- May 13, 2012
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Dear whoever is reading this,
This is a plea for help.
I used to be a Christian, I want to be a religious scholar when I grow up, I never chose a denomination because I didn’t want to limit myself at such a young age (I’m sixteen). I looked into all sorts of ‘fractions’ of Christianity and found that I was probably a general Protestant with some Catholic leanings.
Anyway, I’m asking for help. After I left Christianity (I’d been a Christian from a young age, wavered into atheism at age 11-12 then became a believer again) I turned to look at Gnosticism. More precisely, Luciferian Gnosticism. Please don’t judge me; I’m not a Satan worshipper. My basic beliefs are (were?) this:
[FONT="]- [/FONT]God created the world imperfectly and God is imperfect, and trapped Adam and Eve in Eden.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]Lucifer (NOT Satan) saw the potential that humans had and decided to give the ‘wisdom’ to Adam and Eve (not through an apple…
[FONT="]- [/FONT]God and Satan are one and the same.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]Lucifer does not intervene because he gave man free will and wisdom, and he knows that man can use that wisdom to properly exercise his free will.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]I do/did not worship Lucifer, I was simply asking for truth.
Bearing in mind my transfer from Christianity to Gnosticism was very recent, something has been eating away at me and I don’t know what it is. I’ve always felt admiration for the Holy Bible and various Christian items (I own six Bibles and certain items). Still something is eating at me, but the problem is that I don’t know what it is. I’ve been having doubts about a God altogether, but then I look around at the world about me and realise there must be something. There are just so many things in the Bible that I don’t like, for example,
-Old Testament violence
-Worship of God (just because he’s there and he’s awesome why should I worship him?)
-The idea that ‘the Devil made me do it’ (but isn’t God technically still in control of the Devil, since he carries out God’s orders?) ( I also found that most of my so-called Christian friends were not true Christians...and I've never been one for 'liberal' Christianity. She attended New Life Church and that just wasn't my 'thing').
Then I realised that I was basically playing Devil’s advocate – literally. I’d done what the Bible said that transgressors would: I started denying God, I put myself on par with God (I believe/d I am just as good as he is), I started to thieve (I’d done this when I was younger, but then again I was taught to) &c.
I’ve completely lost my spiritual direction.
I’m tired of playing Scripture games.
I’m not sure I could return to Christianity, because I just see too many flaws in it. (Then why did I come here?)
I’m sorry this is so long, but I just hope I’m not a wandering sheep about to be leapt on by the wolf. I don’t want to literally be a case of ‘the Devil made me do it’. I was already doubting my Christian faith as a Christian and maybe he took advantage of that.
But I could never be an atheist. I hate Richard Dawkins too much.
Now I can lay down my actual, current beliefs:
[FONT="]- [/FONT]In the supernatural (things that we can’t see, not necessarily unicorns and elves, but…other beings, certain types of magic that we can’t harness, luck, curses, literal good & evil, spirit beings (not ghosts) that help us or hurt us &c)
[FONT="]- [/FONT]Humans are here for a purpose, the world was created, and maybe evolution happened.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]Bad auras, bad energy (as well as good in both), innate knowledge.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]Maybe the Bible has some credence, I’m not sure. I’m still looking.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]I also enjoy reading about mysterious happenings; I like to think of all the supernatural things that could have been the cause.
Does anyone have anything they can share on my spiritual / religious wellbeing? Am I a ‘tool of the Dark Lord’?
I also feel bad. I feel incredibly awful after leaving the faith (save the ‘I told you so’s please) but I hope it’s not something somehow worse.
M’aidez?
This is a plea for help.
I used to be a Christian, I want to be a religious scholar when I grow up, I never chose a denomination because I didn’t want to limit myself at such a young age (I’m sixteen). I looked into all sorts of ‘fractions’ of Christianity and found that I was probably a general Protestant with some Catholic leanings.
Anyway, I’m asking for help. After I left Christianity (I’d been a Christian from a young age, wavered into atheism at age 11-12 then became a believer again) I turned to look at Gnosticism. More precisely, Luciferian Gnosticism. Please don’t judge me; I’m not a Satan worshipper. My basic beliefs are (were?) this:
[FONT="]- [/FONT]God created the world imperfectly and God is imperfect, and trapped Adam and Eve in Eden.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]Lucifer (NOT Satan) saw the potential that humans had and decided to give the ‘wisdom’ to Adam and Eve (not through an apple…
[FONT="]- [/FONT]God and Satan are one and the same.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]Lucifer does not intervene because he gave man free will and wisdom, and he knows that man can use that wisdom to properly exercise his free will.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]I do/did not worship Lucifer, I was simply asking for truth.
Bearing in mind my transfer from Christianity to Gnosticism was very recent, something has been eating away at me and I don’t know what it is. I’ve always felt admiration for the Holy Bible and various Christian items (I own six Bibles and certain items). Still something is eating at me, but the problem is that I don’t know what it is. I’ve been having doubts about a God altogether, but then I look around at the world about me and realise there must be something. There are just so many things in the Bible that I don’t like, for example,
-Old Testament violence
-Worship of God (just because he’s there and he’s awesome why should I worship him?)
-The idea that ‘the Devil made me do it’ (but isn’t God technically still in control of the Devil, since he carries out God’s orders?) ( I also found that most of my so-called Christian friends were not true Christians...and I've never been one for 'liberal' Christianity. She attended New Life Church and that just wasn't my 'thing').
Then I realised that I was basically playing Devil’s advocate – literally. I’d done what the Bible said that transgressors would: I started denying God, I put myself on par with God (I believe/d I am just as good as he is), I started to thieve (I’d done this when I was younger, but then again I was taught to) &c.
I’ve completely lost my spiritual direction.
I’m tired of playing Scripture games.
I’m not sure I could return to Christianity, because I just see too many flaws in it. (Then why did I come here?)
I’m sorry this is so long, but I just hope I’m not a wandering sheep about to be leapt on by the wolf. I don’t want to literally be a case of ‘the Devil made me do it’. I was already doubting my Christian faith as a Christian and maybe he took advantage of that.
But I could never be an atheist. I hate Richard Dawkins too much.
Now I can lay down my actual, current beliefs:
[FONT="]- [/FONT]In the supernatural (things that we can’t see, not necessarily unicorns and elves, but…other beings, certain types of magic that we can’t harness, luck, curses, literal good & evil, spirit beings (not ghosts) that help us or hurt us &c)
[FONT="]- [/FONT]Humans are here for a purpose, the world was created, and maybe evolution happened.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]Bad auras, bad energy (as well as good in both), innate knowledge.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]Maybe the Bible has some credence, I’m not sure. I’m still looking.
[FONT="]- [/FONT]I also enjoy reading about mysterious happenings; I like to think of all the supernatural things that could have been the cause.
Does anyone have anything they can share on my spiritual / religious wellbeing? Am I a ‘tool of the Dark Lord’?
I also feel bad. I feel incredibly awful after leaving the faith (save the ‘I told you so’s please) but I hope it’s not something somehow worse.
M’aidez?