A request

[Smilin]

For those of you who have suffered through divorce...
I'd appreciate your advice, input, comments, prayers,,,etc.....

It's seems I'm destined for divorce after 17 years of
marriage to the one I thought I'd spend the rest of my
life with. We both have changed emotionally and can't
seem to reconcile our growing pains.

Past issues keep coming back to haunt us. Issues in the
past that just won't die. Forgiveness doesn't seem possible.
Mistakes & bad decisions seem to stick to you in life.

Right now, I have no clue how I'm going to deal with it.
The worst part is being away from our children. She sais
they'll adapt, but I'm not so sure of that.

I haven't felt much like a husband in quite some time,
but being a Dad is one of the greatest joys in my life.
I'm not sure how to cope with just seeing my children
occasionally. The thoughts of no longer having the
opportunity for our nightly rituals (a game of chess with
my 5 year old, basketball with my oldest son, chats with
my daughter). I just don't know how I'm going to adjust.

Your comments are welcomed.

 

[Hopeful]

i'm praying for you

 

[Auntie]

Smilin, I am so sorry you are going thru this!

Marriage can be so hard, and my husband and I have faced some of the difficulties you have described. It is hard to forgive the things we have done that hurt us so badly. Yet we MUST forgive, somehow and some way.

The Bible says that divorce comes about as a result of people "hardening their hearts" towards each other. So it follows that to prevent divorce, we must keep our hearts very soft towards our mate, and fight bitterness with thoughts of good memories.

Maybe you can write something to your wife, something that emphasizes the good memories. Or something that causes her to soften her heart toward you.

I wish you well, Smilin, and my prayers are for you.

 

[Smilin]

Thank you Auntie..

 

[Auntie]

My brother was married for about 15 years when his wife left and took the kids. You don't want to go that route, if at all possible, it is very painful. My brother has lived with me for the past year and a half. I have witnessed his pain first hand. In hind-sight, I think he would have done anything now to prevent the divorce. My brother was very stubborn about some things, and very prideful. If he had been willing to make his heart vulnerable, expressing his innermost fears and feelings to his wife, I don't think she would have left him. But he put a wall around his heart, and wouldn't allow her in. He denied her the emotional intimacy that she was starved for.

I'm not saying this is your experience, Smilin, but it was in my brother's situation.

If you can't prevent the divorce, then you MUST make sure you have AMPLE visitation rights. Make sure everything is in writing, especially holidays, birthdays, etc. My brother didn't fight for these things, and he lost out, big time.

 

[amie]

Smilin I am here for you always my friend. No matter what I am in your corner. I love you. I am praying for you always. thats a given.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I'm sorry, Smilin. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[nomad]

Smilin,

I'm with Auntie on this one.  If there is anyway possible to save your marriage do it.  One of the greatest problems of our nation is the break down of the family unit.

Get christian counseling if you can.

I was divorced several years ago.  I look back now and find myself wondering if I knew then what I know now if I could have made it work.  I didn't now about the "tools" that you need to make a marriage work.  I didn't know about being the head of the house and other biblical things relating to marriage.  I also didn't understand the needs of a woman.  They actually are different then we are and need different things from us.

My marriage ended very quickly and swiftly.  I was told never to come back and I never did.  She hardened her heart and there is nothing you can do about that.  If it ends in divorce you need to find some friends to be with or it may get to tough to handle. 

I really hope and have prayed that God can heal your marriage but if not then know His grace is sufficient.  I say this carefully, but there may be somebody better up the road for you.

If you end up single again, go out and explore the world.  Find things to do.  Take up crocheting or something.  Whatever you do, don't stay by yourself for to many hours.  If you can get a christian roomate or something do that.  It will make it tons easier.

Oh, God if you can.

 

 

[Smilin]

My thanks to you all....

 

[kimmee]

praying

 

[Smilin]

Thanks Kimmee

 

[altya]

I am praying for you too.

 

[Smilin]

You are always a true friend altya!

 

[Laura]

Smilin, I'm sorry you're going through this. You've constantly make me laugh and smile every time I talk to you. I hope everything works out for the best for you.

 

[Smilin]

Today at 10:01 PM Laura said this in Post #14

Smilin, I'm sorry you're going through this. You've constantly make me laugh and smile every time I talk to you. I hope everything works out for the best for you.

Thank you my little pink piglet friend...

No matter what happens, I will continue to spread laughter and smiles.. You can count on that..

It's all in a higher powers hand.. and I'm just taking it day by day..

Don't worry about me... Such is the experience we call life...

I'm blessed than most, so I won't complain...

and you will always be a true friend!!!!

 

[Doreen]

will be praying

 

[pandora]

is there any way for you to live close next to one another? that way u can continue to do the regular things i'm so sorry for u... i will pray

 

[Smilin]

Thank you pandora..

It is in a higher powers hands now..
what will be... will be...

Thank you all for your prayers, personal messages, and thoughts..
they are appreciated..

Smilin