A question

[Spectre01]

I am only 14 as of now, and I am going out with a girl that is 14 as well. We really care for eachother, but Im not sure of Gods opinion on this. She has a disorder which flares her anger frequently. She is constantly angry or agitated at one thing or another. I know this is not her fault, but an inherited disorder. I try to preach the Bible and the Gospel with love, but im not sure how it is helping her. She is also convinced that her anger disorder will bring her to hell, and im trying to explain that faith in Jesus can save her. Im beginning to think that I may have rushed into the relationship. I think I may be too young, or not mature enough. But if I deceide to end our relationship, even for a while, I know in my heart it would absolutely crush her. Shes already been through a bad past, parent divorces, con artists, and she is constantly made fun of at school because of her problems. She told me she loves me more than anything. See what a mess ive made... I was foolish and rushed, but I didnt want to hurt her by saying no. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. God bless all of you.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

This is a tough decision, but what do your parents say? I mean, they let you date? First of all, if you were my kid, I would not allow you to date; not until at least 16. No offence, but why date when you can't even make your own choices and decisions yet? I think that yes, you made a mistake, but you can't stick with the mistake to make it better. I would recommend that you explain to the girl that you are too young to be in a relationship and break up with her. It might be hard for both of you, but I don't think that dating while so young is a good idea.

 

[Breetai]

This is a tough decision, but what do your parents say? I mean, they let you date? First of all, if you were my kid, I would not allow you to date; not until at least 16.

Yeah, because 16 is so much different than 14...

Spectre, that sounds like a tough relationship. I'm not neccessarily suggesting to break up, but I think it's probably a good idea to slow things down. If you really want to be a good friend (of whatever type) to her, maybe you could be sensitive and understanding to her problem as she tries to overcome it.

Or, if her anger problem is more than you'd like to handle, it's best to be honest with her. At least then she don't be wondering why you broke up with her, if you decide to do so.

It's not an easy situation.

 

[Johnnz]

At your age you should still be learning about life, yourself and people. You is too young to be locked onto a one-on-one relationship. Bless you for your concerns about her. She does need some help, but maybe from an older, more experienced person. Why not just be friends?

John
NZ

 

[plum]

Having dated rather seriously at the age of 14 myself, I can understand some of the emotions that surround this situation.

I was much too young to be connected that strongly emotionally or spiritually (and especially physically) with anyone. My parents didn't want me to date until I was 16, but I didn't obey them and I know better now that waiting would have saved me from... lots of things. Many of us have stories like this, brother.

One lesson to be learned sooner rather than later is that if it's a bad relationship for you to be in, you should just get out before it goes on too long. If you are more worried about what she will feel or what she'll do if you break up with her than what would happen if you stayed together longer and things got even worse... it may be the wrong focus entirely. We cannot be the saviors of our significant others. Trust me, I've tried twice andhave been drained, burned, used, and disappointed. I just speak out of my heart here when I say the following:

Please wait for serious relationships until you can be closer to a marrying stage of life. And please, don't avoid breaking something off only because you're worried how she might behave. You can't control that. Just be sure to take control over your life in the way G-d allows you to.

bland advice, perhaps. But truly a lesson I've learned more than once.

 

[~Nikki~]

I think a wise principle is to only date if you're ready for marriage, and only date a person with the intention of finding out if you and they are right for each other.

That way it saves you from all sorts of complications and baggage later.

In you situation I know it would be hard to end the relationship because it would hurt her...but I think personally that you should RUN. God will look after her if she will let Him, and if she won't let Him then that's up to her...you can't help anyone trust God, they must decide to do it for themselves...but God will not let her down. You must do what God wants you to do, and trust Him to do everything else...

As the Bible says, He is the God of all comfort.

May He bless you...

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i think u are definitely too young to be dating and I think that you should explain this to her. if you are worried about hurting her when you tell her this then i think what you should tell her is that you are not ready to date ANYONE right now so she doesn't need to worry that u will leave her for someone else. tell her that you will still be very good friends and that she can still talk to you about anything if she wants. You just don't think it's very mature of either of you to be dating at such a young age.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

and pray for God's help so that you'll know all the right things to say

 

[Hediru]

The best advice I can give is to pray. It is good that you are looking for God's will. Pray for guidance, and most importantly, when you get the answer, follow through, no matter how difficult it may be, and trust that everything will be ok. Whatever you do, do not do anything without God.

 

[FreedIntheLord]

I would say that you have received a lot of good advice here already. I can only add that if you go to a youth group, perhaps you could introduce her to it and maybe she could make some girl friends. She could get the ministry she needs if she goes often enough. If she doesn't want to do that, then I think this is too much for you. You are not a professional and cannot possibly make her be OK. She needs the love of Jesus and she sees Jesus in you, but at this point, she will not get the help she truly needs. And you will just feel too much pressure. You need to grow yet, yourself. Let her down gently, if you can. Stay friends, but push her towards other young ladies. She needs them. God Bless and have a wonderful Christmas.