a rude friend of mine....

[Faithfulandtrue]

delete

 

[Kingsdotter]

Tell her how you feel about this issue. If it doesn't seem like she's ready to change or making any effort to change, I suggest u reduce the time you spend with her so you don't learn some of her bad habits.

"Evil communication corrupts good manners"
"Iron sharpens iron"
"Birds of the same feather, flock together"

If she's not ready to desist from pride, you should look for a more humble friend

 

[LilLamb219]

I really don't think that you should doubt your friend's Christianity because of her tone. I mean, it could be this is how her family members address each other and she finds it to be a normal way of acting. I know it can be irritating that she treats people in a manner of which you disapprove. How do the people react? Some are used to it.

If it keeps bothering you, go to her again and have a chat. Explain to her that you think she might be hurting others with her insensitivity. Give her better examples of how to interact with others so she doesn't make people uncomfortable but don't confront her. Ease into the conversation

 

[Autumnleaf]

If she's your age its a bit late to try to be her mommy and teach her manners. You can either accept her or distance yourself from her or try to mother her.

 

[quietpraiyze]

So I have this friend who has problems not thinking before she opens her mouth...like ALL the time. I will sometimes on a rare basis confront her when she's said something snarky to me but lately Ive been really annoyed with the way she talks to people when we go somewhere. Like her tone of voice and just stuff she says or doesn't say like "thank you" really gets to me because its flat out rude. Even the lofty way she looks at people who work at places. Like when we were at lunch the wator was asking her what thing she wanted on the side and her reply of "I don't care whatever!" made me want to (sorry not Christlike but ) smack her. Its the WAY she looks at them and her tone that makes it really rude. I usually keep quiet and try to be polite to cashiers, waitors, and even strangers in the store when Im with her almost like Im making up for her rudeness. I cant take it anymore though. My friend professes to be a Christian but she definitely doesn't ask like it when we go out. Anyways how do you guys think I should confront her about this? Its really embarrassing and working at my job I know how it feels to have people act like your trash for trying to help them.

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Does she do this behavior to everybody or is she selective. Does she only do the behavior to people she views as weak or beneath her? Be her friend and tell her the truth. The two of you are adults and you can sit her down and share with her what you've observed about her behavior. When/if you confront her it would probably be good to have specific examples. Ask her why she does it. Ask her how she would feel if someone treated her the same way. Tell her how it makes you feel and why. Let her know that her behavior with the wrong person can escalate into violence and even death. People have lost their lives because somebody felt disrespected.[/FONT]​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Your friend sounds incredibly immature and it may be bothering you more than usual because you might be outgrowing her. You can talk with your friend but if she keeps doing what you described, she's in for a rude awakening. [/FONT]​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]Pro 16:18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. [/FONT]​

[FONT=Georgia, serif]In the meantime I would say pray for your friend. Pray for yourself and ask the Lord for His wisdom and timing.[/FONT]​

 

[7angels]

when people get on your nerves like she does did you know that getting irritated with her is a sign of immaturity. think about it if Jesus were walking with her do you honestly think Jesus who get annoyed or embarrassed with her attitude? so why not take advantage of her attitude to grow in that immature area. why not chat about how polite you are instead of how impolite she is. show her how you act like Christ.

remember we are to fellowship with other believers. not everyone that says Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven but he who does the will of God. so remember that you can be a good influence on her but it can also work the opposite way. i don't know who she hangs out with but the ones you hang out with the most with have a big impact in your life. i hope this helped you.

God bless

 

[Goodbook]

Confrontation...maybe ask her is that the way youd like to be treated if you were in that persons shoes?
Also pray the holy spirit convicts her of her behaviour and she has a change of heart.

 

[Kuraisto]

Has your friend ever worked a customer service job, or any job?

 

[bluegreysky]

I know this is the LEAST Christian advice you're going to get, but have you tried being rude right back? like a taste of her own medicine thing, minus any curse words or references to people's anatomy?
Sometimes the ones who dish it can't take it. If you suddenly hurt her feelings a little bit it might get her attention.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

Thank you guys for your advice. I do love my friend and I didn't want to confront her before because I don't know how to do it without possibly hurting her feelings. I guess just being gentle with her and next time it comes up I can just be honest with her.

 

[parsley]

There are plenty of other people to do things with -- you don't need to spend so much time with her. If you stay quietly beside her without confrontation, she will think her behavior is acceptable and will get worse.

It sounds like she might be a little more narcissistic than average, and sometimes that is a physical brain phenomenon that people didn't cause by themselves. That doesn't mean you should play into the behavior, but look at it more from a distance, less personally.

Teach her thoughtfulness by example, but also tell her that you don't want people hurt by what you two do/say as a pair.

 

[PaladinValer]

So I have this friend who has problems not thinking before she opens her mouth...like ALL the time. I will sometimes on a rare basis confront her when she's said something snarky to me but lately Ive been really annoyed with the way she talks to people when we go somewhere. Like her tone of voice and just stuff she says or doesn't say like "thank you" really gets to me because its flat out rude. Even the lofty way she looks at people who work at places. Like when we were at lunch the wator was asking her what thing she wanted on the side and her reply of "I don't care whatever!" made me want to (sorry not Christlike but ) smack her. Its the WAY she looks at them and her tone that makes it really rude. I usually keep quiet and try to be polite to cashiers, waitors, and even strangers in the store when Im with her almost like Im making up for her rudeness. I cant take it anymore though. My friend professes to be a Christian but she definitely doesn't ask like it when we go out. Anyways how do you guys think I should confront her about this? Its really embarrassing and working at my job I know how it feels to have people act like your trash for trying to help them.

Ignore all other replies for a moment and ask yourself this:

Could she have a social disability?

Think about it.

 

[Goodbook]

Rude people ARE socially disabled. Being kind is something they can learn.

Maybe ask her what she thinks the fruits of the holy spirit are, seeing as shes a christian. Like I dont know, just bring it up in conversation and say you been doing some bible study and would like her input.

 

[PaladinValer]

Rude people ARE socially disabled. Being kind is something they can learn.

I'm sorry, but that has got to be one of the most insulting and offensive posts I've seen in a while.

Social disabilities are real, and the people naturally lack the capacity to understand their actions or behaviors in a social setting. They are not rude for the sake of rudeness, and not all rude people have a social disability. To equate people with social disabilities as merely rude people is utterly disgusting.

I strongly recommend a course in sensitivity, and perhaps a college course on disabilities. Perhaps it will make your unacceptable, un-Christian tune change.

OP, ignore the above quoted post. As someone with 33.5 years of experience with social disabilities and 5 years of volunteering with people with various disabilities, including teens and young adults with Autism, I find the above post deplorable, malicious, and of absolute not value.

For shame.

 

[Goodbook]

I have autistic friends who arent rude..so dont know what you talking about.

 

[quietpraiyze]

It sounds like she might be a little more narcissistic than average, and sometimes that is a physical brain phenomenon that people didn't cause by themselves. That doesn't mean you should play into the behavior, but look at it more from a distance, less personally.

There's narcissism and then there's narcissistic personality disorder. Neither of which I've ever heard are a physical brain phenomenon. It almost sounds like you're trying to say her friend is not responsible for her actions because she can't help herself. I don't know about that. I don't know about throwing this out there to someone because you really don't know and neither does she.

I think people should be careful about labeling someone mentally ill or socially disabled even if it's in a round about way...

 

[znr]

Rudeness is often a result of insecurity. I'm rude as heck sometimes. If she is very young she may not be mature enough yet to see that she is just insecure. She may come across as if she's got it all worked out, but inside she's probably scared. If she is capable of having her feeling hurt, that's a very good sign. It means she's capable of change. Maybe she needs your honesty right now, better you who cares about her than someone who doesn't.

 

[parsley]

Not trying to split hairs and derail the thread, but this is what I meant:

"Narcissistic personality disorder may be linked to ... Genetics or psychobiology — the connection between the brain and behavior and thinking"
-- Mayo Clinic

By "physical brain" I was referring to the biological, chemical composition of our human bodies, where a brain is not just how we think and feel, but a series of neuro-chemical interactions. I don't need to discuss this further -- the point is to help the OP in dealing with a friend. Just wanted to clarify if I had written this unclearly or insensitively.

 

[Goodbook]

Um..I dont think that is helpful to our sister here...but to recognise rudeness as socially disabling to her in that ppl dont like to be around rude people..so maybe keep your distance if shes not going to listen.

I had a friend who I recgonise is extremely narcissistic because she was not always rude but always talking about herself like she was the center of the universe and I wanted to put it down to american way of thinking looking out for number one etc. Now I thought she was a believer till I found that her god was actually herself, not the God of the Bible.

So that might be the case with your friend, in that case hanging round with her is not a good idea as its like being unequally yoked, save yourself the grief.

 

[Odetta]

As the mother of an autistic son with significant social deficits and who can come across as rude in similar ways to the person you're complaining about, this thread hurts my heart. A few things:

1) If you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person. The traits any individual with autism has can vary widely from the next individual. So while you may know only autistic people who do not come across as rude, it just means you haven't met the ones that do.

2) Related to #1, it is an arduous process for an autistic person to learn social cues and proper responses, and their processing speed in social situations is much slower than for neuro-typical folk.

3) People with mental challenges need compassion. Instruction - i.e., telling someone that you think what they just said was rude - is fine as long as it is delivered in an appropriate setting, with compassion and love, and a clear understanding of their points of disability.

4) To the OP, the tone of your post indicates to me that you do not have the proper compassion to assist your friend to be less rude, regardless of whether she has a social or other disability or not. In that case, save your friend some grief and politely distance yourself.