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CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
abusive red flag
- Thread starter godshines
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explodingboy
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I'm going to say no, perhaps a poor temperment, but it is possible to be bad tempered without being abusive of others.
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No, it just means that he's angry. To be fair, nothing in the world can make a man angry like a woman.
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Better at the wall than at a person.
My husband has gotten angry enough to throw things or hit things (I saw him put his fist through a cinderblock wall...no, he wasn't angry at me), but he has NEVER, EVER, in 25 years of marriage, so much as called me a nasty name, never mind hit me with his hands or anything else. He doesn't even play-slap (I do...an arm or a leg, and gently).
My husband has gotten angry enough to throw things or hit things (I saw him put his fist through a cinderblock wall...no, he wasn't angry at me), but he has NEVER, EVER, in 25 years of marriage, so much as called me a nasty name, never mind hit me with his hands or anything else. He doesn't even play-slap (I do...an arm or a leg, and gently).
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gzt
The age of the Earth is 4.54 ± 0.07 billion years
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No. I'd say abuse is a sign of an abusive personality. Being violent with inanimate objects is something to be wary of, perhaps, but if it's something you have only heard about second-hand so far, it's not something that comes up often enough to be worried about.
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Mrs. Luther073082
Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3
Ironically, I was the victim of an abusive relationship and I threw my phone at the wall after leaving my ex, because he would not leave me (or my family or friends) alone after I left. Of course, I was young when that happened and now that I am older I don't think I would chuck my cellphone at anything no matter how mad I was 
But I'm going to have to go with no, it isn't likely that your BF has an abusive personality. He was probably just really emotional and not thinking straight. Now if he has a lot of other red flags then you need to be concerned.
But I'm going to have to go with no, it isn't likely that your BF has an abusive personality. He was probably just really emotional and not thinking straight. Now if he has a lot of other red flags then you need to be concerned.
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Mrs. Luther073082
Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3
Actually, there are a lot of warning signs that happen well before any abuse actually occurs -- so good for her for looking out for them. I wish I had of known about them.
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Luther073082
κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
- Apr 1, 2007
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I think you need to look for more signs then one incident in order to determine that your BF might be potentially abusive.
Losing his temper in a heated conversation or something like that I don't think qualifies as enough evidence to consider him potentially abusive.
I think the important thing to look for is controlling behavior.
I wouldn't worry about this too much.
Losing his temper in a heated conversation or something like that I don't think qualifies as enough evidence to consider him potentially abusive.
I think the important thing to look for is controlling behavior.
I wouldn't worry about this too much.
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- Aug 3, 2004
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Its a signal to look further. That was excessive, and even if he was not abusive he may have anger or other issues that could cause you some pain later.
John
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John
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- Dec 17, 2004
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I guess keep it in mind. But lots of people can get angry enough to throw things. I've thrown things, and I am not abusive in the slightest
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gzt
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I guess keep it in mind. But lots of people can get angry enough to throw things. I've thrown things, and I am not abusive in the slightest
That's what they all say.
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- Dec 17, 2004
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LOL Yes. Its true, I'm secretly this really abusive horrible person. And underneath, when you least expect it, I'm going to come and hit you with a frying pan. And it will hurt
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samiam1272
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I wouldn't dare throw my phone cause it costs too much lol. But blood feuds can cause some serious emotions. It doesn't mean anything besides the fact that he was angry or upset.
Now if he threw the phone hard enough to break it, and its an expensive phone (theres times I would have thrown it if i had a cheap phone or a back up phone lol) and if it wasn't an issue that was much of a big deal that caused him to throw the phone, then it could be an indicator of a temper problem (not necessarily an abuse issue). But its hard to say from one experience cause everyone gets mad enough at some point in life where they throw or slam something. It's just life, if anyone gets pushed enough, they will eventually snap in some way. Its normal.
I wouldn't worry too much unless he gets real aggressive with you when your calm, and even then its hard to tell if its just hot air. or threatens you perhaps, thats more serious
Now if he threw the phone hard enough to break it, and its an expensive phone (theres times I would have thrown it if i had a cheap phone or a back up phone lol) and if it wasn't an issue that was much of a big deal that caused him to throw the phone, then it could be an indicator of a temper problem (not necessarily an abuse issue). But its hard to say from one experience cause everyone gets mad enough at some point in life where they throw or slam something. It's just life, if anyone gets pushed enough, they will eventually snap in some way. Its normal.
I wouldn't worry too much unless he gets real aggressive with you when your calm, and even then its hard to tell if its just hot air. or threatens you perhaps, thats more serious
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Niffer
So...that just happened.
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I got out of a previous relationship, because the guy I was dating had a horrible temper and would throw things/punch inanimate objects.
If this guy has to demonstrate his anger by being violent, then yes, thats a red flag to me.
Sure, he's throwing the phone at the wall now, but what happens when it's you that's ticked him off?
I felt even more justified in my decision when I broke up with him and he punched 3 holes in the wall. I knew it was a matter of time before I became the wall he was hitting.
I also think it's shows an extreme lack of maturity to go and break something when you're mad. It reminds of my brother when he was 12 and losing a computer game.
OP, I'd keep your eyes open. This may be just a one-time deal, but if he continues to throw/hit when he's mad, you need to get out of there.
Peace,
- Niffer
If this guy has to demonstrate his anger by being violent, then yes, thats a red flag to me.
Sure, he's throwing the phone at the wall now, but what happens when it's you that's ticked him off?
I felt even more justified in my decision when I broke up with him and he punched 3 holes in the wall. I knew it was a matter of time before I became the wall he was hitting.
I also think it's shows an extreme lack of maturity to go and break something when you're mad. It reminds of my brother when he was 12 and losing a computer game.
OP, I'd keep your eyes open. This may be just a one-time deal, but if he continues to throw/hit when he's mad, you need to get out of there.
Peace,
- Niffer
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You know he was mad at his dad, right? He wasn't throwing the phone because he was mad at the phone.
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DanuckInUSA
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The scriptures tell us to associate ourselves with people who are in Christ for this reason. Anger is not one of the fruits of the spirit. Discern wisely.
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