A Question about Homosexuality

[impetus]

Hey guys!

I'm just curious as to what you guys think about my situation and if you could possibly offer any helpful advice.

A really, really close friend of mine has recently decided that he is gay. While this doesnt change my opinion of him at all, I am a little sceptical of his reasonings for deciding to be this way. It's a really long story, but basically, it feels to me that he's basing this very major decision on what other people think. He's often been the brunt of gay jokes and been called such in some form or another. From my view, the reason he gets called thus is simply because he is a nice guy. He cares about people, he's quiet, he's soft spoken and isn't all rough n tumble as all of the other guys in our group of friends. He's a true gentleman in my opinion- he opens doors, if he drives you home, he'll wait til you get inside before driving off, he notices if you're upset about something and the list just goes on and on. To be honest, he does seem a lot happier and more content with life now that he's made this choice. But there are things which make me believe that he is still sitting on the fence. Firstly, the fact that before he made this decision he and I and another mate had been searching for a church to attend and he was really getting into the whole God thing. Now that he's saying he's gay, he's still actually interested in going to church. Which is suprising, but still awesome to me, and he's very eager to try out a new church I've discovered during the week.
I'm confused as well- I don't know how to encourage him in the right direction.
If you guys can think of anything, please let me know!

 

[chi_rho]

hey there,

Your freind may or may not be gay, he can decide what he is and not. If you think he has labelled himself gay because of other peoples opinions then im sure somewhere along the line he will work out that he isnt and maybe that will be a good learning experiance for him, that is not to take peoples opinions about himself so seriously, and you never know if he does become a christian he will have an interesting testimony. The only important thing is that you are his friend and he wants to go to church so you should support him.

Im sure God knows his path and will direct it. As for you helping him in the right direction, my advice would be, be the same to him as you were before he decided to label himself gay. If he starts going to church and asks about being christian and gay, tell him to read verses in the bible.
If my friend said he was gay, i wouldnt force laws down on him or exclude him from christianity but thats just my opinion. i think everyone no matter what sexuality, gender, race, culture ect should have full access to Gods house and church positions if they wanted it because the bottom line is we are all humans and all created by God and we should not pass judgement on anyone else cos that is His job, and i think rejecting anyone from that is an insult to God Himself.

Hope i helped somewhere in all that jarggle

God bless

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Keep on being his friend. That is the main thing.

I believe that being homosexual is a choice, but that it is a sinful choice as so said in the Bible. If he were my friend I would make it clear that this is what I believe and try to point them in the right direction. This can be very hard though and so I think the best thing to do is to pray for them and love them like Christ loves them.

 

[Ceris]

Thread moved from Young Adults Ministry to Struggles with Sexuality due to Rule 4.2.

 

[ebia]

Now that he's saying he's gay, he's still actually interested in going to church. Which is suprising,

Why? Do you think gay people don't need God as much as other people?

 

[NateBlack]

Love him without condition and support his interest in finding a new church where he will encounter an affirming messge of God's love for him.

 

[HisEagle]

From what you've described, I highly HIGHLY doubt that your friend is actually gay.

Gay sex is a choice, but the orientation is NOT. So if he's just now "deciding" that he is gay, then trust me when I tell you from personal experience that he isn't. You don't just snap your fingers and decide to become gay.

The crucial factor here is whether or not he's actually attracted to men, deep down inside. Has he ever had sex with a man? Has he ever fallen in love with a man? When he thinks about romance and relationships, are his feelings directed toward men or women? You see, simply being a nice, kind-hearted gentleman does not mean he's gay, no matter how much ribbing he gets from other people. So my advice to you would be to talk to him and ask him if he has ever had romantic, heart-felt attractions to men. If so, and he can't imagine being with a woman for the rest of his life, then I'd say yes he is gay. Otherwise, he sounds confused and needs to know that it's okay to be who he is - the kind, gentle, peaceful soul - and still be a straight guy.

Actually, if he IS straight, I would have to say he is gifted to have such a wonderful personality. However, if after your conversation with him you find out he really is gay, then my only words of advice are to simply let him explore his faith on his own, and allow God to direct him in his life.

 

[Lost_and_astray]

Speaking from experience, (I am gay), I feel that groundhog is completely correct. Sexual orientation isn't something I "chose", it's been with me ever since I can remember.

It is unlikely he is gay, because usually you know your sexual orientation from when you are young and that it is very strong, it is not something which suddenly comes by one day and hits you in the head.

Keep talking to him about it, don't let him feel alone or unheard.

 

[bannaboat101]

Hey guys!

I'm just curious as to what you guys think about my situation and if you could possibly offer any helpful advice.

A really, really close friend of mine has recently decided that he is gay. While this doesnt change my opinion of him at all, I am a little sceptical of his reasonings for deciding to be this way. It's a really long story, but basically, it feels to me that he's basing this very major decision on what other people think. He's often been the brunt of gay jokes and been called such in some form or another. From my view, the reason he gets called thus is simply because he is a nice guy. He cares about people, he's quiet, he's soft spoken and isn't all rough n tumble as all of the other guys in our group of friends. He's a true gentleman in my opinion- he opens doors, if he drives you home, he'll wait til you get inside before driving off, he notices if you're upset about something and the list just goes on and on. To be honest, he does seem a lot happier and more content with life now that he's made this choice. But there are things which make me believe that he is still sitting on the fence. Firstly, the fact that before he made this decision he and I and another mate had been searching for a church to attend and he was really getting into the whole God thing. Now that he's saying he's gay, he's still actually interested in going to church. Which is suprising, but still awesome to me, and he's very eager to try out a new church I've discovered during the week.
I'm confused as well- I don't know how to encourage him in the right direction.
If you guys can think of anything, please let me know!

I think you should treat him the way you want to be treated. Actually think for a moment What Would Jesus Do? I believe that Jesus would stay his friend better yet best friend and be there for him when something goes wrong. So I would do what jesus would

 

[impetus]

I think you should treat him the way you want to be treated. Actually think for a moment What Would Jesus Do? I believe that Jesus would stay his friend better yet best friend and be there for him when something goes wrong. So I would do what jesus would

He IS one of my best mates, and I assure you, nothing could change that!

All I was asking for is if anyone could possibly agree that he's making this decision based on the wrong things. I mean, he is happier, I'll grant that, and I'm happy for him that he is.
I'll support him, no matter what he decides in the end. There's no doubt about that, please don't think for a second I'd think any less of him!
I'm excited that he's still interested in going to church, etc. I guess I'm just as confused as he is at the moment.
He's liked a lot of girls in that past. Another factor for him deciding thus is that he's nearly 23 and hasn't had sex yet. And in the world outside of church stuff, this is apparently a big deal. So he thinks there is something wrong with him (these are his words), and that he must be gay.

I will support him, I'll continue to love him and be a good mate. And my opinion of him will not change at all.
I guess I'm scared for him. And that whatever happens, I'm praying he'll do it for the right reasons and be happy.

 

[lost_in_thought]

First off, people aren't born with either a heterosexual or homosexual identity. Influences in life build tendencies in a person to lean one way or another. Some people are, unfortunately, influenced at a very early age and may be confused about their sexuality for a long time. This can lead to a misdirected sexual identity.

I also believe that a child may be confused if his or her parents aren't forthcoming about the topic of sex. The boy or girl, growing up, may find that they are weak in their sexual maturity and may need to confide in another person. In most cases, children relate with children before they relate to adults. Children will learn a lot about the world from their peers.

Sometimes a young person learns more about sex from their peers, or from other worldly sources, more than they learn from their parents, due to the fact that their parents have never really spoken about it. Maybe the parents haven't spoken of it because they have seen their youth grow up in a strong Christian environment; maybe they think they don't need to talk about sex.

I think the problem here is the misconception that people choose their sexuality. This is a very hard thing to accomplish: to "choose" one way or another. The "choice" is influenced by that person's entire history of actions, thoughts, friends, relatives, education, religion, joys, sorrows, delights, and pains. Their "choosing" or having to "choose" is the real problem, not their choice. It saddens me to think that so many young people have to make this "choice" almost as if it is a right of passage.

I believe that those who identify themselves as homosexuals have a very sad story behind their choice. I do not condemn them because of their choice, but I do disagree with it. I don't know how else to solve this problem than by urging those parents out there to talk with your children about sex and about how to live holy lives, as responsible adults, as responsible Christians and as sexually mature individuals.

On a related note: never turn away anyone because of their sexuality, their race, their religion, or their lifestyle. You may be turning away Jesus. Remember: we have all fallen short from the Glory of God. We are all in this together.

 

[bannaboat101]

He IS one of my best mates, and I assure you, nothing could change that!

All I was asking for is if anyone could possibly agree that he's making this decision based on the wrong things. I mean, he is happier, I'll grant that, and I'm happy for him that he is.
I'll support him, no matter what he decides in the end. There's no doubt about that, please don't think for a second I'd think any less of him!
I'm excited that he's still interested in going to church, etc. I guess I'm just as confused as he is at the moment.
He's liked a lot of girls in that past. Another factor for him deciding thus is that he's nearly 23 and hasn't had sex yet. And in the world outside of church stuff, this is apparently a big deal. So he thinks there is something wrong with him (these are his words), and that he must be gay.

I will support him, I'll continue to love him and be a good mate. And my opinion of him will not change at all.
I guess I'm scared for him. And that whatever happens, I'm praying he'll do it for the right reasons and be happy.

Thats great but I'm going to tell you something that I went through that might be able to help. I'm gay because of the attractions that I have to guys however I'm not a homosexual. I believe that the sex is a sin and it can lead to destruction and God says that it is a abominational sin (Leviticus 18:22) I just have to say as long as your friend doesn't fall into the homosexuality sin then I pretty sure that he is going to be fine with being with God I think he will be able to enter the Kingdom of heaven because God doesn't consider the attractions as a sin just the sex. I'm also sorry if I was a little rude about my first reply. So if he is making is decission based on the attractions and not sex then I think he is making a great decission unless he is in for the homosexuality.