it for the glory of God, and thus, to the best of your ability. If you haven't already, I also recommend you read Aldous Huxley's fascinating book on comparative religion called The Perennial Philosophy.
Every best wish, Roses.

paul becke · Jan 26, 2019

well hey said:
You now have the gift of the Holy Spirit. Continue to repent throughout your life as you are doing and you will have him. Bless you precious believer

Wise words. Yes, we all need to repent every day. It's an ongoing process.
And if we want to believe in God, we already do, since only the Holy Spirit can inspire that desire in our heart.

paul becke · Jan 26, 2019

Invalidusername said:
I've already stopped sinning and my worldly ways but it has been almost one year and no change in my heart. I have to make a conscious effort every single day to not sin. It is like my heart wants to sin but my mind wants to do the right thing. The complete opposite of how a regenerate person should be. The Bible talks about a point beyond return.

'The complete opposite of how a regenerate person should be.' On the contrary. It is how saints are made. To be tried in that way for so long while managing to keep the faith is a great blessing which will bring a great reward. God is not outdone in generosity.

paul becke · Jan 26, 2019

l don't know how you Calvinist types manage to understand the Christian paradox of free will and predestination. Their combination is repugnant to reason, an oxymoron which, like all paradoxical Christian mysteries happens to be true ; but they remain imponderable mysteries by definition.

aiki · Jan 26, 2019

Invalidusername said:
I've already stopped sinning and my worldly ways but it has been almost one year and no change in my heart. I have to make a conscious effort every single day to not sin. It is like my heart wants to sin but my mind wants to do the right thing. The complete opposite of how a regenerate person should be. The Bible talks about a point beyond return.

What do you think a "change of heart" should look like, exactly?

Why do you think striving against sin should not involve a conscious resistance to it?

Why do you think a battle between the impulses of your flesh and the desire of your mind is indicative of an unregenerate person?

Yes, the Bible does talk about a point of no return. But those who have reached that point don't post the sorts of things you do on a Christian website.

Advice needed, turning around

Psalm 63:1-2

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