abuse and the process of healing

[Colleen1]

I have experienced abuse in the past. Healing can be a long process. I have been able to survive and heal in many ways but there are still things that happen in life that can, at times, bring up difficult feeling, etc. Things like encountering controlling people or hearing altercations, etc. I understand the psychology and theory behind all this but I'm still left with the feelings. This is something that gets easier as I progress but it is helpful to be able to share what I feel and what's on my heart.

For example, this weekend there was a physical assault in the building where I live. I heard it and saw some through the peep hole in my door and through my window so I phoned the police. The police asked me to write a statement. This whole experience made me feel quite nervous. It bothers me when I hear or see real-life violence. It, of course, brings up feelings of anxiety because I know how awful the abused feels and how difficult it is to change our lives. I also know the difficulty the abused encounter with the system they are required to deal with. This reminds me of my stuff. Truthfully, I have been dealing with creating more awareness in my community concerning better ways of dealing with victims and these issues. It hasn't been easy but I believe it is something God wants me to do. To stand up for good and honesty and address my own concerns... but it isn't easy.

 

[Colleen1]

Pouring my heart out to God and remembering He cares and is bigger than my problems even when He allows things in my life is keeping me on the right track. I talked to a friend a couple of times and this was also helpful. Committing to and doing the things I need to do in order to deal with things and feel better is helpful. Practical things like taking care of myself. All sorts of things like pouring my heart out to God, eating healthy, getting fresh air, journalling, whatever relieves stress in a healthy way is worth doing. It takes commitment on my part but eventually I come to terms. I've read a good book last year called, "Deceived By Shame Desired By God," by Cynthia Spell Humbert. I found this helpful. She is a christian with some good insight. Take Care. I'm praying.

 

[Johnnz]

Its OK to have some sense of vulnerability persisting. That does not mean you haven't 'recovered', but rather you still have memories and you 'know' the harm a bad experience can do to someone.

John
NZ

 

[Colleen1]

Thanks for the validation. It seems to me you have some good insight when it comes to relational / emotional issues. One of the things I need to remind myself of is to be okay / content (in the true sense of the term) with the stage of healing I am at. I think this is important.

 

[Colleen1]

I had a really bad day yesterday but I'm happy to say I got through it with grueling honesty to myself, God and others. I kept on doing the things I need to do to take care of myself and go forward and continue to heal and I got through to the 'other side'. It also helped that I got a great sleep last night and people were praying. Take care and I'm praying for my chat buddies too.

 

[Colleen1]

I'm having one of those days when it feels like I don't have the strength any more to deal with the things I need to deal with. I wish stuff was done and dusted but there still seems a long way to go to resolving certain issues.

 

[Colleen1]

Good morning everyone. I'm feeling less frustrated today and thankful for it.

 

[Colleen1]

Well, I've been having one of those days when I'm experiencing a whole range of emotions. One step at a time.

 

[crouche76]

Abuse is probably the worst form of adversity that can befall a woman. Physical and psychological abuse is continually meted against women in the USA. I actually suffered many years in silence but a friend introduced me to a magazine that really encouraged me. Although i may never forget the pain and heartache. Every copy and message of this magazine has changed the way i earlier viewed myself. I feel more valuable and happy to be myself. It is called breatheagainmagazine

 

[Colleen1]

Abuse is probably the worst form of adversity that can befall a woman. Physical and psychological abuse is continually meted against women in the USA. I actually suffered many years in silence but a friend introduced me to a magazine that really encouraged me. Although i may never forget the pain and heartache. Every copy and message of this magazine has changed the way i earlier viewed myself. I feel more valuable and happy to be myself. It is called breatheagainmagazine

Yes, women have a difficult time in Canada too. Even just some of the silly expectations we have of women in the church. You know some people's idea of a christian woman is one who is passive, keeps the status quo, is responsible for everyone's emotions, etc. Rather dangerous and unrealistic especially when abuse comes our way. Last year I read a book called "Deceived By Shame Desired By God" by Cynthia Spell Humbert and it is one of the best books I have read so far about women and some of the issues we face. It talks about how unnecessary shame and guilt affects our lives and our relationship with God, ourselves and others. I'm leery when recommending material even if there is the odd concept I disagree with but I would recommend this book. In fact I bought extra copies to give away to others and to libraries. I'm listening to Midday Connection on Moody radio and they went through a book the end of last year called "No More Mrs. Nice Girl". I want to go through that book as well. It talks a lot about taking care of ourselves, being assertive, boundaries, etc. Thanks for letting me know about this magazine. I will definitely check it out. Take care. I don't mind listening or chatting. Thanks again.

 

[Johnnz]

Shame does not belong within a Christian. Jesus came to free us from that. When we are sexually sinned upon we can experience the uncleanness of the other as something placed upon us. But that is not to become our shame.

So many women I have listened to have spoken about their shame, or being unclean and unacceptable, often guilt bound, a 'bad person'. Sex becomes something dirty and fraught with guilt. Discovering that is not how Jesus sees us can be so refreshing and comforting.

John
NZ

 

[Colleen1]

Shame does not belong within a Christian. Jesus came to free us from that. When we are sexually sinned upon we can experience the uncleanness of the other as something placed upon us. But that is not to become our shame.

So many women I have listened to have spoken about their shame, or being unclean and unacceptable, often guilt bound, a 'bad person'. Sex becomes something dirty and fraught with guilt. Discovering that is not how Jesus sees us can be so refreshing and comforting.

John
NZ

Years ago when I realized the shame wasn't mine to bear it was like I had a new lease on life. There are times, however, that I understand that in my mind but it takes longer for me to really internalize some of these things deep in my being / heart. Every now and then, especially when others give off the impression they are disappointed with me or reject me that old shame can start rearing its ugly head again. We are each responsible for our own decisions and 'stuff'. (of course I'm not saying we shouldn't be considerate of others we just need healthy boundaries)

 

[Colleen1]

I had this difficult meeting to go to, to discuss some issues of abuse. The beginning of the meeting was rather nerve racking. I was on 'high alert' and questioned whether or not to end the meeting. Part way through the meeting I felt peace and then I saw this Bible sitting on the table we were using. The irony is that it was the last place you'd think to find a Bible. It was like God saying, yes, I'm here too. I was there in the firey furnace. I was in the lion's den. I was there when David faced Goliath. I'm with you when you're in the valley. I'm here all the time. I find it encouraging when we see evidence of God's plan and hand in things when we are dealing with difficult things and don't know why. What more can I say but thank you Father.

 

[SplendidTree]

I feel the same way too Colleen.

 

[Colleen1]

I feel the same way too Colleen.

Thanks for the validation and understanding.
p.s. By the way I really like your signature.

 

[Colleen1]

Have a Blessed Easter!

 

[Colleen1]

Well, today is a difficult day. It's one of those days when it's glaringly obvious just how much we as a church have left to learn and how desperately we can fail those hurting. All I can really say right now is, we are very unaware and fallable and any of us christians who think we are not capable of such things have much to learn about redemption, integrity and honor. There are many days, especially of late, that I think there is more honor among thieves than among christians. Please pray.

 

[Colleen1]

My family and church isn't easy. I know God is big. Bigger than others and my mistakes. He has a plan but no where in the Bible does he say come to me and lie about how you feel. Psalm 139 is great, along with many other references in seeing God is about authenticity and integrity. I'm very aware of what every person is capable of. For me it' not about people being perfect. The upset for me is about the pretense, lies and lack of authenticity. We all have problems, pain, sin and if any of us says otherwise, I would say we are lying. Struggles will come; whether we and how we do confront struggles is the crux of the matter. Pretending isn't an option for me. I can't and won't live a life of lies; it's not what I'm called to do. Pain is real and pretending it doesn't matter or exist is ridiculous.

This morning my mother died. Needless to say it creates a lot of conflicting emotions.

Life has problems and pain. This I can manage. It's the unnecessary nonsense I can't stomach. Nonsense like gossip, meddling, pretense, lies.... It's poison and pointless. __________________

 

[Johnnz]

Being an truly authentic person goes against so much of modern society. Jesus had the same problem. God given authenticity is hard to live with without a desire for reality.

John
NZ

 

[Colleen1]

Finding peace and contentment can be a learning process..... During the last days, when someone is dying, it can stir up a lot of emotion. Speaking for myself, there were things I wanted my mom and myself to work through and on my part this required honest sharing about things a couple of times. Not easy to figure out how to do this but worth while considering life is eternal. Then the two of us being able to be together truly authentically with nothing left unsaid or any wedges was worth the risk. Not easy for either one of us but essential. Dealing with life authentically and living real is what brings peace and contentment. I believe it's all the untruths and pretense and those little nagging guilts that hinder peace and contentment. How much more sense is it to just say, "I feel sad; I feel hurt; I feel angry; I feel despair; I feel...." Than to waste years not saying the things that we should and have it eating away at us and have the devil using these unresolved things in the dark of the night when we are alone or vulnerable and we're more prone to discouragement. By authentic, I don't mean rude; I mean the expression of the unsaid things that need to be said but we're too afraid to say them because it makes us feel vulnerable. I think the most important thing to remember, regardless of the outcome of our experiences, is to remember we are truly & deeply loved by our Father God who is with us.

I'll be praying and again, thank you all for listening and the prayers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U28b350agHM&feature=player_detailpage