A pure relationship

[NiobiumTragedy]

This is just poison.
There is nothing wrong with our youth idolizing viriginity and respecting and desiring to marry a virgin.
Perhaps if we ALL had that mindset we could squash our divorce rates, eliminate STD's, eliminate abortion, eliminate all of those poor little kids being raised by only 1 parents or in foster homes ... perhaps it would mean that on a wedding night a man and a woman could give each other this special gift and thereby demonstrate to one another how significant their faith and marriage is.

Can you please give me directions to this fantasy land you live in?

There are circumstances that are beyond our control. People will divorce and do divorce all the time regardless of their status of virginity when they marry. People who don't want kids yet are married still have abortions. STDs and poor little kids will still be around despite people being married as virgins...

Oh, and you must be one of those people who think that your wedding night as a virgin is some magical fantasy experience that is all roses and unicorns... God help you when you find out what really happens.

So losing virginity can be painful, so get out there and give it away before marriage? Is this your logic? Poison.

I never said once that I think you should go have sex before marriage. Don't put words in my mouth and try to be a little more intelligent when reading and debating.

The whole point of my post is that the OP is judging people for things they may have done and now regret before he even met them... So it's okay for Christians to judge people based on previous sexual history but god forbid call him out on something that is wrong not only with his view but his faith?

Where did forgiveness go and how long will a relationship last if it's based highly on whether or not a person has had sex?

Talk about poison. Teaching people that this is a correct way to live in the name of faith is poison.

 

[motherprayer]

The whole point of my post is that the OP is judging people for things they may have done and now regret before he even met them... So it's okay for Christians to judge people based on previous sexual history but god forbid call him out on something that is wrong not only with his view but his faith?

Just a question: are you saying he should commit to a person he is uncomfortable with, just so he can show he isn't judgmental?

 

[Sir Robbins]

The whole point of my post is that the OP is judging people for things they may have done and now regret before he even met them... So it's okay for Christians to judge people based on previous sexual history but god forbid call him out on something that is wrong not only with his view but his faith?

not waiting until marriage shows a lack of patience and self control (2 qualities I prefer not to have in a partner) assuming it was a goal of theirs as every Christian should be.

 

[cam44]

Can you please give me directions to this fantasy land you live in?

There are circumstances that are beyond our control. People will divorce and do divorce all the time regardless of their status of virginity when they marry. People who don't want kids yet are married still have abortions. STDs and poor little kids will still be around despite people being married as virgins...

Oh, and you must be one of those people who think that your wedding night as a virgin is some magical fantasy experience that is all roses and unicorns... God help you when you find out what really happens.


I never said once that I think you should go have sex before marriage. Don't put words in my mouth and try to be a little more intelligent when reading and debating.

The whole point of my post is that the OP is judging people for things they may have done and now regret before he even met them... So it's okay for Christians to judge people based on previous sexual history but god forbid call him out on something that is wrong not only with his view but his faith?

Where did forgiveness go and how long will a relationship last if it's based highly on whether or not a person has had sex?

Talk about poison. Teaching people that this is a correct way to live in the name of faith is poison.

I have seen your kind on many other kinds of forums out there dissecting sentences, researching every reference, taking the high road, and adding lots of drama for flare. You can be disrespectful, dramatic, and add links and statistics to prove your rantings or believe that you have disproved someone else's - however you are attempting to complicate a VERY simple issue.
His instructions were very simple and clear. If you cannot see the results of giving away virginity in with respect to the items I mentioned YOU are not very intelligent or are blind or both - either way I can't help you, but don't try to drag others down with your twisted words.
Of course there is forgiveness - there always will be, but not making the mistake/sin in the first place is obviously the right way to go.
You even use the word debating - there is nothing to debate here - go open your bible and your mind.

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

I have to say I've been reading this thread for a bit now, and really believe people get hyphy way to easily! As followers of Christ we individually walk with him in relationship. If one man believes his wife should be a virgin, then that is his belief! Equally yoked is how all marriages should be anyway. I know I'm interjecting into the thread late, but as someone who is celibate from a life that was very sexually active, I sometimes wish I could have stayed a virgin. At this point I am courting for a wife, not just to please my loins as I once have. Putting judgment or any of that other stuff aside, my wife would be someone who could accept me for my past mistakes and I hers. Personally if I were to meet a woman who was a virgin I believe that makes a marriage even more Viable because she was able to keep it intact. God is good, just trust him even in that sense. Let people have their own Faith and live the way they want to. We lead by living example not by our own words.

 

[Tiredknight]

I just the Initial post.

Hey brother I know how you feel... I am a virgin and staying that way till I am married. I have kissed a girl as I feel it is not Immoral to do so at all. but that is another topic for another time.

I would say this to you...

(do not think I am bashing you for wanting a virgin. It is an awesome thing to desire that)

I think you are to high up on your soap box. You are placing sex on a pedestal that God never intended it to be on. It sounds like sex is your idol.

I would suggest you stop thinking this way. First and formost you are a harlot. the bible says that we as humans tarry after lusts of the heart every day. We turn our noses to things every moment and seek after things that are not Jesus. The bible says that there is no one good on this earth. AND yet while we were still sinners Christ died for us. That while we still have issues God came to this earth and died on the cross for us. The almighty master of the universe stooped down to our level and rescued us.

Now I am not saying that women need rescuing but that is how God says we as men are to treat our women. As Christ loved the church. So who do you think you are demanding that a woman be totally abstinent, like she somehow does not care about her future spouse if she is not. That condescending on a new level. The bible says that if you even look at a woman in a naughty way, you have already committed adultery. So that makes you no better.


What if the most amazing woman on the planet for you has made some mistakes and has had sex or kissed a boy? You would walk away from her just for that? God does not treat his children that way, why should we treat our women that way?

In stead think of it this way. We as men are called to be the spiritual leaders of our home. We are called to be the brutal ferocious lovers who would die for our women to protect her. Stop thinking about her. she is not in your life yet, or maybe she is and God is waiting for you to grow up. You should instead be thinking about yourself. How is your heart? how is your attitude? how is your walk with Christ? Petty beliefs like this "she must be a virgin" could be holding back God's blessing for you.

I was the same way as you, but then I grew up. I threw away my childish dreams and focused soley on God and what he wanted me to do in his kingdom. She showed up and we are now we getting married in April. She is more then I could have ever hoped for or dreamed of. And She is a virgin. God has specifically said if we follow after him he will give us the desires of our heart. God knew what I wanted, but what I did not know is what God wanted of me.

Husband 101... She is more important then you. Her better is worth not getting what you want. Self sacrifice for her good is the right choice.

This whole "She has to be a virgin or I can't be with her" is not befitting of a husband...

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Just a question: are you saying he should commit to a person he is uncomfortable with, just so he can show he isn't judgmental?

No, I'm saying he shouldn't cast aside people solely based on decisions they have made before meeting him if they have repented. If he meets people with this attitude of "I will never date this person if they are not up to my standards", he will never meet anyone. We are all flawed.

Should we in turn cast him aside based on his sins?

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

not waiting until marriage shows a lack of patience and self control (2 qualities I prefer not to have in a partner) assuming it was a goal of theirs as every Christian should be.

As younger people, we have all made dumb decisions. Why should we be judged for those decisions as adults when we have been forgiven for them in the eyes of God?

I'm not talking about someone who actively goes out and has sex on a daily basis here, I'm talking about anyone who has made what they now understand was a mistake. To this OP, they will still be cast aside because they aren't virgins.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

I have seen your kind on many other kinds of forums out there dissecting sentences, researching every reference, taking the high road, and adding lots of drama for flare.

I'm happy for you. Dissecting comments makes it easier to address each issue. You call it drama, I call it debate.

You can be disrespectful, dramatic, and add links and statistics to prove your rantings or believe that you have disproved someone else's - however you are attempting to complicate a VERY simple issue.

So what is a forum if not for intelligent discussion then? It's not complicating anything, it's making sure all the facts are on the table so OP can see the flaws in his view as his faith speaks largely against his actions. Please forgive me for not being a sheep and a "yes man" who agrees with every post I see on this forum.

His instructions were very simple and clear. If you cannot see the results of giving away virginity in with respect to the items I mentioned YOU are not very intelligent or are blind or both - either way I can't help you, but don't try to drag others down with your twisted words.

So following things the Bible says to do in faith is twisted, gotcha.

Of course there is forgiveness - there always will be, but not making the mistake/sin in the first place is obviously the right way to go.

Next time someone judges you based on something you did when you were younger, remember you said that.

You even use the word debating - there is nothing to debate here - go open your bible and your mind.

Irony at it's finest.

 

[cam44]

Tragedy - it seems perhaps you might get some benefit from privately contacting and deal more 1 on 1 with a counsellor or staff here to resolve issues that are bothering you.
It seems odd that are you even on a Christian forum with such judging and impatience to Christian beliefs.
You talk about saving virginity for the wedding night and say
"Oh, and you must be one of those people who think that your wedding night as a virgin is some magical fantasy experience that is all roses and unicorns... God help you when you find out what really happen" then you say "I never said once that I think you should go have sex before marriage. Don't put words in my mouth and try to be a little more intelligent when reading and debating" so ... sex on the wedding night is painful and we should all be afraid of the pain, but you are still promoting saving virginity, but the "OP is judging people for things they may have done and now regret before he even met them... So it's okay for Christians to judge people based on previous sexual history" -- you are only arguing yourself around in circles - I hope you can try to better understand how you truly feel about this whole topic and how you see yourself - and perhaps not judge yourself? for something in your past?

Why is referring to sin as a sin judgemental? It IS still a sin, and it should and can be forgiven, but that doesn't mean that admiring virginity or desiring to marry a virgin is judgemental or wrong in any way - especially for someone to whom this is important to and who has also saved themselves - it seems because of you past or other issues you have that you feel it is this is judging someone. I hope that with 1v1 counselling you can receive some help to work through this - and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[jenjen486]

Hey Seraphim...I havent read all the posts on here but I really wanted to share this. We have to realize that it's all up to the Lord in these things. If God allows you to have a wife, then you can't have your own predetermined idea of what you want. Saying that you won't be with a woman for that reason, is like saying that all of your sins are somehow not as bad as what she may have done. God doesn't look at the outward things...He looks at the heart. It is so easy for any of us to think that b/c we havent done something, that we are better than someone else. What if Hosea had disobeyed God when He told him to marry a prostitute? If we desire a marriage, then it should never be about what suits and pleases us...but how it can Glorify the Father. We all fall short daily. God desires to see us repent and hate that sin and turn to Him. That is what anyone should hope for, if they long to be married. A spouse who has given their heart completely to the Lord...b/c that is what purity is in God's sight.

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

Hey Seraphim...I havent read all the posts on here but I really wanted to share this. We have to realize that it's all up to the Lord in these things. If God allows you to have a wife, then you can't have your own predetermined idea of what you want. Saying that you won't be with a woman for that reason, is like saying that all of your sins are somehow not as bad as what she may have done. God doesn't look at the outward things...He looks at the heart. It is so easy for any of us to think that b/c we havent done something, that we are better than someone else. What if Hosea had disobeyed God when He told him to marry a prostitute? If we desire a marriage, then it should never be about what suits and pleases us...but how it can Glorify the Father. We all fall short daily. God desires to see us repent and hate that sin and turn to Him. That is what anyone should hope for, if they long to be married. A spouse who has given their heart completely to the Lord...b/c that is what purity is in God's sight.

Jen my point would simply be, Do you believe God puts things on our heart? And if so could it be possible God put this in/on his heart?

 

[jenjen486]

All I can go by, is what he said, when he started the thread. It was never talked about as a conviction, but only what he sees as purity...which God looks at purity differently.

 

[Iamnewinchrist]

Yes, God looks at purity as the blood of Jesus that Covers us. We are only pure in his sight because of that, The Lamb of God. What I'm thinking is maybe the OP just didn't word it straight out as a conviction to the thread, but believes it to be so in his heart.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Tragedy - it seems perhaps you might get some benefit from privately contacting and deal more 1 on 1 with a counsellor or staff here to resolve issues that are bothering you.

Again, this is a forum open for all discussion. It has nothing to do with a disagreement about rules, it has to do with a disagreement about a faith issue based on the OP. I suggest if you have a problem with discussion and debate, that you leave all forums and simply stick to reading articles.

It seems odd that are you even on a Christian forum with such judging and impatience to Christian beliefs.

Funny, the irony in that statement considering the original post, isn't it?

You talk about saving virginity for the wedding night and say
"Oh, and you must be one of those people who think that your wedding night as a virgin is some magical fantasy experience that is all roses and unicorns... God help you when you find out what really happen" then you say "I never said once that I think you should go have sex before marriage. Don't put words in my mouth and try to be a little more intelligent when reading and debating" so ... sex on the wedding night is painful and we should all be afraid of the pain, but you are still promoting saving virginity, but the "OP is judging people for things they may have done and now regret before he even met them... So it's okay for Christians to judge people based on previous sexual history" -- you are only arguing yourself around in circles - I hope you can try to better understand how you truly feel about this whole topic and how you see yourself - and perhaps not judge yourself? for something in your past?

Your lack of understanding the point is not arguing in circles. We shouldn't be afraid of sex, but you also should walk into it knowing what to expect rather than walking into disappointment. Now does that mean I'm saying to go out and have sex so you know? Not at all. There is enough information that is learned from places like this to prepare yourself so you will not have to experience it first hand to know what is coming and what to expect when the reality of the situation hits. A lot of people expect it to be this wonderfully romantic experience... in most cases, it's not.

Information and education is the key. I don't need to shove my hand into boiling water to know it will burn. Here, let me make some cliff notes for you based on what you just tried to scrunch all together:

• Remain chaste prior to marriage as that is what our God says to do.

• Sex as a virgin female is painful in most cases. Know that going into it and prepare yourself rather than be disappointed that it wasn't a fairy tale night.

• Do not judge those whom have made mistakes and have been forgiven for them. Make your decisions based on who they are now rather than before.

Why is referring to sin as a sin judgemental? It IS still a sin, and it should and can be forgiven, but that doesn't mean that admiring virginity or desiring to marry a virgin is judgemental or wrong in any way - especially for someone to whom this is important to and who has also saved themselves - it seems because of you past or other issues you have that you feel it is this is judging someone. I hope that with 1v1 counselling you can receive some help to work through this - and I will keep you in my prayers.

Referring to a sin isn't judgmental, condemning a person based on a sin they have been forgiven for is judgmental. I'm simply pointing this fact out so OP can reconsider their choice in this matter if they are indeed attempting to be strong in their faith. There is a huge difference between admiring someone for being chaste and making a point to go out of your way to make sure anyone you consider for marriage having upheld being chaste.

Let me give you an equally ridiculous example: No one wants to marry a thief and yet every one of us at some point in our lives has stolen something. Should a potential mate then say "I'm sorry, you've stolen something when you were younger. I cannot marry you because of this." Want another example? Replace "stolen" with "lied". If you are truly understand the faith you follow, than you also understand that no sin is "worse" than another. What matters is that we have been forgiven for those sins so we can live a better life.

Something else to consider... what if this being whole judgmental became a trend in Christianity? What if you have a girl or guy come to faith later in their young adulthood only to be shunned by every person they attempt to establish a relationship with? You would soon find that they would not only be become bitter at God/Christianity and likely return to their old lives, but they would do so with many more psychological issues that can potentially be very damaging. And it would be at the fault of people who claimed to be forgiving and compassionate.

I do find it amusing that you think I am the one who needs some sort of counseling.

 

[AndrewZinc]

I read the whole thread! Yay!

To the original poster, I agree with the replies which admire you for seeing purity as valuable. However, I also agree with those who say the desire for this should not become an idol in itself.

God brings good out of evil. For example, you could meet a girl who is a single-parent having made mistakes in the past. If she renounces sin and loves God, it would seem unforgiving to reject her for sin when we are all sinners and God has forgiven us more! You would also then benefit by having two people to love and serve.

I don't condone sexual immorality (I struggle against it - Job 31:1), but we are all immoral in one area or another. It is important not to make rigid requirements (other than that she should love God too) but to be open to whom God is leading you. It is he who has a perfect plan for your life.

 

[Sir Robbins]

As younger people, we have all made dumb decisions. Why should we be judged for those decisions as adults when we have been forgiven for them in the eyes of God?

I'm not talking about someone who actively goes out and has sex on a daily basis here, I'm talking about anyone who has made what they now understand was a mistake. To this OP, they will still be cast aside because they aren't virgins.

mistakes are acceptable but the contracting of an STD can be done with just one encounter and if he wishes to avoid this, it would be in his best intention to stick to a virgin. There is, however, the option to ask a previously sexaully active partner to take an STD test but that would be extemely uncomfortable for me to ask of someone and I do not know where the OP would stand on that. Being a virgin and getting with someone who isn't can be intimidating, uncomfortable and put both people on edge IMO... judgements can be made too which will make each other feel uneasy

 

[jenjen486]

Great post Andrew...

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

mistakes are acceptable but the contracting of an STD can be done with just one encounter and if he wishes to avoid this, it would be in his best intention to stick to a virgin. There is, however, the option to ask a previously sexaully active partner to take an STD test but that would be extemely uncomfortable for me to ask of someone and I do not know where the OP would stand on that. Being a virgin and getting with someone who isn't can be intimidating, uncomfortable and put both people on edge IMO... judgements can be made too which will make each other feel uneasy

Ehh, they will be less likely to have one, but it's not completely out of the realm of possibility. Many STDs can be contracted (such as HIV/AIDS) with no sexual contact at all.

It's really situational. Most people with an STD or previous history of having one will be honest and up front about it as it is their cross to bear. But why stop there? If we want to use that as an example, why not ask for a whole medical history of a person for whatever possible contagious diseases or genetic issues they may have?

These are also things you learn about a person after a period of time from getting to know them. If you meet someone with the intention of jumping into a relationship with them without getting to know them first, you're doing it wrong.

 

[Tonyahu]

I'm a guy in my twenties and I have never been in a relationship, dated, or kissed a girl. I believe in abstinence before marriage as in no sexual activity with another. It is difficult for me to locate a relationship with a Christian girl sharing my beliefs. I can't be in a relationship a girl that didn't care enough about her future spouse to remain abstinent.

At my age I feel like there isn't any point in trying to date here in America. It's like the number of young Christians is declining and it's almost impossible to enter a relationship with a virgin. I feel like I might do better finding a match if I went abroad to a different Christian country that values tradition where there is still a higher emphasis on purity and marriage. Fidelity, purity, and faith keep the foundations of a relationship strong.

How should I ask a girl out? After being rejected or all the girls being taken I stopped asking girls out in prior years. How should I ask her if she shares my same beliefs? Fidelity and purity are very important to me so I can only be in a relationship with a virgin.

I trust God has a girl out there for me but sometimes I wonder about it.

We just gotta keep chugging along man you will find her one day. Look a free posts up