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I have a good friend who was a Baptist when we meet. He has since then become Reformed and his church left the SBC and joined the PCA (a very unusual event).
My friend has an Pseudonym/alter ego that he calls A.R. Minian. Minian was originally created to respond to emails I sent out, now and then, to friends.
I think Minian's tongue-in-check writings are great, so I thought I would share them with y'all. In this first set of letters andother friend (Butch) has some fun and then A.R. responds. I will post some here for y'all to check out.
I hope you find them as entertaining as I do. (BTW: when A. R speaks of Mr. Andy he is referring to me. It's destortion of my last name.)
In Christ,
Kenith
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
----Original Message-----
From: Ellis
Sent: Sunday, December 04, 2005 12:23 PM
Subject: THANKS TO A.R.
TO: Most High Potentate, All-Seeing Eminent One, Protector of the Faith, etc, .A.R. Minian:
I wish to express my Thanks and Gratitude and bear witness to the effectiveness of a recent purchase that I procured from you .I will be ever grateful for I BELIEVE it surely was instrumental in SAVING my life!
I have been infirmed many years with an arthritic knee that has severely impaired my ambulation. Ashamedly, I initially sought relief from secular sources supposedly Experts in the diagnosis and treatment of the infirmity from which I suffered. I even allowed an intrusive procedural rite to be performed on the infirmed knee in hope of a cure .ALL TO NO AVAIL! I thought that I was destined to finish my allotted time remaining on this earth hobbling along on only one semi-functioning lower extremity .BUT HOPE was revived when I, by chance, saw and heard you on TV one day while I was trying to find Sesame Street for my Grandson. I must admit that the claims that you were making of this product seemed unrealistic to me initially but I decided to take a chance after all it was only $19.95 + $4.00 for same day delivery.
I received your advertised one pint bottle of AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER on Tuesday, November 29, 2005 and had my saintly wife dispense the entire contents on my right knee insuring that it was thoroughly soaked. Amazingly, I could immediately FEEL the knee joint healing .additionally my wife's arthritic fingers also benefited from their contact with the contents of that bottle of AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER. Another surprising/amazing benefit that I discovered about your AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER is its spot/gunk removal properties for some of the AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER inadvertentlydripped from my knee during application to our living room carpet which suffered from numerous spots and sticky gunk of unknown origin since my beloved grandson came to reside with us .AMAZINGLY, these spots are now GONE!
But what is really amazing is the TIMING of my access to AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER and what event occurred next in my life: On Wednesday, November 30, 2005, my new unit(Szorb) caught FIRE! With new legs, I quickly ran to the Fire-Impacted area and just as quickly responded .my response was to RUN AS QUICKLY AS I COULD to the WEST (Note: My choice of direction was theologically motivated). I don't think even think Wilma Rudolf could have stayed with me for I outran one fellow who was 30 years my junior! Thanks for your Life-Saving Product!
Dr. A.R.Minian, I do have one other question about this product is it effective for other nonorthopedic ailments? say those that supposedly can be remedied by VIAGRA and if so what method of application is to be used .can one just take a swig? Please send me TEN cases of this Miracle Elixir ASAP!
P.S. Please include another autographed PRAYER CLOTH! (Mine was singed and burned...as it was in the back pocket of my Nomex on November 30,2005.)
Thanx, Ellis
-----Original Message-----
From: Tommy
Sent: Sunday, December 04, 2005 2:15 PM
To: Ellis
Subject: A. R. Minian: Special Offer Act Now
Mr. Ellis,
We here at Cleft of the Rock Ministries thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Yours was just one of the thousands of glowing testimonials we received this week. It might please you to know that your results were typical for our AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER, however, it still takes a man of genuine and remarkable faith to see such results as yours. In fact, we had shipped an economy sized keg of our mighty healing waters to Mr. Andy in hopes of washing the scales from his eyes, but as of our last correspondence the scales had grown into blinders. Oh, he of little faith!
As for any other purposes or occupations for our miracle elixir, I personally add two tablespoons to my bathwater each night and as a result have been without illness or infirmity and have continued to toil in my vocation as African Cleanser Supreme for over 17 years now. And on most days am still able to cleanse 7 or 8 virgins each day.
But to be quite frank, Mr. Ellis, I believe I was drawn to your correspondence by a powerful anointing of the spirit. I believe the Supreme One has great things in store for you and your family. I believe that he wants to bless you, yes with blessings which the eye hath not seen nor the mind could imagine. I believe that he wants you to Give, Mr. Ellis, yes GIVE and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. There is no better reward in heaven or on earth than the opportunity to give. And it has been laid upon my heart that you have already been blessed with blessings overrunning. I am personally opening a special door which I seldom open for any man and that is the door of communion with A. R. Cleft of the Rock Ministries. Your special monthly gift will spread the word and seed of one of the greatest theologians to sling dung on a tomato bed. Your gifts will entitle you and your family to:
1. Be on A. R.'s special prayer list. News of any illness which befalls you or your family will immediately be sent to A. R. who will in turn empathetically transfer said illness to a life size voodoo replica of Mr. Andy.
2. Be among the first to receive any forthcoming spiritual or healing trinkets, swatches, or snake oils.
3. Send A. R. a list of your enemies and A. R. will invoke the Imprecatory Psalms against them. Just think of any Brother-in-law, supervisor, co-worker, or church member that you would like to see fall to misfortune and send his name to us.
4. A free copy of A. R.'s best selling publication, The Minian Code, secrets of the end times and the afterlife found hidden in earlier A. R. publications.
We implore you to act now, Mr. Ellis, for this is a limited time offer. If there are not enough funds in your checking or savings accounts, please pray for alternative means. Are there any CDs, annuities, pensions, 401K investment plans, or mutual funds which might be converted and sent so they might be converted to blessings and sent back? Most of our partners are not fully aware of all of their resources. Please take a moment to meditate on this important issue.
Also beat the X-mas crowd by being among the first to fill out the 'I want to name A. R. as my beneficiary' form. A special Cleft of the Rock Ministries plaque will be sent to the family members who would have been the recipient of your estate reminding them of the riches in glory that you are now receiving because of your thoughtful act and perpetually giving gift.
I remain,
Like a Leveraged, No Load Mutual Fund,
Always growing from your prayers and investments
A. R. Minian
My friend has an Pseudonym/alter ego that he calls A.R. Minian. Minian was originally created to respond to emails I sent out, now and then, to friends.
I think Minian's tongue-in-check writings are great, so I thought I would share them with y'all. In this first set of letters andother friend (Butch) has some fun and then A.R. responds. I will post some here for y'all to check out.
I hope you find them as entertaining as I do. (BTW: when A. R speaks of Mr. Andy he is referring to me. It's destortion of my last name.)
In Christ,
Kenith
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
----Original Message-----
From: Ellis
Sent: Sunday, December 04, 2005 12:23 PM
Subject: THANKS TO A.R.
TO: Most High Potentate, All-Seeing Eminent One, Protector of the Faith, etc, .A.R. Minian:
I wish to express my Thanks and Gratitude and bear witness to the effectiveness of a recent purchase that I procured from you .I will be ever grateful for I BELIEVE it surely was instrumental in SAVING my life!
I have been infirmed many years with an arthritic knee that has severely impaired my ambulation. Ashamedly, I initially sought relief from secular sources supposedly Experts in the diagnosis and treatment of the infirmity from which I suffered. I even allowed an intrusive procedural rite to be performed on the infirmed knee in hope of a cure .ALL TO NO AVAIL! I thought that I was destined to finish my allotted time remaining on this earth hobbling along on only one semi-functioning lower extremity .BUT HOPE was revived when I, by chance, saw and heard you on TV one day while I was trying to find Sesame Street for my Grandson. I must admit that the claims that you were making of this product seemed unrealistic to me initially but I decided to take a chance after all it was only $19.95 + $4.00 for same day delivery.
I received your advertised one pint bottle of AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER on Tuesday, November 29, 2005 and had my saintly wife dispense the entire contents on my right knee insuring that it was thoroughly soaked. Amazingly, I could immediately FEEL the knee joint healing .additionally my wife's arthritic fingers also benefited from their contact with the contents of that bottle of AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER. Another surprising/amazing benefit that I discovered about your AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER is its spot/gunk removal properties for some of the AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER inadvertentlydripped from my knee during application to our living room carpet which suffered from numerous spots and sticky gunk of unknown origin since my beloved grandson came to reside with us .AMAZINGLY, these spots are now GONE!
But what is really amazing is the TIMING of my access to AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER and what event occurred next in my life: On Wednesday, November 30, 2005, my new unit(Szorb) caught FIRE! With new legs, I quickly ran to the Fire-Impacted area and just as quickly responded .my response was to RUN AS QUICKLY AS I COULD to the WEST (Note: My choice of direction was theologically motivated). I don't think even think Wilma Rudolf could have stayed with me for I outran one fellow who was 30 years my junior! Thanks for your Life-Saving Product!
Dr. A.R.Minian, I do have one other question about this product is it effective for other nonorthopedic ailments? say those that supposedly can be remedied by VIAGRA and if so what method of application is to be used .can one just take a swig? Please send me TEN cases of this Miracle Elixir ASAP!
P.S. Please include another autographed PRAYER CLOTH! (Mine was singed and burned...as it was in the back pocket of my Nomex on November 30,2005.)
Thanx, Ellis
-----Original Message-----
From: Tommy
Sent: Sunday, December 04, 2005 2:15 PM
To: Ellis
Subject: A. R. Minian: Special Offer Act Now
Mr. Ellis,
We here at Cleft of the Rock Ministries thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Yours was just one of the thousands of glowing testimonials we received this week. It might please you to know that your results were typical for our AUTHENTIC BETHSEDA POOL WATER, however, it still takes a man of genuine and remarkable faith to see such results as yours. In fact, we had shipped an economy sized keg of our mighty healing waters to Mr. Andy in hopes of washing the scales from his eyes, but as of our last correspondence the scales had grown into blinders. Oh, he of little faith!
As for any other purposes or occupations for our miracle elixir, I personally add two tablespoons to my bathwater each night and as a result have been without illness or infirmity and have continued to toil in my vocation as African Cleanser Supreme for over 17 years now. And on most days am still able to cleanse 7 or 8 virgins each day.
But to be quite frank, Mr. Ellis, I believe I was drawn to your correspondence by a powerful anointing of the spirit. I believe the Supreme One has great things in store for you and your family. I believe that he wants to bless you, yes with blessings which the eye hath not seen nor the mind could imagine. I believe that he wants you to Give, Mr. Ellis, yes GIVE and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. There is no better reward in heaven or on earth than the opportunity to give. And it has been laid upon my heart that you have already been blessed with blessings overrunning. I am personally opening a special door which I seldom open for any man and that is the door of communion with A. R. Cleft of the Rock Ministries. Your special monthly gift will spread the word and seed of one of the greatest theologians to sling dung on a tomato bed. Your gifts will entitle you and your family to:
1. Be on A. R.'s special prayer list. News of any illness which befalls you or your family will immediately be sent to A. R. who will in turn empathetically transfer said illness to a life size voodoo replica of Mr. Andy.
2. Be among the first to receive any forthcoming spiritual or healing trinkets, swatches, or snake oils.
3. Send A. R. a list of your enemies and A. R. will invoke the Imprecatory Psalms against them. Just think of any Brother-in-law, supervisor, co-worker, or church member that you would like to see fall to misfortune and send his name to us.
4. A free copy of A. R.'s best selling publication, The Minian Code, secrets of the end times and the afterlife found hidden in earlier A. R. publications.
We implore you to act now, Mr. Ellis, for this is a limited time offer. If there are not enough funds in your checking or savings accounts, please pray for alternative means. Are there any CDs, annuities, pensions, 401K investment plans, or mutual funds which might be converted and sent so they might be converted to blessings and sent back? Most of our partners are not fully aware of all of their resources. Please take a moment to meditate on this important issue.
Also beat the X-mas crowd by being among the first to fill out the 'I want to name A. R. as my beneficiary' form. A special Cleft of the Rock Ministries plaque will be sent to the family members who would have been the recipient of your estate reminding them of the riches in glory that you are now receiving because of your thoughtful act and perpetually giving gift.
I remain,
Like a Leveraged, No Load Mutual Fund,
Always growing from your prayers and investments
A. R. Minian
