A pure relationship

[Seraphim777]

I'm a guy in my twenties and I have never been in a relationship, dated, or kissed a girl. I believe in abstinence before marriage as in no sexual activity with another. It is difficult for me to locate a relationship with a Christian girl sharing my beliefs. I can't be in a relationship a girl that didn't care enough about her future spouse to remain abstinent.

At my age I feel like there isn't any point in trying to date here in America. It's like the number of young Christians is declining and it's almost impossible to enter a relationship with a virgin. I feel like I might do better finding a match if I went abroad to a different Christian country that values tradition where there is still a higher emphasis on purity and marriage. Fidelity, purity, and faith keep the foundations of a relationship strong.

How should I ask a girl out? After being rejected or all the girls being taken I stopped asking girls out in prior years. How should I ask her if she shares my same beliefs? Fidelity and purity are very important to me so I can only be in a relationship with a virgin.

I trust God has a girl out there for me but sometimes I wonder about it.

 

[wholigan11]

Just because it's hard to find someone doesn't mean they're out there.

I'm a young Christian and I'm a virgin. Looks like you found one (or I found you since I saw your thread).

Continue to trust God. Right now may not be the time to have that special someone in your life.

 

[vanillakay]

I agree with the person above me. I know it's hard, trust me on that. Im 25 and im still a virgin, never been kissed, and never dated either. Your not alone! and like you i hope ot find a virgin guy some day but i know chances are very slim. don't give up! sometimes love finds you when your least looking for it. As for asking her out... i think sense of humour is good to have but speaking as a girl..NO pick up lines...lol. be sincere, but gentle and honest something like... ''i like you and respect you and i tihnk we have some things in common.id love to get to know you better. would you be interested in going out on a date with me?" something kinda like that. Good luck!

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

You need to be less absorbed with this idea of finding a virgin and more concerned with finding someone who is compatible with you now rather than worry about things they have done in the past. The whole very idea of this silly belief that you need to be with a virgin goes against every core belief in Christianity because you're judging people and being unforgiving of things they did before they even met you.

It's idealisms like this that give Christianity this tainted reputation for being unaccepting anc condemning. Imagine how many people would walk away if all the squeaky clean Christians had the mentality you do. I just wonder if those girls you're searching for aren't allowing you to find them because they are singling out on what they believe and consider your "flaws" as well.

 

[Seraphim777]

You need to be less absorbed with this idea of finding a virgin and more concerned with finding someone who is compatible with you now rather than worry about things they have done in the past. The whole very idea of this silly belief that you need to be with a virgin goes against every core belief in Christianity because you're judging people and being unforgiving of things they did before they even met you.

I am not condemning or being unforgiving. I can easily look past their mistakes and be friends with them. It's been proven that when a virgin couple marries their relationship is less likely to end in divorce and they will have a stronger marriage. I would feel hurt and that the relationship was less special on her end if the girl I waited for slept with other guys. Premarital sex or extramarital affairs are both forms infidelity. It wouldn't be fair for myself or the girl because I would it would always be eating away at me and I would always feel her comparing me to previous partners and like the relationship wouldn't be as special as it would if she waited. It's one thing to forgive and accept people as friends and another to enter a monogamous relationship.

 

[Seraphim777]

Corinthians 7 "Since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer."

 

[wholigan11]

We should also take into account the consequences of pre-martial sex too. Since that "free love" crap from the 1960s, STD's have really skyrocketed and then in the 1980s there was AIDS, so I can understand why someone would want a virgin.

I mean I'd like to have a virgin man too, but what are gonna be the odds of finding that? There's just so many things you have to look at.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

I am not condemning or being unforgiving. I can easily look past their mistakes and be friends with them. It's been proven that when a virgin couple marries their relationship is less likely to end in divorce and they will have a stronger marriage. I would feel hurt and that the relationship was less special on her end if the girl I waited for slept with other guys. Premarital sex or extramarital affairs are both forms infidelity. It wouldn't be fair for myself or the girl because I would it would always be eating away at me and I would always feel her comparing me to previous partners and like the relationship wouldn't be as special as it would if she waited. It's one thing to forgive and accept people as friends and another to enter a monogamous relationship.

I'd like to know where you're getting your information and where this has been "proven". A Google search brought up a couple sites to which, I'm sorry, but that is not scientific or statistical evidence. That is some yobbo who is trying to convince people and push their agenda.

In fact, you're much more likely to run into issues with sexual incompatibility with a partner if you marry as a virgin than you would otherwise which, if you look at the couples forum, is a major issue in marriages which in many cases leads to divorce. Now am I saying premarital sex is a good thing and people should do it but you need to get your facts strait if you want to start pushing around statistical information that is flubbed.

Also, the wedding night is no less special if you marry as not a virgin to either party. I'm not sure where you get that idea from, however, I think this is more an insecurity issue with yourself where you fear being compared to other guys.

And while we're on the topic; that magical wedding night? Yah, that doesn't exist if you marry a virgin.

 

[Seraphim777]

I'd like to know where you're getting your information and where this has been "proven". A Google search brought up a couple sites to which, I'm sorry, but that is not scientific or statistical evidence. That is some yobbo who is trying to convince people and push their agenda.

In fact, you're much more likely to run into issues with sexual incompatibility with a partner if you marry as a virgin than you would otherwise which, if you look at the couples forum, is a major issue in marriages which in many cases leads to divorce. Now am I saying premarital sex is a good thing and people should do it but you need to get your facts strait if you want to start pushing around statistical information that is flubbed.

Also, the wedding night is no less special if you marry as not a virgin to either party. I'm not sure where you get that idea from, however, I think this is more an insecurity issue with yourself where you fear being compared to other guys.

And while we're on the topic; that magical wedding night? Yah, that doesn't exist if you marry a virgin.

Will I admit there is insecurity involved? Yes, I admit there is some insecurity involved but that is insignificant compared to the other reasons why I need to marry a virgin. It's not a fear of being compared to other guys, it's a fact I will be. People always remember past partners and that breeds resentment.

I am unable to post links or insert an image of a statistical chart as hard evidence. I'm posting the short names of my sources.

telegraph
psychologytoday
waitingtillmarriage [dot] org

socialpathology [dot] blogspot date:2012_03_27 has the chart.

The wedding night would be more magical when two virgins have wed because it signifies their commitment and devotion to their marriage and a better bond. Putting it out to other people lessens the value of the act on the wedding night and every person that a person sleeps with is technically a marriage.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Ok, lets take a look at this "hard evidence" you posted...

Telegraph I couldn't find.

psychologytoday admits in the article that the information they got was from someone who is heavily involved with religion/church and when asked questions about how he came to his conclusions, he never bothered to reply to them which tells quite a bit. In fact, much of his information came from an online survey and they aren't sure whether or not the people who took it were paid.

Waittillmarriage? Cmon, something a little more credible, please.

socialpathology admits the chart is from 1995 and that the study was put out by the Heritage Foundation, a group with a very very large agenda which makes it extremely uncredited.

Basically, the 3 examples you gave were bogus information. Plus, there are many, many more counter studies with proof to back them up that say they are wrong.

On the whole wedding night... yah, it's pretty clear you've never been with a virgin or know much about a female losing virginity. There is absolutely nothing magical about it. It's painful, uncomfortable and nothing remotely arousing.

Also, this isn't OT times. We no longer signify marriage with the act of sex.

 

[brittany111]

I'm a guy in my twenties and I have never been in a relationship, dated, or kissed a girl. I believe in abstinence before marriage as in no sexual activity with another. It is difficult for me to locate a relationship with a Christian girl sharing my beliefs. I can't be in a relationship a girl that didn't care enough about her future spouse to remain abstinent.

At my age I feel like there isn't any point in trying to date here in America. It's like the number of young Christians is declining and it's almost impossible to enter a relationship with a virgin. I feel like I might do better finding a match if I went abroad to a different Christian country that values tradition where there is still a higher emphasis on purity and marriage. Fidelity, purity, and faith keep the foundations of a relationship strong.

How should I ask a girl out? After being rejected or all the girls being taken I stopped asking girls out in prior years. How should I ask her if she shares my same beliefs? Fidelity and purity are very important to me so I can only be in a relationship with a virgin.

I trust God has a girl out there for me but sometimes I wonder about it.

I understand that finding a mate who is pure and has a heart after God seems almost impossible in this day and time. I too am trusting God for a mate who is pure and has heart for Him. Hearing you say that you want to go abroad to find a mate because you believer there are none left here (in the US) makes me think how many more Christians are thinking the same thing-it is very discouraging. When the reality is there are other Christians out there like us-they just aren't as numerous as we think they should be.

If you feel God wants you to go abroad to find a wife then by all means do so, but do not do it just because you are feeling lonely or trying to make something happen in your life. One thing I have learned through this waiting process is that you cannot rush God. Pray and trust the Lord; He will bring the desires of your heart in due time.

 

[Maka]

I actually thought I had found that person for me, but it didn't work out. ;( Its very hard to finding a guy who will respect that and not expect more so I'm not even looking.

 

[Sir Robbins]

you think it's hard to find omeone pure for dating? Try for life.... sex is a non-negotiable for life with me. Have been unsuccessful for over 10 years

 

[Seraphim777]

you think it's hard to find omeone pure for dating? Try for life.... sex is a non-negotiable for life with me. Have been unsuccessful for over 10 years

I'm not exactly sure what your trying to say? That it's more difficult trying to find someone to marry and be with for life, and you have been unsuccessful for 10 years?

 

[Seraphim777]

I actually thought I had found that person for me, but it didn't work out. ;( Its very hard to finding a guy who will respect that and not expect more so I'm not even looking.

I would respect a girl that was practicing abstinence because it demonstrates commitment, fidelity, and a dedication to the Christian morals and Ten Commandments.

 

[motherprayer]

It is sad that people are condemning this young man for his beliefs. That is all I can say without being nasty.

 

[Somber]

I find your standards strong and admirable. God intended only one male and female to be together for life from the beginning. There is nothing wrong with having standards like that. It may seem hard in this day in age, but \trust in God. Whatever His will is, it will be worked out if you truly trust in Him.

 

[Sir Robbins]

I'm not exactly sure what your trying to say? That it's more difficult trying to find someone to marry and be with for life, and you have been unsuccessful for 10 years?

I admire the OP very much! It is indeed difficult and that is sad to hear for me and I'm sure many others. However, in reference to my comment you quoted, I am sitting back wondering if I'll ever come across another girl who would never want sex in her life as I do. I had one for over a year and I moved out of state which blew that

 

[cam44]

Ok, lets take a look at this "hard evidence" you posted...

Telegraph I couldn't find.

psychologytoday admits in the article that the information they got was from someone who is heavily involved with religion/church and when asked questions about how he came to his conclusions, he never bothered to reply to them which tells quite a bit. In fact, much of his information came from an online survey and they aren't sure whether or not the people who took it were paid.

Waittillmarriage? Cmon, something a little more credible, please.

socialpathology admits the chart is from 1995 and that the study was put out by the Heritage Foundation, a group with a very very large agenda which makes it extremely uncredited.

Basically, the 3 examples you gave were bogus information. Plus, there are many, many more counter studies with proof to back them up that say they are wrong.

On the whole wedding night... yah, it's pretty clear you've never been with a virgin or know much about a female losing virginity. There is absolutely nothing magical about it. It's painful, uncomfortable and nothing remotely arousing.

Also, this isn't OT times. We no longer signify marriage with the act of sex.

This is just poison.
There is nothing wrong with our youth idolizing viriginity and respecting and desiring to marry a virgin.
Perhaps if we ALL had that mindset we could squash our divorce rates, eliminate STD's, eliminate abortion, eliminate all of those poor little kids being raised by only 1 parents or in foster homes ... perhaps it would mean that on a wedding night a man and a woman could give each other this special gift and thereby demonstrate to one another how significant their faith and marriage is.
So losing virginity can be painful, so get out there and give it away before marriage? Is this your logic? Poison.

 

[Sir Robbins]

This is just poison.
There is nothing wrong with our youth idolizing viriginity and respecting and desiring to marry a virgin.
Perhaps if we ALL had that mindset we could squash our divorce rates, eliminate STD's, eliminate abortion, eliminate all of those poor little kids being raised by only 1 parents or in foster homes ... perhaps it would mean that on a wedding night a man and a woman could give each other this special gift and thereby demonstrate to one another how significant their faith and marriage is.
So losing virginity can be painful, so get out there and give it away before marriage? Is this your logic? Poison.

EXACTLY... I am not one to call another an idiot but using pain as an excuse to avoid waiting until marriage is stupid. Your post is spot on! Of course, I plan a life without sex at all. Platonic all the way!