a year and a half...

[GodsChild74]

Well, I'm proud of you for being able to do that... you had your children to love... I'd guess at least a little family to be supportive? Maybe no romantic love in your life, but you still had someone to "love the most" which allowed you to heal. That's nice... but I don't have that.

When I was very young, I was supposed to wait up for my mom to come home from work. I didn't call... she ended up staying just a little late, and died because of it. I know it's not "my fault" but that doesn't stop her side of the family from disowning me because they do. Then the other side saw that the first disowned me and figured there must be something wrong... so I haven't spoken to an aunt or uncle in... probably 7 years? The old man's the only who still talks to me and he just uses me as a business partner... of course, this just means he "borrows" money from me promising to pay it back when he gets back into town, and never gets around to it. Certainly isn't a relationship in which I could ask for a hug. .... now that I think about it... last time a relative allowed me to give them a hug... was probably... when I was about 12? I honesly don't even remember.

So imagine your healing process.... minus the whole "I forgot about the ones I loved the most, my children" part.

Ahhhh but what you dont know is that I didnt have the support of my family. When I came back I found that a family member was hurting one of my children and I reported them. My whole family has ignored me since. So other than my children, they are the only family I have. I told you I understand better than you know.

 

[Divinah]

Listen, the bible says in
psalm 27:10
"though our father and mother forsake us
...the LORD will receive us"
Praise God for That.
​

Worldly me now: I decided long ago that if I let everyone who was full of IT get to me...I'd be miserable my whole life. Don't mistake other peoples nastiness or even ignorance with having anything to do with you.

Best Method: Try to see the best in everyone, as God's creature and God's design...if you can't find it...try to bring it out in them...or plant a seed that they might one day know.

BECAUSE: This despair that you seem to be feeling, is being displaced onto the girl and the relationship stuff, when...​

IT'S GREG AND GOD STUFF!
​

The relationship pain, I believe, is a tool the enemy is using to confuse you and hold you down. I don't want to simplify but what RMA74 was successful in was taking time to herself, finding God and growing in him. I believe that's what YOU need.
​

A LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE FATHER!

I hate to see the hopelessness in your posts.
I hope you will do this...
seek him
daily,
in word,
in prayer,
in praise.

I just gave you the recipe for success. In all your grief, do this...especially when you really don't want.
And when it seems to no avail, do it still.

ME PREACHING:

There is a harvest to be reaped by the planting of the seed of perseverence IN HIM...
It is a pleasant offering to the LORD
and he WILL HONOR IT.

Tomorrow is Sunday...
Go to church,
Be Blessed...
really [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] the devil off and
BLESS SOMEONE ELSE.

RMA74...
Your's is a wonderful testimony of perseverence in the Lord especially when the storm of what happened to your child came. I pray you'll be blessed in persevering still ,
IN CHRIST. The thing I'd like to share with you is...when you do have someone to Bless...your child...as you so diligently lift that child, bless that child and claim promises for that child...
YOU CAN'T HELP BUT RECEIVE THEM YOURSELF!


PRAISE THE LORD!​

 

[SearcherKris]

Gregorian,

I'm so sorry for the losses you have had in your life.

I'm wonding if you could get pluged into a men's group at church. Maybe you could talk to a pastor about helping you find an older faithful man who could mentor you. He could perhaps fill the void of a father figure for you. He could be encouraging and supportive, and a godly brother who does not mind giving or recieving hugs. Maybe he could be available to you at any time when you are struggling. I think if you had someone in your life who could be "Jesus with skin on," it could help your healing process a lot.

 

[JohnDB]

OK...ladies...
You would be right and possibly are so long as there are special circumstances involved with this situation...

Not knowing much about Gregorian I would only suggest that he hang out with the guys a little more that do stuff...like target practice with rifles or shotguns,...or get into building something with his hands like a barn or deck or something else...

Guys bond by working and playing together...we don't sit around and talk about our most emotional moments over a cup of tea...where this might occur while consuming large quantities of alcoholic beverages...it doesn't happen normally...

We are men...we are specially created to build, defend, and play so hard that at times it appears like either a fight or work...but we are still just playing.

And nothing speaks to our unique psychie like a completed project that looks and works well...especially if we did it with the help of a few other guys.

Some like working on cars...some build RC aircraft and then fly them. Some do RC boats and cars and the like.
Some play golf or go fishing...all depends upon the tastes of the individual guy.

These are the things that do more for us when we have had our guts ripped out by someone that is cruel and heartless in their core. We are just a little different than women...I know what works for them ain't anything like what works for men...we are the same but different in a lot of respects.

We often arrive to similar conclusions but in a different fashion. Those that we work and play with we will defend to our literal end and undoing. Just the way thngs work for us...that is why divorces for men are worse than you can imagine...women can heal from them a lot quicker and more easily than men.

We just have to do what we absolutely don't feel like doing in order to get there...and nobody makes us do anything that we don't want to do...we are excellent at not taking out the trash when asked, pleaded with, nagged at, or even bribed to do. we are experts at it.

 

[Divinah]

There are so many men's groups that are built around service. I know of groups that meet for study 3 weeks and on the fourth perform service...randomly in the community. Whether delivering free groceries around the neighborhood...painting someones house, just showing up and painting and old run down house...yard work...praying with people at the emergency room...showing up at the landromat and folding clothes for people...anything.

AND remember...when you go to Bless others...you can't help but receive some of the Blessings...usually be blessed more.

Praise the Lord...Happy Sunday...
Hope everyone has a Blessed One!​

 

[The Gregorian]

Guys bond by working and playing together...we don't sit around and talk about our most emotional moments over a cup of tea...where this might occur while consuming large quantities of alcoholic beverages...it doesn't happen normally...

Well put... I give up on the whole "lady" thing, so I joined the nerdiest hobby possible:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUseVEzc-3Y


... so yea, I get the work out and the comradery, but I clench the "girls will never talk to me" thing...

 

[SearcherKris]

Well, I can understand that. Sorry my suggestion was not a good one. I was just thinking like a girl!

So, I guess you need some game time with the guys? Maybe throw a football around? Check at your church to see if there's some who would play some kind of war hero video game or maybe do some fishing.

 

[The Gregorian]

... do I look like the kind of guy that "throws a football around?"

... I don't think "camo makes you look tough," I don't perpetually smell like stale ale, I don't have a mullet, and I would specifically avoid showering with other men given the option.

No worries search... I appreciate your input and would take it...

Unfortunately I've taken too many psychology/sociology courses... I know a lot of the tricks and can't trick myself into therapy. I see through all the rhetoric a shrink tries to go through, I know they're only pretending to care because the more they care, the more I pay them.

 

[Divinah]

How old are you?

Cause I think you look so very young and I think your going to be disappointed a thousand different ways in a few different lifetimes...just in this life...yet.

You can figure out a way to deal with dissapointment and dissappointing people...it'snot all just rhetoric. If nothing else...counseling is helpful in that ...sometimes it's so theraputic just to hear yourself out and to have someone to be accountable to.

Which are some of the benefits with positive, male, rolemodel, fellowship.

No Doubt...your friends look charming...but I don't know how beneficial they'll be for your overall growth.

 

[FaithfulWife]

Just so you know:

CF Angels are praying for you.



My dear younger brother in Christ~

I am so sorry for the pain and sorrow that you are going through in losing this marriage. Make no doubt about it, you are going through grief very similar to the death of a spouse with one major exception. If you spouse had died, you would still feel sorrow but you might have some assurance that they at least died loving you and you them. In this instance, not only do you suffer the death, but the person still lives and doesn't love you anymore!! It's HORRIBLE, and no pain on earth is worse.

Here's my thought. As I understand it from your posts, you are a gaming geek who doesn't think he'll ever find a female person who likes him. Is that about it? Well let me describe my dear hubby for you. He is an introvert to the highest degree (the only person I know who is more introverted is our son). My dear hubby is a web-designer and graphic artist, so he spends HOURS every day on the computer for work. THEN he plays Lord of the Rings Online (LOTRO) or World of Warcraft for a few hours for fun. We go to church and sit in our pew; we don't hang a lot and "socialize"; and when we study the bible it is a biblical expose from the original Greek or Hebrew, not a discussion of what we "feel". Get it? He's a geek-extraordinaire!

Know how we met? ONLINE! No kidding! We met on a forum where people discussed how to recover after a divorce. I was a veteran/moderator type and he was a n00b. We initially connected via our interest in computers and word etymology (no, I'm not kidding), it just grew from there. And by the way, who do you think plays all the female hunters and druids in the games? 35yo guys named Cartman? Believe it or not, some female person will probably find it refreshing that you have a MIND and not a dumb jock-complex (no disrespect to you physically perfect specimens out there)--or find it refreshing that you enjoy playing with her rather than trying to make her be ballerina slim--or find you geekiness cute and endearing.

I know I love my little geeky, gaming, introverted computer boy. Now--look up the rebuilding specifications on a 55Chevy and get an old engine and ask all your geeky buddies over and pull it apart, spread it all over your garage floor, and see if you can put it back together again.


~Faithful

(P.S. ... I can!)

 

[GodsChild74]

Ya know what I think is funny? All of these women on your thread are praising you and trying to help you. Do you realise you are attracting women just by being who you are? Not that Im saying that all of them are dying to go out with you, but they care for you non the less. AGAIN FOR WHO YOU ARE!
Just something to think about. If all of us are willing and trying to help you, THE ONE might just be out there willing and waiting to help you and love you.
Again, just something to think about.

 

[SearcherKris]

... do I look like the kind of guy that "throws a football around?"

... I don't think "camo makes you look tough," I don't perpetually smell like stale ale, I don't have a mullet, and I would specifically avoid showering with other men given the option.

No worries search... I appreciate your input and would take it...

Sorry. I did not look at your pic. I was going by your avatar, which you've got to admit is a rough looking character.

My soon-to-be EX is a gammer. He's a big guy, and he's a prison guard. He looks like a prison guard. But his online roleplaying game characters he chose were almost always female! Pretty, girly looking females. Go figure!

 

[The Gregorian]

Now--look up the rebuilding specifications on a 55Chevy and get an old engine and ask all your geeky buddies over and pull it apart, spread it all over your garage floor, and see if you can put it back together again.

~Faithful

(P.S. ... I can!)

A: It's a 50 buick special. About a year later than the car in rain man. Less than 6,000 miles on it, completely original except the radiator, and I had to weld on a new muffler because the old one was corroded...
B: I'm an FAA certified A&P mechanic... I've torn into turbine engines as tall as me... the engine's not the problem... it's the darn transmission... Airplanes don't have those...

But, yea, that was a major hobby of mine when I had some money to spend on it... right now my biggest concern is I need a fresh coat of paint on it because the primer's showing through... but the engine sounds like a BEAST when it's fired up.

Aye... the boffers aren't exactly the 'manliest' of sports... but it actually does very well for keeping me in shape (in spite of my non-existant arms)... but more than that, we're writing a book on the topic... so there are at least -some- mature reasons for it... but mostly I just like sword fighting because I'm a boy.

But faithful.... I really appreciate the encouragement, and have actually noticed a change not of my doing in the last couple days... so don't ever think your prayers are wasted.

 

[The Gregorian]

Ya know what I think is funny? All of these women on your thread are praising you and trying to help you. Do you realise you are attracting women just by being who you are? Not that Im saying that all of them are dying to go out with you, but they care for you non the less. AGAIN FOR WHO YOU ARE!
Just something to think about. If all of us are willing and trying to help you, THE ONE might just be out there willing and waiting to help you and love you.
Again, just something to think about.

Oh no... I'm a nice guy... a lot of girls have always confided in me and thought me to be a good friend... But it's depressing when all the girls you know take you to go out "looking for cute guys."

 

[FaithfulWife]

Oh no... I'm a nice guy... a lot of girls have always confided in me and thought me to be a good friend... But it's depressing when all the girls you know take you to go out "looking for cute guys."

OH MY! Do I ever identify with THIS statement! When I was a younger person, I was the nice looking girl who looked like your buddy's little sister--and whom all the guys LIKED and could hang out with and even enjoyed watching M*A*S*H with...but never got a date because they were looking for the blonde, cheerleader girl.

Sooooo...no offense Gregorian, but please make sure you're not doing the same thing to someone else. Maybe there is a really nice girl at work whom you like but she's not an SI model so you've never looked at her. Or maybe there's a girl at church that you're "buddies" with but you think of her as one of the guys rather than a female. I'm not suggesting that you "settle" for someone but rather that you recognize that you are a unique, wonderful, loving, amazing man who isn't a Hollywood star--and that possibly it could be the same for women.

If you think of all the females in your life who have really made a difference and been loving and whom you've loved--whether that be a mom, aunt, gramma, sister, friend from school-days or other. Can you envision them in your head--how they looked? Were they runway models? I suspect not! Each one probably had a weird hair or funny teeth or was a little chunky or a little skinny. But I bet you can remember their smile and their eyes and their beauty because not all beauty is external. Some is! But some internal beauty can spill right over onto the external.

So you know how neat of a person you are? And how you're interesting and fun and a little geeky? Yeah, you're a cool person--and so it the girly whom you like but maybe she isn't an SI swimsuit model either. If you find a girl who knows how to put together a 1950 Buick Special engine...trust me She's a keeper!


~Faithful

P.S. Mine is an 1969 Buick LaSabre Convertible; rebuilt the engine, then the body, finally new interior and roof.

 

[The Gregorian]

Maybe there is a really nice girl at work whom you like but she's not an SI model so you've never looked at her. Or maybe there's a girl at church that you're "buddies" with but you think of her as one of the guys rather than a female. I'm not suggesting that you "settle" for someone but rather that you recognize that you are a unique, wonderful, loving, amazing man who isn't a Hollywood star--and that possibly it could be the same for women.

Oh, of course not... I don't like girls who are all "perfect" looking and into themselves. I'm quite attracted to the "meek type... that moves too slow for most guys, so most guys aren't interested." Of course, the few girls with some morals in the world get scooped up real quick... often by guys who don't appreciate that aspect of them.

But some internal beauty can spill right over onto the external.

Aye, this is a VERY strong basis for my opinion of the lady-folks.... I see internal beauty as very attractive... but internal ugliness makes ANY body unattractive to me. Like the new girl at work... at first, she seemed typical and crappy, and I saw all her physical flaws. But after talking to her, she's really quite nice, and now I think she's cute as a button. Not interested in me, of course... but I'm used to that.

 

[faith177]

How about not concentrating on what you dont have but giving to others. There are thousands of boys on the wait list for a big brother that could use some of your time. There are so many places where you can give your time and get what you need in return, nothing makes a human feel better than being needed.

 

[The Gregorian]

Small town... we don't have "groups" and "clubs" like that.

 

[SearcherKris]

Small town... we don't have "groups" and "clubs" like that.

Same here. I'm limited to my options, unless I go out of town.

But surely there is something you could do for others. Can you ask your pastor for some suggestions?

 

[The Gregorian]

In my church there are no "pastors." Only members. We study together as equals instead of just listening to one person each week. A pro, and con in this situation is that our church doesn't "hire" people... no one's paid for their time... I think this makes it better because you know no one's there for an easy job. Down side is there's no one who's paid to "keep up with community events" or whatnot.