• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

  • CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.

ABUSIVE husband...

Aug 5, 2006
15
0
✟22,625.00
Faith
Christian
After praying for many many many years to my Lord Jesus Christ, I wonder what God's will is for my life, and marriage.Verbal, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, and sexual abuse throughout my marriage still not changing and i think he is unfaithful again, as he was at the begining of the marriage so many years ago. This loveless marriage has left me secretly falling in love with other Christian men who's only desire is to please the Lord, even just listening to male Christian artists leaves me falling in love with their spritual leadership and desire to please the Lord...I feel guilt but i cant stop it. I know the Lord doesnt want me to live like this but what to do?I submit myself to the Lord's will over my life, I cannot live like this anylonger.Help
 

vjaine

Senior Member
Jul 21, 2005
1,168
171
Georgia
✟25,123.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I agree that God doesn't want you to live in an abusive relationship. I would strongly recommend separation from anyone who is abusing you, and that you find counseling to get you through this. This website may also be helpful, www.drirene.com.
It's not your fault that you are being abused, but you are still able to take action!
 
Upvote 0

Mskedi

Senior Veteran
Dec 13, 2005
4,165
518
47
✟29,300.00
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Green
I agree with the poster above me -- your first step has to be getting away. From there you can start deciding what to do next -- whether you want to divorce or try to reconcile through counseling or just remain separated is entirely up to you, but your safety comes before any of these decisions. There are groups out there whose sole purpose is to help women in situations like yours. I hope you're googling for ones in your area. Good luck.
 
Upvote 0

Tavita

beside quiet waters He restores my soul..
Sep 20, 2004
6,084
247
Singleton NSW
✟7,581.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Politics
AU-Liberals
I agree with the above posters too. I was in an abusive marriage for nearly twenty years and decided that enough was enough about six years ago. It was the best thing I ever did. And what kept me there originally was the fear that I was going against church teachings and letting the Lord down. But do you know what I found? The Lord blessed my move away from that so-called marriage, when in reality it wasn't a marriage at all. He blessed me incredibly in ALL ways. It took a few years to be built up again as a person, because as you know it takes a lot out of you. And the Lord has been with me all the way, healing and restoring, and even setting me free from so many fears. If you are being destroyed as a person in a marriage like this, then He does not want you there, even if only temporarily. I hope and pray that He will make a way for you..
 
Upvote 0

heron

Legend
Mar 24, 2005
19,443
962
✟48,756.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
I agree. I know it's a massive leap, but you've prepared for it in your heart for so long.

When you talk about the faith of other men, it reminds me of times when I've watched people fall for another person just to use them as a stepping stone, a rescuer to pull them out. Sometimes we need other people to help us. But you are your own person, valid and capable of doing this.

It doesn't have to be a man that helps you out-- ask some friends, or look into family services and mediators and battered women's groups. There are people out there who are happy to help you through the steps.

Make lists for yourself, so the idea doesn't seem so daunting. Don't stop when you hit what seems an insurmountable obstacle, like finances. Keep planning it.

Remember that there are things he has done that aren't just an irritation-- he has broken the marriage contract, and possibly some laws. You have no reason to feel guilty for wanting to leave.
 
  • Like
Reactions: deb7648
Upvote 0

Sketcher

Born Imperishable
Feb 23, 2004
39,048
9,490
✟423,754.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
God hates abuse, but He also hates divorce. Go for counselling before you decide to sign the papers. Yes, he has problems and isn't treating you right. However, God has made clear in His Word what His will is regarding marraige and divorce. Just because we need to obey it doesn't mean that we can't take steps to solve the problem here.
 
  • Like
Reactions: joyousliving
Upvote 0
Aug 5, 2006
15
0
✟22,625.00
Faith
Christian
i have been to christian councelling many many many times so has he over the years but still no love and abuse. he is diagnosed as a Narcissist(no empathy at all)he became a christian 15 years ago but no "fruits" of the Holy Spirit.he controls everything, i cannot even have some of my family over to my home. i am tired. He wont even leave i must get a lawyer if i decide to make him go. We have somes profitable businesses together PTL, but he will likely TRY to take it all and "punish" me as usual etc. i give this situation to Jesus...Thankyou for any prayers or further advice. Be abundantly blessed for sharing my burden.amen
 
Upvote 0

Theogonia

Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2006
9,103
142
34
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
✟10,109.00
Faith
Pantheist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
twistedsketch said:
God hates abuse, but He also hates divorce. Go for counselling before you decide to sign the papers. Yes, he has problems and isn't treating you right. However, God has made clear in His Word what His will is regarding marraige and divorce. Just because we need to obey it doesn't mean that we can't take steps to solve the problem here.

This man has already broken the marriage. There is no bond between them anymore except legal documents.

As far as I'm concerned, they're already divorced, just not legally.

And God hates divorce is a stupid arguement.

God may not like it, but if done for legitamate reasons, I think God's not going to be to fussed about it.

My mom is in a similar situation, not physical but verbal, and she's leaving and moving on with her life. A couple months ago she was actually thinking about suicide she was so depressed. Now she realized the depression was from him, so she's made the decision to leave.
 
Upvote 0

Sketcher

Born Imperishable
Feb 23, 2004
39,048
9,490
✟423,754.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
This man has already broken the marriage. There is no bond between them anymore except legal documents.

As far as I'm concerned, they're already divorced, just not legally.
He hasn't broken the marraige unless he has had an affair with another woman. (Matthew 19:9) I'd say God's opinion has more wieght than yours in this situation, and we've got that in writing.

And God hates divorce is a stupid arguement.

"Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?' It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

'I hate divorce,' says the LORD God of Israel, 'and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,' says the LORD Almighty.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith." - Malachi 2:13-16

Stupid? This passage tells me that divorce and remarraige is stupid because God will act against you as the witness for your former spouse. I'm not going to wish that on a brother or a sister. God has made them one, and they are HIS.

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." - Matthew 19:6
 
Upvote 0

Theogonia

Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2006
9,103
142
34
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
✟10,109.00
Faith
Pantheist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
twistedsketch said:
He hasn't broken the marraige unless he has had an affair with another woman. (Matthew 19:9) I'd say God's opinion has more wieght than yours in this situation, and we've got that in writing.



"Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?' It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

'I hate divorce,' says the LORD God of Israel, 'and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,' says the LORD Almighty.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith." - Malachi 2:13-16

Stupid? This passage tells me that divorce and remarraige is stupid because God will act against you as the witness for your former spouse. I'm not going to wish that on a brother or a sister. God has made them one, and they are HIS.

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." - Matthew 19:6

Maybe God doesn't like it. But under certain circumstances I feel it's acceptable.

Like this one.

She doesn't need counseling, she needs freedom and a new life.
 
Upvote 0

Tavita

beside quiet waters He restores my soul..
Sep 20, 2004
6,084
247
Singleton NSW
✟7,581.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Politics
AU-Liberals
(Jer 3:8 NASB) "And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also."

How do we reconcile the fact that God divorced the house of Israel with His saying that He hates divorce? There is more to adultery than sex, it's a heart attitude. I would think that God hates the treachery involved in a marriage where the terms of the covenant have been broken long before the divorce becomes 'legal'. The 'tearing unsunder', can happen in a marriage even though there is no writ of divorce.
 
Upvote 0

Theogonia

Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2006
9,103
142
34
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
✟10,109.00
Faith
Pantheist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
Tavita said:
(Jer 3:8 NASB) "And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also."

How do we reconcile the fact that God divorced the house of Israel with His saying that He hates divorce? There is more to adultery than sex, it's a heart attitude. I would think that God hates the treachery involved in a marriage where the terms of the covenant have been broken long before the divorce becomes 'legal'. The 'tearing unsunder', can happen in a marriage even though there is no writ of divorce.

Very excellent point!
 
Upvote 0
Aug 5, 2006
15
0
✟22,625.00
Faith
Christian
BLESSINGS BE TO THE HOUSEHOLDS OF THOSE WHO ARE SHARING MY BURDEN AMEN! PTLi know iknow i wish more than anything i could just make it work here, but in case it was missed.... at the begining of the marriage he was unfaithful with aprox 20 women...and since then many times i have indications that it is repeated...he has also threated adultry on many occasions so that concern is mute.ameni worry though about the children, of course it isnt the best enviroment either way...but perhaps if the Lord is willing to provide a good spiritual leader to my home then it will be much better amen !i have told him that if we separate i will wait 6 months to date in case he wants to try to get his act together...but i have wasted so many years already and ultimatly its not God's will for me to be abused. amen!BLESS YOU ALL ABUNDANTLY AMEN!this is helping me sort it out in my mind thankyou soo refreshing amen!~
 
Upvote 0

Tavita

beside quiet waters He restores my soul..
Sep 20, 2004
6,084
247
Singleton NSW
✟7,581.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Politics
AU-Liberals
Then you have very good grounds for leaving your husband. If he had committed adultery and was repentant then it would be a different story. Many people can get over that sort of betrayal by their spouses if the spouse is willing to turn around. Just keep focussed on helping the kids to deal with this situation. Talk to them a lot, but don't put their father down, and make sure you keep the channel open to them to see him regularly. It's very important that you keep strong, and become a new and happy woman. This will help them more than anything in this situation.

Blessings to you in your new life....
 
Upvote 0

Deborah6763

Regular Member
Jul 22, 2006
105
6
near the beach
✟22,742.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
You have received good advice and support here. Try to work with yoru church leaders here if possible.

Having been through a somehwat similar situation fairly recently, I know that my church was suportive of me and worked with me initially to try to hold him accountable. when that failed, I was released according to God's word. that helped my mental state enormously.

God bless you! He loves you and wants only good things for you and for your children
 
Upvote 0

Sketcher

Born Imperishable
Feb 23, 2004
39,048
9,490
✟423,754.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
Tavita said:
(Jer 3:8 NASB) "And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also."

How do we reconcile the fact that God divorced the house of Israel with His saying that He hates divorce? There is more to adultery than sex, it's a heart attitude. I would think that God hates the treachery involved in a marriage where the terms of the covenant have been broken long before the divorce becomes 'legal'. The 'tearing unsunder', can happen in a marriage even though there is no writ of divorce.
When God did that, He had every intention of bringing His "wife," Israel, back. (see Hosea 2:13 and following, Jeremiah 16:14-15, 30:3, 18, and 33:25-26). This is in every way consistant with His instruction to Christian couples for if they do divorce:

"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." - 1 Corinthians 7:10-11
 
  • Like
Reactions: ~Nikki~
Upvote 0

~Nikki~

aka northstar
Aug 13, 2004
2,941
306
England
✟27,047.00
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Married
twistedsketch said:
When God did that, He had every intention of bringing His "wife," Israel, back. (see Hosea 2:13 and following, Jeremiah 16:14-15, 30:3, 18, and 33:25-26). This is in every way consistant with His instruction to Christian couples for if they do divorce:

"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." - 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

Exactly!

Further on in the Jeremiah passage after God says He's given Israel a bill of divorce, He begs her to come back because He says He is still Israel's husband even though He sent her away.


As far as I can see from scripture, there are times when it is wise to separate (if in physical danger or something), but in those circumstances the Bible says to remain single or work on reconciliation...as twistedsketch already said...
 
Upvote 0