A question/confession for everyone

[Grigor Stoyanovich]

Well, this is going to be really hard for me to write... but I need to do this.

I am a survivor of abuse... but what I went through was not nearly as bad as how I reacted to it. I don't know what originally came between us, but when I was 15, and my sister 12, maybe 13, we went from being best friends, to her hating me and me wondering why on earth she hated me so much. Every day, she treated me like I was sub human. Gave no thought as to my needs or feelings, nor anyone else's, really. Well.... I pretty much kept it pent up inside and avoided her. But it got to the point where I began trying to think of different ways to take it out on her, make her pay. Add anger, bitterness, an open hole for Satan to climb in, and some teenage hormones, and a calculative mind... and ..... Oh God... I groped her in her sleep! I know, it was sick and wrong, and terrible, and evil... I only did it a few times... but those couple must have been enough. I chose that method because I would feel better about the way she treated me, and she would never know what happened... but I was wrong. She knew. And it only made her hate me more. Things got worse and worse between us, but I stopped, and simply waited for the hammer to fall. It did, one fateful night, and thank God it finally did. She told my parents, they confronted me, showed me love, counseled me personally, and I have made the full turn. I have restored and improved my relationship with God by leaps and bounds, and I feel so much happier now. But the lingering guilt every time I see her still haunts me... She told me the day after it was revealed that she forgave me... but I was not so sure of how sincere she was. Well, it has been a long time, but I have never had the urges to do it again, and although she and I are still not very close, we both get along a lot better. We can actually have a friendly conversation, but she normally just ignores me... but she says it is because we have nothing in common. And really, thats very true. We have NOTHING in common. But...

How many of you have had your abuser repent and ask forgiveness? If they did... would you forgive them? I feel like a stake is driven into my heart every time I hear about abuse as a child... and out of all of the stories I heard, I only heard one where they forgave the abuser, and that was my boss. Is this truly such an evil place, that men do not take responsibility and repent for their sins? Am I one of the few who has tried to help heal the scars instead of letting them fester? Please tell me this is not so... please tell me atleast a few of you have had happy endings... I know first hand how badly it hurts... and I am eternally sorry for you all. I just need to know...

 

[luv4godremains]

Hi Grigor,

that must have taken a LOT of courage to admit, so, thank you, and I'm afriad my abusers have never even admitted to me yet what they did, even when I confront them about it, let alone ask for forgivness, but, I think you're a very brave person to admit it, to repent from it, and to accept help and councelling for what you did.

God bless and thankyou for sharing that!

 

[RJHarmony84]

Thank you for sharing that! Altho I don't know quite what to think here, because in my case it was my sister who was groped in her sleep, by my husband. It's very very hard to forgive. As for my sister I don't know if she'll ever forgive him. I hope so, for her sake. I hope yours has truely forgiven you too. May God watch over you and care for you, and keep you on the straight path...

 

[Grigor Stoyanovich]

Considering what you said about your sister, I am very thankful just for the fact that I am not the object of any hateful and bitter thoughts. But thank you both for not chasing me away and stoning me, as I probably deserve, and for the good wishes. If you want me to, I will pray that the problem with your husband is resolved in the best way possible. How anyone could think me brave is beyond me though.

 

[RJHarmony84]

If you want me to, I will pray that the problem with your husband is resolved in the best way possible. How anyone could think me brave is beyond me though.

I would appreciate your prayers as much as you may appreciate mine...prayers are always nice
And yes you are brave for coming out with it, so many guys try the easy road of sin and just deny it ever happened. That bravery will help you to correct a HUGE mistake and hopefully heal you all someday as well. Be patient, healing takes time. God will show you how he's working soon...

 

[Theresasjourney]

Hi Grigor..
I commend you on your courage to share something very painful here..
and I commend you that you owned what you did and have repented and asked for forgiveness from your sister....and sounds like you had very awesome parents to help you through the situation.
There are very few perps who do what you did unfortunately...it would surely help allot with survivors healing if they did.
You have done what you were suppose to do and felt it from the depth of your heart....true repentance...now God has forgiven you and you are clean..now its up to you to let go of it.
None of my perps have done what you did...and I am not sure how I would respond...I do feel however that forgiveness comes in layers through healing layers with survivors. I always try and approach it from the angle that God loves all of us but hates sin...God loves my perps..but hates their sin...there is a division there..He loves me but hates sin in me. We are to love each other but hate sin. Sin cannot be trusted.
I think if my perps repented...asked forgiveness and had b/c Christians and therefore on a firmer lifes foundation...it would be easier for me to forgive....but I'm not sure....but I like to think that God would help me and I would get there.
May you find peace...keep going and growing in God and be blessed.

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I am amazed at your courage to share that and i must say that if you have repented then God has forgiven you and that is so much more important than anything else. I have to say in the very unlikely event of my abuser repenting I dont honestly know if I would beable to forgive him - I would like to beable to forgive him, I really would. Anyway I hope you can find peace,

 

[Inperfected]

I was abused and i honestly have forgiven... however, i can't tell him as i don't know him anymore...

 

[pilgrimdon]

I was 5-7 when my first perp (a relative) sexually abused and molested me on several occasions over a two year period. I was 8-9 when the second perp (a deacon- teacher in a private church school) sexually assaulted, abused and habitually molested me daily for over a year with threats and coercon. We moved away and never kept in contact with the family member. I finally filed and confronted the church last year. It was a stand I wish I had made much younger so I could have avoided so much turmoil and trouble.
I have however learned in the process to forgive them - whether they asked for it or not. It is a process in forgiving them too. I find myself at times recalling certain things and I have to address it and seek God to help me forgive the incident or act brought to rememberance. Forgiving them brings healing to my soul.....

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I have forgiven but have never heard anything from the others side, no apology or acknowledgement. I wonder if they hope I don't remember because I was young about 5 or so, but I do remember. I don't want to ruin these people's reputation or cause dissention so I don't disclose who they are. As hard as it was for me to heal and forgive, I'm sure the guilt they have experienced is 10 times as painful. This earth is such a messed up place. It's so unfortunate that anyone has to experience this kind of thing on earth. But it makes me that much more glad I have a perfect home in heaven to go to one day. Hopefully all memories will be gone in heaven. Regardless, I have peace and I just hope I can love others into having peace as well and loving themselves, that would be a positive fruit, only made sweeter by the manure piled at the base of the tree.

Thanks for the post. I hope things get better with your sister and you can forgive yourself one day.

God Bless
B4A

 

[shazabella]

How many of you have had your abuser repent and ask forgiveness? If they did... would you forgive them? I feel like a stake is driven into my heart every time I hear about abuse as a child... and out of all of the stories I heard, I only heard one where they forgave the abuser, and that was my boss. Is this truly such an evil place, that men do not take responsibility and repent for their sins? Am I one of the few who has tried to help heal the scars instead of letting them fester? Please tell me this is not so... please tell me atleast a few of you have had happy endings... I know first hand how badly it hurts... and I am eternally sorry for you all. I just need to know...

My father refuses to repent because "i would hold it against him" ... correction i would if it didn't hurt too much to care about him and on monday night he told me that he shows no mercy for putting his hands around my throat and the other things - that just shattered me BIG time. I have been praying for him for so long that we can have a relationship of some sort but he's not interested in it at all and that HURTS big time. so what other option is there then to put on a brave face and cope with everything when i know that honestly my daddy doesn't love me and never has ?

- Shaz

 

[SquirtleMcgee]

I was abused by my brother. But for the longest time, I was in denial. I never said anything, I knew he was doing it to my other sisters and a friend. I remember one night, my parents were out, and a friend of my sister, was staying the night. They were in the room together. I knew what was going on and I went outside to wait for my parents. When they came home they wanted to know what I was doing. So I told them what was going on. They spoke to my brother. And that seemed to put an end to it. It was never mentioned again. No more abuse. At least I think so. Months went by and I would forget about it. My relationship with my brother was like that with most brother's and sisters, we fought, but hey we still loved each other. I never told him I forgave him. He died when I was 14. I miss him like crazy. But the reason I never told him I've forgiven him, because then that would mean that I would have to admit, that he wasn't the only one at fault. This is something I've never told anyone. I don't even admit it to myself. Sometimes, I wanted him to do it. I would wait in his room and wait for him. I inturn had molested my lil sis and bro. I had been denying i was abused the past year or so because then I would have to admit what I had done. Grigor I commend you for wanting to heal the scars. Maybe one day I will get up the courage to do the same. But for now, I will go back into my shell and admit nothing happened.

 

[CoolMom6]

Look, Squirtle, just the fact that you opened up here is a beginning...God will open you up little by little, as you are ready, to deal with all of it. I know; there has been a number of things in my past that I swept under the rug and refused to acknowledge. It was like "someone else's life," not me, and one day I realized that I was going to have to deal with it. But God is gracious, and He will take you a step at a time. Get Anderson's Bondage Breaker, and pray the prayers about past physical encounters. You will find it will hurt almost as much as being there the first time, but then the wounds will be cleaned out and will begin to heal. You will began to find freedom you never knew existed. Everyone could benefit from this kind of "cleaning out" of the past. My past; some was my perps' doing, some has been my own choices, totally. I have chosen to take responsibility for my time here on earth and my healing, and it has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I want to break the generational curses for my children.
I would like to encourage you, my sister, to kep being open like you were.
Praying for you...
Love, CM4

 

[Paladin Dave]

First, I want to thank you all for your kind words and your confessions. I know they cannot have been easy.

Second, I want to come out of hiding. I am Grigor Stoyanovich. That was an account a created(see the join date) because I forgot the password to this one, and then remembered it. I felt like I needed to get this out. So I brought old Grigor back.

I am very sorry for having lied to you all. And I am more sorry than I can express with words for what your family members have done to you, and that your father, Shaz, turned away your forgiveness. THat breaks my heart to no end, as does the damage that abusers have done to their victims everywhere.

I also wanted to let you all know that my greatest dreams have been realized, and my prayers answered. I recieved a letter(my sister's favorite form of communication on personal matters. I recieved a similar one on the day I apologized to her, and begged forgiveness.) a week before last Thursday. She told me that she had said what happened at her small group in church, because they were all sharing stories like that. She was very sorry for not having asked me about it, or even mentioning it to me, but this is what really stuck out. She told me I had nothing to be sorry for, that I was not a bad guy, and that the recovery had brought her closer to God. I went over to her room and knocked on the door, she let me in, and I thanked her. For the first time in what has felt like an eternity, we told eachother "I love you", as brother and sister once again, and for a while, we have been able to actually sit and talk together casually. And I praise the Lord for the work he has done to make us both stronger from the damage my sins did.

Shaz, I wish I knew a way to help dull the pain. I am terribly sorry, and can give you little, save a listening ear and my deepest sympathies. My PM box is open to all who wish to vent to me, and I am sworn to secrecy. Anything I can do as a repentent abuser to help the abused shall gladly be done.

Squirtle, I tried for the longest time to pretend I was guiltless, butI was wracked with guilt by day, and haunted with nightmares by night. Believe me when I say, that although admittance hurts, it opens the door for God to step in and heal you and any whom you have hurt. After all, when not preaching, Jesus was a carpenter, am I right? Who better to repair our lives when we are broken? I will pray for you especially, my friend.

I continue to pray for all of you, and every last victim of abuse, and I wish you all a happy ending. You all deserve one with what you have endured. Again, I apologize for my deception, and I thank you all for your kindness.

And honestly... what do you think my odds are for creating a ministry for repentent abusers, be it online, or later on in life?


Sincerely,
David

 

[CoolMom6]

David;

You caught my eye this morning and I didn't realize why at first, but doing what you did and repenting as you have will undoubtedly bless more women and girls reading this than you may ever realize. Thank you, and bless you, my friend. I have 2 big boys, and 2 little girls, and I am so hyperaware of things so as to be overly cautious, but sometimes you can't always protect. But God is always there.
You ARE a champion, a warrior; with that heart and attitude, you will someday find and rescue, and sweep that beautiful princess off of her feet!!

 

[CoolMom6]

Oh, yeah, you are also giving those who perpertrated (even once) something to seriuosly think about!! If even one person who forced their will onto another
reads your testimony and feels convicted in their heart, then , yes, God can and will surely use you.

 

[Paladin Dave]

will undoubtedly bless more women and girls reading this than you may ever realize.

I really hope so, CM. I really hope so. If it prevents more evil in the world, I am satisfied. Thank you very much for your kind words. I am not deserving of them, but they mean the world to me. Thank you so much, and bless you and your family.

(on a lighter note...) And I'm gonna hold you up to that princess thing. If I'm 60 and haven't done any sweeping-of-her-feeting, I'm gonna be knocking on YOUR door... er, pm box.... for my money back.

EDIT: Thats what I am hoping. Like I said, I would very much like to start a ministry for repentent abusers some day, but after all of the stories I have heard on here, I have a feeling I would be sitting all alone.

 

[SquirtleMcgee]

EDIT: Thats what I am hoping. Like I said, I would very much like to start a ministry for repentent abusers some day, but after all of the stories I have heard on here, I have a feeling I would be sitting all alone.

I'll keep ya company Dave. With me around you won't need anyone else.

 

[Paladin Dave]

... You serious? Do you think I should try and start it? I would of course post a link to this thread, for a testimony, and then I figured it would be like a users(or whatever word) anonymous type thing, people come, post a testimony of repenting from abuse, and we just share stories and encourage and strengthen one another to keep on the straight path, stuff like that. Thats what I had in mind, anyway. Any suggestions? I... umm.... I have never really done anything like this before.

 

[CoolMom6]

Dave,

Pray some about it some more, and maybe look around at some of the other threads on abuse, etc., ask the Lord to show you. I wish I had some more/better advice for you; I don't know much, I'm always IN self-help (ha, ha) but I could never lead anything, I'm such an introvert. But, if it is something the Lord is leading you to do, then He will show you the steps to take, and lead the people to you. Look at some of the larger churches in your area, and see what they have for recovery classes.

Good luck, and keep us posted, OK, kiddo?
BTW, I think the gal in the thread above may be actually flirting, silly.