Accepting our flaws

[4hurting]

Sorry now been edited now, thanks for reading though.

 

[white dove]

That is quote worthy! I'm going to add you to my favorite quotes on facebook

LOL I misspelled though.. just correct it, ok?

 

[Quoth]

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have?

Given my past history, I am extremely hesitant to believe anyone who says they accept me unconditionally despite my flaws.

Does worrying about someone rejecting you b/c of your flaws cause you to avoid dating?

Yep.

If you like someone and they say they like you, too, do you worry that they will ultimately reject you b/c of your flaws?

They always have so far, so I see it as a legitimate fear.

 

[ido]

Thank you very much for your responses, everyone. I'll do my best to answer them myself now.

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have?

I've never had anyone say directly that they like me despite my flaws - just that they have downplayed my flaws when I voiced insecurity over them. Unfortunately, there is only one person I really did that with and he betrayed me in many ways - which left me wondering if it could really happen that someone would love me flaws and all. (I think I've gotten over that, but I guess I won't really know until I have the chance to allow myself to be vulnerable with someone emotionally.

Does worrying about someone rejecting you b/c of your flaws cause you to avoid dating?

The conversation that I had with my friend recently kind of addressed this question. He asked me why I wasn't dating and I gave him my reasons (he knows more about my personal situation than most of you do) and his response was that if it was the right person, then I would be willing to open myself up and take the chance. So, for now, I don't really date - but I would totally date the right person. Hope that makes sense. lol

If you like someone and they say they like you, too, do you worry that they will ultimately reject you b/c of your flaws?

Honestly? I'm too chicken to let someone in enough to let them reject me in most dating situations. It takes a LOT for me to open up to someone and let them get to know me - ALL of me - so, I guess my answer to this question must be an emphatic YES. I have a few friends that would like to rattle me over this fear of mine and maybe I should let them. lol

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have?

I believe it when there are actions to back up such statements.

I was having a conversation with a friend about this recently - which resulted in the comment that is now a part of my signature. Does worrying about someone rejecting you b/c of your flaws cause you to avoid dating?

It did for a long time.

If you like someone and they say they like you, too, do you worry that they will ultimately reject you b/c of your flaws?

I have before, but with the right person that concern gradually fades away.

ETA: That being said, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop working on the flaws that can be worked on just because someone may like me regardless of those flaws.

 

[Psalms34]

Well for myself, sure it makes me uncomfortable, regarding the other person maybe rejecting me for any my number of flaws, but what concerns me more is when rejected over misconception. I mean flaws are flaws, and if they cant handle that, well then that’s cool. But misconception stems from confusion, and confusion is not something that one would want to boast to being the author of.

As for someone else… well… I’ll say that I have been in love twice in my life, and both had lots of flaws, but that didn’t change anything but maybe even enhanced. Made them… human?

EVERYone has flaws, even you *points at you*, just gotta pick (or whatever) which flaws match best to your flaws, and hopefully not so much all the same flaws the two of you. But I suppose if both of you have some of the same flaws and those amplify together, there is still a chance to grow beyond those particular flaws. However, it’s always a bit amusing to watch pots call kettles black… heh
...sometimes

 

[4hurting]

What was said has now past so let it not be said anymore.

 

[Psalms34]

True but point is, what if some, like me, have more flaws than others, more habits, more weaknesses, that you just feel no one, only an angel and God don't let angels date humans, accept, so, you know, lol.

This is the way I've done it. About six, almost seven years ago, I just let go of considering it a search for the right person, I just gave it to God. I asked Him to make the choice for me, I've just proven myself incapable of making those choices on my own, realizing that. I mean I've always been focused on His will being done in this regard, but needed to go deeper I realized.

So in that time, I've prayed for her. Not necessarily for someone in general, but for that specific person. I often pray that not only her heart be set, but mine for hers as well. I don't know what the progress of that is at this time, but I know that there has been progress, at least from my pov on me.

Food for thought?

 

[4hurting]

What was said has now past so let it not be said anymore.

 

[Psalms34]

After further reflecting on what I’ve wrote, I feel it important to say that one should not let it be the carrot that drives all you are. God needs to be on the throne of your heart, above all. If not, then you may set yourself to worship something that may make God jealous. Love Him all the more, all good things come from Him, their not a replacement for Him. If the stored love for her exceeds your ability to retain it, give it to God, focus it on Him, Brother, whatever the path you may take. Just give thanks for all things, because that is the will of God for yourself. And maybe someday, and that can be a long road, you will know whether when you meet her or at the point you make the vows. No prayers go to waste.

Edit: sorry, gotta fly, I'll try to read/reply your post this evening.

 

[4hurting]

No offense, had this before, I'll once again clarify the matter.

I'm in the gutter and a car stops, miracle, she gets out, need her to put me in the car, help me, take me to the doctors (God) for which I'm grateful and thank her.
But I am sorted by who, the doctor (God) so my worship is never in question, not interesting in worshiping a woman, money, golf, sex, anything that I do, struggle with, suffer from.

But I tell you the truth, I was born to be single and shall die single, this is the truth, in Jesus name, because I've been called to do something and I don't wanna do it, not if it's not what I'm already doing, fear that drives me.
I sadly let that in, I blew it, I messed up and I know I'm 1,000 percent to blame, no worries about that.

But no offense, lol, understand what you mean and once again you are not far from the kingdom, you have said well and have spoken truth, amen.

 

[GoodNewsJournalist]

no one has ever said that to me. I like myself dispite my flaws. I don't think i'm that bad. But i do worry because no one ever seems interested in me so I feel like maybe there's something I can't see and i'm really a terrible person or something. or massively ugly. But i don't think or see those things about myself so it confuses me.

Mina, if you are anything like the drawing in your profile, I think it is quiet the opposite. I think many guys will probably think you're taken, and it's no use to ask you out.

 

[white dove]

That is her. It's just a slightly-altered picture of hers. If you saw the real thing, you would plotz... or swoon. She's beautiful.

 

[4hurting]

Why I've only looked and dreamed, lol, and done my best to stay away, oh well.

LOL.
Swoon, lol, sorry, made me chuckle then, that as in flying, like a bird, swoon, sorry teasing, was funny though, well kind of, well to me (quit while your behind) what's wrong with my behind, oh I see, lol.
Duh!

 

[Psalms34]

because I've been called to do something and I don't wanna do it, not if it's not what I'm already doing, fear that drives me.

http://rcf92584.edgeboss.net/download/rcf92584/mp3/2009/live/feb/sun/s477.mp3
It's a temp pod (stays a week I think, from today), hah actually had the link on my clipboard to answer a passage for someone. Fits here well enough too it seems.

As for God's throne, wasn't saying anything specific, that's between you and God, Bro. It was self-reflection on what I had wrote, just so it doesn't become a blockhead for anyone.
Grow in grace and knowledge

 

[WileyCoyote]

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have?

That's called "game". Sweet talk. They say that now, but I'm willing to bet those same types of people complain about all of those "forgiven" flaws throughout the relationship.

Before the relationship: Oh, I don't mind that you don't know how to cook.

During the relationship: WHERE THE FOOD AT??

 

[ido]

That's called "game". Sweet talk. They say that now, but I'm willing to bet those same types of people complain about all of those "forgiven" flaws throughout the relationship.

Before the relationship: Oh, I don't mind that you don't know how to cook.

During the relationship: WHERE THE FOOD AT??

My personal favorite was: You have an amazing body. That turned into - I should get you into the gym and get you toned up. Which eventually turned into - Hey, I'm willing to go $15K into debt if you want to fly to Costa Rica and have this mile-long list of plastic surgery done (but, really, I love you and think you're beautiful just the way you are!).

BUT - I have faith that there has to be someone out there that really will love me regardless of any physical or personality flaws I have. Right?

 

[white dove]

Reading through some of these responses makes me feel blessed to have encountered and sustained relationships with people who never made me feel so inadaquate and judged.

 

[ido]

Reading through some of these responses makes me feel blessed to have encountered and sustained relationships with people who never made me feel so inadaquate and judged.

Yeah - not everyone is blessed to be surrounded by uplifting people all the time.

 

[Psalms34]

Yeah - not everyone is blessed to be surrounded by uplifting people all the time.

meh true. But then if we only sought those out, what would happen to the rest? Not every negative experience equals certain death, and shouldn't for them, either. However, sometimes people go out of their way to hurt others, or hurt themselves to hurt others. That stuff can take a toll. Focus always. Be prayerful.