Admitting

[Scorponok]

I've never "publicly" this but I am an addict. It's not always to drugs but to just simple things. Dr.s call it Addictive Personality; I call it loosing hope.

My current enemies are Cigs (spend at least $25 a week), weed <staff edit>, and cough syrup.

My past enemies have been alcohol, Anti-psychotic medications, sleep aids and the like.

<staff edit> Feeling lost and alone these things make all that go away but only briefly. Which makes no sense since I think it's these things that make me feel this way to start with.

I have no idea anymore of what I am doing. I have never tried any harder drugs like heroine or the like and have always said that I'd never cross that line. But at the same time I never thought my life would be where it's at now.

I still try to fix myself, I work everyday, take care of my life and family as I should and have goals and dreams but yet everyday I wake up and do the same things over and over again and nothing seems to really progress.

Part of me feels like this is how I'll die, this is the legacy I'll leave behind. A loser, a loner and an addict. It won't be a surprise to my family I am sure and I wish like so much I could rise above this all and be something, or someone. Surprise my family and show them I can actually do something and be someone that they'd be proud of.

But I just feel like I've either run out of options or there are no options available.

 

[BrianAK]

But I just feel like I've either run out of options or there are no options available.

Have you ever considered inpatient treatment? Granted, it's almost certainly going to be entirely secular, but it's always worth a shot. It's a difficult decision to make, and treatment is often difficult and boring, but it's worth it. At the very least, if you complete your program, you will have had accumulated some sober time (possibly over a month, depending on the program) and will almost certainly be thinking a little clearer.

 

[Scorponok]

Have you ever considered inpatient treatment? Granted, it's almost certainly going to be entirely secular, but it's always worth a shot. It's a difficult decision to make, and treatment is often difficult and boring, but it's worth it. At the very least, if you complete your program, you will have had accumulated some sober time (possibly over a month, depending on the program) and will almost certainly be thinking a little clearer.

I have looked into various treatment programs but never got anywhere. I don't have insurance and most places I called if you didn't have insurance the cost was above and beyond what I make in a month let alone could afford. I found a really nice one out in Lebanon, TN that just felt good when reading about it. It's also funded by the county, however to get them to pay for your treatment you need to be a resident of that county for 6 months and I have no idea how I'd do that.

And maybe I'm just making excuses and think that I'll figure this out on my own. I don't know, I just know I don't want this to be my life and would really rather try to figure out what caused all of this in the first place and how I can learn to not need it. But the more I think about it, it just becomes more difficult and I get frustrated.

 

[rehpic]

I can't post links yet, but if you go on the SAMHSA website, you will be able to do a search which will show you all the providers within a certain distance of your zip code. If that fails, call your state office for substance abuse, and they should be able to get you pointed in a direction. Maybe you fall in the income range for medicaid and that can pay for your treatment.

 

[Scorponok]

Not in need of a treatment facility anymore but I do thank you for taking the time to post.