Advice about a new situation?

[flowerforever7]

Hi,

I have a job interview today. Last night, I decided not to think about growing a garden with wild edible plants (something I want to do). When I started to think about how I wanted to think about it, I felt a small surge of anger and pictured the Holy Spirit and in my heart said "garbage bag." Then I thought that now I cannot research growing a garden or grow wild edibles in a garden, because of that heart statement.

Then later, I was thinking about this interview I have today, and I was thinking that if later after I accept this job I look up gardening or growing wild edibles in a garden, that the work of my hands would be cursed, the job would be cursed, and I would be condemned (because of that statement I made in my heart earlier). As I was thinking about that I got another surge of anger, and pictured the Holy Spirit and the word "sicko" aggressively came to my mind. Though I don't think the Holy Spirit is a sicko, I think I got angry at the idea that now if I take this job I am forbidden from doing what I want to do (researching and planting a certain type of garden).

In addition, I have been fighting urges to tell the Holy Spirit to go to hell, and saying "damn you". It's frustrating and freaking irritating. It seems like every time something comes up where there is something at stake (like an interview, or making a call about a job), I get horrible anxiety and the cursing stuff starts. Mind you it's awful enough I'm having these stupid aggressive thoughts and urges against God's Spirit.

I am frustrated and need advice. I really want to plant a garden some day. Should I refuse this job, and see how the other interview goes so I can live out my life with a clear conscience in regard to that?

Before anyone says ignore it all, because it's an OCD process, I want to ask what if the aggressive feelings against God's Spirit were real. I don't want them to be, but let's say what if in those moments they were actually how I really felt. Now what? What should I do, and how should I handle this job and garden thing?

Thanks.

 

[flowerforever7]

Just now, I was praying for God, Christ and the Holy Spirit to absolve me of all my sins, and felt convicted to pray for that by bowing before I made a phone call to this job; I got frustrated and in my heart said "f*ck your Spirit." Rggggggr. ! Now what?

What happens now about this job? Now am I cursed if I go on this interview and take this job?

Please, somebody help?

Thanks.

 

[cmsracing]

Just now, I was praying for God, Christ and the Holy Spirit to absolve me of all my sins, and felt convicted to pray for that by bowing before I made a phone call to this job; I got frustrated and in my heart said "f*ck your Spirit." Rggggggr. ! Now what?

What happens now about this job? Now am I cursed if I go on this interview and take this job?

Please, somebody help?

Thanks.

Ask yourself this question: Are these things something, that after great thought, you would say to God's face and mean it? If not, don't worry about it. You can't control fleeting thoughts that go through your mind. It's called "being human". Good luck with the new job, and grow that garden if it's something you want to do.

 

[flowerforever7]

I went to the interview and while I was filling out the application, it asked my for my present address. My address is on file as something specific with the DMV (which was where I was staying before), and my mail is still going there. But I am now staying with other people. I wrote the old address (it is the address on my resume and driver's license), but I started to feel convicted because it is not my "present address" as the application asked. Well as I was writing the old address and I think trying to reason about it, I got angry I think at the fact that I have to feel convicted over it, and I pictured the Holy Spirit, and felt the word murderer come out of my heart aggressively toward the Holy Spirit. I do not believe the Holy Spirit is a murderer. However, I did feel upset that I had to feel convicted about the address I was putting down. I asked for God, Christ and the Holy Spirit to absolve me of all my transgressions. However, I feel that I cannot take the job if it is offered to me now because of what came out toward the Holy Spirit. Jesus said that satan was a murderer from the beginning and calling the Holy Spirit a murder is essentially blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. I am so freaking tired of trying. I need to do the right thing though before God in all situations. I want to be saved.

Someone please help by prayer or giving me truthful insight or something?

Thanks.

 

[gracealone]

Hey Flower gal,
Guess what? You are never going to do the "right thing before God in all situations." And doing the right thing will not save you. If that were so then the whole purpose of Christ's cross would be nullified and we could just go back to trying to "keep the law". This would be "frustrating the grace of Christ."
One idea that might help you is to try and think of all these "convicting" thoughts, (I mean the ones that freak you out and make you feel that your salvation is in jeopardy), as tics of the mind. In tourette syndrome, which is very closely related to OCD, a person has all sorts of disturbing, angry, sickening thoughts and statements enter their mind, but they don't just stay in their mind they can also pop out of their mouth. Not because they really want to say them or really want to think or feel that way but because they have a disorder that can take an unwanted thought and bring it out into their speech. For instance if they happened to see an individual who was overweight they might actually say, right in front of that person, "Fatty!". Now they don't really mean to insult that person but because their brain is capable of producing a thought that's the exact opposite of what they really want to think, say or feel that thought can come right out of their mouth. If the person with tourettes tries to suppress their tics they can actually end up having the tics come out in a fiercer and louder way than if they'd just let them flow out and ignored them. In OCD we also have unwanted, disturbing thoughts which sometimes seem to be yelling out in our brain things which greatly disturb us. We don't choose them, but because our brain is capable of thinking of anything and because it's stored up all sorts of knowledge about what's appropriate or inappropriate it can generate just about any thought imaginable. In OCD it's the thoughts that we don't want to think that push their way front and center into our conscious awareness. Then when we're aware of them we become very disturbed by them. Then because we're disturbed by them we try to ascertain if they mean something horrible about us. "How could a person who really loves God, even say or think something like that? I must be a horrible person, a blasphemer? I need to fix this? I need to find a way to be sure that God hasn't condemned me to hell?" Then the compulsions begin; the constant looking for reassurance or a way to undo it, or solve it, or make it stop. Then the compulsions give it all even more weight and validity which in turn makes us all the more freaked out about it and all the more determined to find a way to escape it all.
But honestly... the only way out of OCD as Dr. Phillipson has stated is to "stop looking for the exits."
I know that what I've said doesn't answer your OCD in the way it's demanding to be answered. But I HATE what OCD does to people and I will not do it's bidding.
Praying for you!
Mitzi

I went to the interview and while I was filling out the application, it asked my for my present address. My address is on file as something specific with the DMV (which was where I was staying before), and my mail is still going there. But I am now staying with other people. I wrote the old address (it is the address on my resume and driver's license), but I started to feel convicted because it is not my "present address" as the application asked. Well as I was writing the old address and I think trying to reason about it, I got angry I think at the fact that I have to feel convicted over it, and I pictured the Holy Spirit, and felt the word murderer come out of my heart aggressively toward the Holy Spirit. I do not believe the Holy Spirit is a murderer. However, I did feel upset that I had to feel convicted about the address I was putting down. I asked for God, Christ and the Holy Spirit to absolve me of all my transgressions. However, I feel that I cannot take the job if it is offered to me now because of what came out toward the Holy Spirit. Jesus said that satan was a murderer from the beginning and calling the Holy Spirit a murder is essentially blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. I am so freaking tired of trying. I need to do the right thing though before God in all situations. I want to be saved.

Someone please help by prayer or giving me truthful insight or something?

Thanks.