Adoption??

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

So I was going to post this in the adoption forum, but I noticed that no one has posted there since October... soooooo I thought maybe this was the best place

DH and I have started throwing around the "A" word... however I'm just not totally sure where to start. I know it's a long process but I'd at least like to know how one goes about this type of thing... can ya tell I'm completely ignorant on the subject

The twist is... (despite this being the "hot" celebrity trend right now) we think we want to adopt from Africa

Anyway we're just starting to talk and I need to start researching... it just seems like a really BIG task, even just research wise. We want to continue TTC but at the same time when do you start considering other options? I mean IVF is approx 10,000 per try with a 1 in 3 chance. At 10k a pop 1 in 3 is even too big of a risk. I'd rather put that 10k toward adoption costs.

Thougts?

 

[HeyHomie]

Mrs. Homie and I went to a foreign adoption seminar. Total waste of time, but if you want to give it a go, just google "foreign adoption." The seminar we went to was sponsored by European Adoption Consultants.

There were several things that turned us off, not the least of which was the (minimum) $20,000 investment. Then there was the mountain of paperwork, just to get the ball rolling (and they don't help you with it).

The thing that turned us off the most, though, was something that most of the people in the audience probably didn't even take notice of. The presenter mentioned the joy of going to a foreign country to pick up your newborn, and he mentioned how it's customary (for his agency, anyway) to tip your local van driver with a carton of Marlboros. Which is fine, I suppose, but that opened up a larger issue for me: supposing we got to the foreign country to pick up our little one, and some local bureaucrat decided at the last minute that one necessary piece of paperwork wasn't submitted in time, and an additional $1,000 could make it go through today, otherwise it would be six weeks before the adoption could be finalized.

Essentially, we realized that we'd be at the mercy of foreign bureaucrats if one of them decided to throw their weight around.

NOTE: Your mileage may vary, not all foreign adoption outfits work the same way as EAC, several people adopt foreign babies every year without incident, etc. But for us, adoption wasn't an option.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Interesting, thanks for sharing your story.

These are the things we are looking for... Adoption is so scary to me for whatever reason. Maybe it's because hubby and I went through immigration and I know what kind of hassle that was (and still is).

Now did you give up at foreign adoption? Did you research any local adoption too?

 

[Leanna]

I've thought about adoption a lot, on and off, what puts me off is the cost. Different countries have different requirements and ages at which they typically allow you to meet and take the babies home. International adoption is the most expensive. I have never heard or looked into adopting from Europe though but I haev read some about adopting from India and China and that area of the world.

this is a site I have heard a lot about: http://members.shaohannahshope.org/site/PageServer

Foster adopt is an option for local.... you become foster parents for children who are soon to come up for adoption through the system. I believe it is the cheapest option I found. You can say what ages you are okay with accepting.

If you want a newborn, in the US.... I think its a lot harder, but not impossible.

 

[HeyHomie]

Now did you give up at foreign adoption? Did you research any local adoption too?

Yes, we gave up the idea of foreign adoption.

As for local adoption: not to scare you, but here's what turned us off:

1) The cost: $3,000, minimally.
2) The fact that there's the potential for mountains of legal trouble, and the possibility that you could lose your kid, if the birth mother or birth father decides down the road that they want the kid back.
3) (and this was the dealbreaker for us) The fact that social workers look over your life with a fine-toothed comb. They look at your credit history, your work history, even your weight. In short, unless meet their standard of "perfect," it's not going to happen.

Your best bet (worked for someone in our family) is to find some pregnant teenager in your family or church and adopt from her.

 

[BarbBlessed]

Your best bet (worked for someone in our family) is to find some pregnant teenager in your family or church and adopt from her.

That's similar to our story.
We were contacted by college friends when their young daughter was pregnant. It's an open adoption and at times that's been stressful for my husband and me, but I do believe it's been a good thing for our daughter and for her birth mother.

Also, because of the circumstances we were able to go to a few of her prenatal appointments, were there for an ultrasound and were at the hospital when our daughter was born. (I was in the delivery room - David came in minutes after the baby's birth.)

*************************
I know nothing about adopting from Africa, I'm sorry I can't help you with that.

In the early 1980's we worked with a private adoption service in New England. The home study was intimidating, but not as difficult as we expected once we actually got going. There were lots of nosy questions, background checks and interviews, but the people we worked with were pleasant and we felt that the intrusion was worth it. We had some unexpected expenses. When the mandatory safety inspection was done by the local fire department, they told us that our bedroom windows were not up to code. (We'd just put them in! ) We replaced the windows.

We waited 7 years for a child under age 2, and then after much prayer took our names off the list.

 

[MyaShane]

Wow! What a coincidence! My husband and I were just talking about looking into adopting this morning on the way into work! We're just beginning so I hope others have some advice!

 

[Leanna]

2) The fact that there's the potential for mountains of legal trouble, and the possibility that you could lose your kid, if the birth mother or birth father decides down the road that they want the kid back.

If they sign a denial of paternity/maternity plus a consent to adoption, they don't even have the right to see the child let alone take them back.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

SOTFB, I hope you find the information you are looking for. A friend of mine and her husband are currently researching the same thing although they are not considering Africa. Her insurance will cover two tries at IVF and like you mentioned due to the low odds they are considering adoption instead of the emotional highs and lows of going through with IVF.

So far they've discovered the most realistic option for them is to become foster parents first.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

How long have you been TTC?

Have you thought about adopting a child of 2-3 years old? Start out as a foster parent with the option of adopting in 6 months or so? A friend of mine checked into that.

 

[tiredwalker]

Hubby and I were looking into adoption, but not in another country. Honestly, we decided that it would be best for us to adopt rather than go through IVF (plus, IVF can, in some cases, bring about moral delemas that I don't think I am ready to deal with).

In the research that I did, I came across every scenerio you could imagine (a successful adoption within a few weeks to waiting for over a decade, finally adopting and having baby taken away). I think it is worth a shot, but know that it maybe easier in the US. From what I saw, it seems very important to go with a reputable agency and have a good lawyer to make sure all the loose ends are tied.

DH and I are still considering adoption at some point. For me, it was realizing that I care more about the "little person in the pumpkin patch" dreams than the "feeling the baby kick" dreams. Everybody is different and you have to decide for yourselves what is most important to you. When you do, go all in and don't come out until you get what you want!

Best of luck to you SOTFB!

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

How long have you been TTC?

Have you thought about adopting a child of 2-3 years old? Start out as a foster parent with the option of adopting in 6 months or so? A friend of mine checked into that.

I think we just finished our 19th cycle.

 

[HeyHomie]

If they sign a denial of paternity/maternity plus a consent to adoption, they don't even have the right to see the child let alone take them back.

In Illinois, at least, there have been court cases where a birth parent sued to regain custody. I'm not sure if any of them won, but I do know that the adoptive parents faced huge legal bills.

A denial of paternity/maternity sounds good in theory, but I'm sure the person who signs can sue to have one revoked. You can sue anybody for anything in this country, and the person sued has to pay to defend their self.

 

[Green Orchid]

I know a lot about adoption, but I'm not going to be much help to you SOFTB, unless you choose to adopt through your Canadian citizenship (granted you and your dh would go live in Canada).

International adoption in Quebec varies between 10,000$ and 25,000$ Cdn. It takes about 12 to 36 months, depending on which country you're adopting from.

Actually, to give you a good idea of adoption details, you can go to http://www.adoption.gouv.qc.ca/site/home.phtml

We want to adopt at least one Chinese girl once I'm 30 years old, so adoption is very close to my heart! I think you can also PM seamonster (formerly bluenovember) for more details, I know she wants to adopt from China too and she is American.

May the Lord lead you!

 

[Orthosdoxa]

What do you think about embryo adoption? It's MUCH less costly. Legally it's still a gray area, but it's pretty set that the genetic parents can't come back to claim the child, plus then you'd have the chance to experience pregnancy. Snowflakes is a Christian agency that does that.

 

[Leanna]

In Illinois, at least, there have been court cases where a birth parent sued to regain custody. I'm not sure if any of them won, but I do know that the adoptive parents faced huge legal bills.

A denial of paternity/maternity sounds good in theory, but I'm sure the person who signs can sue to have one revoked. You can sue anybody for anything in this country, and the person sued has to pay to defend their self.

I can see you have a very negative view of adoption. I don't think that's what the OP needs right now. You certainly don't have to adopt, but many people have positive experiences with it.... and all of your posts are pretty negative and it seems a little unfair to her.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

What do you think about embryo adoption? It's MUCH less costly. Legally it's still a gray area, but it's pretty set that the genetic parents can't come back to claim the child, plus then you'd have the chance to experience pregnancy. Snowflakes is a Christian agency that does that.

Interesting... thanks for the link, I'll definitely check it out.

I'm still not totally sure how I feel about stuff like embryo adoption, finding a surrogate mother, etc. I guess I'm just not ready to stop trying it the ol fashioned way (with drugs at least at this point.)

I'm guessing our next step after more drugs will be an IUI... though I'm not sure if it's covered under our insurance (doubtful) and I'm unsure of the costs.

 

[Emma!]

I dont know what the details are for the US because im from Australia. But my husband and I have spent some time in 3 countries of africa, and there are millions of children desperately in need of loving Christian homes... it breaks our hearts... however please be sure to learn some of their culture (of the country you are adopting from) and pray and be certain this is what God wants, its certainly not something to do on a whim (not saying you are).

Depending on the country that you want to adopt from (in Africa) they all have very different requirements e.g. Uganda you have to have lived there and fostered the child for 3 yrs, you have to have been married for a min of 2yrs and have all the other checks done. For Mozambique you have to have been married for a min of 10yrs before you are considered.

So you need to specifically look at the country and their requirements. It can be expensive to adopt because you need to pay your agency, and the costs of court, health expenses and investigation expenses in the country you are adopting from (from Africa’s side it is not as expensive, its your country that generally charges through the roof).

Be sure and investigate it well, in our country the government deals with all adoptions but yours i believe you can go through so many different agencies, so i would go through one that has been highly recommended. It can be a long process, if you, your husband are God are sure its for you then go for it, as i said the need is huge.

Bless you, if you want to talk further im happy too, as i said my husband and i have been spent some time in Africa and are heading back over this year... adopting is in our prayers at the moment too.

 

[HeyHomie]

I can see you have a very negative view of adoption. I don't think that's what the OP needs right now. You certainly don't have to adopt, but many people have positive experiences with it.... and all of your posts are pretty negative and it seems a little unfair to her.

I think she should be aware of the potential downside before she invests thousands of dollars and untold emotional energy into a process that doesn't have a guaranteed outcome.

To NOT tell her would be unfair.

 

[Leanna]

I guess I understand that, but you certainly had a bad experience looking into it and that is certainly not the norm of what I hear from people who went through the adoption process. After a denial of paternity/maternity and a consent to adoption is signed there is no court case. Without those documents maybe there could be trouble.

I had this site in my favorites http://www.rainbowkids.com/ its for international