A question for the guys

[miss-a]

Okay, first, not to worry. I'm not hitting on you or seeking pity here. But I didn't get saved until I was thirty-eight. And I'm just trying to get a read on the Christian landscape, when it comes to dating. So here's my question, a bit long-winded and qualified, but it's in there:

Does chronological age matter to you, excluding the childbearing issue, and why? Qualifying factors: If a woman is, say 8 years older than you, but takes more vitamin C than you even knew was legal so she looks 3 years younger than you, do you still get turned off when you find out her age and do you pass? If so, why. What's that all about? I just don't get it. And oddly, I didn't find this in the world. Is it a Christian thing? If so, based on what?

Thanks, bros,
a

 

[Inkfingers]

Does chronological age matter to you

Yes.

Why?

It's a little complicated but in general the older someone is the more baggage they have, and the more baggage they have the harder it is to start a life with them. There's also the issue of friends as well...people tend in general to make friends of a similar age, so you are less likely to have anyting in common with her social group.

Of course the opposite problem is that if they are too young they will be notably less mature and have a younger set of friends as well.

The best relationships are ones based on very similar people living in similar environments. They have more in common and less stresses placed on them. This doesn't mean:

.....just that the more similar the easier it generally is. Forget all the "we shall cross the divide for lovvvvve" nonsense. It's usually a fantasy that falls apart in a messy way.

So that is why chronological age matters

 

[Messy]

 

[exitstageright]

Okay, first, not to worry. I'm not hitting on you or seeking pity here. But I didn't get saved until I was thirty-eight. And I'm just trying to get a read on the Christian landscape, when it comes to dating. So here's my question, a bit long-winded and qualified, but it's in there:

Does chronological age matter to you, excluding the childbearing issue, and why? Qualifying factors: If a woman is, say 8 years older than you, but takes more vitamin C than you even knew was legal so she looks 3 years younger than you, do you still get turned off when you find out her age and do you pass? If so, why. What's that all about? I just don't get it. And oddly, I didn't find this in the world. Is it a Christian thing? If so, based on what?

Thanks, bros,
a

What I have observed from christian men,that were never married,is that most christian men want a woman of child bearing years,in order to have children. In Genesis,after the flood ,when God said,"Be fruitful and multiply."
Some men think that God was speaking to every single man on earth. I do not believe that was the case. Because,after the flood,the earth did need to be replenished with people. But,today,with the earth's population over 7 billion,not every man needs to have a child in order to "carry on his name."

At this point in my life,I do not need,nor seek a woman of child bearing age.
Therefore,an older woman does not turn me off. I like a woman with experience

 

[dayhiker]

I am dating women as much as 15 yrs older than I am and as much as 13 years younger than I am. So I guess I don't fit the Christian guys you are meeting.

Of course at my age I have no interest in more kids, haven't since I was in my mid 30's.

I do know some guys have a very specific type of women they want to date and don't even ask an other type of woman out. An other man told me when he has asked out a Christian woman he was thinking of just spending some time with a friend. But next thing he knew she was acting like they were on where way to getting married.

 

[blackribbon]

Not a guy but I have met enough men who went to extraordinary levels to make sure they didn't have children because they didn't want them to say, don't sweat it.

And I have know many men who married older women.

As for the Vitamin C...you can't overdose on it because it is a water soluable but you probably have very expensive pee if you are taking excessively high doses.

 

[iambren]

Marry young. The prime fertility years are about 15-25. Men tend to go younger for a variety of reasons so I'll tell you why from my own reasons and what I hear from other men: obvious body attributes(perky breasts/butt), a certain higher energy level, smooth skin, more positive attitude (not jaded,or trying to prove "they're just as good as a man", a certain naivete that let's the man feel wise, more eager sexually,overall better eye candy on the man's arm.

 

[blackribbon]

Marry young. The prime fertility years are about 15-25. Men tend to go younger for a variety of reasons so I'll tell you why from my own reasons and what I hear from other men: obvious body attributes(perky breasts/butt), a certain higher energy level, smooth skin, more positive attitude (not jaded,or trying to prove "they're just as good as a man", a certain naivete that let's the man feel wise, more eager sexually,overall better eye candy on the man's arm.

based on what? women safely give birth for at least 10 years after that age range and educated women don't even tend to get married in that age range either because they are still in school...women hit their sexual peak in their 30's and I find they are less likely to have feminist ideals that a fresh-faced 23 year old (it is amusing to see what my kid's age group posts on FB as "great truths")....that certain naivete will go away as they grow older and maybe a little contempt will set in with the knowledge....and the man is less likely to feel so "wise" and confident as he realizes that his wife still is a very attractive 30something while he is showing the signs of old age, even if she is devoted to him...the ages you are listing are basically children now...even the government has declared them to be young enough for the parents to still have them on their health insurance plans in the age range you listed because they aren't old enough to be expected to get their own....

miss-a...yes, these men are saying that but real life experience has shown that there are plenty of men who will marry up in age but I don't know why you would be wanting a 30 year old man except for the same reason these men claim they want young women...

iambren...doesn't it bother you that you are talking about wanting to date in the same age pool as your boys will be shopping?

if a 20-25 year old girl is dating someone 35 or older, she tends to be emotionally needing a daddy or is dating his wallet because he can afford to go to the nicer places...

 

[dayhiker]

I'm finding that I enjoy talking with and being with women that are open. They are confident enough to talk honestly about the experiences they have had in their life. There aren't topics they avoid talking about. Will make sure if something is bothering them that its talked about and not hidden away, avoided.
I find these conversations create a lot of intimacy and the expression of vulnerability really draws me to them.
Now clearly for an open woman to stay in a relationship with me I also have to be open and willing to share what's been going on in my life. Accept what she is saying in a nonjudgmental way. We both have to know the other isn't hiding things from us. They clearly aren't going to agree on things, so they have to accept the others differing points of view.

Its older women that are comfortable in this place and have the wisdom to know when they have found an open man who they can be close with, open with and that man wouldn't hurt them.

This is why I find older women to be more attractive. Tho I find there aren't a lot of people that are open in this manner. But they are the ones I'm attracted to. I'm also open in this way and its amazing how many women I find are attracted to me.

 

[com7fy8]

If you are getting involved with someone and then finding out the person has a problem with your age, then possibly you are getting interested in someone too quickly. You might get to know someone, to see if you really would want to be with that person.

If someone really is superficial, why would you want to be acceptable to a superficial person ? ?

I don't think who you belong with is for you to judge, but submit to God and His choice. He is better than we are and knows what we don't

So, ones who are judging by superficial standards and what they want can be heading for trouble, blinded.

I think God has planned the person with the perfect age for you, plus I hope you discover how the age of your spirit is what really matters. We are new, in Jesus.

But there are a number of people who claim to be Christians, yet they fear old age and do not do well to appreciate and honor and share with elderly people. But Jesus wants us to love any and all people, not only favorites our age whom we can use for the lives we want.

"'He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.'" (John 12:25)

"For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

Being with someone older can help me to love and connect with older Christians and sinners. And an older sister in Christ can be more mature in love, so she can help me discover how to love more really and maturely.

So, you don't need a guy who judges you by age and who does not know how to love.

But are you honest? Are you trying to make yourself seem younger so you can get a younger guy? Are you yourself able to love an older man and marry him? If you appreciate Jesus who is our Groom, you "might" appreciate an older person who is more maturely like Jesus

 

[miss-a]

If you are getting involved with someone and then finding out the person has a problem with your age, then possibly you are getting interested in someone too quickly. You might get to know someone, to see if you really would want to be with that person.

If someone really is superficial, why would you want to be acceptable to a superficial person ? ?

I don't think who you belong with is for you to judge, but submit to God and His choice. He is better than we are and knows what we don't

So, ones who are judging by superficial standards and what they want can be heading for trouble, blinded.

I think God has planned the person with the perfect age for you, plus I hope you discover how the age of your spirit is what really matters. We are new, in Jesus.

But there are a number of people who claim to be Christians, yet they fear old age and do not do well to appreciate and honor and share with elderly people. But Jesus wants us to love any and all people, not only favorites our age whom we can use for the lives we want.

"'He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.'" (John 12:25)

"For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

Being with someone older can help me to love and connect with older Christians and sinners. And an older sister in Christ can be more mature in love, so she can help me discover how to love more really and maturely.

So, you don't need a guy who judges you by age and who does not know how to love.

But are you honest? Are you trying to make yourself seem younger so you can get a younger guy? Are you yourself able to love an older man and marry him? If you appreciate Jesus who is our Groom, you "might" appreciate an older person who is more maturely like Jesus

Excellent post. Thanks for sharing.

To answer your question, yes. I posted the example of a younger man, but I have also been interested in older men. I don't keep myself looking young for younger men. I just like keeping myself as healthy as possible (being a wellnes counselor makes that key in my life), able to serve, and to do as much with the life I've been given as I can. Anti-aging is a side effect of that.

I don't really care about chronological age. My concern is more the person and common (but not duplicate) lifestyles, unless God would have me change that. I just wondered if my way of seeing it was reciprocated. What I've learned from the answers I got here and on another thread is that some are looking for God's choice and don't care much about age. Others have some pretty harsh standards. But in the end, as you stated above, it's God's choice that matters.

 

[miss-a]

based on what? women safely give birth for at least 10 years after that age range and educated women don't even tend to get married in that age range either because they are still in school...women hit their sexual peak in their 30's and I find they are less likely to have feminist ideals that a fresh-faced 23 year old (it is amusing to see what my kid's age group posts on FB as "great truths")....that certain naivete will go away as they grow older and maybe a little contempt will set in with the knowledge....and the man is less likely to feel so "wise" and confident as he realizes that his wife still is a very attractive 30something while he is showing the signs of old age, even if she is devoted to him...the ages you are listing are basically children now...even the government has declared them to be young enough for the parents to still have them on their health insurance plans in the age range you listed because they aren't old enough to be expected to get their own....

miss-a...yes, these men are saying that but real life experience has shown that there are plenty of men who will marry up in age but I don't know why you would be wanting a 30 year old man except for the same reason these men claim they want young women...

iambren...doesn't it bother you that you are talking about wanting to date in the same age pool as your boys will be shopping?

if a 20-25 year old girl is dating someone 35 or older, she tends to be emotionally needing a daddy or is dating his wallet because he can afford to go to the nicer places...

I don't want a 30 year old man. Sorry if I implied that unintentionally. I met a guy through ministry. We had a lot in common. He was only eight years younger than me. I didn't think that was a big thing. But when I told him my age, he was less than excited, and I stopped hearing from him. I was a little grossed out to think that age might be the cause,( and I realize it might not be) so I thought I'd post this to get some other guys' perspectives, which have been in some cases yicky and in other cases informative.

Personally, I was a little freaked out to think that Christian guys give themselves permission to play the age card on us, but so be it. As my friend keeps saying, it only takes one, and I think I'll one day find one who has the attributes that fit with mine and weirdnesses that compliment mine; and we'll live happily ever after in the knowledge that if we were taking too much ascorbate C, we'd know it because we'd have a whopping case of the runs, which would reside as soon as we, in our aged wisdom, adjust the dose. We'll ride off into the sunset, just the three of us, me, he and the C. Though we will have frequent visits from our friends, Coq10, Omega fish oil, resveratrol, and others.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Stay encouraged miss-a. God can do anything sister!

 

[Chad Farwell]

Is there a card you play, we are all dealers of bad hands in the game of life :/

 

[Mary7]

Marry young. The prime fertility years are about 15-25. Men tend to go younger for a variety of reasons so I'll tell you why from my own reasons and what I hear from other men: obvious body attributes(perky breasts/butt), a certain higher energy level, smooth skin, more positive attitude (not jaded,or trying to prove "they're just as good as a man", a certain naivete that let's the man feel wise, more eager sexually,overall better eye candy on the man's arm.

hmmm spoken like a true man.

 

[stmitche74]

Yes.

Why?

It's a little complicated but in general the older someone is the more baggage they have, and the more baggage they have the harder it is to start a life with them. There's also the issue of friends as well...people tend in general to make friends of a similar age, so you are less likely to have anyting in common with her social group.

Of course the opposite problem is that if they are too young they will be notably less mature and have a younger set of friends as well.

The best relationships are ones based on very similar people living in similar environments. They have more in common and less stresses placed on them. This doesn't mean:

.....just that the more similar the easier it generally is. Forget all the "we shall cross the divide for lovvvvve" nonsense. It's usually a fantasy that falls apart in a messy way.

So that is why chronological age matters

lol like the pic

 

[: D]

Okay, first, not to worry. I'm not hitting on you or seeking pity here. But I didn't get saved until I was thirty-eight. And I'm just trying to get a read on the Christian landscape, when it comes to dating. So here's my question, a bit long-winded and qualified, but it's in there:

Does chronological age matter to you, excluding the childbearing issue, and why? Qualifying factors: If a woman is, say 8 years older than you, but takes more vitamin C than you even knew was legal so she looks 3 years younger than you, do you still get turned off when you find out her age and do you pass? If so, why. What's that all about? I just don't get it. And oddly, I didn't find this in the world. Is it a Christian thing? If so, based on what?

Thanks, bros,
a

age is just a number,
I find it hard to believe that anyone (saved or otherwise) would connect with someone then walk away because of a number.

not really an issue for me as I seem to have become a long term celibate without realising,
my kids think I should join a dating site and pick a women off the shelf akin to shopping for beans or something.

they say there is someone for everyone,
its a waiting game sister : )

 

[exitstageright]

Stay encouraged miss-a. God can do anything sister!

Sorry to bust your bubble. But there is one thing that God cannot do.

God cannot .......lie. As Hebrews 6:18 states,"God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged."

 

[charitylove]

I'm not a guy and I'm not a cougar, I'm putting in my two cents because I think I knw where this person is coming from, I've been there. The guys I have attracted in the past were younger than I, simply because I look younger than I am, I don't know, I think it's like in the store when people shop with their eyes.

 

[William67]

Does age matter to me? Yes. As has already been mentioned, its because I want kids. My paternal grandfather had three kids. My father, my aunt, and my uncle. My uncle had two kids, one boy and one girl. The boy, well, chances are he will not have kid. My father has three sons. My elder brother has a son, but he married a woman who is almost as old as I. So, no kids. My younger brother has no kids, but is married. I don't think he wants kids.

So, if I don't have any kids, my entire paternal line dies with my nephew.