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Advice for a Mother of a Teen Daughter

timf

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Jun 12, 2011
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I was reading about a parent that was having difficulty with her teen daughter on another forum and I thought the advice given might be helpful for other parents who might face similar problems. One might not expect the problem in Christian homes, but the influence of the world is pretty strong, so it might come up.

Problem;

I am seeking advice on how to handle my daughter with what I believe is hypersexuality. It's almost an obsession. She's recently had her phone taken away and the internet locked down because she was on Instagram talking to guys and giving her picture and phone number out. This is deeply concerning to me as I don't think she fully realizes that people aren't always who they say they are.

She is almost 16 and is now being homeschooled because the public high school was just total chaos for her.

Any suggestions?

Answer;

There is a saying "A man desires a woman, but a woman desires the desire of a man." Some young girls discover the attention they can draw by dressing, conversing, or presenting themselves as potentially available. This attention can stimulate pleasurable sensations and may be sought simply because those sensations are almost addictive.

There is a compounding problem for girls of that age. The perception of time changes as we age. One can tell a three year old,"Yes, you can have a cookie tomorrow". This can be cruel because the child hear the words "yes" and "cookie" but has no cookie. The word "tomorrow" does not convey anything meaningful to the child because it lies outside to the narrow band of time (perhaps five minutes into the past or future) that defines reality for a three year old.

For a teenager, reality might be defined by a week or two into the future or the past.They are particularly vulnerable to making decisions in the present the consequences of which lie outside of their perception of time and may not seem real to them.

Changing the environment for your daughter (like homeschooling) may buy you some time and even risk a rebellious reaction. However, the real solution will lie in your ability to get your daughter to really understand consequences. Playing at being the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] can attract a lot of attention that seems to reinforce that choice, however, she might also consider;

1. Self-stimulation of pleasurable sensation is similar to drug use for the addictive path it can open.
2. Enticing and using other people is not something that shows great character.
3. Presenting herself in such a cheap way may discourage potential suitors of quality.
4. Attracting the attention of the easily attracted may result in being stuck with someone easily distracted by others.
5. A person aroused many not be satisfied until they have gotten what they wanted.
6. This path can lead to a world of casual fornication.

Because of the imprint of TV and popular culture, many young people see nothing wrong with a culture of casual fornication. If your daughter is attracted to this culture, you may wish to describe the dangers of such a life. In addition to disease something special can be lost forever.

When two people marry with the objective of building a family, they can bring sexual ignorance into their marriage. This is not as disadvantageous as many think. When two people discover each other often with humor, they can build a solid foundation that will last a lifetime. It is the depth of relationship this process of discovery provides that is lost when the superficial is chosen.

The country song Third Rate Romance describes a little of the path in life defined by casual fornication. Choosing the path of marriage and family can build a fortress to withstand the difficulties in life.

Some teenage girls think they have discovered a superpower by playing with the attraction they can garner. They may learn that this "power" is transient, often attracts people they would wish to avoid, can cause them to see themselves in a limited way, and can blind them to more important things in life.

You may wish to instruct your daughter so that she can understand the developmental period she is transiting. If you simply impose restrictions, she may grow resentful and rebel making it difficult for her to move out of this phase.