Adoption??

[Flipper]

Have you considered multi-ethnic adoption locally? I ask because 2 families we are close to have both recently successfully adopted children within a fairly short time frame.
The first family adopted "J" 4 years ago, they were on a list for only a few months. His mother was caucasion but dad was an illegal mexican national which is part of why he was available before birth.
The just recieved "R" a few months ago, he is black and white, and so cute! So far all is well with both boys and parents are thrilled!

Second family got their son 1 year ago after waiting for about 1 year from a caucasion mom and native American dad. "G" is like the whole churches kid, everyone knows and loves him. We pass him around like a loaf of bread during church and all enjoy his cuddles!

Good luck, I hope you are soon blessed with your special little one.

With us, it was a difficult decision to make. What did it is that our state's laws favor the biological parents to such an extent, we were hearing story after story of the adoption about to be final, then dad shows up, or mom changes her mind, and even if it's past the statutory time, the courts would allow the bio parents to regain custody. It wasn't just stuff I read in the paper, I know people this happened to, and it was more than one or two. Also, since I work for a law firm, I do get to see the legal precedents coming across and it seems like every month, some precedent is set in favor of the biological mom and against the adoptive parents. As a bio mom you would appreciate those laws in place because then the chances of your kids being taken away are less, but as a potential adoptive parent, it is quite frustrating.

Just this last summer we tried to get custody of my cousin's daughter, who we feel is being abused and neglected. The lawyer we consulted make it abundantly clear that the law is not on our side and we wouldn't stand a chance.

Further, we were told straight up by a couple of the domestic agencies, that the bio parents can choose the adoptive parent for their child, and african amercian moms won't choose white parents.

That all being said, I know plenty of people who successfully adopted domestically. It's that known chance that it won't go that way that makes us not want to put us through that. Sure there's more paperwork in international adoption, but you know you are getting a kid in the end. In domestic, that's not necessarily a given.

Please don't ever think someone who wants to adopt internationally is purposely ignoring the thousands of kids here who need homes. There's a lot more to it. The way I see it, as long as you get a child that you will love and raise, I really don't care how it's done whether it be medical or not.

 

[Green Orchid]

You might want to check into adoption with China now if you plan to adopt by the time you are 30, it may just take you that long. There has also been talk about closing China closing adoption for a while and allowing chinese to adopt within only. I'm not sure if or when that will happen but you might check into that. I just know my Aunt and Uncle have been waiting so long and continue to get new dates every year.

Actually, I can only start the process once I'm 29 because to build our dossier over here takes 6-12 months, and once it is sent to China, I have to be 30. And it's the China part that is long, once they receive our dossier, make an evaluation and send a proposition, right now takes around 18 months (for Quebec). Thanks for your concern though!

 

[seamonster]

Actually, I can only start the process once I'm 29 because to build our dossier over here takes 6-12 months, and once it is sent to China, I have to be 30. And it's the China part that is long, once they receive our dossier, make an evaluation and send a proposition, right now takes around 18 months (for Quebec). Thanks for your concern though!

Not trying to get off topic, but do you know if you *have* to go through an agency when adopting from China? or is it possible to do private adoption?

 

[seamonster]

Unfortuanly while shaohannah's hope is an awesome organization chinese adoption in general is in the midst of huge changes and adoption is taking literally several years and Shaohannah's hope may not be taking anymore people at this time. My Aunt and Uncle are going through Shaohannah's hope currently and have been waiting over 3 years to adopt and every year they get told it will be one more year. They're currently scheduled to get their baby girl January '09 but they expect that date to change once again as well. With that there is so much that they've had to renew over and over as things like their fingerprints and some paper work expire. Also you cannot be over a certain age and if you get pregnant during the adoption process you cannot adopt until that baby is a certain age.

Wow. That seems like an awfully long time to wait for a baby. I have several friends and relatives who have adopted from China and have never waited more than 18 months for a child. Maybe your aunt and uncle should check into a different agency. It sounds like they're being toyed with.

 

[Green Orchid]

Not trying to get off topic, but do you know if you *have* to go through an agency when adopting from China? or is it possible to do private adoption?

In Quebec, we have to go through an agency. I think it's different in the US though. But from what I've read, there are more chances of problems with private adoptions (like fraud). Agencies are regulated (over here anyway) so everything is done by the book - a lot of paperwork to go through, but in the end I think it's worth it because you know exactly what to expect.

 

[Flipper]

We looked into China. The rules changed May of last year, and in preparing for the rule change, a lot of people rushed to get their dossier in. The result is that I was told this past Sunday that the wait is up to FOUR YEARS now. Oh my goodness! It will get back down to something manageable like 18 months, but it will take a while to get through the ones who have already turned in their dossier.

Another thing to keep in mind is that domestic adoption in China is growing, believe it or not - that's also affecting the time fame.

One thing I learned is that the countries change their rules all the time. Just because it was one way for someone you know, does not mean it's that way now. For example, in September, I was told that to adopt in Kazakhstan, meant one 3 week trip, come back, then one 1 week trip. Now, the first trip is up to 6 weeks, and starting this year, the government requires that even though you are matched with a child, that you are shown 3 or 4 other children to consider.

 

[seamonster]

The rules changed May of last year, and in preparing for the rule change, a lot of people rushed to get their dossier in. The result is that I was told this past Sunday that the wait is up to FOUR YEARS now. Oh my goodness! It will get back down to something manageable like 18 months, but it will take a while to get through the ones who have already turned in their dossier.

Oh, wow! I guess that explains the wait that Singin4Him's Aunt and Uncle are going through . Hopefully it won't take too long to get back down to the "normal" time frame.

In Quebec, we have to go through an agency. I think it's different in the US though. But from what I've read, there are more chances of problems with private adoptions (like fraud). Agencies are regulated (over here anyway) so everything is done by the book - a lot of paperwork to go through, but in the end I think it's worth it because you know exactly what to expect.

Ah, interesting. Thanks for the info . I'm trying to get ahold of my aunt to find out how her and her husband did it. They didn't wait more than 12 months (this was two years ago) for a child and did it pretty inexpensively.


SOTFB...I know you and hubby are still going to keep trying for a baby, but are you thinking about adopting in the future?