Advice and Support

[InTheFlame]

Ask the Gospel according to Paul.

Hmmmm... can't see anywhere that Paul says, "Avoid sin, unless you're not getting your own way, in which case, sin away" .... But I acknowledge that he does say, "don't deny each other, because you might be causing extra temptation for your spouse" (note: causing temptation, not causing them to sin)

The idea that men need sex more than women isn't biblically-based.

 

[Romanseight2005]

The idea that men need sex more than women isn't biblically-based.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Hmmmm... can't see anywhere that Paul says, "Avoid sin, unless you're not getting your own way, in which case, sin away" .... But I acknowledge that he does say, "don't deny each other, because you might be causing extra temptation for your spouse" (note: causing temptation, not causing them to sin)

The idea that men need sex more than women isn't biblically-based.

I thought the idea of refusing sex to someone you are married to is not biblically based.

 

[TexasSky]

I found it because the websites were in the recycle bin of the computer. He claims they were pop ups, but pop ups do not show in your cookies. He has too much pride to talk to me or to try and work it out. He just tells me that "If I was a good wife I would shut-up about it." I don't know what has gotten into him. I am staying at my moms because we have two small girls and I do not want them to hear him. He will not even contact me to try and work things out. I am always the one trying to fix things. I just don't understand why he chooses to do things to show me that he doesn't care.

I'm not sure you are correct about popups not showing up in your cookies. Some of the new viruses and things are things that come in via popups.

 

[TexasSky]

I agree with those who recommend professional counseling.

It is not normal for couples in a healthy marriage to go weeks without sex.

As to the bible - it does not say that men need sex more than women, but it does say, "Wives submit to your husbands," and it does say, "Men love your wives as Christ loved the church." Remember, Christ died for the church.

Whether there are marriage issues causing the lack of sex, or whether the lack of sex is causing marriage issues - you need help before you end up with much larger problems than pornagraphy on the computer.

 

[cjba]

I today caught my husband looking at porn. I agree it is disgusting. When I confronted him, his face was so red! I told him he was disgusting. His response was "so what".

(Added info - we are getting a divorce this is the reason for the nasty response)

At least now I know why he is not intereted in me anymore. He was getting fulfilled elsewhere.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I thought the idea of refusing sex to someone you are married to is not biblically based.

Neither is adultery. Matt 5:28

28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
KJV

 

[Romanseight2005]

I today caught my husband looking at porn. I agree it is disgusting. When I confronted him, his face was so red! I told him he was disgusting. His response was "so what".

(Added info - we are getting a divorce this is the reason for the nasty response)

At least now I know why he is not intereted in me anymore. He was getting fulfilled elsewhere.

Please go to Setting the Captives Free. It is a website that offers free courses for men struggling with porn, and courses for their wives. You can do the course even if your husband doesn't. They should give you a mentor, which will give you an outlet, and some support. He may in turn agree to do the men's course, and if you both stick with it, it will truly lead you down the road to healing. I'm not saying it will be easy or quick, but it will if you stay with it, be a huge part of what you need.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Neither is adultery. Matt 5:28

28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
KJV

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

 

[bliz]

He just tells me that "If I was a good wife I would shut-up about it." I don't know what has gotten into him.

So... how many times did you bring up the subject before he said this? Or how long were you talking about it before he said it?

I am staying at my moms because we have two small girls and I do not want them to hear him.

Hear him what?

For this you moved out of the house? Abuse, yes, but viewing porn? Don't get me wrong, viewing porn is wrong, but moving out seems to be overkill. Moving out does nothing to help build the marriage. It only removes you from him and his daughters from him. It helps promote the "men are filthy beasts" mentality and does nothing to restore the relationship.

He will not even contact me to try and work things out. I am always the one trying to fix things.

Well, this time you're not. Do you want to play the game of "whose turn is it to make the first move" or do you want to restore your husband and your marriage?

I just don't understand why he chooses to do things to show me that he doesn't care.

What? Do you really think he is looking at porn to show you he doesn't care? Look, I get a sense that you are really not all that interested in working on your marriage but you are more interested in making a case that he is a lousy husband. Maybe I have it wrong...

You are his wife. You are his wife when he does great things and when he sins. Move back home where you belong and together get some marriage counseling. Your girls need their Daddy, and your husband needs you.

 

[Romanseight2005]

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

I wouldn't just assume that they aren't having sex because she won't. Often, when men are into porn, they lose interest in their wives.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I wouldn't just assume that they aren't having sex because she won't. Often, when men are into porn, they lose interest in their wives.

I didn't assume. She told us so in post #10.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Ok, I see now. I got someone else's post mixed up with the original poster's.