Advice and Help Needed

[danielle9182]

1

 

[FutureAndAHope]

In my opinion he should be encouraged to stay with you. You are having a child together and it is important that the love between you that birthed that child remain. That it not be split up. He cannot use the religion excuse with you as he was living in a life that was contry to what the bible asks, as such he needs to take responsibility for his actions. I would encourage both of you to go to church. For you it will be a peace keeping exercise, that has the potential to bless you both given time. I hope, and pray, that like you say the birth of your baby can be a great time for the both of you, free from any struggle or sadness. God is not mad with either of you, he wants to bless you both. Just hang in there, try not to get discouraged.

 

[zaksmummy]

Maybe you need to remind him what the Apostle Paul said about the responsibilities of a husband.

Colossians 3v19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

I cant find the exact verse but there is another verse which says that husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

Maybe you should tell him that there are these verses in the bible and gently suggest that his behaviour recently hasnt been very loving.

You could also suggest that if he really wants you to be come a Christian, maybe he should pray for you and set a good example of how a Christian should act towards others who do not yet believe.

Obviously put it in a nice way.

 

[Singermom]

Maybe you need to remind him what the Apostle Paul said about the responsibilities of a husband.

Colossians 3v19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

I cant find the exact verse but there is another verse which says that husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

Maybe you should tell him that there are these verses in the bible and gently suggest that his behaviour recently hasnt been very loving.

You could also suggest that if he really wants you to be come a Christian, maybe he should pray for you and set a good example of how a Christian should act towards others who do not yet believe.

Obviously put it in a nice way.

Ephesians 5: 28-30: In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.

I just happened to have this handy, as my husband read it during our renewal of vows for our 25th anniversary.

I also agree with the above poster; he's not living up to what he professes to believe...in so many things in your original post. However, I don't see the harm in you going to church with him occasionally, either.

 

[bling]

First: It maybe nice that your fiancee wants you to be a Christian, but no one can make another person be a Christian.
Let him know reading and listening to sermons is not working for you, but if you could see Jesus, feel his touch, see His Love in action right before your eyes, you might believe in His Love and truly desire His companionship. Tell him you have seen some of that in him and was drawn to him partly because of it. You are not sold on words in a book, but would love to see it in action. (Your Fiancee is to be Christ in the world today). Christianity is not some "doctrine" but living personal experience of Christ.
In your fiancee's defence I have seen this before when a husband comes to the realization he is responcible for raising a child with the greatest opportunity to believe. It is somewhat a cry for help. You cannot take that responcibility away from him, but if you are to be a non Christian before your child it will not make that great of a difference as long as he is Christ like in Loving you and the child and others. The child will listen to him and see a difference in you.

 

[razeontherock]

Danielle, welcome to CF!

I agree your SO hasn't been the best example, and becoming a Dad is like THE most major wake-up call there is! It's supposed to bring out the best in him, and for good reason. Your role includes caring about him enough to honestly tell him that it hasn't, and you need to find a non-confontational way to go about that. Try to sympathize with him and realize he is feeling guilty for not having lived up to his Faith, and respect him for wanting to make amends so he'll be a better parent.

Understand that this is his "nesting instinct." Your's is no doubt more practical and it's perfectly understandable that you don't see any of this as a high priority right now.

From your description it sounds as if his current version of Christianity has more to do w/ enforcing the environment around your anticipated child, so that it's what he thinks it should be; and less about him actually following Jesus. Did you understand that? In other words, he's in grave danger of getting things all wrong. Life is like that! These circumstances are perfect for a Christian to fall into legalism, which has no power. We see people professing Christ lose their way to legalism here all the time. As a Mom, you want the Father of your child to have the power of God to do what needs to be done. In total agreement w/ above posters, that includes being Jesus towards you! Not that he'll be perfect, but we don't see Jesus clobbering anybody over the head w/ a Bible.

He's supposed to be a "living Epistle." If you don't understand what that means, it would be good to develop that idea. And he'll need your acceptance to do so. When you see him put forth the effort, it should be natural for you to become supportive of that. Other than that? Motherhood is about the most Godly thing anyone can do - congratulations!

Ray

"You yourselves are our letter of recommendation, written on our hearts, to be known and read by all. And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God." 2 Corinthians 3:3

 

[salida]

First your boyfriend has not started off with the right footing in this relationship-please consider marriage if its possible here. I'm not sure as you both have different ways of looking at the world. Being parents is indeed a large wakeup call.

And if you desire read this as its the christian message:
Are you a good person? www.livingwaters.com/good/

People don't get talked into becoming a christian-God saves through the holy spirit. If you are not ready for this-he must accept you for the way you are now and forever for this relationship to work.
Other info. on this:
Visit: www.TheBibleProofBook.com, (you will need acrobat reader for this), read The Evidence That Demands A Verdict by Josh McDowell a former agnostic- (its overwhelming circumstantial evidence of bible) and Examine the Evidence by Muncaster a former athiest/The Case for Christ and The Real Jesus by Lee Strobel a former athiest. www.equip.org (articles), http://www.gotquestions.org/
http://christiananswers.net/
http://www.godandscience.org/love/sld045.html　
http://www.emjc3.com/proof/WhyTheBibleIs100PercentAccurate.pdf

I prayed for your relationship and feel free to email me.

 

[Johnnz]

Can you identify why you have not got to the point of belief - unanswered questions, etc?

John
NZ

 

[GrowingSmaller]

I have not read it, but have read the Lessing's play on religious tolerance is good...Nathan the Wise - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Maybe you could buy it for your partner?

 

[danielle9182]

1

 

[razeontherock]

In the interest of keeping peace between you two, here's something your future husband needs to keep in his mind if he's tempted to condemn you to hell:

1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."

This will surely mean more to him than it does to you, but it's saying that in effect he "saves" you by osmosis. And from the no hidden agendas Dep't., if you help him live up to whatever call G-d has placed on his life, being by his side, some of the goodness may just rub off on you and we all just may find in the end that being a faithful and loving wife and Mother counts for something in His eyes!

Stay healthy and enjoy that little one, they grow up SO fast ...

 

[aiki]

I'm currently engaged to a wondeful man who I love with all my heart and I know that he loves me dearly also. We have been together for 18 months and live together in the house we have brought and I am currently 6 months pregnanat with our first child. I'm 28 and my partner is 38. Around 10 years ago, he was saved into the Christian religion.

Uh, if he is saved, getting you pregnant and living with you outside of the bonds of marriage has been done completely in contradiction to the faith he claims to have. A truly saved person would be struggling mightily with his conscience and the convicting pressure of God's Spirit if he were doing as your fiancee is doing with you. A Christian man is living in sin when he lives with a woman and gets her pregnant when he is not married to her!

We met via a dating website and it was never stated that he was looking for a girl who shared his religious beliefs, I'm not anti religion - I'm just not sure what I believe.

Well, as a Christian, your fiancee should have paid more attention to his Bible, which states:

Be you not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship has righteousness with unrighteousness, and what communion has light with darkness? (2 Cor. 6:14)

Your fiancee should have found someone who was of the Christian faith to "yoke" himself to. The trouble you're having now is part of the reason why he should have obeyed Scripture in this regard.

For the first few months of our relationship religion was never mentioned and he did not attend church regularly. He did begin growing to church and I went along with him to learn about what was so important to him. We went every Sunday for several months but he has not been to church since November of last year. He has mentioned to me on numerous ocassions that it is important to him that I believe and I have tried to read the bible and I always listen intently when he is talking to me about his religion but I really don't think that it is for me, I can't force myself to believe it.

It seems your fiancee doesn't really believe it either. If he did, he'd be living his life much differently than he is at the moment!

Of recent, he seems to be more adament that I believe and often says it upsets him that he can't make me believe. It is causing arguements between us as he really can't understand why I won't spend every second I have reading or listening to the bible. I feel that it is being forced on me and that I should just say that I believe to please him.

Don't do that! Then there would be two of you living hypocritically.

I just don't know what to do and I'm terrified of losing him especially so that we are having a family together. I would never stop him attending church, studying the bible etc - I just don't feel it is for me and I feel slightly cheated as he never said that he was looking for someone who shared his beliefs despite being a christian when he met me.

I think you're quite right to feel as you do. He's changing the rules in mid-game, isn't he? Not very fair, I think.

Please, I'm open to any advice that you can provide. I'm finding it all very upsetting at time in our life when we should be looking forward to the birth of our daughter together. Thank you.

As others have noted, your fiancee should be focused on his own relationship with God rather than fussing with your relationship (or lack thereof) to Him. Personally, I don't think he's given you much reason to take his faith seriously. He ought to be walking with God in such a way as to make his faith appealing to you, but he isn't.

I think you should simply tell him that until he demonstrates to you through his own life the value of being saved, you have little reason to desire salvation for yourself.

Although I don't think your husband-to-be has given you any reason to want to be a Christian, you would be mistaken in thinking that the truth of the Bible isn't extremely valuable. I would urge you strongly to take very seriously both the warnings and the promises made to you in the Bible.

Selah.

 

[The-Doctor]

I'm actually married to an Athiest and we have a great relationship. I talk about my beliefs but I certainly don't force my views on her.