Advice for the engaged

[Glorianna]

I'm looking for any advice you all have for those who are engaged! Feel free to share ANYTHING you think will help others. And don't worry about the number of pieces of advice you give. We'd love to hear them all!

 

[E_Powers]

include your future spouse in as much of your life as you can. and dont create your own world.

talk all the time and never go to bed not talking to each other after an arguement.

sometimes it is ok to break from a disagreement and ponder what was said and what you ment.

respect your spouse like you would respect god and the same for love.

 

[Glorianna]

Please post any advice for those who are married too! Because the engaged people WILL be married one day!

 

[E_Powers]

most advice can be taken for both married and engaged couples

the only advice i can give engaged couples that dont apply to married is

the engaged couple should live together till they are married and
they shouldnt have sex till they are married

once they marry no problem on either

 

[Southern Cross]

Make sure you have your financial house in order before you are married, and plan on keeping it that way. Try to avoid debt if at all possible (outside of a mortgage or a necessary car payment, most other debt can be controlled). Finances can create a huge amount of stress in a marriage if they are not managed properly.

 

[Glorianna]

Yeah, I can see that. My fiance and I are going to get married while we're still going to school so we're going to have student loans. But we are going to be working hard so that we won't have too many.

Keep posting everyone!

 

[bkg]

I have a few things that I think are critical - bear in mind that all of this is spoken from a man who failed as a husband and is now divorced (in no particular order).

1. Pray together. Nothing else can be said about that.
2. Make time to talk to each other ABOUT each other; your past, your dreams, your fears and expectations. Get it all out in the open.
3. Read/Listen to/Watch "Marriage on the Rock" by Jimmy Evans
4. Take nothing for granted; assume nothign
5. Attend a Divorce Care class at your church - see what CAN happen.
6. Find a mentor-couple... a coupel who has been married for decades and can help you understand the hard times.
7. Read "How God WILL Restore Your Marriage" by Restore Ministries. You'll learn a great deal from people who have lost their spouse.
8. Be humble - lose all of your pride. Pride has no place in marriage.
9. Talk about each others expectations for marriage.
10. Pray FOR your spouse.
11. Aknowledge that it will take effort - build a support network together.
12. NEVER forget how fragile a marriage can be.
13. Marriage is NOT 50/50 - it's 100/100. Know that, live that.
14. Never assume that you are immune to struggles/infidelity/divorce.

I could go on, I'm sure. But much of what I have to add will be volunteered out of my own heart-ache.

But let me say this... Marriage is the most amazing thing in the world. It's fragile, pure, Godly... treat it as such.

Congratulations on your up coming wedding!!!!!!
bkg

 

[Glorianna]

Thanks so much for your advice bkg.

I really appreciate all of that. I read it to my fiance and he got all teary. Thank you. Any more advice you have would be much appreciated.

 

[bkg]

Thanks so much for your advice bkg.

I really appreciate all of that. I read it to my fiance and he got all teary. Thank you. Any more advice you have would be much appreciated.

Wow -thanks!

Be careful asking me anything - I'm pretty opinionated...

Here's some more:
1. Never forget that your spouse is NOT your enemy.
2. If you haven't talked to your spouse about something, don't talk to others about it... I.E. don't talk to friends or internet strangers about issues in your marriage... talk to your spouse!!
3. Have I mentioned praying together?
4. Remember that Satan WILL attack your marrriage.
5. Sin is sin is sin is sin. If one of you fails in some way, shape or form, remember that sin is sin.
6. Learn to forgive. Best quote I've ever heard on a secular TV show was on One Tree Hill; "Friends can forgive each other anything". Never forget that... ever.
7. Remember that you are getting married for a reason - never forget that reason.
8. Frame your wedding vows. No point in spending $$ on wedding pictures when the wedding isn't what the marriage is about. Make sure your vows are framed and placed in the CENTER of your wedding pictures.
9. Remember that "happy" isn't mentioned int he Bible when referring to marriage.
10. Psalm 23 - Even though you'll see rough times, God will bring you through the valley... He won't drop you off at the lowest point.
11. Make sure that your priority of needs are in order. If they are not, something will break. This is covered in "Marriage on the Rock".
12. Never... NEVER forget that you love each other.

Marriage is wonderful, but it's fragile.

Blessings to you both. Hearing of engagements is exciting - it brings back memorites. Marriage is phenominal. If you never take it fro granted, you'll enjoy a wonderful life together!!!!

blessings!
bkg

 

[Glorianna]

Be careful asking me anything - I'm pretty opinionated...

Nah, I don't need to worry about it. Clay and I both really appreciate and value the advice you've given us so far and are willing to listen and consider everything you have to say! Thank you so much for posting!

 

[bkg]

Nah, I don't need to worry about it. Clay and I both really appreciate and value the advice you've given us so far and are willing to listen and consider everything you have to say! Thank you so much for posting!

No problem. Marriage is phenominal. It's a wonderful thing! I am excited for both of you!!! Congrats!

 

[Glorianna]

Thanks so much.

 

[MagicStar723]

BKG, that is wonderful advice! I'm going to send that to my SO...

 

[Glorianna]

Yeah, my thoughts exactly MagicStar723!

 

[LiberatedChick]

1. Respect each other.
2. Don't be negative towards your partner...lift them up rather than hit them down.
3. If something about your partner annoys or upsets you talk to them about it...don't turn it into a joke and think that they won't be upset about it because it was just a joke.
4. Disagreements do happen...talk through them rather than shout.

 

[Glorianna]

Great advice. Thanks so much.

 

[LynnMcG]

Wow, BKG is on such a roll! Good advice.

Just a couple things...

1. A wedding does not make a marriage. If that sounds stupid, then you're in good shape. If you're confused by it, then you need to think about it.
2. Sometimes a marriage isn't 100/100, Sometimes it's 80/20 or 20/80. God made you to care for one another and sometimes that means one may/will carry more than the other for a time.
3. Some days you may not feel like you love your spouse. It happens. Love is a choice. Make the right choice!! God will be faithful to the promise you made to each other as long as you always keep Him at the center of your marriage.
4. Your spouse should be your best friend. That means he/she comes first, right after God. ALWAYS.
5. The world tears us down, don't tear each other down. Don't talk about him/her to other people. Build him/her up!! Compliment your spouse on anything/everything from taking out the garbage or washing the dishes to how he/she looks or behaves.
6. Make all your big decisions through God's leading.
7. Enjoy each other's company!! Learn to do something the other likes to do!

God bless!

 

[bkg]

Also remember this: There's a big difference between doing what is right for you... and doing what is right right for the marriage. Always put the marriage above your own wants/needs and your spouses wants/needs.

If you enter an argument to show that you are right - you'll only learn that you are wrong.

Most of what you need to have a good marriage, from an education perspective, can be found in the "Marriage on the Rock" series...

Congrats again...
bkg

 

[Glorianna]

Wow, you are a huge fan of "Marriage on the Rock" aren't you bkg?

 

[bkg]

Wow, you are a huge fan of "Marriage on the Rock" aren't you bkg?

So much that I have the book, the video series and I had the 6-disc CD series... Had, because I gave them to a friend who was getting married and moving out of state.

I found Jimmy Evans' ministry by accident, really. I watched some of their TV shows on-line and really liked them. So I ordered the Marriage on the Rock series... It's now #1 on my recommended list for couples... Wish I had found it before I was married/divorced, but grateful that I have it now...