Adopting as a single person

[JAM2b]

I've considered it myself, either that or foster parenting, but for financial reasons it is not something I can move forward on. I always wanted more children though. I am currently a single (divorced) mother. My kids were better off with me raising them alone than they were when we were with their neglectful and abusive father.

Children do better if they have two healthy parents in a healthy family because they don't get as stressed and overworked. It does not mean that single parenting is a bad thing or unhealthy or impossible, or wrong.

It is an honorable thing to take on caring for a child without a family, whether you are married or not. Kids need love, stability, and safety. If you can provide that, then I think it's wonderful to pursue.

I believe that kids are better off with one, healthy, adoptive parent, than being passed around in a system where foster homes can be hit or miss. Even when every foster home a child encounters is safe and healthy, moving around and not permanently belonging in a family is damaging. Stability and safety is much more important than a perfectly constructed nuclear family. There are far more children in need of a good home than there are married couples willing to foster or adopt.

 

[JAM2b]

BTW, I love that movie "The Martian Child." It's about a widower who is asked to take in an emotionally traumatized child.

 

[mama2one]

when we adopted, the recommendation by adoption experts was for one parent to be home for a year

this helps the child get adjusted plus adopted children come with grief, loss, trauma

husband is a very involved parent; it's taking both of us to parent
so if you do adopt, would suggest a very good support system

best to you

 

[JAM2b]

I do want to add, that one of the reasons I feel financially unable is because I can't stay home with a new child. If I could earn a living from home, and earn enough to do it well, then I would feel comfortable moving forward. Infants and young children do so much better if they are in the care of a parent most of the time. Even when my kids reached teen years, as a single mom, I would refuse to work evenings and weekends on a regular basis, because they still need their parents home too. Even though their needs change as they age, there are always needs. It doesn't get easier, it just gets different.

That doesn't mean, nannies, babysitters, or (high quality) childcare can't work. It's just not the best choice. If you're talking about a child with trauma and previous instability, then the needs are amplified.

 

[JAM2b]

And, in that movie "The Martian Child," the adopting father was a successful writer who worked from home with only occasional needs to be out doing things for his career.

 

[mama2one]

if you have any specific questions, feel free to pm me

 

[Joined2krist]

Thank you all so much, I'm feeling your love and support, and it makes me glad