abstract

[heavenliejediofthebeach]

this is a poem about how i veiw abstract
The brush hit the board,
like fire on a open sword,
colors burned in circles and shapes,
souls bent in lines through vines of distant capes,
blue scorched the sky as if eternity touched a lingering stream,
yellow turned forward until fountains began to dream,
the ever so white,
like a turning light,
vividness drew in distant lands thickening in fantasy,
creation looked and melted into shimmering sweet agony,
centers of stars glowed in shades brighter than sun licked domes,
with silver layered in crested sea cap foams,
waves of passion grew into darkened holes,
black splashed to spots in swimming coals,
fascination over the blankness,
emptiness left like brilliant rain over dryness,
reality washed out to be no more,
Art of ABSTRACTbillowed into hope into a new door.

 

[yakkmeister]

Ok -> here we have a good attempt at imagry.
An attempt that is, for the most part, successful.
However: the rythm really needs attention.

Some lines are simply too long.
Also: I think you may fin that rhyming is easier if you use offset rhymes.
For example:

Fine (a)
Two (b)
Silk (c)

Milk (c)
too (b)
Mine (a)

This makes the poem less forced sounding, and the further the offset, the more suble the rhyme.