Accepting our flaws

[white dove]

Yeah - not everyone is blessed to be surrounded by uplifting people all the time.

I choose not to surround myself with people who drag me down. Everyone has their weak spots, though.

When it comes to romantic relationships, I simply am not attracted to guys who would rather poke at my arms and legs and say, "lose or gain some weight" rather than tell me how beautiful I already am. I haven't been attracted to jerks since high school. I like real men now.

That is not to say I look for validation in men, but I am more interested in those men who already find me attractive and who do not have to pick my flaws to bits. If a guy is looking at flaws and nothing more, that tells me a lot about his mindset, in general.

 

[Psalms34]

Oh yeah, just to mention, so that it doesn’t seem like I was just throwing out opinions, 4hurting, since I don’t always mark book-chapter-verse but just inject it into conversation or writing:
1 Thes 5:14 Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men. 15 See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men. 16 Rejoice evermore. 17 Pray without ceasing. 18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

I try to keep this in mind, especially when I share life experience. I usually don’t share any openly unless I’ve already found the treasures in them, or at least some of it. Good for gleaning by others, I tend to find useful things in the life tales of others. After all, we are living epistles. Good to share though, even when trying to work things out I understand that.
--


What else?
Weaknesses, eh? I think one of my worst past weaknesses was getting involved with women that were more of a work(by far) than an alliance. I mean still I get drawn to people that are going through things, that’s good, not everyone can, nor do they need to in full. However some can and some do. Some do and can’t. Some do and get romantically involved at some point, and that’s bad.

Life lesson is: you can’t change or better anyone, that is for the work of God the Holy Spirit. If you get yourself involved with someone that is not in the same place as you, let go, don’t work at it so hard to help that person; not so close. If it’s a bad match, the least stable person is going to be the greater hindrance for both, dragging the other down etc.

But I don’t need anyone that does what I do, did, or will do, but just that they are there somewhere where I am, and I there for her for whatever it is she is doing, especially. But this is just imho maybe. I mean for those that truly are set for a life of singleness, well that is actually a very good blessing, as long as you use that time focusing in on the Lord. Just get the heart straight, God will answer it if it is something that He put there for a purpose. We can resist that, however.. I mean in either case I'm sure.

Along that road, as you draw closer to God, He'll let ya know maybe not all the specifics, but enough to get you pointed in the right direction. And it's good to always be doing those heart checks, because things can change, for the better if you are holdin' onto the Lord with both hands.

 

[4hurting]

No comment Psalms34.

 

[BlackEssence]

Hmmmm....

 

[4hurting]

hmmmm2 lol.

 

[Marycita]

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have?

Yes..but I've only had one person ever say that about me...and he backs it up in his actions..

Although...honestly, it wasn't a "I like you despite your flaws" it was "I like you because of your flaws"

Does worrying about someone rejecting you b/c of your flaws cause you to avoid dating?If you like someone and they say they like you, too, do you worry that they will ultimately reject you b/c of your flaws?

Used to...

 

[dubadoo]

In response to the OP I saw this a lot while I was pregnant and somewhat still see it while I am walking with a stroller in the mall or outside. I got so many comments from guys while I was pregnant like, Oh that is so beautiful. You look so radiant and happy. But if I would ask for a date they would run as far and as fast as they could. Kinda the same thing occurs in now, but to a lesser extent. I get stares from the guys and females and smiles when they realize I noticed them. It is really hard to read what people are thinking.

 

[4hurting]

What was said has now past so let it not be said anymore.

 

[Psalms34]

No comment Psalms34.

Oh you mean about the first two paragraphs? I think you know your bible well enough to understand that, no need for comment, Bro. I definitely don’t say or write everything I think, that’s actually a wise thing to do when subjects touch home, takes time to work those things out. And not everything is always understood well over message boards, takes a lot of reflection and prayer to find the gems. Sometimes things tend to be in the right place but takes time for the Lord to reveal, but all in His perfect timing. Peace.

 

[ido]

In response to the OP I saw this a lot while I was pregnant and somewhat still see it while I am walking with a stroller in the mall or outside. I got so many comments from guys while I was pregnant like, Oh that is so beautiful. You look so radiant and happy. But if I would ask for a date they would run as far and as fast as they could. Kinda the same thing occurs in now, but to a lesser extent. I get stares from the guys and females and smiles when they realize I noticed them. It is really hard to read what people are thinking.

I struggle a lot with how people perceive me (or how I think they perceive me lol) as a single mom. A lot of men turn and run at the mention of small children - which is fine by me, b/c my kids are my first priority. A lot of women seem to view me as a threat. If only they knew how NOT interested I am in their husband or boyfriend. lol But, often I find, too, that people feel awkward talking to me b/c I'm a single mom and they can't relate. I can't tell you how many times I've been completely ignored right to my face when standing in a group of people who are either married or attached to an SO in some way or another. It's a little hard on the self-esteem sometimes. But, I've learned that the people that shun me like that (yes, even at church) are probably not people that would be good to have in my life anyway.

 

[white dove]

A lot of women seem to view me as a threat. If only they knew how NOT interested I am in their husband or boyfriend. lol

I HATE that... it only solidifies that whole women vs. women thing - that we only see each other as competition. I mean, who cares? It also makes out the other woman to appear so insecure and I hate that, as well.

But, often I find, too, that people feel awkward talking to me b/c I'm a single mom and they can't relate. I can't tell you how many times I've been completely ignored right to my face when standing in a group of people who are either married or attached to an SO in some way or another. It's a little hard on the self-esteem sometimes. But, I've learned that the people that shun me like that (yes, even at church) are probably not people that would be good to have in my life anyway.

Amen

 

[dubadoo]

I struggle a lot with how people perceive me (or how I think they perceive me lol) as a single mom. A lot of men turn and run at the mention of small children - which is fine by me, b/c my kids are my first priority. A lot of women seem to view me as a threat. If only they knew how NOT interested I am in their husband or boyfriend. lol But, often I find, too, that people feel awkward talking to me b/c I'm a single mom and they can't relate. I can't tell you how many times I've been completely ignored right to my face when standing in a group of people who are either married or attached to an SO in some way or another. It's a little hard on the self-esteem sometimes. But, I've learned that the people that shun me like that (yes, even at church) are probably not people that would be good to have in my life anyway.

You and I should develop a support group.

First thing I loved that you said was the priority comes to the children. If a guy cannot accept me without my DD then he like you said is not the right person that should be in my life. I sometimes feel the same way about my girlfriends and their boyfriends. I have even some of them face to face if they see me as a threat to their boyfriends. They do say they don't see me like that at all and for the most part I believe them because they are my friends.

I am now to the point that the guy who chooses me will have to be one special guy. He will not only have to love me with all his heart , but also love my lovely daughter even more.

 

[ido]

I HATE that... it only solidifies that whole women vs. women thing - that we only see each other as competition. I mean, who cares? It also makes out the other woman to appear so insecure and I hate that, as well.

Yeah. I even try to make a point to address the woman more than the man, but it doesn't seem to help. Oh well. lol

Amen

 

[ido]

You and I should develop a support group.

First thing I loved that you said was the priority comes to the children. If a guy cannot accept me without my DD then he like you said is not the right person that should be in my life. I sometimes feel the same way about my girlfriends and their boyfriends. I have even some of them face to face if they see me as a threat to their boyfriends. They do say they don't see me like that at all and for the most part I believe them because they are my friends.

I am now to the point that the guy who chooses me will have to be one special guy. He will not only have to love me with all his heart , but also love my lovely daughter even more.

You sound like you've got your head on straight about relationships and being a single mom. Indeed it takes an amazing man to be able to accept a woman with a child/children. (And likewise for a single father to find a woman willing to do the same). I wonder if said person can ever truly know how much a single parent appreciates that about them?

 

[paul123]

I don't go into things with everything on the table. That is when you will be rejected. When people know too much, it is just wierd. I found that to be my biggest problem. I wanted people to like me so much that they ended up knowing too much too soon.

People won't reject you if you are genuine. You don't have to be a story teller to be genuine.

 

[Psalms34]

I don't go into things with everything on the table. That is when you will be rejected. When people know too much, it is just wierd. I found that to be my biggest problem. I wanted people to like me so much that they ended up knowing too much too soon.

People won't reject you if you are genuine. You don't have to be a story teller to be genuine.

Good too to be a genuine story teller, if that flies with you. True though, I think the mention here with what you said is in regards to “self” ? I mean stories, if put into proper context, tend to amplify the Lord if that is the intent of it, that can be good and helpful, not about self-seeking. Then there is of course those that are just going through things, gives us prompt to be prayerful for them, since I’ve never ever met anyone that wasn’t dealing with something. Part of growth.

I mean, what can I say? Even Jesus went through things. He is our great example on how to get past them. He led by example, and without sin

 

[ido]

I don't go into things with everything on the table. That is when you will be rejected. When people know too much, it is just wierd. I found that to be my biggest problem. I wanted people to like me so much that they ended up knowing too much too soon.

People won't reject you if you are genuine. You don't have to be a story teller to be genuine.

Yeah, I don't start every date with a list of pros and cons to dating me. In fact, there are lots of people who have known me for a long time who don't know lots of things about me. I'm an intensely private person for the most part. That said, these are risks that I have found when I opened myself up to even just a few people - so I thought I would start a thread and see if others experienced the same things I did.

 

[GQ Chris]

I think at times I feel very misunderstood, sorta like Bruce Wayne.

 

[BlackEssence]

GQ? I am Bruce Wayne...

 

[4hurting]

Quote: Paul123

I don't go into things with everything on the table. That is when you will be rejected. When people know too much, it is just wierd. I found that to be my biggest problem. I wanted people to like me so much that they ended up knowing too much too soon.

People won't reject you if you are genuine. You don't have to be a story teller to be genuine.

Least you changed then, and don't feel like, guilt if you hold back, lure them in and bang right.

I just can't do that, try as I might,m very hard.

Funny cause rather the other way around she did not say anything and why I don't ask unless I start to get really, really interested.

Plus like to know if the door is open from the start, too many women close the door, friends only.
And if I like someone, well, only gonna be harder 3 to 6 months down the line if you fall and they don't.
So in pushing too quickly and being open, lose, lose situation, but to ask me to change is like, well, asking me to be someone else, can see all about that in mature singles posting, (Don't remind me please) lol, was fun though, kind of, lol.