Hehe, yeah rebellious outcast is a good descrition of Jesus. It sounds to me like you are looking for the 'church' or other 'people' to supply you with a foundation of happiness and acceptance. I can totally relate to you because I went through a very similar experience when I grew up. I had felt very rejected by church and even more so by my 'churchy' parents. No human has ever been able to 'support me.'
You often hear alot that happiness comes from 'within' as if we are all born with happiness. While I'm not exactly sure that is because I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist, no one tells you where happiness comes from. Alot of people are happy because they were raised by happy parents, at least in my finding and from what I learned in my psychology courses. However, if you weren't lucky enough to be 'raised' in a happy and accepting environment, I find that almost everyone turns to alcohol, drugs, religion, music, etc.
Me myself, as a testimony, I have been so unaccepted by people because of my lack of social skills and other things. I have been made fun of quite a few times, and then turned around the social scene by becoming adopting the 'rebellious' mentality. I turned to drugs, alcohol, and smoking as a way of fitting in with people. Yet that didn't work to well either. I found that maturity, and caring, and wisdom helped me get along with other people. No one anywhere wants someone who is immature, hateful, and dumb (I mean in a literal sense, many people get good laughs by watching someone act goofy lol).
But when I read the bible, I found that those things were things that come from God. I've discovered that things that lead to a great happy life, the things that make up your 'happiness' all come from God.
In my own experience, the Church has condemned me for not obeying the words of the Sunday School teacher. One time, our Sunday school teacher (also the Pastor's wife) brought a Sears (Department Store chain) magazine to Sunday school. She showed us a page of a girl advertising a nightgown. The gown had these fancy bright coloured pants, and a shirt that had 3 or 4 buttons at the top around the neck area. The top two or three buttons were unbottoned. The model was lying down on a bed with a slight smile on her face. Our teacher then told us that this model and Sears were advertising 'sex', in the sense that buyingf from Sears supported the idea of 'sexual impurity'. She then went around to the classroom clockwise and asked us individually what she thought of ad, individually. Everyone said with a disguiseful yet lying facial expression that this ad was advertising 'sexual promiscuity' rather than advertising a nightgown, and she agreed with everyone's point of view. When my turn came, I said that I thought the advertisement showing off a nightgown, and that it wasn't the colour I'd want to see my girl wearing, and that I'd buy it for my girl if she liked it. The teacher was sort of shocked and enraged about my thoughts.
Just as an example. But you must realize that The Churhc is made up of people, and that every person or group of people will have problems and inefficiencies, as no one is perfect.
So as a result I have shifted my focus towards something that is perfect, and the only thing perfect to us is God. I find that when you rely on God, rather than people you get a thousand times much more satisfaction and much much less letdowns. How else can human life be so enjoyable then?
Good luck to you!!!
Closest to a strictly Bible-based church I have been able to observe.
Quite a test.
That's a good thing, I suppose.
